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Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/

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....
so my CDs weren't coming in today... I thought today was May, but it's tomorrow... so I'm getting my CDs tomorrow!
And I hate myself. Ahahaha I didn't work on stuff today. I woke up late. I got distracted by manga. It was pretty hot today too. I barely ate today. I only had 2 NutriGrain bars and juice today. Then I had leftover Korean tacos for dinner. I'm sorta hungry right now, but I don't want to make anything to eat. It's not like I'm starving or anything so I can save me food for tomorrow morning.

I can't believe there's only 3 more weeks left of school! It's crazy... feels like it'll go by fast. Looking forward to summer vacation already! but how do I get through these last few weeks?

I'm finally back in SJ. I didn't come back the time I planned since we went out to eat with Isaac & Chuck (sisters' landlord's son & his friend). We had desserts at Sweet Indulgence then ate at Toyose, a "garage restaurant." Man, I am so full. I had Korean food these past 2 days lol spicy spicy.
Today was a fun day. Sometimes it was awkward because they were usually quiet. I mean, this is what you get when you put 4 introverts and an ambivert together xD Uh, we paid for the desserts ($40+) and Chuck treated us to Korean 'shabu shabu' (technically) ($60+ I think?).
Isaac is... weird? lol He's, like, shy but wants to act cool. Something like that, if that even makes sense. I was snapchatting a video, and I guess he thought I was taking a pic. But when he realized I was taking a video, he exclaimed in such an "offended" way, like "that was a video!? you should've said something earlier!" so that he could be prepared or get out of the way, don't really know what he says afterward lol I didn't realize he hated being in photos/vids lol
And he says the cringiest thing, "flirting" with Jen omg I am so dead. Yes, I've read their texts, and I know he says things like that but to actually hear it aloud omg LOL There's just something about him that I can't quite describe in words hm...
I'm the youngest in the group, then Chuck who's a year older, and Isaac who's another year older.

After dinner there were a lot of leftovers and they were like, who's gonna take it home? While walking to the car Isaac was like, "here, you're the youngest. you can take the food." and I'm like alrighty then... lolol In a way, they both sorta feel like an older brother, but Isaac is a much more childish older brother :p

Anyways, I'm about done with my History essay. I just need to make some final adjustments and put in the footnotes. Then I can work on stuff for Cameron's. and need to do Inga's stuff... I should have enough time. I'm excited because my CDs are coming in tomorrow! alsdjflkjaf

Currently getting time away from my dark apartment, chilling in Daly City (I realize I keep saying SF but we're only in Daly City lol) Should be doing homework, but man, I don't feel it xD Heading back to SJ tomorrow. Excited to receive my packages from Japan! Dang, Amazon JP works fast lol well, plus the shipping was by DHL Express so it's pricey I guess? But I couldn't choose the shipping method xD

Today I slept so much, like, I didn't even hear my alarms. After doing laundry, we went out to grab milk tea and played at the park. We did a short "skater girl" photoshoot with Jen. It was fun! because it felt like a legit photoshoot haha I would be telling Jen how to pose & Jim would fix her up before I took the pic ahaha Then we went to eat at this Korean restaurant: seasoned fries, fried chicken, & Korean tacos. We headed home after shopping a bit, but we forgot to grab dessert lol tomorrow it is then xD We also finished editing "Rollin'" cover so that should be up by the end of this week, since I just put up U10 cover bloopers. Thinking of the next cover plus next duo cover with Jen. I want to do Highlight with the 4 of us xD it'd be fun~ lol wanna do "Black Widow" with Arianne but don't know how to plan that hm....

Ahh I want to eat. I want to sleep. Gah... Suddenly want to do a cute skater girl design...

I did it to myself again. When will I learn?
I know full well what will happen if I don't do any homework over the weekend. So I plan. Yes, I planned what homework I'll do and finish. But none of the plans went through, omg.
And then I go and think about all the work that I have, and the stress hits me so hard ugh.
Due tomorrow is a 5-pg rough draft for history, cleaned up thumbnails and a character turnaround. Doesn't sound too bad right? I wonder if it's the confidence that I can finish them that I'm slacking off... at the same time, I have so much due for Tues.... ugh I'm so weird. I'm like... overestimating myself.

I had so much time today. Yet, I accomplished nothing. And I just hate myself right now. This "night-owl" syndrome of mine is so ridiculous. UGH. Whatever...
Something to do with the environment... In the apartment it's always dark-ish? And I always feel enclosed or... I don't know... I can imagine wanting my own room, nicely lit from the window. Clean, for one. Roomy table and a nice lamp. Am I asking too much? ahaha But it's not like I can get that now :p

Side note, I just remembered this moment when I was in 7/11 looking for a drink--something that will keep me energized--and I was thinking hm, Redbull? Rockstar? and then I was thinking back to the first time I had a Rockstar LOLOL when I told Lee I never had Rockstar and he gave me his so I could try LOL omg... xD I think I posted about that hmm...
EDIT: I went to read it and I can't help laughing omg memories. Also, I say Jose twins, but they're not actually twins lol
-reminder to self: add a search box-

Uh... to be honest I don't really have a plan as to what to write. I did, but I don't know it anymore lol. Steph is training at Gongcha currently. Here's me, over a super busy weekend, not doing any work as I had planned.
I put my animate merch up for trade/sale, and someone actually contacted me. And what do you know? She lives in Milpitas! and is coming down to SJ for Fanime in May. We just talked for 3 hours on tumblr. But yeah, so I didn't do any homework. In the afternoon I decided to just edit the videos from music in the quad and upload them on Facebook. Thinking of how much stuff I have to do and I only have 1 day to do them, wow. I screwed myself up, but what's new?

Here I go again. I skipped Inga's today. I actually did... o.o That's how stressed I am that I had to skip both my art classes these two days.

I worked all day though... & I still feel like I didn't get a lot done? (Slow progress is still progress but) I seriously need to work faster or something. Inga's paintings took so long to get it right ToT I always feel stressed in the beginning of the week, but after Wed, I relax more and eventually get through the week. I need to pick it up because there's a lot of work! & I don't want to be skipping any more classes. It's not even finals yet! (Almost though)

I tend to run away from my problems... but I need to face them. Because I'll eventually need to face them anyway.

I really hate how I turned out. Where did the me who studied hard back in school go? (Did I even study? haha) Or at least, where'd the me who would work so hard with so much positivity that first year in college go? I'm just slacking off so much. I don't want to work. I just want to enjoy. The thought of taking a semester off still jumps on me every now and then. Of course I don't think I should because it'll definitely put me behind... I just need to pick up the slack. Every start of the school year I say, Don't procrastinate. Stay on top of the ball. But it always comes down to this.
Will I survive this year? I guess we'll see...
Time is flying so fast. It's already finals.

I sorta broke down today. Just a little.
And I'm really grateful for everyone I could rely on. They're always encouraging me... they have so much faith in me (whether it's genuine or out of courtesy). Especially to Minar and Deilys (Adrian). They're the ones I rant to the most. Neither of them are art majors so they might not really understand what troubles me, but they do understand that I sure have a huge workload ^^; I also vented to Steph a bit today too. I don't really want to bother them-- or anyone else for that matter-- because I know everyone has their own problems to deal with. And they're not venting to anyone else. And I'd hate to have to add any more negativity than they are already holding.
I ranted to Arlene for the first time. I always rely on her support for classes and stuff, but this is the first time I actually couldn't help but tell her how stressed I was. Of course she was super supportive. I have a lot of respect for her, along with Flora, Celine, and everyone else who has the talent, the passion, and who are very warm. I probably mentioned this before, but they're the ones I don't want to disappoint. I worry about what they think; the nicer they are, the more I worry. I try not to overthink though; whatever attitude they show me, I just need to accept that it's the truth and I need to stop "putting words in their mouth," in this case, thoughts in their action? Head? If that makes sense... But it felt really good to finally tell someone who's been in my shoes.

Philosophy... well I was just thinking, my distractions come from me thinking about everything I like, from my $$$ collectibles and plush, to the many fandoms I'm in, to the things I want/couldn't get. If I didn't have those desires, I'd be so free... so free.
I'd be free, but not happy? I'd probably be neutrally happy. I mean, I'm living right? Instead of being happy about materialistic objects... how will I be if I didn't have them?
Well, I guess I have to break my habit of being hung up on things too... it takes a while, but I usually break them eventually...

Back in SJ. Uh, it took a while to build this new desk; we went out to Wal-mart to get a new table for me. It's not the L-shaped I wanted but it will suffice?

Spent a lot at Kinokuniya. Was not satisfied with the Uta no Prince-sama random posters/charm from Sat. so I wanted to try my luck again today; my luck was bad lol Will most likely end up selling or trading. Couldn't find any more of the charm set though, so :p
And when I went today, I ended up getting a Norn 9 charm & a B-pro charm~ at least they brought in some new stuff. I also got Tsukiuta on Sat. & got Kakeru. I already got Kakeru, so I wanted to try to get someone else today. I got Arata, but I also already have an Arata charm. I don't know if I should keep them because they're so cuuuute~ <3 Ah, I wanted someone else from Norn 9 though ToT Just found the series name: Norn + Nonette - Petikko Trading Acrylic Strap. I am so sad to see that as a collectible, it's either super $$$ or you obviously can't buy it anywhere else ToT I mean, I already know that but still lol Should've grabbed another boxxxx ToT The one I got was cute too but he's not even a main x'D
Pray that people will want to trade/buy xD

Anyway, I need to work on homework... feeling sort of productive but also want to sleep xD

EDIT: craaaap. Falling into Norn 9 again ToT The CGs are so pretty! And I skimmed the tag on tumblr. What. The game seems so interesting! I want to know all the sides of all the characters like aslkdjflkjasdf

The distractions are real. I'm currently chillin' in SF, ready to go see cherry blossoms later tonight~ Was supposed to do some homework but how did I get so distracted? ToT I just re-read another BL manga that I read on a different site. I read 2. And somehow, both made my heart ache. It's so bad for me ^^; I don't know if you've ever read something so emotional that it hurt. Yes. Literally. My heart ached. There are some mangas I want to read, but they're only available on eBook Renta. I don't dare let myself see the list of mangas they have up because I know I'll be drawn in. Most of their collection has really nice drawings and you know how easily I get pulled in lol One day... one day I'll read those xD For now, I should really do my homework.

Oh yeah, yesterday recorded a cover too~ ;)

EDIT: I just went & caught up on "Super Secret" someone save meeeee. Let's forget about eBook Renta for now... why do they have the good stuff ToT

(I'm an INFP.)

Anyway, I took a 4 hour nap today after class, and when me & Steph finished rearranging our room. I'm really hoping to get a nice desk! Though with the limited spacing, I don't think I'll be able to get the desk I wanted... plus, I don't want to make it seem too crowded.

Despite the nap, I already feel sleepy lol I was working on my paintings. Right now, I'm masking because wow, my face is so dried, it's ready to crack :p

Late night thought: hm, well, I guess I chose the right path. So far, at least. After painting for like 3 hours, I was just thinking as I was cleaning my brushes, I don't hate this. Even though I stress, have art blocks, & have to pull late-/all-nighters, I won't mind in the end. Hm...

~I can't help, the way my mind is hard-wired to, hate myself~ -- As It Is, "Can't Save Myself"
Ever since the 2nd Music in the Quad, I've been listening to Silent PILOT, which led me to As It Is on Spotify, so that's what I've been listening to.

It's been a while since I posted from my phone. The last time I was active from there was in January lol
Just another month & a half & I'm free from this torture we call college. I feel like there's so much due.. at the same time, not so much... I don't know. The stress just attacks randomly. And I still get random ups-and-downs of art slumps & surges of motivation. The attitude I have towards the school work always makes me question myself: did I choose the right path? At times like these, I wonder if an academic, book-based path would've been better... but most of the times, I don't regret my choice.
And I guess what Steph said just reaffirmed my choice. She told me to take the 16 personality test online; I'm sure we've taken it before, and I feel like I got something different? But I don't remember. She was talking about how accurate the results reflected in how happy some people were with their career path. I still can't remember what I am, other than a Mediator, but she said that it was on an artistic path or something, which got me thinking, "ah, maybe this will work out."

Time sure flies.

Yo, I'm lazy to type right now as I'm finishing up dinner (leftovers from HOM), but I'm super tired. BUT. I really have to remember this day y'all.

Well, I guiltily spent a lot of money these 2 days at Round 1. Today me & Steph went & we got matching elephants! We named it Cotton & Candy ;) & she got me the otter with the starfish, which we named Potato. & she got herself a doggie, Strawberry Shortcake. But looks like she's selling those 2 x'D

MUSIC IN THE QUAD! OMG. LOS 5. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I WANT THEIR HOODIE & SNAPBACK. They were amazing~ During one of the short breaks between the songs, I guess Matt was interacting with the crowd up front & he was talking to Jo (one of my classmates who watched Los 5 with me last year) and he said "you look nice today" and she probably said thanks and she blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch something and pulled it to his chest and said, smiling, "I caught that." omg that was so cute haha This time RHA had an organized meet & greet in CVB. Yaaaas. Also got to meet Silent PILOT. Sigh, and I said I wasn't going to fall for another band lolol It was so fun during the meet & greet, though it was really short.

I didn't know how to react to meeting Silent PILOT since it's like my first time hearing of them. The drummer, Nick, was nice. And the guitarist Brandon was also very energetic, and he started off asking for my name & then introducing himself. After giving them two a hug, we took a pic. But I didn't want to leave out the lead singer, Anthony. He seemed... down? Like even during performance, something felt off. He was sorta aloof during the meet & greet, and he was so quiet. So after the picture, I awkwardly went over to him to give him a hug before going over to Los 5.

LOS 5. omg it was the highlight of my day. So I gave them a hug: JP, Ish, Hector, Tomas, and Matt. It was awkward when I approached them lol I gave JP a hug and he was like "you can hug both of us" because I wasn't sure who to hug first (between him & Ish), because JP wasn't even paying attention lols. But I gave them all individual hugs. When I hugged Hector, I told them I saw them last year, and they were like "EEYYYY" and Hector was like "I remember you". I THINK I DIED INSIDE. It shocked me that I turned my head back a little and said "you did?" with a slight smile when I gave Tomas a hug. I think Matt and/or Tomas were asking me what I thought of them, like if they're better now or still suck. I can't remember what I said, but I remember thinking I can't say "still the same" LOL so I think I said yeah or something and stood between Hector & Tomas for the picture. I didn't move far since Matt came to me. Afterward--my arm was still around Hector--and he said "you said yeah, so does that mean we still suck?" (as if they didn't improve) and I was starting to panic in my mind and I was like "noooo~" in a whining-ish voice, like duuude thatwasn'twhatImeantpleasedon'ttakeitthewrongway with an embarrassed smile lol and Hector gave me a tight, reassuring "I'm-just-kidding" hug and they were like laughing xD When I was about to walk away, JP was like "I like your hoodie." Did I say thanks? I think I did? And he asked "So it says midnight kidz on the back, is the writing above it the same thing? or what does it say in your language?" and I'm frantically thinking "how does the back of Birdy's hoodie look like again?" & "I'm not Japanese" LOL and I was telling him that I have no idea either because it's in Japanese, and he was smiling and poked me in the side saying "faker~" in a teasing way omg lol I told them I just really liked the design from my favorite artist -insert crying laughing emoji- and showed them the hoodie with the anbu black ops mask (I totally blanked out on what it was called) and JP was like "oh cool, it's this cat (something something)" lol At this point, I was burning up. I have no idea if my face was like a tomato, but it probably was. And I said "thanks for coming" and I was waving both hands at them in front of me, and they said thanks and bye(?) and they waved back and JP blew a kiss LOLOL <3

I was still shook from that meet & greet so when I was leaving, the girl at the door asked to see my wristband & I was taken aback and started thinking is there an after party? but I just want to leave??? and she started cutting the band and I was like "oh, you're just gonna cut it?" LOL stupid me. And the guy standing against the other side of the door frame was like, "no, we just wanted to see your band and admire it. It's such a nice green color" LOL he said it as a joke though xD and then I slunk away lol. 

I am so tired right now, physically. My legs are sore from walking so much, and standing. My right arm and shoulder are stiffening? and getting sore. because I stood and recorded for 2 hours. The camcorder lasted pretty long, but it ran out of battery after Los5's second-to-last performance. So I recorded their last performance with my phone; but of course, I got the weird lines on it and a weird static noise in the audio. Well, I mean, I was super close to the speakers. After the performance, my ears were still "plugged" and I could barely hear myself talk. Luckily it subsided when we were waiting in line for the meet & greet.
I hope I didn't miss anything... it's like a post-concert feel--well, it was technically an open concert--where right after the concert, you sorta feel that down mood and not remembering exactly all the details LOL Ah, it was great~ <3 I need to upload those videos... which remind me: where are the videos I recorded last year from my phone? Since I have the ones from Biri's phone lol
***Side note, but exciting news: 2 new releases! One in English and the other in Spanish! Matt said it'll probably drop in 2 months!

Wow. 3 exclamatory sentences in a row lol time to sleep. It 3, and I didn't do any homework these past 2 days. Jim is coming tomorrow to drop off board, and we probably going to Passion-T~ hopefully. Goodnight Zzzzz

EDIT: I just remembered, that after "Kings & Queens", JP asked Matt how was his high school sweetheart & he was like "she was a b****" xD I cannot with him ahaha And after one of the songs, Matt said "I forgot my lyrics. It's been a while. Eyyy but you guys didn't notice right?" but I don't know if I recorded that hmmm

Another quick summary.
I finally got rid of my windows and only 5 tabs opened~ It's been almost half a year since I had only 1 window (because since last year I believe? I've had multiple windows/tabs x'D that I didn't even touch lol) I ended up bookmarking a lot of them
Just right now I found a link full of BL drama CDs lol I've never listened to one but wow. I got to find some of my favorite manga-based ones~ I'm also pretty much caught up with the recent releases of music.

Let's not talk about class but after class, I went to Eastridge. The original plan was to go to Daiso & Michael's to see what kind of wooden objects I could use in my still life. Searched for a bit but was still unsure. I ended up being horribly distracted at Round 1... and ended up spending $60. I got an otter at least & omg the guy who helped me place the otter. He was so cute. His smile was so bright and nice. (I have a fetish for smiles lol) He had a tattoo on his arm, with earrings. He gave off a quiet, and sorta weird aura, but mostly quiet and nice. He spoke so softly too and his movements felt slow (so like, maybe he wasn't working slow but it felt that way).
On the bus ride to Eastridge, this old man patted the seat next to him when I was walking by. There were so many other seats, but I thought it'd be rude if I ignored him so I sat next to him. He waved & said bye to me when he got off though. He reminded me of Forrest Gump? Like, the li'l kid feeling.

Anyway, I feel so bad wasting money but but but otterrrr. I was planning to buy music from melon/iTunes but I guess that's gotta wait now. I seriously need a job or somehow make money...
Oh! Los 5 is coming tomorrowww I'm so excitedddd <3

I have to leave for class in like a minute. Ugh, distractions. I didn't even get anything done. I was on the computer & distracted by so many things, like all the things I wanna download. Seriously... I woke up late because History was cancelled so I was lazy to get up. Really shouldn't go on Twitter in the morning; my mind got so caught with Dynamic Chord tweets & the release of "Kimi no Na Wa" in theaters this Friday.

I really didn't want to do any work. I worked on the onions. Inga just posted, & since we're painting outside tomorrow, she's not checking work until Thursday. Yes! Ugh, so I don't know why I feel like I'm stressing. (6:25pm)
---

Huh. It's 1:46am right now. While I was showering I was thinking about finishing this post. And I had this really good topic and title but I forgot it ToT hence the ??? in the title. Hm... I wonder what it was about... it was a good life topic? I think it had to do with my younger and more creative self. Hm.
In class, while thinking about what path to choose, I just remembered... that I actually did weapon designs as a kid LOL Why and how did it come so much easier back then~ Where did my fun self go? The me that drew "kawaii faces" on inanimate objects? Hmmmm
No but forreals, I really liked the title I was gonna use for this posttttt >x<

because it's late and I'm sleepy lol

....
so my CDs weren't coming in today... I thought today was May, but it's tomorrow... so I'm getting my CDs tomorrow!
And I hate myself. Ahahaha I didn't work on stuff today. I woke up late. I got distracted by manga. It was pretty hot today too. I barely ate today. I only had 2 NutriGrain bars and juice today. Then I had leftover Korean tacos for dinner. I'm sorta hungry right now, but I don't want to make anything to eat. It's not like I'm starving or anything so I can save me food for tomorrow morning.

I can't believe there's only 3 more weeks left of school! It's crazy... feels like it'll go by fast. Looking forward to summer vacation already! but how do I get through these last few weeks?

I'm finally back in SJ. I didn't come back the time I planned since we went out to eat with Isaac & Chuck (sisters' landlord's son & his friend). We had desserts at Sweet Indulgence then ate at Toyose, a "garage restaurant." Man, I am so full. I had Korean food these past 2 days lol spicy spicy.
Today was a fun day. Sometimes it was awkward because they were usually quiet. I mean, this is what you get when you put 4 introverts and an ambivert together xD Uh, we paid for the desserts ($40+) and Chuck treated us to Korean 'shabu shabu' (technically) ($60+ I think?).
Isaac is... weird? lol He's, like, shy but wants to act cool. Something like that, if that even makes sense. I was snapchatting a video, and I guess he thought I was taking a pic. But when he realized I was taking a video, he exclaimed in such an "offended" way, like "that was a video!? you should've said something earlier!" so that he could be prepared or get out of the way, don't really know what he says afterward lol I didn't realize he hated being in photos/vids lol
And he says the cringiest thing, "flirting" with Jen omg I am so dead. Yes, I've read their texts, and I know he says things like that but to actually hear it aloud omg LOL There's just something about him that I can't quite describe in words hm...
I'm the youngest in the group, then Chuck who's a year older, and Isaac who's another year older.

After dinner there were a lot of leftovers and they were like, who's gonna take it home? While walking to the car Isaac was like, "here, you're the youngest. you can take the food." and I'm like alrighty then... lolol In a way, they both sorta feel like an older brother, but Isaac is a much more childish older brother :p

Anyways, I'm about done with my History essay. I just need to make some final adjustments and put in the footnotes. Then I can work on stuff for Cameron's. and need to do Inga's stuff... I should have enough time. I'm excited because my CDs are coming in tomorrow! alsdjflkjaf

Currently getting time away from my dark apartment, chilling in Daly City (I realize I keep saying SF but we're only in Daly City lol) Should be doing homework, but man, I don't feel it xD Heading back to SJ tomorrow. Excited to receive my packages from Japan! Dang, Amazon JP works fast lol well, plus the shipping was by DHL Express so it's pricey I guess? But I couldn't choose the shipping method xD

Today I slept so much, like, I didn't even hear my alarms. After doing laundry, we went out to grab milk tea and played at the park. We did a short "skater girl" photoshoot with Jen. It was fun! because it felt like a legit photoshoot haha I would be telling Jen how to pose & Jim would fix her up before I took the pic ahaha Then we went to eat at this Korean restaurant: seasoned fries, fried chicken, & Korean tacos. We headed home after shopping a bit, but we forgot to grab dessert lol tomorrow it is then xD We also finished editing "Rollin'" cover so that should be up by the end of this week, since I just put up U10 cover bloopers. Thinking of the next cover plus next duo cover with Jen. I want to do Highlight with the 4 of us xD it'd be fun~ lol wanna do "Black Widow" with Arianne but don't know how to plan that hm....

Ahh I want to eat. I want to sleep. Gah... Suddenly want to do a cute skater girl design...

I did it to myself again. When will I learn?
I know full well what will happen if I don't do any homework over the weekend. So I plan. Yes, I planned what homework I'll do and finish. But none of the plans went through, omg.
And then I go and think about all the work that I have, and the stress hits me so hard ugh.
Due tomorrow is a 5-pg rough draft for history, cleaned up thumbnails and a character turnaround. Doesn't sound too bad right? I wonder if it's the confidence that I can finish them that I'm slacking off... at the same time, I have so much due for Tues.... ugh I'm so weird. I'm like... overestimating myself.

I had so much time today. Yet, I accomplished nothing. And I just hate myself right now. This "night-owl" syndrome of mine is so ridiculous. UGH. Whatever...
Something to do with the environment... In the apartment it's always dark-ish? And I always feel enclosed or... I don't know... I can imagine wanting my own room, nicely lit from the window. Clean, for one. Roomy table and a nice lamp. Am I asking too much? ahaha But it's not like I can get that now :p

Side note, I just remembered this moment when I was in 7/11 looking for a drink--something that will keep me energized--and I was thinking hm, Redbull? Rockstar? and then I was thinking back to the first time I had a Rockstar LOLOL when I told Lee I never had Rockstar and he gave me his so I could try LOL omg... xD I think I posted about that hmm...
EDIT: I went to read it and I can't help laughing omg memories. Also, I say Jose twins, but they're not actually twins lol
-reminder to self: add a search box-

Uh... to be honest I don't really have a plan as to what to write. I did, but I don't know it anymore lol. Steph is training at Gongcha currently. Here's me, over a super busy weekend, not doing any work as I had planned.
I put my animate merch up for trade/sale, and someone actually contacted me. And what do you know? She lives in Milpitas! and is coming down to SJ for Fanime in May. We just talked for 3 hours on tumblr. But yeah, so I didn't do any homework. In the afternoon I decided to just edit the videos from music in the quad and upload them on Facebook. Thinking of how much stuff I have to do and I only have 1 day to do them, wow. I screwed myself up, but what's new?

Here I go again. I skipped Inga's today. I actually did... o.o That's how stressed I am that I had to skip both my art classes these two days.

I worked all day though... & I still feel like I didn't get a lot done? (Slow progress is still progress but) I seriously need to work faster or something. Inga's paintings took so long to get it right ToT I always feel stressed in the beginning of the week, but after Wed, I relax more and eventually get through the week. I need to pick it up because there's a lot of work! & I don't want to be skipping any more classes. It's not even finals yet! (Almost though)

I tend to run away from my problems... but I need to face them. Because I'll eventually need to face them anyway.

I really hate how I turned out. Where did the me who studied hard back in school go? (Did I even study? haha) Or at least, where'd the me who would work so hard with so much positivity that first year in college go? I'm just slacking off so much. I don't want to work. I just want to enjoy. The thought of taking a semester off still jumps on me every now and then. Of course I don't think I should because it'll definitely put me behind... I just need to pick up the slack. Every start of the school year I say, Don't procrastinate. Stay on top of the ball. But it always comes down to this.
Will I survive this year? I guess we'll see...
Time is flying so fast. It's already finals.

I sorta broke down today. Just a little.
And I'm really grateful for everyone I could rely on. They're always encouraging me... they have so much faith in me (whether it's genuine or out of courtesy). Especially to Minar and Deilys (Adrian). They're the ones I rant to the most. Neither of them are art majors so they might not really understand what troubles me, but they do understand that I sure have a huge workload ^^; I also vented to Steph a bit today too. I don't really want to bother them-- or anyone else for that matter-- because I know everyone has their own problems to deal with. And they're not venting to anyone else. And I'd hate to have to add any more negativity than they are already holding.
I ranted to Arlene for the first time. I always rely on her support for classes and stuff, but this is the first time I actually couldn't help but tell her how stressed I was. Of course she was super supportive. I have a lot of respect for her, along with Flora, Celine, and everyone else who has the talent, the passion, and who are very warm. I probably mentioned this before, but they're the ones I don't want to disappoint. I worry about what they think; the nicer they are, the more I worry. I try not to overthink though; whatever attitude they show me, I just need to accept that it's the truth and I need to stop "putting words in their mouth," in this case, thoughts in their action? Head? If that makes sense... But it felt really good to finally tell someone who's been in my shoes.

Philosophy... well I was just thinking, my distractions come from me thinking about everything I like, from my $$$ collectibles and plush, to the many fandoms I'm in, to the things I want/couldn't get. If I didn't have those desires, I'd be so free... so free.
I'd be free, but not happy? I'd probably be neutrally happy. I mean, I'm living right? Instead of being happy about materialistic objects... how will I be if I didn't have them?
Well, I guess I have to break my habit of being hung up on things too... it takes a while, but I usually break them eventually...

Back in SJ. Uh, it took a while to build this new desk; we went out to Wal-mart to get a new table for me. It's not the L-shaped I wanted but it will suffice?

Spent a lot at Kinokuniya. Was not satisfied with the Uta no Prince-sama random posters/charm from Sat. so I wanted to try my luck again today; my luck was bad lol Will most likely end up selling or trading. Couldn't find any more of the charm set though, so :p
And when I went today, I ended up getting a Norn 9 charm & a B-pro charm~ at least they brought in some new stuff. I also got Tsukiuta on Sat. & got Kakeru. I already got Kakeru, so I wanted to try to get someone else today. I got Arata, but I also already have an Arata charm. I don't know if I should keep them because they're so cuuuute~ <3 Ah, I wanted someone else from Norn 9 though ToT Just found the series name: Norn + Nonette - Petikko Trading Acrylic Strap. I am so sad to see that as a collectible, it's either super $$$ or you obviously can't buy it anywhere else ToT I mean, I already know that but still lol Should've grabbed another boxxxx ToT The one I got was cute too but he's not even a main x'D
Pray that people will want to trade/buy xD

Anyway, I need to work on homework... feeling sort of productive but also want to sleep xD

EDIT: craaaap. Falling into Norn 9 again ToT The CGs are so pretty! And I skimmed the tag on tumblr. What. The game seems so interesting! I want to know all the sides of all the characters like aslkdjflkjasdf

The distractions are real. I'm currently chillin' in SF, ready to go see cherry blossoms later tonight~ Was supposed to do some homework but how did I get so distracted? ToT I just re-read another BL manga that I read on a different site. I read 2. And somehow, both made my heart ache. It's so bad for me ^^; I don't know if you've ever read something so emotional that it hurt. Yes. Literally. My heart ached. There are some mangas I want to read, but they're only available on eBook Renta. I don't dare let myself see the list of mangas they have up because I know I'll be drawn in. Most of their collection has really nice drawings and you know how easily I get pulled in lol One day... one day I'll read those xD For now, I should really do my homework.

Oh yeah, yesterday recorded a cover too~ ;)

EDIT: I just went & caught up on "Super Secret" someone save meeeee. Let's forget about eBook Renta for now... why do they have the good stuff ToT

(I'm an INFP.)

Anyway, I took a 4 hour nap today after class, and when me & Steph finished rearranging our room. I'm really hoping to get a nice desk! Though with the limited spacing, I don't think I'll be able to get the desk I wanted... plus, I don't want to make it seem too crowded.

Despite the nap, I already feel sleepy lol I was working on my paintings. Right now, I'm masking because wow, my face is so dried, it's ready to crack :p

Late night thought: hm, well, I guess I chose the right path. So far, at least. After painting for like 3 hours, I was just thinking as I was cleaning my brushes, I don't hate this. Even though I stress, have art blocks, & have to pull late-/all-nighters, I won't mind in the end. Hm...

~I can't help, the way my mind is hard-wired to, hate myself~ -- As It Is, "Can't Save Myself"
Ever since the 2nd Music in the Quad, I've been listening to Silent PILOT, which led me to As It Is on Spotify, so that's what I've been listening to.

It's been a while since I posted from my phone. The last time I was active from there was in January lol
Just another month & a half & I'm free from this torture we call college. I feel like there's so much due.. at the same time, not so much... I don't know. The stress just attacks randomly. And I still get random ups-and-downs of art slumps & surges of motivation. The attitude I have towards the school work always makes me question myself: did I choose the right path? At times like these, I wonder if an academic, book-based path would've been better... but most of the times, I don't regret my choice.
And I guess what Steph said just reaffirmed my choice. She told me to take the 16 personality test online; I'm sure we've taken it before, and I feel like I got something different? But I don't remember. She was talking about how accurate the results reflected in how happy some people were with their career path. I still can't remember what I am, other than a Mediator, but she said that it was on an artistic path or something, which got me thinking, "ah, maybe this will work out."

Time sure flies.

Yo, I'm lazy to type right now as I'm finishing up dinner (leftovers from HOM), but I'm super tired. BUT. I really have to remember this day y'all.

Well, I guiltily spent a lot of money these 2 days at Round 1. Today me & Steph went & we got matching elephants! We named it Cotton & Candy ;) & she got me the otter with the starfish, which we named Potato. & she got herself a doggie, Strawberry Shortcake. But looks like she's selling those 2 x'D

MUSIC IN THE QUAD! OMG. LOS 5. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I WANT THEIR HOODIE & SNAPBACK. They were amazing~ During one of the short breaks between the songs, I guess Matt was interacting with the crowd up front & he was talking to Jo (one of my classmates who watched Los 5 with me last year) and he said "you look nice today" and she probably said thanks and she blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch something and pulled it to his chest and said, smiling, "I caught that." omg that was so cute haha This time RHA had an organized meet & greet in CVB. Yaaaas. Also got to meet Silent PILOT. Sigh, and I said I wasn't going to fall for another band lolol It was so fun during the meet & greet, though it was really short.

I didn't know how to react to meeting Silent PILOT since it's like my first time hearing of them. The drummer, Nick, was nice. And the guitarist Brandon was also very energetic, and he started off asking for my name & then introducing himself. After giving them two a hug, we took a pic. But I didn't want to leave out the lead singer, Anthony. He seemed... down? Like even during performance, something felt off. He was sorta aloof during the meet & greet, and he was so quiet. So after the picture, I awkwardly went over to him to give him a hug before going over to Los 5.

LOS 5. omg it was the highlight of my day. So I gave them a hug: JP, Ish, Hector, Tomas, and Matt. It was awkward when I approached them lol I gave JP a hug and he was like "you can hug both of us" because I wasn't sure who to hug first (between him & Ish), because JP wasn't even paying attention lols. But I gave them all individual hugs. When I hugged Hector, I told them I saw them last year, and they were like "EEYYYY" and Hector was like "I remember you". I THINK I DIED INSIDE. It shocked me that I turned my head back a little and said "you did?" with a slight smile when I gave Tomas a hug. I think Matt and/or Tomas were asking me what I thought of them, like if they're better now or still suck. I can't remember what I said, but I remember thinking I can't say "still the same" LOL so I think I said yeah or something and stood between Hector & Tomas for the picture. I didn't move far since Matt came to me. Afterward--my arm was still around Hector--and he said "you said yeah, so does that mean we still suck?" (as if they didn't improve) and I was starting to panic in my mind and I was like "noooo~" in a whining-ish voice, like duuude thatwasn'twhatImeantpleasedon'ttakeitthewrongway with an embarrassed smile lol and Hector gave me a tight, reassuring "I'm-just-kidding" hug and they were like laughing xD When I was about to walk away, JP was like "I like your hoodie." Did I say thanks? I think I did? And he asked "So it says midnight kidz on the back, is the writing above it the same thing? or what does it say in your language?" and I'm frantically thinking "how does the back of Birdy's hoodie look like again?" & "I'm not Japanese" LOL and I was telling him that I have no idea either because it's in Japanese, and he was smiling and poked me in the side saying "faker~" in a teasing way omg lol I told them I just really liked the design from my favorite artist -insert crying laughing emoji- and showed them the hoodie with the anbu black ops mask (I totally blanked out on what it was called) and JP was like "oh cool, it's this cat (something something)" lol At this point, I was burning up. I have no idea if my face was like a tomato, but it probably was. And I said "thanks for coming" and I was waving both hands at them in front of me, and they said thanks and bye(?) and they waved back and JP blew a kiss LOLOL <3

I was still shook from that meet & greet so when I was leaving, the girl at the door asked to see my wristband & I was taken aback and started thinking is there an after party? but I just want to leave??? and she started cutting the band and I was like "oh, you're just gonna cut it?" LOL stupid me. And the guy standing against the other side of the door frame was like, "no, we just wanted to see your band and admire it. It's such a nice green color" LOL he said it as a joke though xD and then I slunk away lol. 

I am so tired right now, physically. My legs are sore from walking so much, and standing. My right arm and shoulder are stiffening? and getting sore. because I stood and recorded for 2 hours. The camcorder lasted pretty long, but it ran out of battery after Los5's second-to-last performance. So I recorded their last performance with my phone; but of course, I got the weird lines on it and a weird static noise in the audio. Well, I mean, I was super close to the speakers. After the performance, my ears were still "plugged" and I could barely hear myself talk. Luckily it subsided when we were waiting in line for the meet & greet.
I hope I didn't miss anything... it's like a post-concert feel--well, it was technically an open concert--where right after the concert, you sorta feel that down mood and not remembering exactly all the details LOL Ah, it was great~ <3 I need to upload those videos... which remind me: where are the videos I recorded last year from my phone? Since I have the ones from Biri's phone lol
***Side note, but exciting news: 2 new releases! One in English and the other in Spanish! Matt said it'll probably drop in 2 months!

Wow. 3 exclamatory sentences in a row lol time to sleep. It 3, and I didn't do any homework these past 2 days. Jim is coming tomorrow to drop off board, and we probably going to Passion-T~ hopefully. Goodnight Zzzzz

EDIT: I just remembered, that after "Kings & Queens", JP asked Matt how was his high school sweetheart & he was like "she was a b****" xD I cannot with him ahaha And after one of the songs, Matt said "I forgot my lyrics. It's been a while. Eyyy but you guys didn't notice right?" but I don't know if I recorded that hmmm

Another quick summary.
I finally got rid of my windows and only 5 tabs opened~ It's been almost half a year since I had only 1 window (because since last year I believe? I've had multiple windows/tabs x'D that I didn't even touch lol) I ended up bookmarking a lot of them
Just right now I found a link full of BL drama CDs lol I've never listened to one but wow. I got to find some of my favorite manga-based ones~ I'm also pretty much caught up with the recent releases of music.

Let's not talk about class but after class, I went to Eastridge. The original plan was to go to Daiso & Michael's to see what kind of wooden objects I could use in my still life. Searched for a bit but was still unsure. I ended up being horribly distracted at Round 1... and ended up spending $60. I got an otter at least & omg the guy who helped me place the otter. He was so cute. His smile was so bright and nice. (I have a fetish for smiles lol) He had a tattoo on his arm, with earrings. He gave off a quiet, and sorta weird aura, but mostly quiet and nice. He spoke so softly too and his movements felt slow (so like, maybe he wasn't working slow but it felt that way).
On the bus ride to Eastridge, this old man patted the seat next to him when I was walking by. There were so many other seats, but I thought it'd be rude if I ignored him so I sat next to him. He waved & said bye to me when he got off though. He reminded me of Forrest Gump? Like, the li'l kid feeling.

Anyway, I feel so bad wasting money but but but otterrrr. I was planning to buy music from melon/iTunes but I guess that's gotta wait now. I seriously need a job or somehow make money...
Oh! Los 5 is coming tomorrowww I'm so excitedddd <3

I have to leave for class in like a minute. Ugh, distractions. I didn't even get anything done. I was on the computer & distracted by so many things, like all the things I wanna download. Seriously... I woke up late because History was cancelled so I was lazy to get up. Really shouldn't go on Twitter in the morning; my mind got so caught with Dynamic Chord tweets & the release of "Kimi no Na Wa" in theaters this Friday.

I really didn't want to do any work. I worked on the onions. Inga just posted, & since we're painting outside tomorrow, she's not checking work until Thursday. Yes! Ugh, so I don't know why I feel like I'm stressing. (6:25pm)
---

Huh. It's 1:46am right now. While I was showering I was thinking about finishing this post. And I had this really good topic and title but I forgot it ToT hence the ??? in the title. Hm... I wonder what it was about... it was a good life topic? I think it had to do with my younger and more creative self. Hm.
In class, while thinking about what path to choose, I just remembered... that I actually did weapon designs as a kid LOL Why and how did it come so much easier back then~ Where did my fun self go? The me that drew "kawaii faces" on inanimate objects? Hmmmm
No but forreals, I really liked the title I was gonna use for this posttttt >x<

because it's late and I'm sleepy lol

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^

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