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Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/

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Wowww it's MAYYYYY.
...
Shocking.
Graduating in a few weeks. HNG. 

We're almost done with our thesis project! It's coming along so wellll~ We saw a preview of what cuts we have rendered, and... it's so nice!?? I was getting emotional -- I don't know if it's because we're almost done? because it just looks so nice with the lighting/texture/music? because the story is getting to me again? I don't know, but I know I just feel very proud of being able to work with the team I ended up with. I finished lighting and rendering my shots, so I'm working on our thesis presentation video. Wheee more editing in After Effects~ 

Last week, the Huion tablet Robin got me for graduation also arrived~ Drawing on it was quite satisfying keke.

Ironically to that, yesterday we had a fight on our way to Stockton. It's been months since we had a fight. But we are good. Again. As usual lol

I gotta start applying for jobs again. I have one "contract/freelance" job? in the talks right now. It's only a project for the summer. Other jobs/internships were mostly cancelled due to Covid, but I feel like there's more time to get some different shots in my reel (I have some ideas of what I want to do -- creature, game, action...) and I've been actively uploading to my art channel. I did lag a few times 'cause I just got too busy to edit hehe. 

I am so sleepy right now for some reason...
Quarantine got me working non-stop on my laptop so I be staring at these monitors for hours on end. Maybe that's why my eyes are tired...

Today is technically the last day for animating anything for the portfolio half of BFA. Just submitted things for BFA gallery too.
We are finally lighting and rendering for thesis. Hopefully we can be done by May. Oof. We don't really have that much time. I think we actually wanted to finish in April, but of course, animation took longer. And I think we still have 1 or 2 shots that need to be finished animating.

Became a lighter and renderer lolol
Lighting is pretty fun when you get things to work the way you want it too. And if the computer doesn't complain too much about the work LOL

This week went by fast. And kinda crazy...

We were informed yesterday that Dr. Lovell passed away in his sleep Tuesday night. It's crazy... He even tested negative for COVID-19, but it's possible the test wasn't accurate? Anyway, it was such a shock... I was so lost.. how to feel.. what to feel... It was hard for the team (who worked with him the longest) to process... Arlene was staring into space.. I was trying to find some distraction.. I couldn't help but think about the whole ordeal and ended up crying. He was a jolly guy... as much as he made our job difficult sometimes ^^; he was still a great guy...
It's crazy...

I've been watching a lot of calming vlogs, watching people cook their meals, etc. And I saw this one Youtuber cooking a super simple toast sandwich and another one making a simple fried rice. I've been making sandwiches. They're all right heh.

And today I finally made some fried rice since we had some leftover rice. Made with salad mix, spam, bell pepper, egg, and soy sauce, with oil of course, and some garlic powder (since I don't have garlic LOL). I don't have have any soy sauce or oyster sauce here at Robin's, but we saved the soy sauce packets from Panda Express so I used that. It was surprisingly pretty good!

Took an early shower. My face's been oily... my dandruff's come back. Yikes. 
Jen sent care packages with cleaning spray, face masks, and masks xD Gonna reset after this thesis meeting with a face mask~

Also, Pluralsight is offering courses for free this April, so I'll try to cram as many classes as possible LOL

It rained all day today...
How long as it been? I don't even know but I'm done staying in the room ToT *sigh* when is this over...

But anywho, the past few days, I was able to do some figure drawing practice. Which is good! Because it was never a habit I had. Hopefully, after this quarantine, I'd have better art habits + new skills + improvement!

As I said, it's definitely the time to start new things. I've picked up Blender. I've started to post more on my art Youtube (secret for now, as my content is still bleh) and my art Instagram. Really just trying to break out of my comfort zone and trying to loosen up. I'm always thinking about how "not perfect" something is, but in reality, nothing is perfect. There's no "correct" way of drawing, etc, yet I can't forgive myself for doing it "wrong." But what's right or wrong?

The videos I've posted right now have no audio. I'm not in the best place to be recording audio and stuff. Can't wait to move out~ though I think I'll probably be going back to Stockton for a while... or just move in with Robin. I don't know yet. Am I gonna find a job? I don't know either heh.

Spring break was last week, and it went by so fast. I really did take a break from homework. Probably only did a homework on 2 separate days.

Robin and I don't really like cooking at his place, so we worked out this quarantine thing -- without going out to eat -- by going to my place twice a week and cooking enough for 3-4 days. The 1st week, we went out to eat twice, and he tends to be a little lazy in cooking. Plus, he thinks I cook slow. (Well, I mean, I have to prep everything myself and cook everything at the same time. sooo *shrug* I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of balancing everything though.) It'd be so much easier if we had our own place.

I just spent this morning cooking while he worked at my place. That was like 3ish hours? I also made myself some milk tea with pearls, but 1) pearls weren't sweet enough, 2) the tea wasn't strong enough. LOL At least the pearls didn't harden this time.

It rained yesterday afternoon. That was nice.
We also finished "Crash Landing on You" last night, and I cried so much for the last 2 episodes, my heart hurt and I gave myself a headache LOL It's such a good drama~ plus the OST is *chef's kiss*

Well, it's back to work now. I gotta do stuff for SJAWP, but Jane hasn't sent me anything yet, so I can't really do anything :p I'm almost done with my shots for thesis, so hopefully I can finalize them for Tuesday and I can focus on portfolio..

Yesterday, Bay Area counties announced the shelter-in-place. Basically a lockdown.

School instruction moved online. Currently working from home. Robin is also working from home now. I am just at his place. Just did some work, and gonna do some homework now. So hard to live here though LOL because it doesn't feel as clean, in both our perspectives. We usually cook at my place, but so we don't need to drive back and forth everyday, we brought the groceries here so I guess we cooking here until the shelter-in-place lets up and/or the Covid19 recedes and whatnot. Ah, it'd be easier to have our own place ToT (which, surprisingly, my mom was like, that's fine? lol after I graduate, at least)

Trying to manage the new hires from home is difficult. Response is also quite slow. Our work inbox has been... chaotic. 

You'd think being stuck home is fun, but when you're told to stay home, you just want to rebel (not talking about me xD) I have so many things I want to do-- could be doing-- but I've only been doing (home)work. I want to do some other art stuff/read but I haven't?

Well, it's not just all work. Robin and I are watching "Crash Landing On You" LOL It's good. 

I'm waiting in the Student Involvement center for my thesis meeting. Afterward, I have to go to work until 5. And then~ Robin's taking me to McDonald 'cause I've been craving a shamrock shake~

Davinci Resolve is currently rendering my video. It sure lags my laptop. Not to mention; I really need to clean out my laptop LOL programs & files. I might just take all my files to render on the Alienware PC. Either that, or have it rendering on my laptop but I can't be using it/have other programs open.

You know when the semester gets hectic when my desktop gets full of docs. LOL I kinda cleaned it up by shoving everything in folders, within folders. Bad tactic, but it clears my mind for a while, until I have time to actually go through my files.

--welp. Davinci just crashed on me for a second time. I might just taking all editing/rendering of videos (not on iMovie) to the PC. I'll have to make do with what I've got until I move out of my apartment and have my own "studio" set up.

1.  Editing/rendering on PC (video files + Maya files)
2. "Konmari" my digital files (hard drives, laptop, USBs...)
3. "Konmari" my physical stuff (when I move out to somewhere else? & when I can have all my trash in one place with me LOL)
4. #toonme #dtiys challenges
5. dA Original Character Contest
6. Learn Blender (modeling/animation)
7. Learn lighting & particles (Maya)
8. Keep sketching! from photos, life etc.
1. STUDY -- master paintings, other artist styles... etc.
9. Own style...
10. Character design!
1. OC, persona...
2. Redo character design from Cameron's class... + story beat.
11. Online store!
1. Designs > create!
2. Cricut, printer
3. Supplies...

Today was the primary elections, and I voted~ I actually felt pretty good about it heh. Like, a sense of completion lol.

Recently been selling some stuff on the SJSU app. I'm surprised I got hits haha
Also been craving something to drink a lot, like coffee or milk tea, but I'm trying not to spend ToT

We went to PIXAR last Friday. That was cool.
BFA Animation is also starting our Blue Sky workshop (animators from Blue Sky leading an assignment) so that's gonna be fun 🙃 I feel like I wouldn't be too nervous since I took a workshop with Ted from Dreamworks lol But I probably will.
I've kinda been skipping thesis meeting 'cause I haven't worked on my shot. Big woops. Been kinda working on the merch for SHMcon, which I'm very proud of ✌️

I've also printed my first business card! Even though the design was super simple. Created my first sticker designs (even though they're not mine) and gonna be tabling for the first time! All these first times, but not even for me lol It's a great first time though, without me wasting money LOL can't wait to get my own online store set up wheeee (when?)

Made my new dance cover live this week. Robin's been telling me to start my Youtube channel. I mean, I have already? but I should be consistent. I don't know what the content would be though? I have a general idea; like Laura Price, except as an animator. There are so many animation tutorials, I don't know if I would do those. But anyway, maybe I'll just ease in to a "style."

Oh! and I've updated my website at here~ I really like the look of it; simple etc. Look at my sheep "logo"! I wonder if I can develop it into a brand lol
Website and domain name so $$$. Better be worth it :p

Peace out. Jumped the meeting as soon as it ended LOL yikes.
Lots of work for this week ToT

Did a little more journaling today before I start working. It's super chilly in my room, and as always, my hands are icy (for some odd reason, my right hand is chillier than my left, even though I'm using my right lol)

I also can't stop thinking about how my hair is getting thinner. I can feel the back of my head. Usually, I can't even touch the base of my head but now I feel right through my hair, touching my skull. Definitely thinner. And I want to believe that it's just temporary. When the weather gets warmer, my hair will grow back -- like a plant LOL I read that sudden hair loss can be from previous high stress level situations (ie. the fights I had with Robin? school?) All that could be attributing to my hair loss now. I do remember once in the shower, I pulled out sooo much hair, and it was surprising because I've never had that much hair loss in the shower.

Anywho, did a little more journaling just to keep my mindset straight. Started to look in to minimalism seriously. You know, we all grow a little.

I found Kyra by chance, and I really enjoy her videos so far. She was very reassuring about just starting small, and she hit so many points of what I was thinking about starting minimalism, ie. decluttering every aspect of your life, what minimalism really means (well, this apparently has different meanings for anyone practicing minimalism, but how she proposed questions about it got me thinking what I want minimalism to mean for me).

Minimalism for beginners

Just spent the day with the fam.

We went to Great Mall to shop for a bit -- Daiso, Forever 21, and Body Shop.
(Since I've been having issues with my hair, I ended up getting a ginger shampoo from Body Shop. So far, my hair feels light and soft :3 but people say their hair gets flatter sooner and their hair is drier unless they use a good conditioner. I didn't use conditioner with it so we'll see.)

Afterward, we went to Cupertino since Jo wanted to go to JSJ Street Kitchen. It was aight, though their mochi donut was not as good as Le Creme's; it had more bread around the mochi.

Corn dogs with sweet rice batter

Went to TenRen for the first time, and Johnny (SHM classmate) was working. He ended up giving us a free upsize + big discount (was only $2!) + 9 stamps LOL Then the fam went shopping at 99 Ranch.

I don't want to be all words, and no action (is that the correct phrase? lol) so I spent about 2 hours planning out my new year.

Well, I haven't planned out much, more like organizing myself & taking notes.
There's still so much I need to write down. I have yet to list everything I want to accomplish from my mind. From there, I need to start prioritizing better (where's my bullet journal LOL)

For now, I'm using one of my sketchbooks. No more excuses--because you don't need a dedicated journal for goal-setting etc.

I'ma go make lunch, and I'll get back to actually planning for 2020.
Here's a list of videos I watched for inspiration/motivation.

• How to Set Goals
• How to Plan Your Life (this the main one I used to begin goal-setting)
• 10 Resolutions for Artists (had some good beginning goals for me)
• Vivid Vision (I didn't follow this, but I think it's good to know)
• minimalist habits
• Plan with me: Lavendaire & Maya Lee (will be watching these 2 when I'm planning)

**For Christmas, the family spent a night and 2 days in Monterey~ the boyfriend-o joined for aquarium day :3
--
Happy New Year!

Wow... just when you start getting used to writing 2019, it's already 2020.
Last year's resolutions? Yeah, don't know where those went. As usual lol.
Here's an obligatory New Year's post before I go do some work.
.
.
.

Robin went home for NY, and I didn't want to go, so I was dropped off at my apartment. I spent about an hour cleaning and dusting? Might as well do some New Year cleaning :) And then I showered since I didn't last night.

The new year's come, but is anything different?
I feel like it is, more so than the years before. Or maybe I'm just more aware. Any case, I'm talking about myself and the way I think about things. It's hard to put in words, but I feel like the 2019-end-me is definitely grown a lot. Yet, I'm still me. How very odd. I guess I'm just having more of a revelation... and seeing as I only have 1 semester left before graduating, the time to adult is coming closer.

There's also a lot of things I've learned about myself this past year. There's things I want to change about myself, but that's definitely gonna be hard.
I still dress like a kid, not that I'm ashamed because a t-shirt and jeans are comfy, but sometimes, I want to dress nicely too (but where's the fashion sense? LOL)

I want to do something about the urge to buy things... buying things and not using them...

There's also the need to take care of myself. Not that I don't right now. But even more so. I sleep little earlier now, just because Robin sleeps early.
I took my thick hair for granted and now look who's balding (I don't really know, but my sisters said my hair got thinner. I shed a lot more than usual during showers. My hair part is kind of wider than usual, and apparently that's a sign for women balding *shrug*) So I'm taking some hair supplements; it does seem to have lessened the shedding. I'm just going to be gentler with my hair.

And that all ties in to better habits.

I think I need a journal LOL or I mean, a sketchbook works.
Here's to a new year of improvement and good habits and health-- and wealth, why not xD

It's finally the end of the 1st semester!

No lie, it felt short haha but I'm excited for my next and last semester! Again, I'll be taking 2 classes. Along with BFA pt.2, I'll be helping out with my program coordinator's shorts production as a "green ninja" ;)

Yesterday I finished my modeling final of Zeraora, and I'm pretty proud of it! I really didn't think it'd come out as good as it did haha but yesterday didn't come without its fight.

And by fight, I mean with the boy-o.
Yesterday was the reddest my eyes were ever. Maybe because I was rubbing it so much.
Right now, it's still stinging a little. And dry.
I couldn't even tell if I was hyperventilating/anxiety overload or if that's just the way I cry ^^;

Well anywho, I don't want to think about it anymore.
---

I'm excited to table at SHM-con next Spring! I don't get to table my own stuff (psh, what stuff LOL) but I can get some experience tabling for my thesis project, and I just have all these ideas~
I'm still busy with my BFA final (because I neglected that for thesis LOL) and of course, thesis work over winter break.

I'll have a break for Christmas and will be home the week of~ but then I'm back in SJ for the grind 🙃
Can I get a Cricut already LOL

I just found out Jackson's I love you 3000 was a collab with Stephanie Poetri LOL that's why Jackson's was the "Chinese" version.

Anyway, I guess I was kind of reflecting on myself. Not really? lol
I realized I focused a lot better with my headphones, so time to bring my cat headphones here.
I'm back at the gym, but skipped yesterday haha.
I'm also so bad at doing my covers LOL I learned 3 dances halfway. Hello? where's the cover? LOL ma bad ^^;

Well, while procrastinating, this was recommended on my Youtube. It made me cry ^^; 
& then I found their series "Love at First Swipe" which was pretty cute haha

Ah, I procrastinated some more. Time to get working.

I was just watching my old covers. Wow... I was thicc LOL
And then I compared to my Chungha "Snapped" cover. To be honest, I didn't see too much change (but I was feeling myself during Chungha's cover ok LOL) until Jen's friend was commenting on my cover to her, & that I got skinnier. Like, wow, I did x'D

Ever since I gymmed every day last year (?) I do think I am less critical of myself. I still have my tummy & calves insecurity but otherwise, I think I'm feeling quite satisfied with my body now. 

Definitely not saying everyone should try to be model-skinny, but it's definitely whatever you're feeling satisfied with. As long as you can love yourself :)

Alan Walker - Lily
Happy hallows!

An update to my last post: my parents adopted a 2 year-old Husky named Luna. Just the other day though, she ate slug poison *facepalm* Took her to the vet, she stayed the night, and she's home now. There goes $840, and she hasn't even been home for a week OTL ^^; She is still a puppy though. Need lots of training.

Just finished doing some work stuff at home. Gonna squeeze in some homework stuff before heading to the office. Got a leadership meeting later today.

Also started going to the gym again (literally started yesterday LOL) and am going again with Jessie. I'm sorta sore today, but not as sore as I thought I'd be.

Anywho, it's gotten chillier. Y'alls keep warm! And the air quality is bad in some areas, so if you're affected, stay safe/healthy!

I haven't listened to my blog music in a while, haha.

If you've seen my post, you already know that Reno passed away a couple weeks back. Luckily, I went home the day before he passed, so I was able to see him one last time. Robin regrets not giving Reno more pets ^^; Reno liked his pets; they're like massages to him.

Right now, my parents are looking to adopt another dog. It's ironic when my mom was like, after they're gone, no more pets. But after Bobby and Reno left, she said she felt unsafe at home ^^;
Mango has also been making frequent appearances in the house, and my mom really doesn't care anymore. In fact, she finds him amusing haha such a derpy cat.

I'm feeling quite stressed this week, but I think I can make myself feel less stressed. I've been working on this animation for like 4 weeks? and the final final is due this Friday. I'm so caught up in the small details that I'm not making much progress. I just need to not get hung up on the "perfection" of it, and give the animation an overall finesse.
And, guess who fell behind in Inktober...

Also, Robin found a job, so he's finally busy & I can finally go back to the gym. We snack too much 🙃

I guess it's catching up time.

I think 2 weeks ago I was feeling overwhelmed. I had quite a few bad days regarding school, but I think I picked it up again and am on track so it's all good now. You'd think I'd be less stressed/packed with only 2 classes; somehow it's even more stressful & busy lol
Our last modeling exercise was David's ear. I actually worked on it over the span of 3 days, submitted it 2 days early, and felt pretty good about it and not as stressed. That felt good. Not procrastinating feels good LOL so last week, since we didn't have BFA class, we had alumni come in as substitutes. And I didn't get to work on my animation, so I didn't turn in anything. Now I'm working on it bit by bit. Hopefully it'd be good enough by Friday.

Work is okay. Hired 2 new people and training them now.

As always, watching Youtube videos and getting motivated to do shizz. It's Inktober~ so I'm gonna try. Again. lol. Plus, I wanted to start working on Python, since that works with Maya and at our ILM tour, they said it's a bonus to know Python & rigging.

Off I go~

"Knowledge builds confidence."

"This freeing experimental stage is important because many of us are scared of experimenting in case we make mistakes or develop designs that don't work and stop our momentum. We are also held back by our knowledge of what we think works and put ourselves off trying something new because we are unsure of the results."

"This shows that happy accidents do happen, and that drawings belong on paper, and not in a head full of false assumptions."

"No first drawing is ever perfect, and if you think it is, draw ten more versions and you will see that it wasn't!"

fack.

I'm so mad right now and I don't know why. Every little thing is pissing me off and I can't cool down.
Okay. More like, some things annoyed me this morning, then more things annoyed me afterward to the point where I'm straight up mad.

It's like things are constantly annoying/bothering me. There was nothing in between that took my mind off things so now I'm just pissed. Someone bring me a dog.

FACK.

I just want to punch a wall. Gosh, I feel so frustrated I want to cry, but I can't 'cause I got class in 3 hours and I'm in the student union right now.

Ugh. Am I hangry? because my stomach keeps growling.
Where's a stress ball when you need one. Yeah, maybe I'm just stressed. And it's probably not school; well, only a small portion of it.


~sorry about the negative posts lately~

It's been a week or so since I last posted.
(And speaking of posting, I still haven't done a cover. oops)

Last week has been sort of bad...? for some reason. And really, it's because things have been feeling a little off. Or, been going wrong...
Okay, I'm exaggerating lol Literally only 2 (3) things went wrong, but that's enough to throw me off. Last Wednesday, I somehow--some time-- lost my pencil from Korea (Yonsei Uni pencil that Jim got me ToT) and I really don't get how! The only time I used it was during my modeling class, but I am pretty sure I packed it away. And then, I didn't take it out again. Even Arlene said it wasn't there when she left class. Either I took it out some other time & don't remember (the only other time I took out my pencil case --but not the pencil!-- was later in the day, in the same classroom, at a different seat) or I did leave it in the classroom, & someone picked it up. Well, sadly, I wasn't able to find it.

And then, apparently I lost my hair tie, one that I keep on my wrist because it's a really good hair tie, the night of. The last thing I remember of it was untying my hair before I showered. And I'm pretty sure I put it on my table, though Robin said I handed it to him, and he put it down in the restroom probably. The thing is, my housemates left similar hair ties on the doorknob. I looked through them all but none of the hair ties felt right. And I know, all right.

Another thing, though not mine, was Robin losing Misha's Clipper Card when they were moving out of her apartment. He didn't remember where he put it, & it bothered me that we couldn't find it.

On top of all that, I also messed up the due dates for assignments, so now they're late. Luckily, shouldn't be much impact.

I can't help but keep feeling sad about it, but I'm trying to pull myself out of the slump. I was pretty successful, though the negative feelings come back when I have time to think about it again. I am learning to let things go though.

Yesterday and today has been mentally/emotionally rough.

Well, not to mention, yesterday was the first day of school :) Not that that was rough lol Relatively easy start to the new school year. It was my Intermediate Modeling class & our professor told us to model a Pokéball lol He wanted to see where we were. To be honest, I was pretty frustrated because I couldn't get it the way I wanted. Like, I knew how I should go about it, but I wasn't familiar enough with the modeling aspect of Maya. It's been two years? since I last modeled in Maya lol Even though I tried to make Yuta but that didn't work.

Anyway, it was rough because Robin and I had a big fight. Sorta? Well, it was definitely tense. This is probably the 2nd or 3rd time we were close to ending it. Well, I don't feel like going into details since it probably only makes sense between us two. And things are fine now.

My skin is so bad, so I'm masking right now. My hair seems all dead and dried out, so I made sure i refreshed that too. My Body Shop purchases came in, but I haven't opened it yet. I got Jojoba Oil for blackheads per Una's video; I don't know if it worked? It didn't feel like it did haha Also, when my skin is bad, my pores tend to enlarge. Yikes. 

Aight, got an early & long class tomorrow. Housemates are outside gaming x'D Sounds like a party. Speaking of which, they're partying tomorrow lol I feel bad that I haven't really joined them in any activities; not because I don't want to, but I usually have something else to attend to. 
Arlene said there's a boba shop in the Student Union now? Hm...

Shikki is currently chilling behind me because she decided to steal my chair.

Anywho, I was looking up skincare thingamajigs due to a chance encounter on UNA's youtube channel. Her explanation of skin troubles and solutions made skincare seem easy. Skincare routines always seemed a little complex for me because people are just showing off their products and they may or may not explain how said products target specific areas/issues. I use random products that I feel "target" what I want, but then again, I don't really see much long term change; and that's my fault because I don't have a routine.

I guess what I'm most confused about is, what is cleansing? exfoliating? toners?
I'm starting to understand exfoliation. Meanwhile, cleansing/toners I'm still like, meh, do I need this? I do have a Follain skincare set that I got using Rowena's code lol I was curious! And actually, it came with a little card with steps. So I finally figured out the "correct" order of things: cleanse, exfoliate, tone, moisturize. When you put it that way, things seem easier! Now you just need to find the correct "type" for your skin type. This may seem stupidly simple, but I was never one to do makeup or do any extravagant skincare. I've been doing makeup occasionally, and it did seem to get a little easier. And if I plan to do makeup even more, I feel I should delve into this "beauty" world more.
(On a note, my eyes tend to dry out/sting when I use makeup. I even had a stye once, which I believed to be from the makeup. Just one day, blinking made my eye hurt LOL it eventually went away before Robin's graduation LOL Was slightly concerned about using makeup so soon after xD)
My face is a combination skin type. I thought tea tree was going to be good enough because I thought I had only oily skin type (I kept thinking I was either combo or oily lol but that explanation of combo skin reaffirmed my thoughts). Not saying it's not good to use if you have combo skin haha. It is good for targeting blemishes though.

Anyway, I was looking at all these products, and it's starting to confuse me again haha Oh, also, watch this :)

If you don't know what you're passionate about, follow your curiosity.

That doesn't surprise me because I also believe that, but I was never to contain the idea into one clear sentence. 

Today was a pretty long day.
We couldn't sleep last night; well he was too excited about it to sleep. I just couldn't sleep, probably 'cause we napped plus I had milk tea a few hours before bed ^^;

Robin & I were out since this morning in San Mateo where he had his interview. I was at a milk tea/café/bistro called "Cup of Blooms" and it was the cutest aesthetic (though I could do w/o the flowers LOL) I happened to be matching with my pink floral romper lol I was there for 5 hours; we had an iced vanilla latte at first, then in the last hour I got a brown sugar boba milk tea. I made the mistake of not mixing it immediately so it was not sweet enough for me LOL though I don't know if mixing it then or later would've made any difference? Their brown sugar was not completely melted to just syrup because you can still see brown sugar crystals? I don't know.

I was pretty productive, I guess you could say. Did some office work--emails, links etc-- and worked on my last iAnimate project. Then I did some practice head sketches. I attempted to use cheap watercolors on one of them, but I totally thought it was my mixed media sketchbook; it was my 'sketch' sketchbook so the paper didn't really hold up. whoops ^^;

Ah, I'm kinda tired of cafés/going out just to have a place to work. Yesterday we were at Happy Lemon (for like the bajillionth time). I finished sending out like 4 production intern applications because Robin kept nagging me to. I was working on my website as well, but I wasn't really satisfied with anything I did. After I got home that night, I decided to finish editing my website, and I finally got it to something I was satisfied with. Though I may still decide to make my website from scratch with Robin's help? Haha

I'm pretty sleepy right now, but my stomach is too full from the curry udon (also, mouth is dry as heck because it was so oily/salty), and the coffee + milk tea from earlier ^^; Guess I'll work on the SJAWP website. Don't really feel like working on other stuff.

Waah these past couple of days have been way too hot. Luckily, my new apartment is less hot because it's shaded. Still hot on the 3rd floor though.

Got my new earbuds today! Raycon E50. Connection is fast, audio is clear & good enough for me. Sadly, the audio for phone calls isn't as clear as I had hoped for, though Jojo said she could hear me; it just sounded like if I was taking the call through the car's connection/the phone was on speaker & I was slightly away. Not too disappointing for $68, and it stays in my ear! I was worried it'll fall out lol but now I can use it for dance practice~

Robin went home for the weekends, and he came back sick. He didn't even know he was sick. I thought he was just tired the night he drove back to me, & we had plans to go to SF. Good thing we didn't. We only found out he was sick the next morning. Yikes, and he has an on-site interview Friday. Hopefully he gets better by Wednesday, at least. His temperature today kept fluctuating, and he was in bed all day. Well, it seems he's feeling better. In any case, we can't be certain if it'll go away so fast. So today, I woke up early 'cause he was here. Then the rest of the day I spent nursing him LOL well, he napped, and I went in to the office for a short while. I didn't get to do anything for self-study etc. though. 

Internships are opening. So far, Cartoon Network and Dreamworks Production internships are open. Also, Neko Productions has a full-time opening for 2D animation x'D Might as well apply, but there's no deadlines so I don't know when's the latest I can submit. Guess you just gotta do it early lol

I worked on my LinkedIn the other day (we've been spending too much $$ and time out at cafés and stuff LOL) Ahh, productive procrastination LOL Oh, I've also started doing PokéFusions; simple, fun, de-stressing. 

Can you believe it's already been 1 year since I've been in a relationship? Time sure flies.

July 3/4 is our anniversary (technically the 4th is our anniversary since we weren't official until like 12am LOL but he didn't want a holiday anniversary x'D). We didn't do anything special yesterday, ironically we got in a fight in the morning of. Later that night, we went out with Andrew, Samantha, and Linda to play the Switch at Linda's. It was really fun. A little awkward with them though.

Since this relationship, I found out a lot about myself. Our habits and perception of life is really different--sometimes even opposite--but a lot of times, we agree. We've actually had quite a lot of fights during this 1 year, about 2 really big ones I think. Even within this year, I still feel like there's a lot of things we can learn from each other. While we managed to get past all our fights, thinking about the future makes me worry that it might not be so. People change. Things in happen in life. Our tolerance, our patience. They won't be the same.

Welp, we can't do anything about the future, so I guess you gotta just go with the flow.

It's been a busy few weeks, from Stockton, to Irvine, to SJ, to Stockton, to SJ. Robin's been with me/I was over in Irvine, so I haven't gotten to touch my tablet/do digital drawing in a while. Definitely miss it lol :')

On top of that, I still had my online class and work.
Speaking of which, today was the last day of my class. It was quite bittersweet, but it's been fun and now I can finally have time to myself. I've also started going back to the gym (I mean, it was only 2 days LOL) At the end Ted was like, keep in touch, feel free to add him on LinkedIn & Facebook. Woop woop, there's a connection xD >> I was going to write a more in-depth reflection of the 11 weeks but I am so tired ^^; so I'll just try to wrap up this post fast. It's only 9:30pm, oi vey.

All of us, except Biri, are in the process of moving out. It's a good thing I started packing way early and moved most of my belongings back home. Even the few things I have left here, plus the stuff in the kitchen, is quite a lot to move. I'm trying to figure out what things I will most definitely need at my new apartment + a few things I would want with me. Some stuff I know I don't want --but are still good to use!-- I don't want to just trash them, but it's hard to sell LOL, so I guess everything is going to donation. Hmph. Anyway, I think I'm pretty much ready to leave... I just need to disassemble the bed, table, and chair. Pack my lamps and drawers, and go. Since it's only 1 year there, hopefully I can keep belongings to a minimum while I'm there. I still don't know if I want to take a car there... 

Yesterday, the family went to the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz. It was meh LOL I couldn't even take pictures in the cabin because our guide only gave us 8 minutes, so everyone was "fighting" to get the photo spots. After the tour, we got some nice bumper stickers xD We have so many lol There was a hiking trail outside, so we hiked it, but since it was getting late, parents didn't want to keep hiking (also, they tired) so they walked a little ways then went back down. Jobee was missing hiking so we ended up hiking the whole thing. She and Jim kept sliding on the loose dirt xD I had to walk "manly" --in my romper-- in order to not slip haha For dinner we went to ASJ Restaurant and had some Taiwanese based food, quite pricey, might I add.

The boyfriend's back in Stockton, busy with his aunts. Not even 10 yet and I'm sleepy. Probably gonna knock out soon. It was pretty hot today. I need to plan the best schedule/routine where I can go to work, study in the library, go to the gym... I mean I can study in the SRAC but do I want to... LOL they don't got cool A/C. And I don't think I want to go study after working out... or maybe that'll work... HMMM

Side note, I still haven't done another cover. It's too hot to practiceeee lol I really need to schedule out covers or else I won't do them ^^;
Here's a current song/video I've been listening/watching! Dreamcatcher - Speechless

I've never really had a favorite milk tea place, other than Happy Lemon I guess? But we found a gem in Santa Ana xD

I spent a week back in Stockton and got to hang out with some friendos. Jessica's got a new manz and they're so cute. You can tell how happy Jessica is when she talks about him :3 (before they became official) and it's just so cute keke Jessie wasn't there, but her Snapchat responses were too funny and then the group chat at night was hilarious xD

On top of that, Saturday June 1, sisters and I went with friends to Castle di Amorosa again for Tong's wedding proposal. It was a success! :3 Jim was videographer using Alin's GoPro, and he assigned me to be co-photographer. It seemed to them that I was just practicing photography with Alin, which really isn't a surprise and of course wouldn't raise much suspicion. Considering Jim and I are always doing videos and filming so it's not that suspicious that Jim is videoing lol (it's only suspicious because she's using Alin's GoPro). But anyway, Alin said I got some good shots! Too be honest, I had no idea what I was supposed to be taking ^^; Alin focused on Nancy/Tong pics, so I was kinda taking pics of other people at the same time. Took some good ones of Susan! Apparently, I was supposed to be taking shots at different angles while Alin stood at the "forefront" taking the official ones XD (which, to be honest, would make for pretty boring photos because they're straight at them--not saying they won't be good! because Alin takes really great photos either way) but I didn't know until after everything that I was taking "angle" photos lolol Instinctively I did though lol

The past few days we were trying to clean up the room. Mainly, I was just trying to find/declutter my stuff, but our clothes took too long ^^; but we did end up collecting all the clothes we didn't want & ready for donation. Doesn't feel like too much but when you look back at everything we did end up cleaning & packing away, it feels good :3 Now, just gotta wait for the next time I go back to keep cleaning. We really have too much stuff and get attached LOL the other 3 aren't very good at cleaning up in my opinion haha Our closet was so messy that whenever we did laundry, there was no room to put them, but that's only because the other clothes were messily put so space was taken up.

My online class has been pretty good! Sadly it'll be over in about 3 weeks. Surprisingly, the class was more different than I expected? I thought we'd have more to put in our demo reel, but so far, we only have one. (The first assignment was basically to push us, to show us what he expects, and for him to evaluate us, I guess, and he said no one's was demo reel-ready for that assignment) I kind of want to take more classes, but $1600+ is a little... ^^;

I'm currently at the airport awaiting my flight to Irvine. I thought TSA was gonna be a hassle, but the guy just had to check my backpack/duffel because I had food LOLOL buns & sticky rice xD Got to the airport pretty early because Jen had to go back to Daly City to hang out with Issac before work. I was at the airport like 4 hours early, got ripped off at Starbucks too but that's more my fault lol

On a side note, I shoulddddd have 2 covers? Well, I plan to lol

A while back I checked out a few books from the library because I wanted to get back into reading, back into the days when I could go into another world. I ended up being so busy that I didn't have time for those books and ended up returning them. I did flip through this book, How to Thrive in a World of Too Much Busy by Tony Crabbe, and I couldn't bear to return it already, so I kept it. I finally started reading it. And what he says in the preface really resonates with me. I actually had quite a few things I would've liked to summarize here, but I kept reading and now there's too much I want to say haha so if you want to know the full story, pick up the book ;)

We are never not busy. We are always doing something. Our brain is always running, whether it be scrolling social media, or just worrying about what's due.

Something interesting so far was our solution to being so busy is time management. Can you believe that's actually the wrong approach? The "better" we manage time the "more time" for more things. Inherently, humans want to fill something that's empty, like an empty room. So when we have empty spaces on our calendar, we want to fill it with more activities, more tasks.

Stress isn't bad for us, in itself. However, for many of us, our sense of being overwhelmed causes us to push ourselves to superhuman feats of persistence and production. To get through all we have to do, we fuel ourselves with stress (and caffeine). We push, push, push ourselves to stay busy.

I have to say, I'm quite guilty of that. Because we're constantly working, we don't let our brains and bodies rest, we cause something called an "allostatic load"--> accelerated wear and tear on the body and brain, as defined by Crabbe. He mentions that in Japan, that is called karoshi, which means "death from overwork." He continues to explain that karoshi happens when "chronic fatigue, stemming from long hours and persistent stress, lead otherwise healthy young adults to drop down dead from a stroke or heart attack." That is all too familiar with how many stories of mangakas collapsing surface, whether in news or stories.

I'll end this quick preview of the book with him saying that the Industrial Revolution and the advancement of technology have increased the "busyness" that happens in society. It's not something that society will turn back. No corporation will tell you "slow down and relax." That's just not going to happen, so we have to work around it. Some solutions that he mentions are making the difficult choices, engaging, and focusing attention.

Oh, and the last thing. Smile.

Busy is not just a fact, it's also an experience. We get into spirals of activity; we feel under pressure, so we rush, which makes us feel under pressure... The final quick fix is simple: don't take it all too seriously! Wear your life more lightly.

Why don't you smile instead? Smiling is good for you: it reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and releases endorphins... a single smile stimulates the brain as much as two thousand chocolate bars, or as much as receiving over twenty thousand dollars. People think you are more competent and remember you better when you smile.

 No matter how much stuff you have to do, you don't have to take it all so seriously! You may feel less busy if you smile. ☺.

I may or may not continue writing what I end up learning in this book, but so far, it's a good read ^^

Labels: book review

Had a lot of fun this weekend + being busy with the online class, but I got sick.

Not sure if it's just the leftovers of allergies, but not feeling well. Heavy. Headache. Stuffy nose.
Anyway, my sisters and I went to eat our grandparents'. Afterward, Jim went out with Nancy, Jen & Jo went to T4. I didn't go to T4 because I was feeling really heavy, so they dropped me off home to take a nap. I ate medicine and video called Robin. When he picked up, I just started crying.

I don't know why I was crying. Was it just all the stress finally hitting me? (But what would I be stressed about?) It wasn't even my usual tears falling, sniffling I-miss-him crying; it was straight up, I was bawling (contained, though), like I had all this pent up feeling released because I was finally "letting go." Or, I just was so sick I didn't have self-control over my emotions LOL or was it just the medicine?

Anyway, got back to SJ and did my quiz that I forgot to do.
Nose still stuffy even after Claritin. Starting to feel heavy and a headache coming on, so time to K.O. for the night.

So I realized just how much work I have to do this week, and how much is going on.

I don't have much to do; just the things I have to do take a bajillion years to finish. I've been cutting out so much of, like, eating time so yesterday and today, I started trembling at some point. Or more prone to trembling, woops. I know I'm all about self-care and everything, but even I will struggle to relax and make time to care for myself. Trying not to stress too much is also difficult.

As far as I see, I would be able to relax/reset after Wednesday. HNG.

Time for a little reset.
Not gonna lie, going to Irvine over spring break screwed me over. Sorta.

I have so much to do--not saying I won't get them done-- but I would have had some extra resting time to end the spring break. Instead, I'm rushing a couple different assignments at once. I just finished up an essay due Tuesday, so I don't stress about that, though I already know my way of prioritizing assignments is odd LOL Like, I do things that are due a little later, instead of doing ones that are due, say, tomorrow. Woops. But finishing that essay plus making my bed and doing the dishes and laundry made me feel really good about the day, and just overall productive.

A few tips to productivity!

1. Use a calendar for due dates/events. Use a memo pad/sticky notes, notes/stickies on laptop/phone for lists/to-do/notes/reminders.
2. Make a list of assignments due & note which ones are priority (or due soon) OR
3. Make another list to plan in what order you will do the assignments.
4. Before you start an assignment, write down the steps you'll do, if any. You can also do it for all your assignments, but it might feel overwhelming!
5. Do you have chores to do as well? Sprinkle them in between your homework assignments if possible.
6. Don't forget to schedule in breaks and breakfast/lunch/dinner. Get up and stretch!
7. Overall, do your assignments in chunks/over time :)

Spring break came and went. I spent spring break in Irvine, and it felt like nothing. I had to come back to SJ for work. A lot of (home)work to do; I did work for "Kaeru" instead of my homework ^^; I just flew back in this morning, then went to work and I am so sleepy right now. I don't even want to work aiyah. My eyes hurt.

Suddenly so busy that I can't keep up.

February is over, and March is here! We had our March Saturday Seminar, which is probably what made things seem so hectic. I get annoyed with work so easily as of late.

Schoolwork-wise, I think I'm still okay.
In order to graduate on time, I'm taking an online workshop in place of the class Raquel wanted me to take. I'm taking it on iAnimate with Ted Ty! :D I'm a little anxious about it, but also super excited! Can't wait to play with new rigs~

I did last minute FAFSA and last minute application to PIXAR. My résumé and website are decent but not I'm still not satisfied with it. Need to make some changes when I have time, but as soon as possible. (Visit my portfolio ^^ ) Blue Sky, Dreamworks, Laika, Nickelodeon, Disney. So many deadlines...

I've been easily irritated too, don't know why...

Woopee!
This weekend has been very productive! In a way. LOL
I did catch-up work on Friday before Blue Sky presentation. That made me feel better about next week's workload in general.

Can you believe? It's already the end of February! Which means, THREE more months 'til the end of this school year! Wow... time flies.

I'm slowly managing my time better than previous semesters. While juggling work and regular schoolwork, I'm also juggling volunteer work for "Kaeru," continuing a gym routine, and hoping to include time for personal artwork as well! I don't know where this sudden burst of motivation came from, probably from not stressing LOL

(Oh, also preparing portfolio/résumé for internships this summer.)

The result?
I did not get a free pin because I don't think Denise remembered that's what she said or she doesn't remember me LOL

I didn't get to spend a lot at SHM-con because Robin wouldn't let me HMPH.

Afterward, we went to Daiso, so I got to splurge a little more there. Keke
Then Jollibee for dinner & Happy Lemon ~ & he got taco truck burrito for dinner.

A pretty unproductive day. Uh-ohs. That means we gotta work twice, THRICE, more times harder.

~~
Goals:

1. Internship this summer ToT
2. Table at SHMCon 2020 (w/ Arlene?)
3. Open an online store
4. Do commissions
5. Do more ART!

Henlo!

A quick update before I start doing homework.
I'm still going to the gym! I don't remember if I already mentioned this, but I'm more focused at the gym now. Robin "set up" some routines for me, so I'm doing only those for this month. We'll see how that goes. Abs are starting to show! Just the belly pooch still covering it LOL I don't know how my calves are doing lol

Only the 3rd-ish week of school, and workload is still pretty steady. Starting to do things last minute still, but I can't anymore because *drumrolls* I'm working as an assistant (rough) animator for one of the BFA group's feature film! Their "company" is BISQUE, and their film is called "Kaeru." If you wanna know a little bit about it, here's their Kickstarter! The trailer (with music!) is coming out tomorrow, on Valentine's Day~ I'm super excited to be working with them, and omg they're so sweet and nice. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. 

**I just got a very loud alert for flood warning in SJ**

Jim had orientation for her training program at SJ & she stayed over at Linda's/Nancy's place, so I ended up sleeping over too! Haha Also had a little too much to eat the past 2 days, and boba. I wasn't supposed to have bobaaaaa ToT

Robin is coming tomorrow night to spend the V-day weekend~ Still gotta make the gift I had in mind. Hmmm. Also, SHM-con on Saturday! Actually wasn't planning to go, but I guess we are now lol Denise (director for Kaeru) was like, "stop by our booth & we'll give you a free pin." Woopeee! will I actually get one though? x'D

Anyway, time to work!

It is finally Friday! Y'all know what that means?

I get to rest from working out! _(:3_)\_
I have successfully gone to the gym every day this week. Sadly, I wasn't able to get that burn/soreness that I got from working out with Jessie last Friday. Probably because I was really testing this week and whatnot, and I didn't really have a routine. I was in and out within like 30 minutes to an hour. Usually.

Today I went to POP Pilates. I wasn't sure what I signed up for, and it's especially daunting going by myself. But it was all good. It was sprinkling when I went. At first I thought it was slightly embarrassing, but then of course, nobody is paying attention to you so it's whatever! Everyone's there to have a good workout, to have a good time. Not spending their time judging others. An hour went by faster than I thought. If you have a more targeted workout, even within an hour you'll feel the burn ;) I definitely know that I want to end the week with pilates. I also know I will be going to hip hop on Thursdays. (Yesterday I was warmly welcomed back to the club~ and I think I'm less awkward with some of the original crew members. About time!) Now, I just need to figure out how to break it down at the gym on Mon-Thurs... Probably will adjust my time with Jessie...

It's only been a week since I worked out, and I'm already looking for results LOL That's not gonna happen x'D I had to keep reminding myself, results don't show that fast >x< It's already February too! So we'll see if I can manage to keep this routine/habit up until the end of February. I should have logs for the beginning and end of the month. By the end of the month there should a little bit of results right?

Well, I definitely feel... good mood-wise. But overall, sore and tired haha

It's already the end of the month!

School was really only a week, but it feels so long already. Since last Friday, I've been going to gym-- except on weekends. Amazingly, I was able to go for the past 2 days, and today. I'm really sore, like everywhere. Because I'm going to the gym everyday (is the plan), I don't have any rest days except on the weekends. Also, probably only going to hip hop on Thursday, and taking a gym class on Fridays. Sounds like a plan.

I also need to figure out what areas I want to target. I was all over the place today so I felt "unsatisfied" I guess you can say. Well, I'll figure that out; I sorta know generally what I want to do.

This semester I'm taking an online class for screenwriting, storyboarding (118), advanced animation 3D (128B), and astronomy for my area R. I feel like this semester will be good. Let's bump that GPA up!

You can't expect to know how to do something without learning it and practicing (with) it.

It really is my own mindset's fault for always wanting to jump into new things, thinking I would ace it right from the get-go. This video was really cute and watching her paint made me just go, wow, she handles the watercolor so nicely. I want to do that one day. But like, I gotta actually do it to even get at her level LOL

I definitely set some resolutions this year around (I actually had goals in 2018 but I forgot about them & uh, totally failed all of them LOL) I guess I didn't start off too bad this year. Started off late, but I've been studying faces/heads this past week(?) I'm actually surprised by what I can do if I put in my best effort, or even just taking some time everyday to study haha. I have so many different topics that I want to study so hopefully my skills will show some improvement~

Don't push yourself to be the best right from the start. It takes time. Start with baby steps and you'll get to where you want to be... Eventually. ☺

Another "goal" or 2, that I want to work on this year is definitely to declutter more; not that I am ready for a complete minimalist life, but to just buy less stuff that are just "wants". And the other is, better schedules/planning! Of course, thinking about it is so much easier than actually doing it. But I want to start planning out what I want to spend my time on, when, for how long, etc. I wanna form good habits. Of course, I should be careful of just "planning" and forgetting to DO. (I actually really like all 3 quotes in that video!) This video though!

Anyway, here are the heads from the past week!


I'm actually glad to see that you can gradually see that my proportions etc. were not as far off as the 1st one ^^ Baby steps!

I have been thinking about whether I'm being mean at times... like some things I think about, things I say, my actions. Am I becoming toxic?

To be honest, it used to just sit in the back of my mind, sometimes popping to the forefront of my thinking. I came upon this video. Signs 4-6 made me really think about a lot of things Robin tells me. Like, he avoids drama because it's bad. He hardly uses social media. And he doesn't gossip, etc. (Even if he does mention a little, he'll catch himself & be like, I don't wanna talk about them) so I'm really glad I have him to check me. Sometimes, I just get heated. I just want to vent.

Sigh. I guess I'm just more aware & conscious...

I suddenly feel an urge to cry.

An overdue post for the new year.
Hope y'alls had a good start to the new year!

On New Year's, I met Robin's family at their family gathering. I would rather not say much about it other than... it left a bad taste in my mouth. I met his Lola (grandam), and she was so nice ToT -- a Light in the Darkness, a much needed angel (whether she was faking it or not ToT)
Let's just say, it put a lot on my mind...

I've been back and forth from Stockton, San Jose, and San Francisco. In the blink of an eye, winter break is almost over. To be honest, I haven't really done much. Hung out with friends for a day. Went studying with Robin and Andrew once. I wasn't really studying either; I was working on my portfolio website, and it's actually coming together pretty okay? I just need to cut some work out, decide which ones I want to post. I have a tendency to want to post everything ^^;

Right now I'm in SF because Jim got her shots & didn't want to drive. We'll be heading to Stockton tonight, and I'll be meeting w/ Steph & Jessica probably tomorrow. Didn't do much while I was here; slept really late and woke up really late. I did try to study how to draw the face and whatnot. I meant to draw the coffee cats too, but I was lazy to take out my sketchbook haha

My hair has grown past my collarbones. Surprisingly took about 6 months to grow out; we always thought my hair grew fast, but time is relative x'D (Speaking of, Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse was amazing~)

I really need to cut down on milk teas as well... oh yeah, I got my root canals done too.
Anyway, need to establish some New Year resolutions.

Woops, this post ended up being all over the place haha

It's okay to give up on your dreams

EDIT: This video has a lot of good pointers for art-related resolutions :D

Ahh, winter break started like 2 weeks back. Robin took me back home & right after we finished packing, the fam drove out to LA for Disneyland!

We stayed at the hotel for 3 days and nights. We just explored, walked a lot, & took a lot of photos around LA. It was ridiculous haha we woke up super sore everywhere. Disneyland was meh. It was pretty and all but the lines were so long & there were so many peopleeee ToT I really wanted a plush Minnie ears headband or a Disneyland sweater but so priceyyy lol

On Christmas Day, we hurried back home for dinner. Thought grandparents already started eating but they didn't, and I had to meet Robin too. So we had to eat for another hour. But we only ended up seeing each other for an hour or so because it was around 8PM by the time we could meet & he was getting sleepy. What a Christmas right? So to make up for it, just like the 4th of July, we planned to meet in the morning to see the sunrise. Afterward, we had breakfast at Yum Yum Donuts. He dropped me off & I went back to sleep because it was too cold lol I woke up around 3 and we went out again. We were out together all day, & picked up Jo too. We went to the mall, and apparently parents went out to the mall too. It was getting late at the mall, & the police ended up coming because some kids were causing problems outside the mall. All the stores pulled down their gates. So we went to the other mall to escape it. But then they came over to the other mall & we got locked in Best Buy. Ended up leaving soon after.

Haven't been blogging much due to not having time to be on the computer and whatnot.
Well, there's other things that happened too, but eh, I don't even know what haha Welp, tomorrow we are going to watch "Into the Spiderverse" with the crew~ (Oh yeah, Robin & I watched "Ralph Wrecks the Internet" when we were still in SJ & we stayed for the after credits. We were the only people in the theater & the people had to wait for us to leave to clean the theaters. The after credits was only the bunny trailer but still)

This weekend we all went back to Stockton...

Sunday, December 9, 2018 was the last day Bobby was with us. We took him to the vet and he went to sleep so peacefully. At first he was scared because we weren't in the room with him, but when they readied him and let us in, he slowly calmed down and stopped shaking. Jen was already bawling, and Bobs was looking at her like, what's wrong? He knew (probably). It was a painless sleep for him... and he is probably a lot happier right now. I hope he is.

It hit all of us hard the moment the vet gave him the sleeping solution. We could not stop crying. I wonder what went on in Bob's head... did he wonder why he was getting sleepier? Did he try to fight off the sleepiness?

This was the first time I was actually there. When Espey was put to sleep, I think last year, I was still in school so I couldn't make it. It really is difficult...

We are all fine, for now. I think it's still too early to think about Bob, but in due time, we'll be able to reminisce and talk about him just fine, like we do with Espey.

May you rest in peace my precious dorky pup <3

Labels: Bobby

Wowww it's MAYYYYY.
...
Shocking.
Graduating in a few weeks. HNG. 

We're almost done with our thesis project! It's coming along so wellll~ We saw a preview of what cuts we have rendered, and... it's so nice!?? I was getting emotional -- I don't know if it's because we're almost done? because it just looks so nice with the lighting/texture/music? because the story is getting to me again? I don't know, but I know I just feel very proud of being able to work with the team I ended up with. I finished lighting and rendering my shots, so I'm working on our thesis presentation video. Wheee more editing in After Effects~ 

Last week, the Huion tablet Robin got me for graduation also arrived~ Drawing on it was quite satisfying keke.

Ironically to that, yesterday we had a fight on our way to Stockton. It's been months since we had a fight. But we are good. Again. As usual lol

I gotta start applying for jobs again. I have one "contract/freelance" job? in the talks right now. It's only a project for the summer. Other jobs/internships were mostly cancelled due to Covid, but I feel like there's more time to get some different shots in my reel (I have some ideas of what I want to do -- creature, game, action...) and I've been actively uploading to my art channel. I did lag a few times 'cause I just got too busy to edit hehe. 

I am so sleepy right now for some reason...
Quarantine got me working non-stop on my laptop so I be staring at these monitors for hours on end. Maybe that's why my eyes are tired...

Today is technically the last day for animating anything for the portfolio half of BFA. Just submitted things for BFA gallery too.
We are finally lighting and rendering for thesis. Hopefully we can be done by May. Oof. We don't really have that much time. I think we actually wanted to finish in April, but of course, animation took longer. And I think we still have 1 or 2 shots that need to be finished animating.

Became a lighter and renderer lolol
Lighting is pretty fun when you get things to work the way you want it too. And if the computer doesn't complain too much about the work LOL

This week went by fast. And kinda crazy...

We were informed yesterday that Dr. Lovell passed away in his sleep Tuesday night. It's crazy... He even tested negative for COVID-19, but it's possible the test wasn't accurate? Anyway, it was such a shock... I was so lost.. how to feel.. what to feel... It was hard for the team (who worked with him the longest) to process... Arlene was staring into space.. I was trying to find some distraction.. I couldn't help but think about the whole ordeal and ended up crying. He was a jolly guy... as much as he made our job difficult sometimes ^^; he was still a great guy...
It's crazy...

I've been watching a lot of calming vlogs, watching people cook their meals, etc. And I saw this one Youtuber cooking a super simple toast sandwich and another one making a simple fried rice. I've been making sandwiches. They're all right heh.

And today I finally made some fried rice since we had some leftover rice. Made with salad mix, spam, bell pepper, egg, and soy sauce, with oil of course, and some garlic powder (since I don't have garlic LOL). I don't have have any soy sauce or oyster sauce here at Robin's, but we saved the soy sauce packets from Panda Express so I used that. It was surprisingly pretty good!

Took an early shower. My face's been oily... my dandruff's come back. Yikes. 
Jen sent care packages with cleaning spray, face masks, and masks xD Gonna reset after this thesis meeting with a face mask~

Also, Pluralsight is offering courses for free this April, so I'll try to cram as many classes as possible LOL

It rained all day today...
How long as it been? I don't even know but I'm done staying in the room ToT *sigh* when is this over...

But anywho, the past few days, I was able to do some figure drawing practice. Which is good! Because it was never a habit I had. Hopefully, after this quarantine, I'd have better art habits + new skills + improvement!

As I said, it's definitely the time to start new things. I've picked up Blender. I've started to post more on my art Youtube (secret for now, as my content is still bleh) and my art Instagram. Really just trying to break out of my comfort zone and trying to loosen up. I'm always thinking about how "not perfect" something is, but in reality, nothing is perfect. There's no "correct" way of drawing, etc, yet I can't forgive myself for doing it "wrong." But what's right or wrong?

The videos I've posted right now have no audio. I'm not in the best place to be recording audio and stuff. Can't wait to move out~ though I think I'll probably be going back to Stockton for a while... or just move in with Robin. I don't know yet. Am I gonna find a job? I don't know either heh.

Spring break was last week, and it went by so fast. I really did take a break from homework. Probably only did a homework on 2 separate days.

Robin and I don't really like cooking at his place, so we worked out this quarantine thing -- without going out to eat -- by going to my place twice a week and cooking enough for 3-4 days. The 1st week, we went out to eat twice, and he tends to be a little lazy in cooking. Plus, he thinks I cook slow. (Well, I mean, I have to prep everything myself and cook everything at the same time. sooo *shrug* I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of balancing everything though.) It'd be so much easier if we had our own place.

I just spent this morning cooking while he worked at my place. That was like 3ish hours? I also made myself some milk tea with pearls, but 1) pearls weren't sweet enough, 2) the tea wasn't strong enough. LOL At least the pearls didn't harden this time.

It rained yesterday afternoon. That was nice.
We also finished "Crash Landing on You" last night, and I cried so much for the last 2 episodes, my heart hurt and I gave myself a headache LOL It's such a good drama~ plus the OST is *chef's kiss*

Well, it's back to work now. I gotta do stuff for SJAWP, but Jane hasn't sent me anything yet, so I can't really do anything :p I'm almost done with my shots for thesis, so hopefully I can finalize them for Tuesday and I can focus on portfolio..

Yesterday, Bay Area counties announced the shelter-in-place. Basically a lockdown.

School instruction moved online. Currently working from home. Robin is also working from home now. I am just at his place. Just did some work, and gonna do some homework now. So hard to live here though LOL because it doesn't feel as clean, in both our perspectives. We usually cook at my place, but so we don't need to drive back and forth everyday, we brought the groceries here so I guess we cooking here until the shelter-in-place lets up and/or the Covid19 recedes and whatnot. Ah, it'd be easier to have our own place ToT (which, surprisingly, my mom was like, that's fine? lol after I graduate, at least)

Trying to manage the new hires from home is difficult. Response is also quite slow. Our work inbox has been... chaotic. 

You'd think being stuck home is fun, but when you're told to stay home, you just want to rebel (not talking about me xD) I have so many things I want to do-- could be doing-- but I've only been doing (home)work. I want to do some other art stuff/read but I haven't?

Well, it's not just all work. Robin and I are watching "Crash Landing On You" LOL It's good. 

I'm waiting in the Student Involvement center for my thesis meeting. Afterward, I have to go to work until 5. And then~ Robin's taking me to McDonald 'cause I've been craving a shamrock shake~

Davinci Resolve is currently rendering my video. It sure lags my laptop. Not to mention; I really need to clean out my laptop LOL programs & files. I might just take all my files to render on the Alienware PC. Either that, or have it rendering on my laptop but I can't be using it/have other programs open.

You know when the semester gets hectic when my desktop gets full of docs. LOL I kinda cleaned it up by shoving everything in folders, within folders. Bad tactic, but it clears my mind for a while, until I have time to actually go through my files.

--welp. Davinci just crashed on me for a second time. I might just taking all editing/rendering of videos (not on iMovie) to the PC. I'll have to make do with what I've got until I move out of my apartment and have my own "studio" set up.

1.  Editing/rendering on PC (video files + Maya files)
2. "Konmari" my digital files (hard drives, laptop, USBs...)
3. "Konmari" my physical stuff (when I move out to somewhere else? & when I can have all my trash in one place with me LOL)
4. #toonme #dtiys challenges
5. dA Original Character Contest
6. Learn Blender (modeling/animation)
7. Learn lighting & particles (Maya)
8. Keep sketching! from photos, life etc.
1. STUDY -- master paintings, other artist styles... etc.
9. Own style...
10. Character design!
1. OC, persona...
2. Redo character design from Cameron's class... + story beat.
11. Online store!
1. Designs > create!
2. Cricut, printer
3. Supplies...

Today was the primary elections, and I voted~ I actually felt pretty good about it heh. Like, a sense of completion lol.

Recently been selling some stuff on the SJSU app. I'm surprised I got hits haha
Also been craving something to drink a lot, like coffee or milk tea, but I'm trying not to spend ToT

We went to PIXAR last Friday. That was cool.
BFA Animation is also starting our Blue Sky workshop (animators from Blue Sky leading an assignment) so that's gonna be fun 🙃 I feel like I wouldn't be too nervous since I took a workshop with Ted from Dreamworks lol But I probably will.
I've kinda been skipping thesis meeting 'cause I haven't worked on my shot. Big woops. Been kinda working on the merch for SHMcon, which I'm very proud of ✌️

I've also printed my first business card! Even though the design was super simple. Created my first sticker designs (even though they're not mine) and gonna be tabling for the first time! All these first times, but not even for me lol It's a great first time though, without me wasting money LOL can't wait to get my own online store set up wheeee (when?)

Made my new dance cover live this week. Robin's been telling me to start my Youtube channel. I mean, I have already? but I should be consistent. I don't know what the content would be though? I have a general idea; like Laura Price, except as an animator. There are so many animation tutorials, I don't know if I would do those. But anyway, maybe I'll just ease in to a "style."

Oh! and I've updated my website at here~ I really like the look of it; simple etc. Look at my sheep "logo"! I wonder if I can develop it into a brand lol
Website and domain name so $$$. Better be worth it :p

Peace out. Jumped the meeting as soon as it ended LOL yikes.
Lots of work for this week ToT

Did a little more journaling today before I start working. It's super chilly in my room, and as always, my hands are icy (for some odd reason, my right hand is chillier than my left, even though I'm using my right lol)

I also can't stop thinking about how my hair is getting thinner. I can feel the back of my head. Usually, I can't even touch the base of my head but now I feel right through my hair, touching my skull. Definitely thinner. And I want to believe that it's just temporary. When the weather gets warmer, my hair will grow back -- like a plant LOL I read that sudden hair loss can be from previous high stress level situations (ie. the fights I had with Robin? school?) All that could be attributing to my hair loss now. I do remember once in the shower, I pulled out sooo much hair, and it was surprising because I've never had that much hair loss in the shower.

Anywho, did a little more journaling just to keep my mindset straight. Started to look in to minimalism seriously. You know, we all grow a little.

I found Kyra by chance, and I really enjoy her videos so far. She was very reassuring about just starting small, and she hit so many points of what I was thinking about starting minimalism, ie. decluttering every aspect of your life, what minimalism really means (well, this apparently has different meanings for anyone practicing minimalism, but how she proposed questions about it got me thinking what I want minimalism to mean for me).

Minimalism for beginners

Just spent the day with the fam.

We went to Great Mall to shop for a bit -- Daiso, Forever 21, and Body Shop.
(Since I've been having issues with my hair, I ended up getting a ginger shampoo from Body Shop. So far, my hair feels light and soft :3 but people say their hair gets flatter sooner and their hair is drier unless they use a good conditioner. I didn't use conditioner with it so we'll see.)

Afterward, we went to Cupertino since Jo wanted to go to JSJ Street Kitchen. It was aight, though their mochi donut was not as good as Le Creme's; it had more bread around the mochi.

Corn dogs with sweet rice batter

Went to TenRen for the first time, and Johnny (SHM classmate) was working. He ended up giving us a free upsize + big discount (was only $2!) + 9 stamps LOL Then the fam went shopping at 99 Ranch.

I don't want to be all words, and no action (is that the correct phrase? lol) so I spent about 2 hours planning out my new year.

Well, I haven't planned out much, more like organizing myself & taking notes.
There's still so much I need to write down. I have yet to list everything I want to accomplish from my mind. From there, I need to start prioritizing better (where's my bullet journal LOL)

For now, I'm using one of my sketchbooks. No more excuses--because you don't need a dedicated journal for goal-setting etc.

I'ma go make lunch, and I'll get back to actually planning for 2020.
Here's a list of videos I watched for inspiration/motivation.

• How to Set Goals
• How to Plan Your Life (this the main one I used to begin goal-setting)
• 10 Resolutions for Artists (had some good beginning goals for me)
• Vivid Vision (I didn't follow this, but I think it's good to know)
• minimalist habits
• Plan with me: Lavendaire & Maya Lee (will be watching these 2 when I'm planning)

**For Christmas, the family spent a night and 2 days in Monterey~ the boyfriend-o joined for aquarium day :3
--
Happy New Year!

Wow... just when you start getting used to writing 2019, it's already 2020.
Last year's resolutions? Yeah, don't know where those went. As usual lol.
Here's an obligatory New Year's post before I go do some work.
.
.
.

Robin went home for NY, and I didn't want to go, so I was dropped off at my apartment. I spent about an hour cleaning and dusting? Might as well do some New Year cleaning :) And then I showered since I didn't last night.

The new year's come, but is anything different?
I feel like it is, more so than the years before. Or maybe I'm just more aware. Any case, I'm talking about myself and the way I think about things. It's hard to put in words, but I feel like the 2019-end-me is definitely grown a lot. Yet, I'm still me. How very odd. I guess I'm just having more of a revelation... and seeing as I only have 1 semester left before graduating, the time to adult is coming closer.

There's also a lot of things I've learned about myself this past year. There's things I want to change about myself, but that's definitely gonna be hard.
I still dress like a kid, not that I'm ashamed because a t-shirt and jeans are comfy, but sometimes, I want to dress nicely too (but where's the fashion sense? LOL)

I want to do something about the urge to buy things... buying things and not using them...

There's also the need to take care of myself. Not that I don't right now. But even more so. I sleep little earlier now, just because Robin sleeps early.
I took my thick hair for granted and now look who's balding (I don't really know, but my sisters said my hair got thinner. I shed a lot more than usual during showers. My hair part is kind of wider than usual, and apparently that's a sign for women balding *shrug*) So I'm taking some hair supplements; it does seem to have lessened the shedding. I'm just going to be gentler with my hair.

And that all ties in to better habits.

I think I need a journal LOL or I mean, a sketchbook works.
Here's to a new year of improvement and good habits and health-- and wealth, why not xD

It's finally the end of the 1st semester!

No lie, it felt short haha but I'm excited for my next and last semester! Again, I'll be taking 2 classes. Along with BFA pt.2, I'll be helping out with my program coordinator's shorts production as a "green ninja" ;)

Yesterday I finished my modeling final of Zeraora, and I'm pretty proud of it! I really didn't think it'd come out as good as it did haha but yesterday didn't come without its fight.

And by fight, I mean with the boy-o.
Yesterday was the reddest my eyes were ever. Maybe because I was rubbing it so much.
Right now, it's still stinging a little. And dry.
I couldn't even tell if I was hyperventilating/anxiety overload or if that's just the way I cry ^^;

Well anywho, I don't want to think about it anymore.
---

I'm excited to table at SHM-con next Spring! I don't get to table my own stuff (psh, what stuff LOL) but I can get some experience tabling for my thesis project, and I just have all these ideas~
I'm still busy with my BFA final (because I neglected that for thesis LOL) and of course, thesis work over winter break.

I'll have a break for Christmas and will be home the week of~ but then I'm back in SJ for the grind 🙃
Can I get a Cricut already LOL

I just found out Jackson's I love you 3000 was a collab with Stephanie Poetri LOL that's why Jackson's was the "Chinese" version.

Anyway, I guess I was kind of reflecting on myself. Not really? lol
I realized I focused a lot better with my headphones, so time to bring my cat headphones here.
I'm back at the gym, but skipped yesterday haha.
I'm also so bad at doing my covers LOL I learned 3 dances halfway. Hello? where's the cover? LOL ma bad ^^;

Well, while procrastinating, this was recommended on my Youtube. It made me cry ^^; 
& then I found their series "Love at First Swipe" which was pretty cute haha

Ah, I procrastinated some more. Time to get working.

I was just watching my old covers. Wow... I was thicc LOL
And then I compared to my Chungha "Snapped" cover. To be honest, I didn't see too much change (but I was feeling myself during Chungha's cover ok LOL) until Jen's friend was commenting on my cover to her, & that I got skinnier. Like, wow, I did x'D

Ever since I gymmed every day last year (?) I do think I am less critical of myself. I still have my tummy & calves insecurity but otherwise, I think I'm feeling quite satisfied with my body now. 

Definitely not saying everyone should try to be model-skinny, but it's definitely whatever you're feeling satisfied with. As long as you can love yourself :)

Alan Walker - Lily
Happy hallows!

An update to my last post: my parents adopted a 2 year-old Husky named Luna. Just the other day though, she ate slug poison *facepalm* Took her to the vet, she stayed the night, and she's home now. There goes $840, and she hasn't even been home for a week OTL ^^; She is still a puppy though. Need lots of training.

Just finished doing some work stuff at home. Gonna squeeze in some homework stuff before heading to the office. Got a leadership meeting later today.

Also started going to the gym again (literally started yesterday LOL) and am going again with Jessie. I'm sorta sore today, but not as sore as I thought I'd be.

Anywho, it's gotten chillier. Y'alls keep warm! And the air quality is bad in some areas, so if you're affected, stay safe/healthy!

I haven't listened to my blog music in a while, haha.

If you've seen my post, you already know that Reno passed away a couple weeks back. Luckily, I went home the day before he passed, so I was able to see him one last time. Robin regrets not giving Reno more pets ^^; Reno liked his pets; they're like massages to him.

Right now, my parents are looking to adopt another dog. It's ironic when my mom was like, after they're gone, no more pets. But after Bobby and Reno left, she said she felt unsafe at home ^^;
Mango has also been making frequent appearances in the house, and my mom really doesn't care anymore. In fact, she finds him amusing haha such a derpy cat.

I'm feeling quite stressed this week, but I think I can make myself feel less stressed. I've been working on this animation for like 4 weeks? and the final final is due this Friday. I'm so caught up in the small details that I'm not making much progress. I just need to not get hung up on the "perfection" of it, and give the animation an overall finesse.
And, guess who fell behind in Inktober...

Also, Robin found a job, so he's finally busy & I can finally go back to the gym. We snack too much 🙃

I guess it's catching up time.

I think 2 weeks ago I was feeling overwhelmed. I had quite a few bad days regarding school, but I think I picked it up again and am on track so it's all good now. You'd think I'd be less stressed/packed with only 2 classes; somehow it's even more stressful & busy lol
Our last modeling exercise was David's ear. I actually worked on it over the span of 3 days, submitted it 2 days early, and felt pretty good about it and not as stressed. That felt good. Not procrastinating feels good LOL so last week, since we didn't have BFA class, we had alumni come in as substitutes. And I didn't get to work on my animation, so I didn't turn in anything. Now I'm working on it bit by bit. Hopefully it'd be good enough by Friday.

Work is okay. Hired 2 new people and training them now.

As always, watching Youtube videos and getting motivated to do shizz. It's Inktober~ so I'm gonna try. Again. lol. Plus, I wanted to start working on Python, since that works with Maya and at our ILM tour, they said it's a bonus to know Python & rigging.

Off I go~

"Knowledge builds confidence."

"This freeing experimental stage is important because many of us are scared of experimenting in case we make mistakes or develop designs that don't work and stop our momentum. We are also held back by our knowledge of what we think works and put ourselves off trying something new because we are unsure of the results."

"This shows that happy accidents do happen, and that drawings belong on paper, and not in a head full of false assumptions."

"No first drawing is ever perfect, and if you think it is, draw ten more versions and you will see that it wasn't!"

fack.

I'm so mad right now and I don't know why. Every little thing is pissing me off and I can't cool down.
Okay. More like, some things annoyed me this morning, then more things annoyed me afterward to the point where I'm straight up mad.

It's like things are constantly annoying/bothering me. There was nothing in between that took my mind off things so now I'm just pissed. Someone bring me a dog.

FACK.

I just want to punch a wall. Gosh, I feel so frustrated I want to cry, but I can't 'cause I got class in 3 hours and I'm in the student union right now.

Ugh. Am I hangry? because my stomach keeps growling.
Where's a stress ball when you need one. Yeah, maybe I'm just stressed. And it's probably not school; well, only a small portion of it.


~sorry about the negative posts lately~

It's been a week or so since I last posted.
(And speaking of posting, I still haven't done a cover. oops)

Last week has been sort of bad...? for some reason. And really, it's because things have been feeling a little off. Or, been going wrong...
Okay, I'm exaggerating lol Literally only 2 (3) things went wrong, but that's enough to throw me off. Last Wednesday, I somehow--some time-- lost my pencil from Korea (Yonsei Uni pencil that Jim got me ToT) and I really don't get how! The only time I used it was during my modeling class, but I am pretty sure I packed it away. And then, I didn't take it out again. Even Arlene said it wasn't there when she left class. Either I took it out some other time & don't remember (the only other time I took out my pencil case --but not the pencil!-- was later in the day, in the same classroom, at a different seat) or I did leave it in the classroom, & someone picked it up. Well, sadly, I wasn't able to find it.

And then, apparently I lost my hair tie, one that I keep on my wrist because it's a really good hair tie, the night of. The last thing I remember of it was untying my hair before I showered. And I'm pretty sure I put it on my table, though Robin said I handed it to him, and he put it down in the restroom probably. The thing is, my housemates left similar hair ties on the doorknob. I looked through them all but none of the hair ties felt right. And I know, all right.

Another thing, though not mine, was Robin losing Misha's Clipper Card when they were moving out of her apartment. He didn't remember where he put it, & it bothered me that we couldn't find it.

On top of all that, I also messed up the due dates for assignments, so now they're late. Luckily, shouldn't be much impact.

I can't help but keep feeling sad about it, but I'm trying to pull myself out of the slump. I was pretty successful, though the negative feelings come back when I have time to think about it again. I am learning to let things go though.

Yesterday and today has been mentally/emotionally rough.

Well, not to mention, yesterday was the first day of school :) Not that that was rough lol Relatively easy start to the new school year. It was my Intermediate Modeling class & our professor told us to model a Pokéball lol He wanted to see where we were. To be honest, I was pretty frustrated because I couldn't get it the way I wanted. Like, I knew how I should go about it, but I wasn't familiar enough with the modeling aspect of Maya. It's been two years? since I last modeled in Maya lol Even though I tried to make Yuta but that didn't work.

Anyway, it was rough because Robin and I had a big fight. Sorta? Well, it was definitely tense. This is probably the 2nd or 3rd time we were close to ending it. Well, I don't feel like going into details since it probably only makes sense between us two. And things are fine now.

My skin is so bad, so I'm masking right now. My hair seems all dead and dried out, so I made sure i refreshed that too. My Body Shop purchases came in, but I haven't opened it yet. I got Jojoba Oil for blackheads per Una's video; I don't know if it worked? It didn't feel like it did haha Also, when my skin is bad, my pores tend to enlarge. Yikes. 

Aight, got an early & long class tomorrow. Housemates are outside gaming x'D Sounds like a party. Speaking of which, they're partying tomorrow lol I feel bad that I haven't really joined them in any activities; not because I don't want to, but I usually have something else to attend to. 
Arlene said there's a boba shop in the Student Union now? Hm...

Shikki is currently chilling behind me because she decided to steal my chair.

Anywho, I was looking up skincare thingamajigs due to a chance encounter on UNA's youtube channel. Her explanation of skin troubles and solutions made skincare seem easy. Skincare routines always seemed a little complex for me because people are just showing off their products and they may or may not explain how said products target specific areas/issues. I use random products that I feel "target" what I want, but then again, I don't really see much long term change; and that's my fault because I don't have a routine.

I guess what I'm most confused about is, what is cleansing? exfoliating? toners?
I'm starting to understand exfoliation. Meanwhile, cleansing/toners I'm still like, meh, do I need this? I do have a Follain skincare set that I got using Rowena's code lol I was curious! And actually, it came with a little card with steps. So I finally figured out the "correct" order of things: cleanse, exfoliate, tone, moisturize. When you put it that way, things seem easier! Now you just need to find the correct "type" for your skin type. This may seem stupidly simple, but I was never one to do makeup or do any extravagant skincare. I've been doing makeup occasionally, and it did seem to get a little easier. And if I plan to do makeup even more, I feel I should delve into this "beauty" world more.
(On a note, my eyes tend to dry out/sting when I use makeup. I even had a stye once, which I believed to be from the makeup. Just one day, blinking made my eye hurt LOL it eventually went away before Robin's graduation LOL Was slightly concerned about using makeup so soon after xD)
My face is a combination skin type. I thought tea tree was going to be good enough because I thought I had only oily skin type (I kept thinking I was either combo or oily lol but that explanation of combo skin reaffirmed my thoughts). Not saying it's not good to use if you have combo skin haha. It is good for targeting blemishes though.

Anyway, I was looking at all these products, and it's starting to confuse me again haha Oh, also, watch this :)

If you don't know what you're passionate about, follow your curiosity.

That doesn't surprise me because I also believe that, but I was never to contain the idea into one clear sentence. 

Today was a pretty long day.
We couldn't sleep last night; well he was too excited about it to sleep. I just couldn't sleep, probably 'cause we napped plus I had milk tea a few hours before bed ^^;

Robin & I were out since this morning in San Mateo where he had his interview. I was at a milk tea/café/bistro called "Cup of Blooms" and it was the cutest aesthetic (though I could do w/o the flowers LOL) I happened to be matching with my pink floral romper lol I was there for 5 hours; we had an iced vanilla latte at first, then in the last hour I got a brown sugar boba milk tea. I made the mistake of not mixing it immediately so it was not sweet enough for me LOL though I don't know if mixing it then or later would've made any difference? Their brown sugar was not completely melted to just syrup because you can still see brown sugar crystals? I don't know.

I was pretty productive, I guess you could say. Did some office work--emails, links etc-- and worked on my last iAnimate project. Then I did some practice head sketches. I attempted to use cheap watercolors on one of them, but I totally thought it was my mixed media sketchbook; it was my 'sketch' sketchbook so the paper didn't really hold up. whoops ^^;

Ah, I'm kinda tired of cafés/going out just to have a place to work. Yesterday we were at Happy Lemon (for like the bajillionth time). I finished sending out like 4 production intern applications because Robin kept nagging me to. I was working on my website as well, but I wasn't really satisfied with anything I did. After I got home that night, I decided to finish editing my website, and I finally got it to something I was satisfied with. Though I may still decide to make my website from scratch with Robin's help? Haha

I'm pretty sleepy right now, but my stomach is too full from the curry udon (also, mouth is dry as heck because it was so oily/salty), and the coffee + milk tea from earlier ^^; Guess I'll work on the SJAWP website. Don't really feel like working on other stuff.

Waah these past couple of days have been way too hot. Luckily, my new apartment is less hot because it's shaded. Still hot on the 3rd floor though.

Got my new earbuds today! Raycon E50. Connection is fast, audio is clear & good enough for me. Sadly, the audio for phone calls isn't as clear as I had hoped for, though Jojo said she could hear me; it just sounded like if I was taking the call through the car's connection/the phone was on speaker & I was slightly away. Not too disappointing for $68, and it stays in my ear! I was worried it'll fall out lol but now I can use it for dance practice~

Robin went home for the weekends, and he came back sick. He didn't even know he was sick. I thought he was just tired the night he drove back to me, & we had plans to go to SF. Good thing we didn't. We only found out he was sick the next morning. Yikes, and he has an on-site interview Friday. Hopefully he gets better by Wednesday, at least. His temperature today kept fluctuating, and he was in bed all day. Well, it seems he's feeling better. In any case, we can't be certain if it'll go away so fast. So today, I woke up early 'cause he was here. Then the rest of the day I spent nursing him LOL well, he napped, and I went in to the office for a short while. I didn't get to do anything for self-study etc. though. 

Internships are opening. So far, Cartoon Network and Dreamworks Production internships are open. Also, Neko Productions has a full-time opening for 2D animation x'D Might as well apply, but there's no deadlines so I don't know when's the latest I can submit. Guess you just gotta do it early lol

I worked on my LinkedIn the other day (we've been spending too much $$ and time out at cafés and stuff LOL) Ahh, productive procrastination LOL Oh, I've also started doing PokéFusions; simple, fun, de-stressing. 

Can you believe it's already been 1 year since I've been in a relationship? Time sure flies.

July 3/4 is our anniversary (technically the 4th is our anniversary since we weren't official until like 12am LOL but he didn't want a holiday anniversary x'D). We didn't do anything special yesterday, ironically we got in a fight in the morning of. Later that night, we went out with Andrew, Samantha, and Linda to play the Switch at Linda's. It was really fun. A little awkward with them though.

Since this relationship, I found out a lot about myself. Our habits and perception of life is really different--sometimes even opposite--but a lot of times, we agree. We've actually had quite a lot of fights during this 1 year, about 2 really big ones I think. Even within this year, I still feel like there's a lot of things we can learn from each other. While we managed to get past all our fights, thinking about the future makes me worry that it might not be so. People change. Things in happen in life. Our tolerance, our patience. They won't be the same.

Welp, we can't do anything about the future, so I guess you gotta just go with the flow.

It's been a busy few weeks, from Stockton, to Irvine, to SJ, to Stockton, to SJ. Robin's been with me/I was over in Irvine, so I haven't gotten to touch my tablet/do digital drawing in a while. Definitely miss it lol :')

On top of that, I still had my online class and work.
Speaking of which, today was the last day of my class. It was quite bittersweet, but it's been fun and now I can finally have time to myself. I've also started going back to the gym (I mean, it was only 2 days LOL) At the end Ted was like, keep in touch, feel free to add him on LinkedIn & Facebook. Woop woop, there's a connection xD >> I was going to write a more in-depth reflection of the 11 weeks but I am so tired ^^; so I'll just try to wrap up this post fast. It's only 9:30pm, oi vey.

All of us, except Biri, are in the process of moving out. It's a good thing I started packing way early and moved most of my belongings back home. Even the few things I have left here, plus the stuff in the kitchen, is quite a lot to move. I'm trying to figure out what things I will most definitely need at my new apartment + a few things I would want with me. Some stuff I know I don't want --but are still good to use!-- I don't want to just trash them, but it's hard to sell LOL, so I guess everything is going to donation. Hmph. Anyway, I think I'm pretty much ready to leave... I just need to disassemble the bed, table, and chair. Pack my lamps and drawers, and go. Since it's only 1 year there, hopefully I can keep belongings to a minimum while I'm there. I still don't know if I want to take a car there... 

Yesterday, the family went to the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz. It was meh LOL I couldn't even take pictures in the cabin because our guide only gave us 8 minutes, so everyone was "fighting" to get the photo spots. After the tour, we got some nice bumper stickers xD We have so many lol There was a hiking trail outside, so we hiked it, but since it was getting late, parents didn't want to keep hiking (also, they tired) so they walked a little ways then went back down. Jobee was missing hiking so we ended up hiking the whole thing. She and Jim kept sliding on the loose dirt xD I had to walk "manly" --in my romper-- in order to not slip haha For dinner we went to ASJ Restaurant and had some Taiwanese based food, quite pricey, might I add.

The boyfriend's back in Stockton, busy with his aunts. Not even 10 yet and I'm sleepy. Probably gonna knock out soon. It was pretty hot today. I need to plan the best schedule/routine where I can go to work, study in the library, go to the gym... I mean I can study in the SRAC but do I want to... LOL they don't got cool A/C. And I don't think I want to go study after working out... or maybe that'll work... HMMM

Side note, I still haven't done another cover. It's too hot to practiceeee lol I really need to schedule out covers or else I won't do them ^^;
Here's a current song/video I've been listening/watching! Dreamcatcher - Speechless

I've never really had a favorite milk tea place, other than Happy Lemon I guess? But we found a gem in Santa Ana xD

I spent a week back in Stockton and got to hang out with some friendos. Jessica's got a new manz and they're so cute. You can tell how happy Jessica is when she talks about him :3 (before they became official) and it's just so cute keke Jessie wasn't there, but her Snapchat responses were too funny and then the group chat at night was hilarious xD

On top of that, Saturday June 1, sisters and I went with friends to Castle di Amorosa again for Tong's wedding proposal. It was a success! :3 Jim was videographer using Alin's GoPro, and he assigned me to be co-photographer. It seemed to them that I was just practicing photography with Alin, which really isn't a surprise and of course wouldn't raise much suspicion. Considering Jim and I are always doing videos and filming so it's not that suspicious that Jim is videoing lol (it's only suspicious because she's using Alin's GoPro). But anyway, Alin said I got some good shots! Too be honest, I had no idea what I was supposed to be taking ^^; Alin focused on Nancy/Tong pics, so I was kinda taking pics of other people at the same time. Took some good ones of Susan! Apparently, I was supposed to be taking shots at different angles while Alin stood at the "forefront" taking the official ones XD (which, to be honest, would make for pretty boring photos because they're straight at them--not saying they won't be good! because Alin takes really great photos either way) but I didn't know until after everything that I was taking "angle" photos lolol Instinctively I did though lol

The past few days we were trying to clean up the room. Mainly, I was just trying to find/declutter my stuff, but our clothes took too long ^^; but we did end up collecting all the clothes we didn't want & ready for donation. Doesn't feel like too much but when you look back at everything we did end up cleaning & packing away, it feels good :3 Now, just gotta wait for the next time I go back to keep cleaning. We really have too much stuff and get attached LOL the other 3 aren't very good at cleaning up in my opinion haha Our closet was so messy that whenever we did laundry, there was no room to put them, but that's only because the other clothes were messily put so space was taken up.

My online class has been pretty good! Sadly it'll be over in about 3 weeks. Surprisingly, the class was more different than I expected? I thought we'd have more to put in our demo reel, but so far, we only have one. (The first assignment was basically to push us, to show us what he expects, and for him to evaluate us, I guess, and he said no one's was demo reel-ready for that assignment) I kind of want to take more classes, but $1600+ is a little... ^^;

I'm currently at the airport awaiting my flight to Irvine. I thought TSA was gonna be a hassle, but the guy just had to check my backpack/duffel because I had food LOLOL buns & sticky rice xD Got to the airport pretty early because Jen had to go back to Daly City to hang out with Issac before work. I was at the airport like 4 hours early, got ripped off at Starbucks too but that's more my fault lol

On a side note, I shoulddddd have 2 covers? Well, I plan to lol

A while back I checked out a few books from the library because I wanted to get back into reading, back into the days when I could go into another world. I ended up being so busy that I didn't have time for those books and ended up returning them. I did flip through this book, How to Thrive in a World of Too Much Busy by Tony Crabbe, and I couldn't bear to return it already, so I kept it. I finally started reading it. And what he says in the preface really resonates with me. I actually had quite a few things I would've liked to summarize here, but I kept reading and now there's too much I want to say haha so if you want to know the full story, pick up the book ;)

We are never not busy. We are always doing something. Our brain is always running, whether it be scrolling social media, or just worrying about what's due.

Something interesting so far was our solution to being so busy is time management. Can you believe that's actually the wrong approach? The "better" we manage time the "more time" for more things. Inherently, humans want to fill something that's empty, like an empty room. So when we have empty spaces on our calendar, we want to fill it with more activities, more tasks.

Stress isn't bad for us, in itself. However, for many of us, our sense of being overwhelmed causes us to push ourselves to superhuman feats of persistence and production. To get through all we have to do, we fuel ourselves with stress (and caffeine). We push, push, push ourselves to stay busy.

I have to say, I'm quite guilty of that. Because we're constantly working, we don't let our brains and bodies rest, we cause something called an "allostatic load"--> accelerated wear and tear on the body and brain, as defined by Crabbe. He mentions that in Japan, that is called karoshi, which means "death from overwork." He continues to explain that karoshi happens when "chronic fatigue, stemming from long hours and persistent stress, lead otherwise healthy young adults to drop down dead from a stroke or heart attack." That is all too familiar with how many stories of mangakas collapsing surface, whether in news or stories.

I'll end this quick preview of the book with him saying that the Industrial Revolution and the advancement of technology have increased the "busyness" that happens in society. It's not something that society will turn back. No corporation will tell you "slow down and relax." That's just not going to happen, so we have to work around it. Some solutions that he mentions are making the difficult choices, engaging, and focusing attention.

Oh, and the last thing. Smile.

Busy is not just a fact, it's also an experience. We get into spirals of activity; we feel under pressure, so we rush, which makes us feel under pressure... The final quick fix is simple: don't take it all too seriously! Wear your life more lightly.

Why don't you smile instead? Smiling is good for you: it reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and releases endorphins... a single smile stimulates the brain as much as two thousand chocolate bars, or as much as receiving over twenty thousand dollars. People think you are more competent and remember you better when you smile.

 No matter how much stuff you have to do, you don't have to take it all so seriously! You may feel less busy if you smile. ☺.

I may or may not continue writing what I end up learning in this book, but so far, it's a good read ^^

Labels: book review

Had a lot of fun this weekend + being busy with the online class, but I got sick.

Not sure if it's just the leftovers of allergies, but not feeling well. Heavy. Headache. Stuffy nose.
Anyway, my sisters and I went to eat our grandparents'. Afterward, Jim went out with Nancy, Jen & Jo went to T4. I didn't go to T4 because I was feeling really heavy, so they dropped me off home to take a nap. I ate medicine and video called Robin. When he picked up, I just started crying.

I don't know why I was crying. Was it just all the stress finally hitting me? (But what would I be stressed about?) It wasn't even my usual tears falling, sniffling I-miss-him crying; it was straight up, I was bawling (contained, though), like I had all this pent up feeling released because I was finally "letting go." Or, I just was so sick I didn't have self-control over my emotions LOL or was it just the medicine?

Anyway, got back to SJ and did my quiz that I forgot to do.
Nose still stuffy even after Claritin. Starting to feel heavy and a headache coming on, so time to K.O. for the night.

So I realized just how much work I have to do this week, and how much is going on.

I don't have much to do; just the things I have to do take a bajillion years to finish. I've been cutting out so much of, like, eating time so yesterday and today, I started trembling at some point. Or more prone to trembling, woops. I know I'm all about self-care and everything, but even I will struggle to relax and make time to care for myself. Trying not to stress too much is also difficult.

As far as I see, I would be able to relax/reset after Wednesday. HNG.

Time for a little reset.
Not gonna lie, going to Irvine over spring break screwed me over. Sorta.

I have so much to do--not saying I won't get them done-- but I would have had some extra resting time to end the spring break. Instead, I'm rushing a couple different assignments at once. I just finished up an essay due Tuesday, so I don't stress about that, though I already know my way of prioritizing assignments is odd LOL Like, I do things that are due a little later, instead of doing ones that are due, say, tomorrow. Woops. But finishing that essay plus making my bed and doing the dishes and laundry made me feel really good about the day, and just overall productive.

A few tips to productivity!

1. Use a calendar for due dates/events. Use a memo pad/sticky notes, notes/stickies on laptop/phone for lists/to-do/notes/reminders.
2. Make a list of assignments due & note which ones are priority (or due soon) OR
3. Make another list to plan in what order you will do the assignments.
4. Before you start an assignment, write down the steps you'll do, if any. You can also do it for all your assignments, but it might feel overwhelming!
5. Do you have chores to do as well? Sprinkle them in between your homework assignments if possible.
6. Don't forget to schedule in breaks and breakfast/lunch/dinner. Get up and stretch!
7. Overall, do your assignments in chunks/over time :)

Spring break came and went. I spent spring break in Irvine, and it felt like nothing. I had to come back to SJ for work. A lot of (home)work to do; I did work for "Kaeru" instead of my homework ^^; I just flew back in this morning, then went to work and I am so sleepy right now. I don't even want to work aiyah. My eyes hurt.

Suddenly so busy that I can't keep up.

February is over, and March is here! We had our March Saturday Seminar, which is probably what made things seem so hectic. I get annoyed with work so easily as of late.

Schoolwork-wise, I think I'm still okay.
In order to graduate on time, I'm taking an online workshop in place of the class Raquel wanted me to take. I'm taking it on iAnimate with Ted Ty! :D I'm a little anxious about it, but also super excited! Can't wait to play with new rigs~

I did last minute FAFSA and last minute application to PIXAR. My résumé and website are decent but not I'm still not satisfied with it. Need to make some changes when I have time, but as soon as possible. (Visit my portfolio ^^ ) Blue Sky, Dreamworks, Laika, Nickelodeon, Disney. So many deadlines...

I've been easily irritated too, don't know why...

Woopee!
This weekend has been very productive! In a way. LOL
I did catch-up work on Friday before Blue Sky presentation. That made me feel better about next week's workload in general.

Can you believe? It's already the end of February! Which means, THREE more months 'til the end of this school year! Wow... time flies.

I'm slowly managing my time better than previous semesters. While juggling work and regular schoolwork, I'm also juggling volunteer work for "Kaeru," continuing a gym routine, and hoping to include time for personal artwork as well! I don't know where this sudden burst of motivation came from, probably from not stressing LOL

(Oh, also preparing portfolio/résumé for internships this summer.)

The result?
I did not get a free pin because I don't think Denise remembered that's what she said or she doesn't remember me LOL

I didn't get to spend a lot at SHM-con because Robin wouldn't let me HMPH.

Afterward, we went to Daiso, so I got to splurge a little more there. Keke
Then Jollibee for dinner & Happy Lemon ~ & he got taco truck burrito for dinner.

A pretty unproductive day. Uh-ohs. That means we gotta work twice, THRICE, more times harder.

~~
Goals:

1. Internship this summer ToT
2. Table at SHMCon 2020 (w/ Arlene?)
3. Open an online store
4. Do commissions
5. Do more ART!

Henlo!

A quick update before I start doing homework.
I'm still going to the gym! I don't remember if I already mentioned this, but I'm more focused at the gym now. Robin "set up" some routines for me, so I'm doing only those for this month. We'll see how that goes. Abs are starting to show! Just the belly pooch still covering it LOL I don't know how my calves are doing lol

Only the 3rd-ish week of school, and workload is still pretty steady. Starting to do things last minute still, but I can't anymore because *drumrolls* I'm working as an assistant (rough) animator for one of the BFA group's feature film! Their "company" is BISQUE, and their film is called "Kaeru." If you wanna know a little bit about it, here's their Kickstarter! The trailer (with music!) is coming out tomorrow, on Valentine's Day~ I'm super excited to be working with them, and omg they're so sweet and nice. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. 

**I just got a very loud alert for flood warning in SJ**

Jim had orientation for her training program at SJ & she stayed over at Linda's/Nancy's place, so I ended up sleeping over too! Haha Also had a little too much to eat the past 2 days, and boba. I wasn't supposed to have bobaaaaa ToT

Robin is coming tomorrow night to spend the V-day weekend~ Still gotta make the gift I had in mind. Hmmm. Also, SHM-con on Saturday! Actually wasn't planning to go, but I guess we are now lol Denise (director for Kaeru) was like, "stop by our booth & we'll give you a free pin." Woopeee! will I actually get one though? x'D

Anyway, time to work!

It is finally Friday! Y'all know what that means?

I get to rest from working out! _(:3_)\_
I have successfully gone to the gym every day this week. Sadly, I wasn't able to get that burn/soreness that I got from working out with Jessie last Friday. Probably because I was really testing this week and whatnot, and I didn't really have a routine. I was in and out within like 30 minutes to an hour. Usually.

Today I went to POP Pilates. I wasn't sure what I signed up for, and it's especially daunting going by myself. But it was all good. It was sprinkling when I went. At first I thought it was slightly embarrassing, but then of course, nobody is paying attention to you so it's whatever! Everyone's there to have a good workout, to have a good time. Not spending their time judging others. An hour went by faster than I thought. If you have a more targeted workout, even within an hour you'll feel the burn ;) I definitely know that I want to end the week with pilates. I also know I will be going to hip hop on Thursdays. (Yesterday I was warmly welcomed back to the club~ and I think I'm less awkward with some of the original crew members. About time!) Now, I just need to figure out how to break it down at the gym on Mon-Thurs... Probably will adjust my time with Jessie...

It's only been a week since I worked out, and I'm already looking for results LOL That's not gonna happen x'D I had to keep reminding myself, results don't show that fast >x< It's already February too! So we'll see if I can manage to keep this routine/habit up until the end of February. I should have logs for the beginning and end of the month. By the end of the month there should a little bit of results right?

Well, I definitely feel... good mood-wise. But overall, sore and tired haha

It's already the end of the month!

School was really only a week, but it feels so long already. Since last Friday, I've been going to gym-- except on weekends. Amazingly, I was able to go for the past 2 days, and today. I'm really sore, like everywhere. Because I'm going to the gym everyday (is the plan), I don't have any rest days except on the weekends. Also, probably only going to hip hop on Thursday, and taking a gym class on Fridays. Sounds like a plan.

I also need to figure out what areas I want to target. I was all over the place today so I felt "unsatisfied" I guess you can say. Well, I'll figure that out; I sorta know generally what I want to do.

This semester I'm taking an online class for screenwriting, storyboarding (118), advanced animation 3D (128B), and astronomy for my area R. I feel like this semester will be good. Let's bump that GPA up!

You can't expect to know how to do something without learning it and practicing (with) it.

It really is my own mindset's fault for always wanting to jump into new things, thinking I would ace it right from the get-go. This video was really cute and watching her paint made me just go, wow, she handles the watercolor so nicely. I want to do that one day. But like, I gotta actually do it to even get at her level LOL

I definitely set some resolutions this year around (I actually had goals in 2018 but I forgot about them & uh, totally failed all of them LOL) I guess I didn't start off too bad this year. Started off late, but I've been studying faces/heads this past week(?) I'm actually surprised by what I can do if I put in my best effort, or even just taking some time everyday to study haha. I have so many different topics that I want to study so hopefully my skills will show some improvement~

Don't push yourself to be the best right from the start. It takes time. Start with baby steps and you'll get to where you want to be... Eventually. ☺

Another "goal" or 2, that I want to work on this year is definitely to declutter more; not that I am ready for a complete minimalist life, but to just buy less stuff that are just "wants". And the other is, better schedules/planning! Of course, thinking about it is so much easier than actually doing it. But I want to start planning out what I want to spend my time on, when, for how long, etc. I wanna form good habits. Of course, I should be careful of just "planning" and forgetting to DO. (I actually really like all 3 quotes in that video!) This video though!

Anyway, here are the heads from the past week!


I'm actually glad to see that you can gradually see that my proportions etc. were not as far off as the 1st one ^^ Baby steps!

I have been thinking about whether I'm being mean at times... like some things I think about, things I say, my actions. Am I becoming toxic?

To be honest, it used to just sit in the back of my mind, sometimes popping to the forefront of my thinking. I came upon this video. Signs 4-6 made me really think about a lot of things Robin tells me. Like, he avoids drama because it's bad. He hardly uses social media. And he doesn't gossip, etc. (Even if he does mention a little, he'll catch himself & be like, I don't wanna talk about them) so I'm really glad I have him to check me. Sometimes, I just get heated. I just want to vent.

Sigh. I guess I'm just more aware & conscious...

I suddenly feel an urge to cry.

An overdue post for the new year.
Hope y'alls had a good start to the new year!

On New Year's, I met Robin's family at their family gathering. I would rather not say much about it other than... it left a bad taste in my mouth. I met his Lola (grandam), and she was so nice ToT -- a Light in the Darkness, a much needed angel (whether she was faking it or not ToT)
Let's just say, it put a lot on my mind...

I've been back and forth from Stockton, San Jose, and San Francisco. In the blink of an eye, winter break is almost over. To be honest, I haven't really done much. Hung out with friends for a day. Went studying with Robin and Andrew once. I wasn't really studying either; I was working on my portfolio website, and it's actually coming together pretty okay? I just need to cut some work out, decide which ones I want to post. I have a tendency to want to post everything ^^;

Right now I'm in SF because Jim got her shots & didn't want to drive. We'll be heading to Stockton tonight, and I'll be meeting w/ Steph & Jessica probably tomorrow. Didn't do much while I was here; slept really late and woke up really late. I did try to study how to draw the face and whatnot. I meant to draw the coffee cats too, but I was lazy to take out my sketchbook haha

My hair has grown past my collarbones. Surprisingly took about 6 months to grow out; we always thought my hair grew fast, but time is relative x'D (Speaking of, Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse was amazing~)

I really need to cut down on milk teas as well... oh yeah, I got my root canals done too.
Anyway, need to establish some New Year resolutions.

Woops, this post ended up being all over the place haha

It's okay to give up on your dreams

EDIT: This video has a lot of good pointers for art-related resolutions :D

Ahh, winter break started like 2 weeks back. Robin took me back home & right after we finished packing, the fam drove out to LA for Disneyland!

We stayed at the hotel for 3 days and nights. We just explored, walked a lot, & took a lot of photos around LA. It was ridiculous haha we woke up super sore everywhere. Disneyland was meh. It was pretty and all but the lines were so long & there were so many peopleeee ToT I really wanted a plush Minnie ears headband or a Disneyland sweater but so priceyyy lol

On Christmas Day, we hurried back home for dinner. Thought grandparents already started eating but they didn't, and I had to meet Robin too. So we had to eat for another hour. But we only ended up seeing each other for an hour or so because it was around 8PM by the time we could meet & he was getting sleepy. What a Christmas right? So to make up for it, just like the 4th of July, we planned to meet in the morning to see the sunrise. Afterward, we had breakfast at Yum Yum Donuts. He dropped me off & I went back to sleep because it was too cold lol I woke up around 3 and we went out again. We were out together all day, & picked up Jo too. We went to the mall, and apparently parents went out to the mall too. It was getting late at the mall, & the police ended up coming because some kids were causing problems outside the mall. All the stores pulled down their gates. So we went to the other mall to escape it. But then they came over to the other mall & we got locked in Best Buy. Ended up leaving soon after.

Haven't been blogging much due to not having time to be on the computer and whatnot.
Well, there's other things that happened too, but eh, I don't even know what haha Welp, tomorrow we are going to watch "Into the Spiderverse" with the crew~ (Oh yeah, Robin & I watched "Ralph Wrecks the Internet" when we were still in SJ & we stayed for the after credits. We were the only people in the theater & the people had to wait for us to leave to clean the theaters. The after credits was only the bunny trailer but still)

This weekend we all went back to Stockton...

Sunday, December 9, 2018 was the last day Bobby was with us. We took him to the vet and he went to sleep so peacefully. At first he was scared because we weren't in the room with him, but when they readied him and let us in, he slowly calmed down and stopped shaking. Jen was already bawling, and Bobs was looking at her like, what's wrong? He knew (probably). It was a painless sleep for him... and he is probably a lot happier right now. I hope he is.

It hit all of us hard the moment the vet gave him the sleeping solution. We could not stop crying. I wonder what went on in Bob's head... did he wonder why he was getting sleepier? Did he try to fight off the sleepiness?

This was the first time I was actually there. When Espey was put to sleep, I think last year, I was still in school so I couldn't make it. It really is difficult...

We are all fine, for now. I think it's still too early to think about Bob, but in due time, we'll be able to reminisce and talk about him just fine, like we do with Espey.

May you rest in peace my precious dorky pup <3

Labels: Bobby

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^

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