HOME | ABOUT | ARCHIVE

Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/

store instagram | shop
ART: dA | tumblr | twitter | instagram

Last season game and I can't believe I effed that up. (not too bad, but still cannot believe I lost -.-)
Minar & Meimei surprise visited~~ ❤️
The Franklin coach switched it up and had the JV play first. So us varsities were just watching the game. I was sitting w/ Mai and she suddenly asked me if I would date Lee. Uhm... what. I was so shocked by that question I didn't know how to answer. Wondered if I should "lie" but too late; I already hesitated too long. She knowsssss. My reply was "Why are you asking me this?" and "Did my sister tell you anything?" being all shy and stuff. I think I was red, bc it was hot lol. and her answers were no, it's just because she's curious. Bc she could see us together >///< So I ended up telling her, kinda. Then she asked me about his hair, like if he looked better in his new hairstyle (and what I thought when I first saw him w/ his new haircut). I couldn't lie LOL. She asked if she should set it up for me, and I'm like nuuuu. I really don't like set-ups haha. 
(I thought I wrote about how Jim kept saying she had something to tell me, but that it would make me sad, but I can't find that post lol. But it was about how Vito had asked Mai would she go to prom w/ Lee :p & about him moving away after HS grad)
~Skip skip~
Nicole & Nanette needed a ride home, so we dropped them off at EHS. When we were almost there, Nanette, who was sitting next to me, said that she had something random/weird/out-of-nowhere to ask: "Do you like anyone on the team?" Me is shocked. Why are people asking about that now? xD Couldn't get out of this one LOL. I think I said yeah, and they guessed Lee. I mean, there's only like 2 guys on our team who's single. And he's the only senior single LOL.
He's been mentioned the whole day! At school I was telling Meimei Mina and Jessica about him and how if I should tell him in a letter that I was gonna give to the seniors at banquet. Still conflicting about that... And then Mai brought it up in the middle of the day. Then Nanette ended my day w/ him again LOL. Oh my... >3<

I got home and it was really hot and I was really tired and ended up napping. Woke up around 9 or 9:30 and checked my phone. I was surprised that he messaged me; kinda thought he was going to ask about my game LOL or about the line up. But he asked me to translate Coach's message for him.... w/ a pineapple and smiley emoticon. HE SENT ME EMOTICONS. That is so unlike him LOL. It's already hard enough to get a 'lol' and a sticker from him haha. But I don't understand the pineapple xD (which he means he just decided to read the poster LOL) & I guess that one signed on my poster that looks like an L + messy signature is not him o.o Wonder if he even signed mine > >

Damn. It's really hot. Tomorrow's the rally. Goodnight :p

Practice was pretty okay today. I got to hit w/ Aizle :3 and then warm-up then 4v2. I was w/ Czarina, Jim, Justin, Nanette, & Nicole. It kinda annoyed me a little that Nanette just gave up hitting afterward... Anyway skipping to games, I played Mary & Alaiza (split & lost) then played Joyce (split & lost) then Lee. Already figured I'd get single digits w/ this guy :p [Funny thing was I was telling Coach how I got single digits both times I've played him, and she told me to get double digits this time. Mai happened to be there and she said get all the digits xDD For a second, I was wondering if she knew or something. She gave me that look. I almost gave myself away, I was so shocked for a second.] There was this one time that I received the birdie late and he thought I was going to hairpin to my left, but I flicked straight (right) so he had to really run for the birdie and he fell. Sorryyyy >x< didn't really mean to make you run (& fall).

Eh then we took Alex home. Picked up Alvin (off the streets LOL) & took him home.
Coach was telling me how Lee & Vito were fighting over me. I was so lost. Fighting over me for what? to play me earlier? for a mixed doubles game....? or... that? (but impossible bc Vito has a gf, so that's out of the question). It got me thinking back to that "I love you" joke on my poster.
I figured it out after I talked it out w/ Jen & Jim though LOL. And then he confirmed it when he FB messaged me haha. Then we had this long talk about the team game on Monday. I don't understand why he's telling me all this though LOL. Like, a few times I was like ok and yup and he still manages to continue the convo haha. So it ended where we were just trying to figure out line up & he's so frustrated xD When he asked if I wanted to see the line up, I was like sure. Then he asked for my number to send me the list. Gave it to him, but the message failed to send LOL. Well, uhm, so now you have my number but oh wells right? It wasn't meant to be~ LOL. Doubt he'll text me anyway :p
Well, then there's nothing much to say, so he was like "well goodnight. See you tomorrow if I don't get lost" (bc we have a game at Franklin). Welp, my day ended well ^^

Talking about banquet, I told Jose Czarina Jim & Alaiza that I can't even make it bc I have graduation. Then they were like, we'll skip & go to your graduation lol. Coach joked about taking the whole team to "cheer" for me at Delta LOL please don't Coach ahahaha that's embarrassing. Wondering if I'll really end up making keychains and writing a letter for them... Yes I love writing letters :p

Today was our last home game against McNair. I got in the gym and there were posters w/ the names of the seniors but they didn't know about me :p so mine wasn't up there, kinda awkward... lol. Joyce Shelly & Jessamae made a kinda big deal about it hehe and then Adrian said "when they call your name we'll/I'll carry you" and I was like "nuuu don't make a big deal out of it, it's okay" bc that would've been pretty embarrassing. I feel the love guys~ Even though I would've liked one... hehe.

Then Mai & Shelly presented the seniors w/ posters made by Jessa. Mine was pretty plain :p so it felt awkward up there, next to the others which were more decorated. Then Coach gave us cute matching, but different colored, baseball tees~ Mine is like neon green o.o Vito & Lee had matching blue (navy & bright), so cuteeee~ keke I ship.
Played Joyce's opponent and she played mine. She lost though... Vito & Lee split. They played in their tees so they sweated in it xD And when they had their break, they both took off their tees. Lee's tank top was soaked (LOL eww but it's funny xD) Overall, boys and girls both won, 3-2.

People were signing the posters, mine looked pretty empty bc most people didn't sign, mine at least (& understood, bc they don't know me) and plus it had a lot of white space already. It saddens me a little. And all this, plus how my poster seemed put away from the rest of the posters made me feel like I'm just an outsider... I tried not to think too much about that. I still love them~ I wrote them all something :3 Lee's just happens to be different for some reason... LOL. Well Mary's too xP
We also took pictures~ d'awww I'm gonna miss them :') We took one with only 4-years, and we're cute~ keke. I like our tees~ hehe We didn't take one w/ the seniors though... ❤️

Lee's still limping, and I guess it got worse. Oh yeah, after practice, I was waiting with Coach and we took a pic w/ whoever was left. Lee stood next to me holding his name poster (I didn't hold up my poster bc I felt lame when they all held their name posters up) and kept saying not to block his name. Coach was like who do you think you are LOL. After that, me and Coach were just talking and she was saying how he flirts now (bc Jessamae was talking w/ him) and how he used be so quiet. He heard us and he just laughed like really loud xD Then he kept saying how he's a mysterious guy and no one on the team knows where he lives. I just feel like I'm hearing that a lot LOL. and still in my head I'm like, I think I know where you live haha.
Anyway, season's gonna be over in like 2 days... then tournament and then league. Pretty sad. Oh! And Coach told me banquet's on the 26th but I have my graduationnnnn /cries.

Feeling down after practice. None of my shots made it the way I wanted them to... Did bad in my game w/ Justin. Had fillings done today too at the dentist :p still went to practice :p
It was just annoying and really wasn't feeling it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better--home game vs McNair.

I mean, he kinda made it better. I haven't talked to him in a week at least. It's not like we "talked" though, he just said bye (+ my full name). He loves saying people's full names LOL. He cut his hair too. Much better LOL.

Alright, well not much homework, so I'ma get some arts done :p

4/6 (I think lol)
played w/ jim in doubles against every combo of girls doubles. i suck. jim had sliced her hand w/ the dog can lid.

played singles against jeremy, johnjay, vito. felt bad for having to split the two in practice. won jeremy, lost to johnjay and vito.
played mary.

played doubles w/ bryan against vito & lee. They playing man. I can't serve at all. man i get intimidated...
when the game first started, there was this one time lee couldve smashed, i believe, but he kinda dropped/hairpinned it on me instead. they also targeted me a lot :p as the game progressed tho, there was this one time he smashed and i luckily returned it. i dont really know the details of the game after that. just find it funny how he picked up the 'hold-on-i'm-not-ready' pose from the tournament. once he did that, but i served, he still returned it! i was thrown-off so i couldnt get it. bryan didnt call it on him.
he and vito were just arguing and arguing, jokingly of course. also, once i think my clear/flick was out but he called it in. well i didnt see it. and afterward he was like perfect shot! in his exaggerating voice :p and most of the time when it was a bad serve/shot from me, he'd say good shot or good serve and I'm just like, in my head, stahppp you're gnna make me hit like that.
I know he watched out for me though :p

Mom & dad took Jim back to Berkeley. I thought I would have a ride w/ Coach, but she left early. So I ended up getting a ride w/ Bryan :3

[also late update xD right now is 4/26]

3/31

Oi, had a scholarship banquet today so had to dress up. Jen & Jim wrote my Chinese and English speech LOL. And I made a thank you card right before we left. Had to dress up too but my calvesssss I'm so self-conscious >//< Anyway, I did dress up & looked like an OL hehe
It's so hard to act lady-like LOL and my mouth hurts from trying to keep a smile :p
I happened to be the only one to have a Chinese speech omygerddd so embarrassing xD I think I may have messed up but I was so nervous I don't even remember anymore. Michael (Li) was like "props to you" xDD He's pretty handsome: clean skin, long eyelashes. but if you look at him up front, not very cute lol.

Got home, and Carrie had posted the pic we took w/ each other (I swear, my legs are so uglyyy) and I was tagged in it. I also posted my #ootd LOL so people were liking both pics. Lee liked both LOL omgeee Carrie must be like, who the heck's this xDD Still makes me go 두근두근 very much >///< Oh wells, I mean... he's moving away, supposedly, after HS grad. anyway :p

I'm just really tired now because I stayed up late last night. Who's fault was it that I couldn't concentrate on the 3 page essay!? >///< Sigh. I just kept thinking and tweeting and tumblr posting. Someone pull me out of this deep trap already... it gets tiring...
I messaged him yesterday about him not jump smashing. The convo took a weird turn when he said "First of all I really don't get what u try to tell or ask me [etc]..." and then I just got scared to continue... after I replied, after a long time, I thought it was just gonna end there. He replies and thank goodness he lightens the mood w/ those rare 'lol' of his (because he doesn't lol very often, so it's scary to message him...) After this encounter, it just threw me off, and pretty much made me want to give up. Things just kept running through my head. I guess I just need some time away from him...

Yesterday when I went into practice, I saw him at his original spot. Vito comes in and was like "Let's hit!" to him. He's over there telling him that he's so tired. I happen to be sitting next to Vito's stuff so when Vito came in from the opposite door, he grabbed his stuff and went back to Lee saying "Come on, let's hit!" and totally ignored his complaints "I'm tired" xD I looked up when Vito said that and had eye contact with Lee, giving him a knowing smile which he returned. He ended up hitting w/ Vito because knowing Lee, how can he refuse xD Funny thing is, even Axl asked him if his leg still hurt & told him to stop jump smashing. Later on, John Jay asked him if his leg was alright. This led to me messaging him :p Wonder if people already know...
~~
Axl brought me food as a treat for Stagg game!! He looked so innocent standing at the gate w/ the big paper bag. He was talking to Raffy though but I completely ignored him LOL

So we had home game against Chavez. After school Andrew stopped me to ask if I had asked Coach about open gym after game. I didn't know he was serious! xD Anyway, he seems different than what I thought of him. lol. Such a kid, so soft-spoken when he said bye too lol He ended up being the first one at Edison, sitting all alone. I was going to go talk to him, but I couldn't just stop hitting w/ Justin either because I mean, I need the warm-up xD Eventually the rest of the team arrived. Still trying to stop thinking about him or even have any encounters today, but that didn't happen... :p I ended up splitting w/ Cindy although I really didn't want too > > I lost the 1st set, which was really close; calmed down 2nd set & really pulled down her score. Brandon ended up taking her outside the door to talk to her. Coach had nothing to say to me. xD I went out to get water. Joyce came out too because she split too. She was drinking water & I was idling because I didn't finish talking to Joyce. Lee comes out, calls me and asked if I split. You know, still out of breath, I just nodded. He continues to walk to the bathroom, & right before he's out of sight, he says "Win your game." In my head I'm like whyyy >///< and felt I had to "listen to him" *sigh* Got back to the game and won. Lee asked how'd I do, I just nodded (because there's nothing really to say & he wasn't close anyway lol) and he did like a little clap xD the ones that don't really make noise, and I think he said good job? but I can't remember. After game, Coach had varsities run. Shelly had a head start. Not wanting her to run alone, I ran after her, and Alaiza followed after me and we ran together (Shelly was already up ahead). Lee comes up behind us, he says "where are you girls going?" (joking of course), we let him pass, and eventually he passes Shelly too :p
You know, some days I don't even talk to him. The day I'm trying not to interact w/ him, whyyy. Well, I mean, I should've expected it. During games, we usually ask each other about our games anyway.
~
Andrew DM-ed me earlier before the games but because I was warming up, I didn't answer him xD The convo continued at home and he ended up just ranting to me, and then to me giving him a pep talk lol Pep talks don't really work unless face to face haha.
What am I to do w/ 2 injured people xD

Wa-seh. Had a 3 hour talk w/ Lee. He's so stubborn... hehe.
Well he wasn't at practice today either. Nothing much happened at practice... just Tong called me to open the door for his brother LOL (looks like Tong, talks like Tong, walks like Tong LOL)

Anyway, I got home from practice & messaged him. (You know, I went to sleep last night thinking about him & his injury, probably 'cause I wanted to message him yesterday but didn't... and ended up waking up thinking about him > <) He didn't reply me til 3 hours later, so at 9, when we were at Grandma's. It was just really long, talking about his leg and whatnot... I feel like I was giving away too much, if he even noticed LOL Anyway, so far, I can't tell anybody anything that he's told me. And I'm the only one who knows... It's bittersweet, heh.
Afterward, I thought we were gonna end the conversation 'cause I told him to take care of himself and then I ended it saying if he needed anything anytime, he could talk to me. I kinda thought he'd just say like thanks and we'd end there, but then he said "Hey Justina?" and I was just thinking, oh you have something to tell me already? LOL but we ended up talking about some random stuff: from pets, to why we used to have so many cats, to sleeping, to school. LOL.
(To Jim, it's funny bc she was washing dishes when I showed her the convo. I scrolled parts for her to see and left her at that cliffhanger. His next line was just to ask "U love cat?" and Jim kinda went a lil-jumpy-crazy bc 'cat' could easily be switched to something else, according to her LOL)

There was this one part of the convo where he said I was lucky, way better than him (family-wise I guess) and I was like "hm?" and he said: "Nvm. In the end of the day... we're both the same. Well almost. Close enough." That's as surprising as love comes in many forms. I told him he's full of surprises sometimes and he said he could be all the time but that it might be annoying. I asked him why would that be and what kind of surprises and he just nothing-ed me! lol

I ended up learning some more stuff about him lol and a lil about his family....

I'm really sleepy for some reason. Anyway today we played Stagg. Victoria switched w/ Vanessa, so I ended up playing Vanessa. She's so nice, she apologized to me bc I was sick and stuff (after I lost the 1st set & we switched sides). We split but I won. It was actually a really good game. I just made some mistakes and missed some shots but overall I thought it was good :D Once again, I was the only girl who won. (I remember this one time I served, I looked at Lee and served LOL idk)
Axl said if I beat his "ex-bae" he'll get me something. So after my game I went to talk to him, if he was serious, and he was like yeah, and asked if I tried Papa Burger or something. Then he asked for my lunch time and where my school is at. xD Yays~ He's bringing me lunch at school next week~ (if he doesn't forget LOL)
Then I watch Lee/Vito's & Alaiza/Mary's games. Coach said she doesn't know how they're playing. For Lee/Vito, she said they're hitting like they're singles players and I told Coach: Because you DID put 2 singles players together! XD and then she said neither of them could even play singles LOL but Lee can right? o.o They flick so much! Then Alaiza dodges shots she can possibly get and makes Mary lunge for it. xD

-JVs playing-
Shelly and I were just talking & we were talking about how we miss Ron and his strict conditioning and how he insults Shelly back then LOL. We were also talking about the May 2nd tournament, about when's the earliest and when we getting back. But we're probably getting back late since me & Jim are the only girls' doubles playing (at 2pm) LOL. Shelly asked if I was only playing girls' doubles and I told her I was playing mixed w/ Lee. I tried to keep it low bc I didn't want to draw his attention. He was talking to Jamie about the scores I guess and I heard my name. So yup, Jamie was saying I was the only one who won.Then Jose asked who's going to play what and Shelly answered, mentioning I was playing w Lee. Lee was in the corner and he heard his name. He was like "what" lol I didn't even look at him.
Eh... after the games were done Victoria wanted to play a just-for-fun singles game. Axl was gonna play mixed w/ the assistant Coach & was looking for a partner. I stood up, and he was like okay let's go and I was like "but... I'm playing singles~" but daaaang I would've chosen mixed over singles. *pouts* too bad I already promised her :p So he ended up playing w/ Shelly. Split w/ Victoria and she won. She was asking if I was playing for reals. I kinda was, kinda wasn't xD
Jamie and Jose were playing w/ my shoes. They wanted Shelly to try my shoes on, and I'm over here thinking uhh guys... my shoes stink. Why y'all touching it. xD
During the split I went to get some ice cold water. Seeing me Vanessa said "Don't drink ice cold water! You have a sore throat!" Aww thanks Vanessa~ but just a leetle bit xD
Axl and Lee played boys' doubles. Luckily I finished in time to watch. He looked pressured... or maybe he just looked like a kid compared to the other who's on the court. They targeted him a lot. Knowing guys being aggressive, they smashed when they got the chance, & knowing Lee who flicks a lot, they smashed on him. They don't even need to test, knowing "Coach" Axl, of course they'd pick on the little one. He also made a lot more mistakes than usual. Still good though I guess. Axl said 1st set was messy but 2nd set was way better for them.

Oh yeah, Axl was alllmost about to panic when Lee didn't show up xD bc Vito had said that Lee hadn't known we had a game today, but Mary told him eventually. Even after I finished warming up, Lee wasn't here so Axl says to me: does he really not know we have a game today?
I didn't answer him yet, and right at that moment, Lee comes in the door. lolol.
~
Hmm... I didn't blog yesterday... but nothing really happened. Oh wait! Franklin game. xD Won my game. Eh... Jen came back for a while & kept telling me to go talk to him but nuuuuu. After our games, Lee went to sit w/ his Hmong buddies on the other side. I was across the gym from him, kinda, watching the games and glancing at him time to time. At one moment I think there was eye contact, but I mean we're so far away from each other we could be looking at something else LOL. He looked like he was talking about us, and he looked like he was ready to point toward us but I happened to look "at him" and he ended up not completing his pointing. And in my head I'm thinking whoops. was he talking about me? I mean, I'm probably thinking too much. Random stuff just ran through my head. >///<

Then we got Taco Bell~ bc I was craving lol. Yum yum~ Mom had work so we had Taco Bell for lunch & dinner~ :3

Wow. I don't know why the topic about Andrew was up all day today xD Just bc I didn't go to prom. During Art, Angela was talking about how I should've went w/ Andrew, how we were a match made in heaven (bc we both play badminton etc).
Then 3rd period, Orion Alena & John were killing me. It all started w/ me telling Orion I wasn't going to go Santa Cruz on Wed (bc he asked if I filled out the form yet). Then he goes on about how I hate the senior class, & I'm defending, saying I don't hate them LOL. My excuses were not to miss practice etc & then he says "I'm missing practice too" and I say I have a game the next day, I cannot miss practice. He says "It's okay. It's just one practice" and I said "You don't get itttt" LOL (bc w/o practice, I'ma suck xDD) Plus, Coach was missing his practice too :p
Then Alena comes over and that's when he tells her everything, from me not going to SC to me not having gone to prom. She starts saying how I should've went with Andrew. (like seriously guys? Y'all ship this badminton couple that badly? LOL) And then everything goes on to me going out with him, Alena setting things up w/ a group hangout (Orion says we ain't even together & Alena says "they can go as friends. they don't have to go as lovers... yet") 
They keep asking me if I liked him or anything. And I'm over here being embarrassed (but I'm pretty sure I wasn't blushing yet) and Orion's like "no need to get red" and "you're red as a tomato" and "is it hot? do you need to take off your sweater?" How am I supposed to answer? It's not that I don't like him... but it's not like I like him either. I mean, what about Lee? LOL. So I ended up telling them I never thought about it. And Orion says "well, now she's thinking about it." Wow I'm bad at answering xD
Then John comes over and Alena asks him if I should go out with Andrew. John says "she's too pretty for him." and something about how Andrew's not at his level & having to find someone w/ higher (standards?) than himself. Orion asks "what's higher?" John says "exactly" (basically he's saying no one is as good "boyfriend" quality, if you will, than him. They burst out laughing and Orion's like "I literally meant the definition of 'higher'" xDD
Somewhere we talked about how awkward I am. Well, Orion describing how awkward I am :p how I don't talk, can't carry on a conversation.
Alena goes on about having a group hangout, that coincidentally I'm there and Andrew's there. And how we'll sit together talking about badminton. She says that we both play badminton, we're both smart. Orion throws in that I play "a little bit of League." She was also talking about how he likes smart and athletic girls, which I am she says. She wanted to arrange a "hangout" on the weekends to grab boba, if I wanted her to. And I'm over here telling her nooooo bc it'll be so awkward. She says you'll get used to it (as in, it won't be awkward once we get to know each other). Still denying! Man, she loves being matchmaker lol apparently she got Jenny/Aaron together and Katelyn/John together and herself/Orion too (although John says it's all him lol)
After we got out of 3rd per, Alena's still asking me if I wanted to go, and Orion butts in: "or should I talk to Jamie about that Edison guy" and I'm like "don't talk to Jamie about it" really defiantly xD and he was like "oh does he know?" and I said "No he doesn't but don't talk to him about it" lol Orion said something like if I liked "him" then I should tell him. And I'm in my head like hecks noooo (or did I tell him no?) either way, Orion basically said I need to take the chance, tell him how I feel. Then he and John were just saying/singing stuff really loud behind me. Eventually they directed that toward Rachel as I got out of the hallway.

Man, now I'm thinking about it. I told Stephanie too and I was telling her how I fall easily. I don't even know. Would I mind if I did go out w/ Andrew? or should I say, Would I say yes if he even asked me out? Ugh, this conflicts w/ my crush on Lee. I even told Steph this: I have a crush on Lee & if I went out w/ Andrew, I feel like I had done wrong. Dude... I don't know >x< I just wouldn't want to regret anything... or make anyone feel bad... or.... I just don't know. Dang it Alena why you make it so harddddd ToT And then Steph was like Alena wouldn't be doing all that if there wasn't something up with him. Gosh, am I going 두근두근 when I tweet him? Gaaah. Stupid feelings that can't tell itself what it wants -.-
~
Practice today though. I didn't even talk to Lee at all. I felt like I had eye contact w/ him a few times, just bc I happened to be watching his game or whatever he's doing (nooo I wasn't watching him the whole time). Feeling distant bc I didn't get to talk w/ him... then I came home, thinking I should message him about his leg? but ended up not bc he wasn't on. Just thought, "if he's on when I'm on, then I'll message him" but that didn't happen so no messaging. He looks fine anyway... Idunno.
Anyway, goodnight. Half-day all week. Got a Econ quiz tomoro that seems to be super hard according to others. *overthinks things in sleep* Bye.

I woke up pretty early today for no reason, making me so confused. I thought I was late for school!

So my dream was super weird O.O
We were in our single-building campus in one of the college classrooms. Prof. McCandless was the teacher I guess. She picked on me to write stuff on the board. I don't even know what I wrote, but remember that Victor, I think, was telling me something in Spanish and I was writing it on the board (I was attempting to translate it in my dream too) Then music starts playing. Eli comes up to me with a rose, and I'm getting embarrassed (?) Jessica comes up to me. Then Eli starts rapping. Apparently, here I discuss something w/ Jessica real fast, then she went back to her seat. I face Eli and he gives me the rose. After he was done, I gave him a hug, embarrassed (!?) and he's all like yesss and I go back to my friends. Here's where it gets confusing: what was that all about? Was that a promposal? But prom already passed (4/11, and I knew that LOL). Plus his date was Elizabeth. In my dream, Prof. McCandless also purposely said you're right. Today is 4/24. So I'm like, did he just ask me out?
Whatever it was, in my dream, I was deciding how to reject him, for whatever that was.

I wake up (was I shocked awake? o.o) and I'm all confused.
1) Am I late for school? (the time is 7:51am)
2) Why was Eli in my dream?
3) Was I promposed? Did I forget to go!? [but no LOL]
4) Prom is over right?
5) WHY WAS THAT WITH ELI!?

So my reality and dreams were mixed up when I woke up. Plus my tummy was feeling.... hurt/bloated. So I went to the restroom (but apparently I didn't really need to go).
And I kept thinking about how WEIRD this dream was. Then I was like I kinda miss Lee...? lolol

Anyway it's really late now but I had to finish the other posts or else they'll start piling up, and I'll start forgetting.

Fancy bus. Sat inside, window seat. Empty seat next to me. Lee gets on. Sits behind me but I didn't even know til he called me (and asked, again, when did you get here LOL) Sat w/ Mary instead.

Short ride? Felt shorter. Bus driver is, uh, newbie? xD We went in the parking lot of McNair the wrong way & blocked the cars from leaving. Bus had to back out. Getting off the bus, Lee complaining he's so tired/sleepy. Walked to the gym. Coach tells me Cindy's not here. Still barely beat the girl... hm... played so bad today Dx<
somewhat disappointed that I couldn't play Cindy... bittersweet, dude.
Girls lost bc only me and Joyce won. Mai could've won but she split.

While waiting for the matches to be done, talked w/ Joyce and ate Jose's gummiworms xD Somehow I ended up sitting almost next to Lee. He asked me if I had food bc he was "so hungry [he] was going to faint" LOL poor thing. When we left, the bus was parked all the way at the turn, so we had to walk to the bus. Adrian started complaining LOL he was tired and stuff. And I was like "want a piggyback ride?" He was like "really? with all my stuff?" xD I actually would have (for some odd reason LOL) if me and him weren't carrying so much. He also talked to me about Cindy. He was like Don't worry about her. and how I could probably beat her 'cause she plays like Victoria, is slow etc. Joyce was saying I could beat her too... so much faith~ (´•ω•̥`)
So we got back on the bus. Me and Lee both sat in the same seat, and he was like "yesss no one took my seat or else something something mf*" like did you have to cuss? xD Destiny sat next to me and Mary came after her. Mary ended up sitting behind the bus driver (sorry Mary! Dx) The bus wasn't going yet. Lee was hugging my seat so I could see his arm on the head rest so I turned around and he was really close so I ended turning back around, I think. He was looking at my white hair again. And I think he petted (or stroked) the side-back of my head. Still saying how I'm a try-hard, straight A student. I was gonna say no I'm not, but then I didn't know how to explain my white hair LOL.
Some time on the bus ride, I heard singing behind me(?) Jeremy was behind Lee (who was behind me) so I didn't think it was possible for me to hear Jeremy sing bc it was pretty quiet. So I'm guessing he was singing to himself xD

Anyway we got off the bus and were waiting in front of Taggart. He asked how was my game. Then Vito came over and started talking about beating Cindy and stuff xD Talking about how good she was. Then Vito was asking about my college and whether I'm really going to San Jose (and why not UCs and I was like meh). He's going to UCSD. Lee over here is saying he ain't going to college but wants to travel LOL. Then Vito says when you're 30 you'll be like "I wish I'd gone to college" LOL. So then mommy came and I said bye to them. Vito said bye to me :p I was walking to the car, waved to Shelly and them, and when I reached the car, Lee called me and said bye. and I waved. Why didn't you say bye to me when I said bye? LOL

Didn't expect to see Lee. (I kinda did 'cause I felt like he was lying to me about not going to school; he's too much of a "good boy" LOL) well anyway some returners were hitting with the newcomers. I'm guessing king of the court? I saw him walking, he wasn't limping as obviously (but he wasn't before anyway) Me/Joyce & Alaiza/Lee warmed up on the same court. Joyce asked if I wanted to hit with Lee instead, which surprised me. I was thinking maybe she wanted to hit with Alaiza? but I was like it doesn't matter. We were on the court, watching Lee limp over. He limped more obvious this time compared to earlier and last time, complaining "oww my leg" xD and I'm just watching him, smiling and shaking my head at him. He knows why ;)
After warming up, Coach made us hairpin and clear. Me and Joyce cleared while Lee and Alaiza hairpinned. We were on the same court. Me and Joyce weren't clearing correctly. All I see is Lee ducking down xD I think he almost got hit? haha. He was complaining about our clears xDD Then at one point, Alaiza hairpinned too high and he smashed the birdie... at me. XP He said sorry and laughed. Then we switched and me and Joyce were ducking xD
Also, all 3 of them fell at some point. LOL. Alaiza was like "we all fell except you" and I was like "seriously?" LOL. When Lee fell (I didn't really see him fall; he was just on the floor lolol) I told him not to hurt himself again. We were just laughing xD
Well that was fun. Then we got into drills. First she put the singles together: me Joyce and Jamie worked together. Axl was working with Mai Adrian and Jose. The next drill, she separated the singles with the doubles. I worked with Jeremy and John Jay. Near the end, Coach switched me to Vito and Lee's team, and said that they were hecka mean to Jamie xD
We did front net smash. Man, those 2 keep playing around. Lee kept mentioning his leg when he threw the birdie for me. On the first round when he was front net smashing and I was doing jumping jacks on the court, I was like don't smash on me. The next second, he smashed on me.. twice! lol. Once it almost hit me and I dodged but his second smash almost hit my foot. xD Okay, these guys kept playing around; I can hardly practice. I guess they were being nice to me? Lee threw the birdie for me, squatting kinda, and every time he threw the birdie he'd fall back a little xD and then complain about his leg. lol

After practice we were outside. (Coach was leaving, and he said bye to me but I wasn't leaving w/ Coach lol) Alex (newcomer) was talking about riding with Coach, and how Lee should ask Coach for a ride. Then he goes on about how he doesn't want people to know where he lives and then I say "what if I told you I know where you live?" He looked unbelievable and was like what xD I live in this trash can. But I didn't say anything afterward. Alex was like then why aren't you in there yet? lol. He said something I couldn't hear. I was on my phone kakao-ing Jen & Jim about all this. xD And then he calls me and asked if I was going to prom. I said no. Then he asks whether we even have prom and I was like yeahhhh it's this Saturday. He was like oh sh* nevermind then. Nevermind? Well I didn't pursue that. He was talking to the others, and they asked him if he was going to prom. He said he was thinking about it mumble mumble. :p I think soon after he had to leave. He waved bye but I don't think anybody else waved back to him xD (Well, he walked to his truck w/o saying bye. And only waved bye after getting inside. He probably wouldn't have waved if he didn't see me looking up)

Bear Creek game today. The girls were all pretty nervous. Coach kept telling us not to be nervous. All the guys varsities played first. Sat next to Axl watching the guys' games. Adrian's opponent looked really good "strong". I also watched Lee's and Vito's game. So funny 'cause Vito tried to jump smash, missed & dropped his racket, and Axl's like "stop jump-smashing!" to me, or mostly to himself lol. So I was watching their game, and I felt a few times, Lee would glance over when preparing for the serve or receive. (I did that too, at the Stagg tournament tbh, lol. When I faced the bleachers, I'd look up then shake him outta my head xDD)
Some time before we had to play our game, Coach made all the varsity girls go to the back room to do footwork (but the room was locked so we stayed in the hallway, doing random stuff like quick feet or side-hops or just jumping). I'm pretty sure it's so we stop watching the games and being nervous. Our games were next. Lost to the same girl I played in sections last year, but the score is a lot better: 10-21, 16-21. Coach said, as long as I beat her the next time around. Axl also said I did good when he watched, but I told him he just didn't see the mistakes lol. There was this one smash I was just lucky that I blocked. I just stuck out my racket w/o knowing where the birdie was gonna hit (bc I didn't think I'd get it) and it bounced off, barely dropping over the net :D
Anyway, Vito & Lee were the only ones who won for guys; and I was the only one who lost for girls.
After the games, varsities had to run around the school.

Some time before the games, I happened to see Lee limping and my first thought was, "his leg still hurts?" (from tournament) There was a tournament at Independence for doubles on May 2nd. Me and Jim are playing doubles. Jim is playing mixed with Axl (and she didn't even know til I told her I signed her up LOL) and Coach also asked if I wanted to play mixed, thinking I wouldn't want to, and that I should ask Lee or someone. I don't know why she would say Lee first LOL. I didn't know how to ask him. It felt like he wouldn't want to play mixed, but it's not like we never played doubles together before. After some debating with Jen & Jim, Jen texted Coach about me playing mixed with Lee and so I was forced to ask. So I had to FB him and he said yeah. When he registered he said he put Jim as his partner. I sent him a .o. sticker and he said jk. Then proceeded to send me a "bird on crutches" sticker and talked about his leg. So then I'm over here, messaging him, worrying about his leg LOL.

Ya know, he's pretty funny. xD So when I was registering I asked him if his "real name was Lee Xiong" 'cause I wasn't sure if he used Xiongbie or not. Then I said nevermind bc he was off FB and I was just gonna submit. Then he came on a little later, registering, and asked "what's my partner's name" and then said "nvm. got it" LOL man, he playing. Anyway, he said he gotta rest up so he went to sleep earlier. He also said he wasn't going to school tomoro, so I'm guessing I won't see him at practice tomoro.

I was unsure if he didn't want to be rude to say no to playing with me 'cause he was like "yeah sure" so I had to like "double check". Then he asked if I wanted to just play for fun or try hard and win. I said "both?" and then he said, "Okay then we'll go and turn on the 'Try Hard Mode'/see how far we'll get". Literally his words, haha.
~
Before the game, I tweeted about BC and Andrew replied me. Came home after the game, looked through his twitter. Favorited some stuff, replied to some stuff. We ended up having a hella long Twit convo xD It's so funny. We're only best-badminton-friends on Twitter LOL. He talks to me like I'm his bro: dude, man LOL Sometimes, I can't imagine him talking like he does typing lolol

To be honest, I'm really lazy to update lol it was such a long day.
Talent Show is finally over with!
Anyway, this Saturday (3/28) we had a tournament in Palo Alto (to be honest, I had no idea where we were playing at xD) Anyway we got to Gunn HS. I played singles and doubles, but of course, I didn't get far :p But it was fun enough ^^
Ahhh I don't think there's anything to say, other than interactions with Lee bc Jim made everything seem hilarious xDD

I think the first thing that's funny for her was that he was about to sit in the same car as us, but since Tim was gonna drive the van, he took Lee with him :p
Got to Gunn & I was the first to play bc girls' singles was first. Oiii. Let's just skip to the Lee parts? LOL
Let's see, I didn't really talk to him til after me and Jim's last girls' doubles game. He just came in from the other gym and I was sitting in front of our lil "table" and there was a chair next to me. He sat down and said I heard you guys lost. And I was like yeah. He said good job. But jokingly/sarcastically :p Did we talk about some other stuff afterward? I think we did but I forgot, probably about his singles game.
Then the next thing I remember was me and Jim talking about how everyone was either playing/watching someone's game/or sitting out and no one's watching Lee's game. She told me to go, but I didn't want to be the only one to go watching him bc what am I gnna do when we gotta walk back to the main gym together? > < As we were "arguing" about that, he came in. Too late! LOL (she also said I should've went to watch his game bc he watched mine. I couldn't remember him watching my game...)
Then Coach and Jim went out to get food for the team. Lee and Mary/Joyce were playing in the small gym. I finally pulled myself off from the floor and walked to the small gym; everyone was there anyway. When the doubles were done playing, we waited for Lee's game to finish b4 walking back to the main gym. (at the stairs, there was a bee flying around my legs so I pretty much ran up the stairs xD) and Jim and Coach were asking us if we wanted Jamba Juice and what kind. In the main gym, Shelly was asking everyone & making sure they know they have to pay Coach back. Lee said he didn't want one bc he didn't know what it was. Jim was over here kakaoing me, teasing me asking if she needed to buy him one in my place and I was like noooo. lol. [Czarina hid Jeremy's phone in my pocket, and we were whispering to each other about when he'll notice. Lee was sitting in front of us and turned around suspiciously bc he mostly heard us say "him" so we be talking about a guy LOL]

Then Lee had a 2nd game after. Since I was up already, I walked over to the small gym. It was kinda empty. Jamie was sitting at the far end of the gym, watching Lee's game. So I joined him. Later Vito came and joined us. After the game, he looked like a super happy puppy or something. He gave Jamie & Vito fist bumps and me a hi-5 LOL and jogged to the table and out the gym. He went to turn in the form at the table and I sat down texting. He sat down next to me, asking who I was texting. I happened to be texting Jen/Jim about Tim but I was also texting Jim about Lee (but I was on the Jen/Jim chat). And I told him I was texting my sisters but instinctively held my phone close bc all I could think about was: I'm texting Jim about him. xD He didn't really sit down; hardly for half a sec. After I answered him, he kinda just got up again. That's when I was like: I'm so dummbbb. That was either so obvious (or rude). Plus it wasn't even the right chat. >///<

When the food was here, me and Czarina went out to bring them in. She ended up telling them to come out and eat instead. Me and Jim brought drinks inside. She told me to ask him if he wanted one but I couldn't do itttt I didn't know what to say. She made it look like a confession LOL. She made me share a White Gummy with her, so he had a choice of (Coach's) strawberry or the other White Gummy. So I went over to ask him if he wanted one. He said of course, reached for the strawberry one, and seeing Jim walk over, asked if it was free. In my head I was laughing bc, the main reason he didn't want one was bc he didn't want to pay? xDD Anyway Jim said yeah, and told me she was gnna go wash her hands and eat outside. I sat on the floor next to him, who was sitting on the chair, and we watched the games. He took his first "sip", next thing he says: ahh brain freeze. i'm so thirsty. He continues to drink. I asked: you've never tried Jamba Juice? His reply: Nope. I'm not the type of person to go out and drink/eat every day. Somewhere along the line, I also asked if he had eaten anything since this morning. He said no. ---- I glance at him and sees he's almost done. How. Lol. Anyway, I took his empty cup and delivered Vito his drink bc he "demanded" it lol So I walked back out, and when I was close to the van, Vito was like, are you delivering? xD Ate a slice of pizza and went back inside.
I told Jim all that. Afterward, Lee played his last game, and lost. He looked tired. He changed and just sat by the wall, then with Tim. Jim kept telling me to feed him bc he hadn't eaten anything all day. I felt like the whole day I was being so obvious so I didn't really want to go tell him or even bring him to the van for pizza... Jim told Coach too but Coach was like let's see who's nice on the team to tell him about food. Since I couldn't do it, and nobody else did, she eventually took him to get pizza from the van. Jim kept teasing that if I didn't go tell him there was pizza, he's gonna faint :p

Wow. That was long. I think that was all... The most I've interacted with Lee? *shrugs*
Thinking back some more, b4 Jim left to buy food, she told me to check my phone. I didn't do it til later. [She was stalking me when I was playing my last game. Lee and Vito happened to be starting their game next to mine. One of Jim's pic showed him watching me (or looking in my direction) while drinking water, pfft, doesn't mean he was watching me :p] and I guess that's when I was like, so he did watch me... I guess I'll go watch him. and I went and watched his game w/ Jamie & Vito :p
Anyway, Coach took me and Jim home early, around 8. (We got OneTea though xD) The others didn't leave til 10:30 bc of Tim xD Well anyway, I guess that's all for right now. Too much typing, and I really gotta get to sleep. I'll post about today's practice (hopefully I remember though)

Edison's on their spring break already. Still have practice though. Jim and them were there yesterday; she was gonna see Lee but he wasn't gonna attend practice this week. He came today though~ surprise surprise~
Talked with him a little though.

I still wonder... questions keep running through my head. Complicated questions that seem impossible to answer. They sound stupid though.
The question that so many wonder: do I really like you, or is it a mistaken feeling?
When I try to answer the questions that float by, I feel like I'm forcing the answer to be that way.
I mean, it's my last year, none of this will matter anyway *shrugs*
So, like, would I miss him if I haven't seen him for a while? I don't know if I'm answering that question truthfully. I guess we'll see.

It's interesting--I haven't had a crush since the last "crush spike" with Javi LOL omgee those times were embarrassing. Last year was a... weird crush time :p

#np 날 만난 이후 | Jinyoung & Min Hyorin.

*EDIT/1:03AM-- "Love isn't something you describe or judge. It's just a feeling you have about someone." Ansel Elgort. Don't know who he is, but read his Q&A in Seventeen. I think that timing of finding that quote was just too on point.

*too lazy to update*
Anyway, today's game was pretty sucky. I was playing so bad. Before the game I even told Alaiza I was not feeling it today.
Almost all of us played hella bad today TT I don't get ittttt
Man, I lost so bad I don't even know why. It was like I think sophomore year, when I lost to Lodi I think, and I kinda scared Ron I guess. I think I scared Axl this time xD
After my loss, I felt like I couldn't even face Lee T/n\T *don't ask why :p

Coach kinda punished us. We had to do partner sit-ups and/or push-ups until Jose finished his game (which was pretty long) Afterward she took us to the back room to reflect...
I almost couldn't talk although I calmed down already. We had to think about how we played and something about the game/opponent. Vito was the only one praising themselves xD

Then we went back outside. They were still playing exhibition I think. Vito and Lee went to play the strong doubles team (I don't think they originally play doubles though) and I was watching sometimes, and one time I saw Lee got smashed on the arm. It was so fast he didn't even react xD
I was just sitting down texting Jim and Axl came over to talk to me. And he lightly fist-bumped my head... thanks Axl :3 Like most other guys, probably can't handle girls crying LOL

Man, this better not happen again > >

So tired... slept at maybe 4AM yesterday building the darn balsa wood airplane. Came home after practice and showered & ate too much. Took a shut-eye for maybe an hr or 2. It got too hot afterward...

So me and Jo had a dentist appointment today. Last time we went was 2 years ago! Woops :p Got 4 cavities (actually 3. one is just the missing filling)
Late to practice by like 11 min. Issok. I didn't do the conditioning workout. It felt awkward joining them at that moment. Started on footwork, then warm-up. Then singles & doubles split. Coach wasn't here today. After drills, Axl said we'll play the fun drill, 4v2, since we have game against Lincoln tomoro.
I was on a team with Lee, Mai, Yeng, Jamie, and Nanette. So we went against Jamie & Lee first. I find that Lee gets to the net so fast xD
After we rotated, it was me & Mai. When Lee/Jamie smash (since they're up front) we get so scared xD I got hit on the neck > > (Head shot = 40 pushups & Body shots  20 pushups?) I think Lee short-served, & I wanted to front net smash but I hesitated bc I got there too late to smash & I didn't swing so I turned my head & the birdie landed on my neck. Grrrr. I needed my revenge pssh. So I tried to smash on him twice, the 1st time I think he returned it or Yeng might have caught it in the back. The 2nd time it was really good smash! Loud too. Too bad it hit the net right in front of Lee. He was so shocked/scared he jumped! LOL that was the funniest reaction. xD He jumped a lil and spun around kekeke still couldn't get my revenge though bc we had to rotate after that :p
The 3rd round Mai got hit on the neck. Nanette hit it (like a medium-speed drop) and Mai swung and missed. She turned her head and it hit her neck. xD Mai got a head shot last time lol and she was getting all jokingly annoyed about getting head shots. Apparently it was Jamie's fault 'cause he set it up for Nanette xD so he was like he'll do 20 of her push-ups. lol
Me and Mai didn't do our push-ups though, wasn't even sure if Axl was serious about doing the punishment :p
Afterward Axl made us play games. I played Joyce, Mai, and Alaiza. We all had to play each other once. After we done, I just sat on the wall watching Axl play Jamie and Lee play JohnJay & Jeremy. There was this one time I think JohnJay smashed on Lee and hit his foot, but just as the birdie landed at his foot, Lee pulled his foot back so fast LOL. I don't know how he can play in sweats... :p

I wonder if I even like him... it's just like, why suddenly? I can't think of exactly what I like about him. I just happened to talk a lot about him I guess? But that doesn't necessarily mean I like him right? I can't tell bc the way I laugh at everything people say or do, and how I look away and stuff like that, I do that to pretty much anyone! It's hard to tell the difference. Oi.

Had a MESA meeting and couldn't find Arianne at lunch. Juan gave me tips on the plane. It unofficially flew for like 3 seconds. It was better than the last plane and the 1st time we tried this plane, so looking forward to getting Juan's help and making this thing fly. Okay, I'm off to do econ hw!

Conditioning today was tiring. Axlllll why'd you make us run so much todayyyy. Finger planks hurt my fingers! T_T My back was hurting really bad....
Anyway, the start of practice, we sprinted then we partnered up. I was gonna partner up w/ Jessamae & then Adrian was like "partner up boy-girl" and Lee just called my name (he was 2 people to the right of me).
So yup, did different exercises, and all I could think about was "I can't be the cause of us being last (bc then we'd have to do 50 push-ups)" and how gentle his "high-fives" were LOL [I don't remember what I was thinking when I partnered w/ Vito last time LOL] And to complete the conditioning, a high-5 and "good job" :D Anyway I was pretty happy pfftt.
*also when I partnered w/ Adrian (at SJ) and Vito the last time, we missed a lot of our hi-5 passes. but w/ Lee we didn't miss any, probably 'cause we didn't rush it :P*
So then the team split, singles worked w/ Axl & doubles worked w/ Coach.
Left practice pretty early bc volleyball came early :p
No practice tomorrow bc of a staff vs student game, & so I can focus on MESAAAA /cries

OMG Orion, in ASL TA xD when he asked if I was going to prom & I said no 'cause I went last year. Then he asked me, out of the blue, so which Edison guy do you like? Shocked. So I replied "why you suddenly ask that question?" He was like I can't ask that question? And I just said "it's just so random."
Him: Oh so you dooo. (something about me getting red). Tell me.
Me: Why do you need to know? *laughs shyly, the heh-heh-heh one*
Him: Bc I want to know. Who is it?
-bell rings & we were walking out- Me: You don't need to know xD
-He meets up with Alena- She likes someone at Edison.
Alena: Aww that's so cute. You should ask him out. -here, I'm in front of them 2 & I'm shaking my head, & I think I said naww/noo-
Me: No guys xD -Orion's still asking me who it is- I'm not gonna tell you.
-out the classroom- Orion: I'ma talk to Jamie
Me: Nuuu (here, he says Oh no not that Jamie, but I was like yeah I know, it's THAT Jamie -his cousin-) don't talk to him about thissss.
We cont. to "argue" about this until we got into the long hallway. omgee these guys are killing me xD
Why is Orion always so on-point? Pfftt.

Last season game and I can't believe I effed that up. (not too bad, but still cannot believe I lost -.-)
Minar & Meimei surprise visited~~ ❤️
The Franklin coach switched it up and had the JV play first. So us varsities were just watching the game. I was sitting w/ Mai and she suddenly asked me if I would date Lee. Uhm... what. I was so shocked by that question I didn't know how to answer. Wondered if I should "lie" but too late; I already hesitated too long. She knowsssss. My reply was "Why are you asking me this?" and "Did my sister tell you anything?" being all shy and stuff. I think I was red, bc it was hot lol. and her answers were no, it's just because she's curious. Bc she could see us together >///< So I ended up telling her, kinda. Then she asked me about his hair, like if he looked better in his new hairstyle (and what I thought when I first saw him w/ his new haircut). I couldn't lie LOL. She asked if she should set it up for me, and I'm like nuuuu. I really don't like set-ups haha. 
(I thought I wrote about how Jim kept saying she had something to tell me, but that it would make me sad, but I can't find that post lol. But it was about how Vito had asked Mai would she go to prom w/ Lee :p & about him moving away after HS grad)
~Skip skip~
Nicole & Nanette needed a ride home, so we dropped them off at EHS. When we were almost there, Nanette, who was sitting next to me, said that she had something random/weird/out-of-nowhere to ask: "Do you like anyone on the team?" Me is shocked. Why are people asking about that now? xD Couldn't get out of this one LOL. I think I said yeah, and they guessed Lee. I mean, there's only like 2 guys on our team who's single. And he's the only senior single LOL.
He's been mentioned the whole day! At school I was telling Meimei Mina and Jessica about him and how if I should tell him in a letter that I was gonna give to the seniors at banquet. Still conflicting about that... And then Mai brought it up in the middle of the day. Then Nanette ended my day w/ him again LOL. Oh my... >3<

I got home and it was really hot and I was really tired and ended up napping. Woke up around 9 or 9:30 and checked my phone. I was surprised that he messaged me; kinda thought he was going to ask about my game LOL or about the line up. But he asked me to translate Coach's message for him.... w/ a pineapple and smiley emoticon. HE SENT ME EMOTICONS. That is so unlike him LOL. It's already hard enough to get a 'lol' and a sticker from him haha. But I don't understand the pineapple xD (which he means he just decided to read the poster LOL) & I guess that one signed on my poster that looks like an L + messy signature is not him o.o Wonder if he even signed mine > >

Damn. It's really hot. Tomorrow's the rally. Goodnight :p

Practice was pretty okay today. I got to hit w/ Aizle :3 and then warm-up then 4v2. I was w/ Czarina, Jim, Justin, Nanette, & Nicole. It kinda annoyed me a little that Nanette just gave up hitting afterward... Anyway skipping to games, I played Mary & Alaiza (split & lost) then played Joyce (split & lost) then Lee. Already figured I'd get single digits w/ this guy :p [Funny thing was I was telling Coach how I got single digits both times I've played him, and she told me to get double digits this time. Mai happened to be there and she said get all the digits xDD For a second, I was wondering if she knew or something. She gave me that look. I almost gave myself away, I was so shocked for a second.] There was this one time that I received the birdie late and he thought I was going to hairpin to my left, but I flicked straight (right) so he had to really run for the birdie and he fell. Sorryyyy >x< didn't really mean to make you run (& fall).

Eh then we took Alex home. Picked up Alvin (off the streets LOL) & took him home.
Coach was telling me how Lee & Vito were fighting over me. I was so lost. Fighting over me for what? to play me earlier? for a mixed doubles game....? or... that? (but impossible bc Vito has a gf, so that's out of the question). It got me thinking back to that "I love you" joke on my poster.
I figured it out after I talked it out w/ Jen & Jim though LOL. And then he confirmed it when he FB messaged me haha. Then we had this long talk about the team game on Monday. I don't understand why he's telling me all this though LOL. Like, a few times I was like ok and yup and he still manages to continue the convo haha. So it ended where we were just trying to figure out line up & he's so frustrated xD When he asked if I wanted to see the line up, I was like sure. Then he asked for my number to send me the list. Gave it to him, but the message failed to send LOL. Well, uhm, so now you have my number but oh wells right? It wasn't meant to be~ LOL. Doubt he'll text me anyway :p
Well, then there's nothing much to say, so he was like "well goodnight. See you tomorrow if I don't get lost" (bc we have a game at Franklin). Welp, my day ended well ^^

Talking about banquet, I told Jose Czarina Jim & Alaiza that I can't even make it bc I have graduation. Then they were like, we'll skip & go to your graduation lol. Coach joked about taking the whole team to "cheer" for me at Delta LOL please don't Coach ahahaha that's embarrassing. Wondering if I'll really end up making keychains and writing a letter for them... Yes I love writing letters :p

Today was our last home game against McNair. I got in the gym and there were posters w/ the names of the seniors but they didn't know about me :p so mine wasn't up there, kinda awkward... lol. Joyce Shelly & Jessamae made a kinda big deal about it hehe and then Adrian said "when they call your name we'll/I'll carry you" and I was like "nuuu don't make a big deal out of it, it's okay" bc that would've been pretty embarrassing. I feel the love guys~ Even though I would've liked one... hehe.

Then Mai & Shelly presented the seniors w/ posters made by Jessa. Mine was pretty plain :p so it felt awkward up there, next to the others which were more decorated. Then Coach gave us cute matching, but different colored, baseball tees~ Mine is like neon green o.o Vito & Lee had matching blue (navy & bright), so cuteeee~ keke I ship.
Played Joyce's opponent and she played mine. She lost though... Vito & Lee split. They played in their tees so they sweated in it xD And when they had their break, they both took off their tees. Lee's tank top was soaked (LOL eww but it's funny xD) Overall, boys and girls both won, 3-2.

People were signing the posters, mine looked pretty empty bc most people didn't sign, mine at least (& understood, bc they don't know me) and plus it had a lot of white space already. It saddens me a little. And all this, plus how my poster seemed put away from the rest of the posters made me feel like I'm just an outsider... I tried not to think too much about that. I still love them~ I wrote them all something :3 Lee's just happens to be different for some reason... LOL. Well Mary's too xP
We also took pictures~ d'awww I'm gonna miss them :') We took one with only 4-years, and we're cute~ keke. I like our tees~ hehe We didn't take one w/ the seniors though... ❤️

Lee's still limping, and I guess it got worse. Oh yeah, after practice, I was waiting with Coach and we took a pic w/ whoever was left. Lee stood next to me holding his name poster (I didn't hold up my poster bc I felt lame when they all held their name posters up) and kept saying not to block his name. Coach was like who do you think you are LOL. After that, me and Coach were just talking and she was saying how he flirts now (bc Jessamae was talking w/ him) and how he used be so quiet. He heard us and he just laughed like really loud xD Then he kept saying how he's a mysterious guy and no one on the team knows where he lives. I just feel like I'm hearing that a lot LOL. and still in my head I'm like, I think I know where you live haha.
Anyway, season's gonna be over in like 2 days... then tournament and then league. Pretty sad. Oh! And Coach told me banquet's on the 26th but I have my graduationnnnn /cries.

Feeling down after practice. None of my shots made it the way I wanted them to... Did bad in my game w/ Justin. Had fillings done today too at the dentist :p still went to practice :p
It was just annoying and really wasn't feeling it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better--home game vs McNair.

I mean, he kinda made it better. I haven't talked to him in a week at least. It's not like we "talked" though, he just said bye (+ my full name). He loves saying people's full names LOL. He cut his hair too. Much better LOL.

Alright, well not much homework, so I'ma get some arts done :p

4/6 (I think lol)
played w/ jim in doubles against every combo of girls doubles. i suck. jim had sliced her hand w/ the dog can lid.

played singles against jeremy, johnjay, vito. felt bad for having to split the two in practice. won jeremy, lost to johnjay and vito.
played mary.

played doubles w/ bryan against vito & lee. They playing man. I can't serve at all. man i get intimidated...
when the game first started, there was this one time lee couldve smashed, i believe, but he kinda dropped/hairpinned it on me instead. they also targeted me a lot :p as the game progressed tho, there was this one time he smashed and i luckily returned it. i dont really know the details of the game after that. just find it funny how he picked up the 'hold-on-i'm-not-ready' pose from the tournament. once he did that, but i served, he still returned it! i was thrown-off so i couldnt get it. bryan didnt call it on him.
he and vito were just arguing and arguing, jokingly of course. also, once i think my clear/flick was out but he called it in. well i didnt see it. and afterward he was like perfect shot! in his exaggerating voice :p and most of the time when it was a bad serve/shot from me, he'd say good shot or good serve and I'm just like, in my head, stahppp you're gnna make me hit like that.
I know he watched out for me though :p

Mom & dad took Jim back to Berkeley. I thought I would have a ride w/ Coach, but she left early. So I ended up getting a ride w/ Bryan :3

[also late update xD right now is 4/26]

3/31

Oi, had a scholarship banquet today so had to dress up. Jen & Jim wrote my Chinese and English speech LOL. And I made a thank you card right before we left. Had to dress up too but my calvesssss I'm so self-conscious >//< Anyway, I did dress up & looked like an OL hehe
It's so hard to act lady-like LOL and my mouth hurts from trying to keep a smile :p
I happened to be the only one to have a Chinese speech omygerddd so embarrassing xD I think I may have messed up but I was so nervous I don't even remember anymore. Michael (Li) was like "props to you" xDD He's pretty handsome: clean skin, long eyelashes. but if you look at him up front, not very cute lol.

Got home, and Carrie had posted the pic we took w/ each other (I swear, my legs are so uglyyy) and I was tagged in it. I also posted my #ootd LOL so people were liking both pics. Lee liked both LOL omgeee Carrie must be like, who the heck's this xDD Still makes me go 두근두근 very much >///< Oh wells, I mean... he's moving away, supposedly, after HS grad. anyway :p

I'm just really tired now because I stayed up late last night. Who's fault was it that I couldn't concentrate on the 3 page essay!? >///< Sigh. I just kept thinking and tweeting and tumblr posting. Someone pull me out of this deep trap already... it gets tiring...
I messaged him yesterday about him not jump smashing. The convo took a weird turn when he said "First of all I really don't get what u try to tell or ask me [etc]..." and then I just got scared to continue... after I replied, after a long time, I thought it was just gonna end there. He replies and thank goodness he lightens the mood w/ those rare 'lol' of his (because he doesn't lol very often, so it's scary to message him...) After this encounter, it just threw me off, and pretty much made me want to give up. Things just kept running through my head. I guess I just need some time away from him...

Yesterday when I went into practice, I saw him at his original spot. Vito comes in and was like "Let's hit!" to him. He's over there telling him that he's so tired. I happen to be sitting next to Vito's stuff so when Vito came in from the opposite door, he grabbed his stuff and went back to Lee saying "Come on, let's hit!" and totally ignored his complaints "I'm tired" xD I looked up when Vito said that and had eye contact with Lee, giving him a knowing smile which he returned. He ended up hitting w/ Vito because knowing Lee, how can he refuse xD Funny thing is, even Axl asked him if his leg still hurt & told him to stop jump smashing. Later on, John Jay asked him if his leg was alright. This led to me messaging him :p Wonder if people already know...
~~
Axl brought me food as a treat for Stagg game!! He looked so innocent standing at the gate w/ the big paper bag. He was talking to Raffy though but I completely ignored him LOL

So we had home game against Chavez. After school Andrew stopped me to ask if I had asked Coach about open gym after game. I didn't know he was serious! xD Anyway, he seems different than what I thought of him. lol. Such a kid, so soft-spoken when he said bye too lol He ended up being the first one at Edison, sitting all alone. I was going to go talk to him, but I couldn't just stop hitting w/ Justin either because I mean, I need the warm-up xD Eventually the rest of the team arrived. Still trying to stop thinking about him or even have any encounters today, but that didn't happen... :p I ended up splitting w/ Cindy although I really didn't want too > > I lost the 1st set, which was really close; calmed down 2nd set & really pulled down her score. Brandon ended up taking her outside the door to talk to her. Coach had nothing to say to me. xD I went out to get water. Joyce came out too because she split too. She was drinking water & I was idling because I didn't finish talking to Joyce. Lee comes out, calls me and asked if I split. You know, still out of breath, I just nodded. He continues to walk to the bathroom, & right before he's out of sight, he says "Win your game." In my head I'm like whyyy >///< and felt I had to "listen to him" *sigh* Got back to the game and won. Lee asked how'd I do, I just nodded (because there's nothing really to say & he wasn't close anyway lol) and he did like a little clap xD the ones that don't really make noise, and I think he said good job? but I can't remember. After game, Coach had varsities run. Shelly had a head start. Not wanting her to run alone, I ran after her, and Alaiza followed after me and we ran together (Shelly was already up ahead). Lee comes up behind us, he says "where are you girls going?" (joking of course), we let him pass, and eventually he passes Shelly too :p
You know, some days I don't even talk to him. The day I'm trying not to interact w/ him, whyyy. Well, I mean, I should've expected it. During games, we usually ask each other about our games anyway.
~
Andrew DM-ed me earlier before the games but because I was warming up, I didn't answer him xD The convo continued at home and he ended up just ranting to me, and then to me giving him a pep talk lol Pep talks don't really work unless face to face haha.
What am I to do w/ 2 injured people xD

Wa-seh. Had a 3 hour talk w/ Lee. He's so stubborn... hehe.
Well he wasn't at practice today either. Nothing much happened at practice... just Tong called me to open the door for his brother LOL (looks like Tong, talks like Tong, walks like Tong LOL)

Anyway, I got home from practice & messaged him. (You know, I went to sleep last night thinking about him & his injury, probably 'cause I wanted to message him yesterday but didn't... and ended up waking up thinking about him > <) He didn't reply me til 3 hours later, so at 9, when we were at Grandma's. It was just really long, talking about his leg and whatnot... I feel like I was giving away too much, if he even noticed LOL Anyway, so far, I can't tell anybody anything that he's told me. And I'm the only one who knows... It's bittersweet, heh.
Afterward, I thought we were gonna end the conversation 'cause I told him to take care of himself and then I ended it saying if he needed anything anytime, he could talk to me. I kinda thought he'd just say like thanks and we'd end there, but then he said "Hey Justina?" and I was just thinking, oh you have something to tell me already? LOL but we ended up talking about some random stuff: from pets, to why we used to have so many cats, to sleeping, to school. LOL.
(To Jim, it's funny bc she was washing dishes when I showed her the convo. I scrolled parts for her to see and left her at that cliffhanger. His next line was just to ask "U love cat?" and Jim kinda went a lil-jumpy-crazy bc 'cat' could easily be switched to something else, according to her LOL)

There was this one part of the convo where he said I was lucky, way better than him (family-wise I guess) and I was like "hm?" and he said: "Nvm. In the end of the day... we're both the same. Well almost. Close enough." That's as surprising as love comes in many forms. I told him he's full of surprises sometimes and he said he could be all the time but that it might be annoying. I asked him why would that be and what kind of surprises and he just nothing-ed me! lol

I ended up learning some more stuff about him lol and a lil about his family....

I'm really sleepy for some reason. Anyway today we played Stagg. Victoria switched w/ Vanessa, so I ended up playing Vanessa. She's so nice, she apologized to me bc I was sick and stuff (after I lost the 1st set & we switched sides). We split but I won. It was actually a really good game. I just made some mistakes and missed some shots but overall I thought it was good :D Once again, I was the only girl who won. (I remember this one time I served, I looked at Lee and served LOL idk)
Axl said if I beat his "ex-bae" he'll get me something. So after my game I went to talk to him, if he was serious, and he was like yeah, and asked if I tried Papa Burger or something. Then he asked for my lunch time and where my school is at. xD Yays~ He's bringing me lunch at school next week~ (if he doesn't forget LOL)
Then I watch Lee/Vito's & Alaiza/Mary's games. Coach said she doesn't know how they're playing. For Lee/Vito, she said they're hitting like they're singles players and I told Coach: Because you DID put 2 singles players together! XD and then she said neither of them could even play singles LOL but Lee can right? o.o They flick so much! Then Alaiza dodges shots she can possibly get and makes Mary lunge for it. xD

-JVs playing-
Shelly and I were just talking & we were talking about how we miss Ron and his strict conditioning and how he insults Shelly back then LOL. We were also talking about the May 2nd tournament, about when's the earliest and when we getting back. But we're probably getting back late since me & Jim are the only girls' doubles playing (at 2pm) LOL. Shelly asked if I was only playing girls' doubles and I told her I was playing mixed w/ Lee. I tried to keep it low bc I didn't want to draw his attention. He was talking to Jamie about the scores I guess and I heard my name. So yup, Jamie was saying I was the only one who won.Then Jose asked who's going to play what and Shelly answered, mentioning I was playing w Lee. Lee was in the corner and he heard his name. He was like "what" lol I didn't even look at him.
Eh... after the games were done Victoria wanted to play a just-for-fun singles game. Axl was gonna play mixed w/ the assistant Coach & was looking for a partner. I stood up, and he was like okay let's go and I was like "but... I'm playing singles~" but daaaang I would've chosen mixed over singles. *pouts* too bad I already promised her :p So he ended up playing w/ Shelly. Split w/ Victoria and she won. She was asking if I was playing for reals. I kinda was, kinda wasn't xD
Jamie and Jose were playing w/ my shoes. They wanted Shelly to try my shoes on, and I'm over here thinking uhh guys... my shoes stink. Why y'all touching it. xD
During the split I went to get some ice cold water. Seeing me Vanessa said "Don't drink ice cold water! You have a sore throat!" Aww thanks Vanessa~ but just a leetle bit xD
Axl and Lee played boys' doubles. Luckily I finished in time to watch. He looked pressured... or maybe he just looked like a kid compared to the other who's on the court. They targeted him a lot. Knowing guys being aggressive, they smashed when they got the chance, & knowing Lee who flicks a lot, they smashed on him. They don't even need to test, knowing "Coach" Axl, of course they'd pick on the little one. He also made a lot more mistakes than usual. Still good though I guess. Axl said 1st set was messy but 2nd set was way better for them.

Oh yeah, Axl was alllmost about to panic when Lee didn't show up xD bc Vito had said that Lee hadn't known we had a game today, but Mary told him eventually. Even after I finished warming up, Lee wasn't here so Axl says to me: does he really not know we have a game today?
I didn't answer him yet, and right at that moment, Lee comes in the door. lolol.
~
Hmm... I didn't blog yesterday... but nothing really happened. Oh wait! Franklin game. xD Won my game. Eh... Jen came back for a while & kept telling me to go talk to him but nuuuuu. After our games, Lee went to sit w/ his Hmong buddies on the other side. I was across the gym from him, kinda, watching the games and glancing at him time to time. At one moment I think there was eye contact, but I mean we're so far away from each other we could be looking at something else LOL. He looked like he was talking about us, and he looked like he was ready to point toward us but I happened to look "at him" and he ended up not completing his pointing. And in my head I'm thinking whoops. was he talking about me? I mean, I'm probably thinking too much. Random stuff just ran through my head. >///<

Then we got Taco Bell~ bc I was craving lol. Yum yum~ Mom had work so we had Taco Bell for lunch & dinner~ :3

Wow. I don't know why the topic about Andrew was up all day today xD Just bc I didn't go to prom. During Art, Angela was talking about how I should've went w/ Andrew, how we were a match made in heaven (bc we both play badminton etc).
Then 3rd period, Orion Alena & John were killing me. It all started w/ me telling Orion I wasn't going to go Santa Cruz on Wed (bc he asked if I filled out the form yet). Then he goes on about how I hate the senior class, & I'm defending, saying I don't hate them LOL. My excuses were not to miss practice etc & then he says "I'm missing practice too" and I say I have a game the next day, I cannot miss practice. He says "It's okay. It's just one practice" and I said "You don't get itttt" LOL (bc w/o practice, I'ma suck xDD) Plus, Coach was missing his practice too :p
Then Alena comes over and that's when he tells her everything, from me not going to SC to me not having gone to prom. She starts saying how I should've went with Andrew. (like seriously guys? Y'all ship this badminton couple that badly? LOL) And then everything goes on to me going out with him, Alena setting things up w/ a group hangout (Orion says we ain't even together & Alena says "they can go as friends. they don't have to go as lovers... yet") 
They keep asking me if I liked him or anything. And I'm over here being embarrassed (but I'm pretty sure I wasn't blushing yet) and Orion's like "no need to get red" and "you're red as a tomato" and "is it hot? do you need to take off your sweater?" How am I supposed to answer? It's not that I don't like him... but it's not like I like him either. I mean, what about Lee? LOL. So I ended up telling them I never thought about it. And Orion says "well, now she's thinking about it." Wow I'm bad at answering xD
Then John comes over and Alena asks him if I should go out with Andrew. John says "she's too pretty for him." and something about how Andrew's not at his level & having to find someone w/ higher (standards?) than himself. Orion asks "what's higher?" John says "exactly" (basically he's saying no one is as good "boyfriend" quality, if you will, than him. They burst out laughing and Orion's like "I literally meant the definition of 'higher'" xDD
Somewhere we talked about how awkward I am. Well, Orion describing how awkward I am :p how I don't talk, can't carry on a conversation.
Alena goes on about having a group hangout, that coincidentally I'm there and Andrew's there. And how we'll sit together talking about badminton. She says that we both play badminton, we're both smart. Orion throws in that I play "a little bit of League." She was also talking about how he likes smart and athletic girls, which I am she says. She wanted to arrange a "hangout" on the weekends to grab boba, if I wanted her to. And I'm over here telling her nooooo bc it'll be so awkward. She says you'll get used to it (as in, it won't be awkward once we get to know each other). Still denying! Man, she loves being matchmaker lol apparently she got Jenny/Aaron together and Katelyn/John together and herself/Orion too (although John says it's all him lol)
After we got out of 3rd per, Alena's still asking me if I wanted to go, and Orion butts in: "or should I talk to Jamie about that Edison guy" and I'm like "don't talk to Jamie about it" really defiantly xD and he was like "oh does he know?" and I said "No he doesn't but don't talk to him about it" lol Orion said something like if I liked "him" then I should tell him. And I'm in my head like hecks noooo (or did I tell him no?) either way, Orion basically said I need to take the chance, tell him how I feel. Then he and John were just saying/singing stuff really loud behind me. Eventually they directed that toward Rachel as I got out of the hallway.

Man, now I'm thinking about it. I told Stephanie too and I was telling her how I fall easily. I don't even know. Would I mind if I did go out w/ Andrew? or should I say, Would I say yes if he even asked me out? Ugh, this conflicts w/ my crush on Lee. I even told Steph this: I have a crush on Lee & if I went out w/ Andrew, I feel like I had done wrong. Dude... I don't know >x< I just wouldn't want to regret anything... or make anyone feel bad... or.... I just don't know. Dang it Alena why you make it so harddddd ToT And then Steph was like Alena wouldn't be doing all that if there wasn't something up with him. Gosh, am I going 두근두근 when I tweet him? Gaaah. Stupid feelings that can't tell itself what it wants -.-
~
Practice today though. I didn't even talk to Lee at all. I felt like I had eye contact w/ him a few times, just bc I happened to be watching his game or whatever he's doing (nooo I wasn't watching him the whole time). Feeling distant bc I didn't get to talk w/ him... then I came home, thinking I should message him about his leg? but ended up not bc he wasn't on. Just thought, "if he's on when I'm on, then I'll message him" but that didn't happen so no messaging. He looks fine anyway... Idunno.
Anyway, goodnight. Half-day all week. Got a Econ quiz tomoro that seems to be super hard according to others. *overthinks things in sleep* Bye.

I woke up pretty early today for no reason, making me so confused. I thought I was late for school!

So my dream was super weird O.O
We were in our single-building campus in one of the college classrooms. Prof. McCandless was the teacher I guess. She picked on me to write stuff on the board. I don't even know what I wrote, but remember that Victor, I think, was telling me something in Spanish and I was writing it on the board (I was attempting to translate it in my dream too) Then music starts playing. Eli comes up to me with a rose, and I'm getting embarrassed (?) Jessica comes up to me. Then Eli starts rapping. Apparently, here I discuss something w/ Jessica real fast, then she went back to her seat. I face Eli and he gives me the rose. After he was done, I gave him a hug, embarrassed (!?) and he's all like yesss and I go back to my friends. Here's where it gets confusing: what was that all about? Was that a promposal? But prom already passed (4/11, and I knew that LOL). Plus his date was Elizabeth. In my dream, Prof. McCandless also purposely said you're right. Today is 4/24. So I'm like, did he just ask me out?
Whatever it was, in my dream, I was deciding how to reject him, for whatever that was.

I wake up (was I shocked awake? o.o) and I'm all confused.
1) Am I late for school? (the time is 7:51am)
2) Why was Eli in my dream?
3) Was I promposed? Did I forget to go!? [but no LOL]
4) Prom is over right?
5) WHY WAS THAT WITH ELI!?

So my reality and dreams were mixed up when I woke up. Plus my tummy was feeling.... hurt/bloated. So I went to the restroom (but apparently I didn't really need to go).
And I kept thinking about how WEIRD this dream was. Then I was like I kinda miss Lee...? lolol

Anyway it's really late now but I had to finish the other posts or else they'll start piling up, and I'll start forgetting.

Fancy bus. Sat inside, window seat. Empty seat next to me. Lee gets on. Sits behind me but I didn't even know til he called me (and asked, again, when did you get here LOL) Sat w/ Mary instead.

Short ride? Felt shorter. Bus driver is, uh, newbie? xD We went in the parking lot of McNair the wrong way & blocked the cars from leaving. Bus had to back out. Getting off the bus, Lee complaining he's so tired/sleepy. Walked to the gym. Coach tells me Cindy's not here. Still barely beat the girl... hm... played so bad today Dx<
somewhat disappointed that I couldn't play Cindy... bittersweet, dude.
Girls lost bc only me and Joyce won. Mai could've won but she split.

While waiting for the matches to be done, talked w/ Joyce and ate Jose's gummiworms xD Somehow I ended up sitting almost next to Lee. He asked me if I had food bc he was "so hungry [he] was going to faint" LOL poor thing. When we left, the bus was parked all the way at the turn, so we had to walk to the bus. Adrian started complaining LOL he was tired and stuff. And I was like "want a piggyback ride?" He was like "really? with all my stuff?" xD I actually would have (for some odd reason LOL) if me and him weren't carrying so much. He also talked to me about Cindy. He was like Don't worry about her. and how I could probably beat her 'cause she plays like Victoria, is slow etc. Joyce was saying I could beat her too... so much faith~ (´•ω•̥`)
So we got back on the bus. Me and Lee both sat in the same seat, and he was like "yesss no one took my seat or else something something mf*" like did you have to cuss? xD Destiny sat next to me and Mary came after her. Mary ended up sitting behind the bus driver (sorry Mary! Dx) The bus wasn't going yet. Lee was hugging my seat so I could see his arm on the head rest so I turned around and he was really close so I ended turning back around, I think. He was looking at my white hair again. And I think he petted (or stroked) the side-back of my head. Still saying how I'm a try-hard, straight A student. I was gonna say no I'm not, but then I didn't know how to explain my white hair LOL.
Some time on the bus ride, I heard singing behind me(?) Jeremy was behind Lee (who was behind me) so I didn't think it was possible for me to hear Jeremy sing bc it was pretty quiet. So I'm guessing he was singing to himself xD

Anyway we got off the bus and were waiting in front of Taggart. He asked how was my game. Then Vito came over and started talking about beating Cindy and stuff xD Talking about how good she was. Then Vito was asking about my college and whether I'm really going to San Jose (and why not UCs and I was like meh). He's going to UCSD. Lee over here is saying he ain't going to college but wants to travel LOL. Then Vito says when you're 30 you'll be like "I wish I'd gone to college" LOL. So then mommy came and I said bye to them. Vito said bye to me :p I was walking to the car, waved to Shelly and them, and when I reached the car, Lee called me and said bye. and I waved. Why didn't you say bye to me when I said bye? LOL

Didn't expect to see Lee. (I kinda did 'cause I felt like he was lying to me about not going to school; he's too much of a "good boy" LOL) well anyway some returners were hitting with the newcomers. I'm guessing king of the court? I saw him walking, he wasn't limping as obviously (but he wasn't before anyway) Me/Joyce & Alaiza/Lee warmed up on the same court. Joyce asked if I wanted to hit with Lee instead, which surprised me. I was thinking maybe she wanted to hit with Alaiza? but I was like it doesn't matter. We were on the court, watching Lee limp over. He limped more obvious this time compared to earlier and last time, complaining "oww my leg" xD and I'm just watching him, smiling and shaking my head at him. He knows why ;)
After warming up, Coach made us hairpin and clear. Me and Joyce cleared while Lee and Alaiza hairpinned. We were on the same court. Me and Joyce weren't clearing correctly. All I see is Lee ducking down xD I think he almost got hit? haha. He was complaining about our clears xDD Then at one point, Alaiza hairpinned too high and he smashed the birdie... at me. XP He said sorry and laughed. Then we switched and me and Joyce were ducking xD
Also, all 3 of them fell at some point. LOL. Alaiza was like "we all fell except you" and I was like "seriously?" LOL. When Lee fell (I didn't really see him fall; he was just on the floor lolol) I told him not to hurt himself again. We were just laughing xD
Well that was fun. Then we got into drills. First she put the singles together: me Joyce and Jamie worked together. Axl was working with Mai Adrian and Jose. The next drill, she separated the singles with the doubles. I worked with Jeremy and John Jay. Near the end, Coach switched me to Vito and Lee's team, and said that they were hecka mean to Jamie xD
We did front net smash. Man, those 2 keep playing around. Lee kept mentioning his leg when he threw the birdie for me. On the first round when he was front net smashing and I was doing jumping jacks on the court, I was like don't smash on me. The next second, he smashed on me.. twice! lol. Once it almost hit me and I dodged but his second smash almost hit my foot. xD Okay, these guys kept playing around; I can hardly practice. I guess they were being nice to me? Lee threw the birdie for me, squatting kinda, and every time he threw the birdie he'd fall back a little xD and then complain about his leg. lol

After practice we were outside. (Coach was leaving, and he said bye to me but I wasn't leaving w/ Coach lol) Alex (newcomer) was talking about riding with Coach, and how Lee should ask Coach for a ride. Then he goes on about how he doesn't want people to know where he lives and then I say "what if I told you I know where you live?" He looked unbelievable and was like what xD I live in this trash can. But I didn't say anything afterward. Alex was like then why aren't you in there yet? lol. He said something I couldn't hear. I was on my phone kakao-ing Jen & Jim about all this. xD And then he calls me and asked if I was going to prom. I said no. Then he asks whether we even have prom and I was like yeahhhh it's this Saturday. He was like oh sh* nevermind then. Nevermind? Well I didn't pursue that. He was talking to the others, and they asked him if he was going to prom. He said he was thinking about it mumble mumble. :p I think soon after he had to leave. He waved bye but I don't think anybody else waved back to him xD (Well, he walked to his truck w/o saying bye. And only waved bye after getting inside. He probably wouldn't have waved if he didn't see me looking up)

Bear Creek game today. The girls were all pretty nervous. Coach kept telling us not to be nervous. All the guys varsities played first. Sat next to Axl watching the guys' games. Adrian's opponent looked really good "strong". I also watched Lee's and Vito's game. So funny 'cause Vito tried to jump smash, missed & dropped his racket, and Axl's like "stop jump-smashing!" to me, or mostly to himself lol. So I was watching their game, and I felt a few times, Lee would glance over when preparing for the serve or receive. (I did that too, at the Stagg tournament tbh, lol. When I faced the bleachers, I'd look up then shake him outta my head xDD)
Some time before we had to play our game, Coach made all the varsity girls go to the back room to do footwork (but the room was locked so we stayed in the hallway, doing random stuff like quick feet or side-hops or just jumping). I'm pretty sure it's so we stop watching the games and being nervous. Our games were next. Lost to the same girl I played in sections last year, but the score is a lot better: 10-21, 16-21. Coach said, as long as I beat her the next time around. Axl also said I did good when he watched, but I told him he just didn't see the mistakes lol. There was this one smash I was just lucky that I blocked. I just stuck out my racket w/o knowing where the birdie was gonna hit (bc I didn't think I'd get it) and it bounced off, barely dropping over the net :D
Anyway, Vito & Lee were the only ones who won for guys; and I was the only one who lost for girls.
After the games, varsities had to run around the school.

Some time before the games, I happened to see Lee limping and my first thought was, "his leg still hurts?" (from tournament) There was a tournament at Independence for doubles on May 2nd. Me and Jim are playing doubles. Jim is playing mixed with Axl (and she didn't even know til I told her I signed her up LOL) and Coach also asked if I wanted to play mixed, thinking I wouldn't want to, and that I should ask Lee or someone. I don't know why she would say Lee first LOL. I didn't know how to ask him. It felt like he wouldn't want to play mixed, but it's not like we never played doubles together before. After some debating with Jen & Jim, Jen texted Coach about me playing mixed with Lee and so I was forced to ask. So I had to FB him and he said yeah. When he registered he said he put Jim as his partner. I sent him a .o. sticker and he said jk. Then proceeded to send me a "bird on crutches" sticker and talked about his leg. So then I'm over here, messaging him, worrying about his leg LOL.

Ya know, he's pretty funny. xD So when I was registering I asked him if his "real name was Lee Xiong" 'cause I wasn't sure if he used Xiongbie or not. Then I said nevermind bc he was off FB and I was just gonna submit. Then he came on a little later, registering, and asked "what's my partner's name" and then said "nvm. got it" LOL man, he playing. Anyway, he said he gotta rest up so he went to sleep earlier. He also said he wasn't going to school tomoro, so I'm guessing I won't see him at practice tomoro.

I was unsure if he didn't want to be rude to say no to playing with me 'cause he was like "yeah sure" so I had to like "double check". Then he asked if I wanted to just play for fun or try hard and win. I said "both?" and then he said, "Okay then we'll go and turn on the 'Try Hard Mode'/see how far we'll get". Literally his words, haha.
~
Before the game, I tweeted about BC and Andrew replied me. Came home after the game, looked through his twitter. Favorited some stuff, replied to some stuff. We ended up having a hella long Twit convo xD It's so funny. We're only best-badminton-friends on Twitter LOL. He talks to me like I'm his bro: dude, man LOL Sometimes, I can't imagine him talking like he does typing lolol

To be honest, I'm really lazy to update lol it was such a long day.
Talent Show is finally over with!
Anyway, this Saturday (3/28) we had a tournament in Palo Alto (to be honest, I had no idea where we were playing at xD) Anyway we got to Gunn HS. I played singles and doubles, but of course, I didn't get far :p But it was fun enough ^^
Ahhh I don't think there's anything to say, other than interactions with Lee bc Jim made everything seem hilarious xDD

I think the first thing that's funny for her was that he was about to sit in the same car as us, but since Tim was gonna drive the van, he took Lee with him :p
Got to Gunn & I was the first to play bc girls' singles was first. Oiii. Let's just skip to the Lee parts? LOL
Let's see, I didn't really talk to him til after me and Jim's last girls' doubles game. He just came in from the other gym and I was sitting in front of our lil "table" and there was a chair next to me. He sat down and said I heard you guys lost. And I was like yeah. He said good job. But jokingly/sarcastically :p Did we talk about some other stuff afterward? I think we did but I forgot, probably about his singles game.
Then the next thing I remember was me and Jim talking about how everyone was either playing/watching someone's game/or sitting out and no one's watching Lee's game. She told me to go, but I didn't want to be the only one to go watching him bc what am I gnna do when we gotta walk back to the main gym together? > < As we were "arguing" about that, he came in. Too late! LOL (she also said I should've went to watch his game bc he watched mine. I couldn't remember him watching my game...)
Then Coach and Jim went out to get food for the team. Lee and Mary/Joyce were playing in the small gym. I finally pulled myself off from the floor and walked to the small gym; everyone was there anyway. When the doubles were done playing, we waited for Lee's game to finish b4 walking back to the main gym. (at the stairs, there was a bee flying around my legs so I pretty much ran up the stairs xD) and Jim and Coach were asking us if we wanted Jamba Juice and what kind. In the main gym, Shelly was asking everyone & making sure they know they have to pay Coach back. Lee said he didn't want one bc he didn't know what it was. Jim was over here kakaoing me, teasing me asking if she needed to buy him one in my place and I was like noooo. lol. [Czarina hid Jeremy's phone in my pocket, and we were whispering to each other about when he'll notice. Lee was sitting in front of us and turned around suspiciously bc he mostly heard us say "him" so we be talking about a guy LOL]

Then Lee had a 2nd game after. Since I was up already, I walked over to the small gym. It was kinda empty. Jamie was sitting at the far end of the gym, watching Lee's game. So I joined him. Later Vito came and joined us. After the game, he looked like a super happy puppy or something. He gave Jamie & Vito fist bumps and me a hi-5 LOL and jogged to the table and out the gym. He went to turn in the form at the table and I sat down texting. He sat down next to me, asking who I was texting. I happened to be texting Jen/Jim about Tim but I was also texting Jim about Lee (but I was on the Jen/Jim chat). And I told him I was texting my sisters but instinctively held my phone close bc all I could think about was: I'm texting Jim about him. xD He didn't really sit down; hardly for half a sec. After I answered him, he kinda just got up again. That's when I was like: I'm so dummbbb. That was either so obvious (or rude). Plus it wasn't even the right chat. >///<

When the food was here, me and Czarina went out to bring them in. She ended up telling them to come out and eat instead. Me and Jim brought drinks inside. She told me to ask him if he wanted one but I couldn't do itttt I didn't know what to say. She made it look like a confession LOL. She made me share a White Gummy with her, so he had a choice of (Coach's) strawberry or the other White Gummy. So I went over to ask him if he wanted one. He said of course, reached for the strawberry one, and seeing Jim walk over, asked if it was free. In my head I was laughing bc, the main reason he didn't want one was bc he didn't want to pay? xDD Anyway Jim said yeah, and told me she was gnna go wash her hands and eat outside. I sat on the floor next to him, who was sitting on the chair, and we watched the games. He took his first "sip", next thing he says: ahh brain freeze. i'm so thirsty. He continues to drink. I asked: you've never tried Jamba Juice? His reply: Nope. I'm not the type of person to go out and drink/eat every day. Somewhere along the line, I also asked if he had eaten anything since this morning. He said no. ---- I glance at him and sees he's almost done. How. Lol. Anyway, I took his empty cup and delivered Vito his drink bc he "demanded" it lol So I walked back out, and when I was close to the van, Vito was like, are you delivering? xD Ate a slice of pizza and went back inside.
I told Jim all that. Afterward, Lee played his last game, and lost. He looked tired. He changed and just sat by the wall, then with Tim. Jim kept telling me to feed him bc he hadn't eaten anything all day. I felt like the whole day I was being so obvious so I didn't really want to go tell him or even bring him to the van for pizza... Jim told Coach too but Coach was like let's see who's nice on the team to tell him about food. Since I couldn't do it, and nobody else did, she eventually took him to get pizza from the van. Jim kept teasing that if I didn't go tell him there was pizza, he's gonna faint :p

Wow. That was long. I think that was all... The most I've interacted with Lee? *shrugs*
Thinking back some more, b4 Jim left to buy food, she told me to check my phone. I didn't do it til later. [She was stalking me when I was playing my last game. Lee and Vito happened to be starting their game next to mine. One of Jim's pic showed him watching me (or looking in my direction) while drinking water, pfft, doesn't mean he was watching me :p] and I guess that's when I was like, so he did watch me... I guess I'll go watch him. and I went and watched his game w/ Jamie & Vito :p
Anyway, Coach took me and Jim home early, around 8. (We got OneTea though xD) The others didn't leave til 10:30 bc of Tim xD Well anyway, I guess that's all for right now. Too much typing, and I really gotta get to sleep. I'll post about today's practice (hopefully I remember though)

Edison's on their spring break already. Still have practice though. Jim and them were there yesterday; she was gonna see Lee but he wasn't gonna attend practice this week. He came today though~ surprise surprise~
Talked with him a little though.

I still wonder... questions keep running through my head. Complicated questions that seem impossible to answer. They sound stupid though.
The question that so many wonder: do I really like you, or is it a mistaken feeling?
When I try to answer the questions that float by, I feel like I'm forcing the answer to be that way.
I mean, it's my last year, none of this will matter anyway *shrugs*
So, like, would I miss him if I haven't seen him for a while? I don't know if I'm answering that question truthfully. I guess we'll see.

It's interesting--I haven't had a crush since the last "crush spike" with Javi LOL omgee those times were embarrassing. Last year was a... weird crush time :p

#np 날 만난 이후 | Jinyoung & Min Hyorin.

*EDIT/1:03AM-- "Love isn't something you describe or judge. It's just a feeling you have about someone." Ansel Elgort. Don't know who he is, but read his Q&A in Seventeen. I think that timing of finding that quote was just too on point.

*too lazy to update*
Anyway, today's game was pretty sucky. I was playing so bad. Before the game I even told Alaiza I was not feeling it today.
Almost all of us played hella bad today TT I don't get ittttt
Man, I lost so bad I don't even know why. It was like I think sophomore year, when I lost to Lodi I think, and I kinda scared Ron I guess. I think I scared Axl this time xD
After my loss, I felt like I couldn't even face Lee T/n\T *don't ask why :p

Coach kinda punished us. We had to do partner sit-ups and/or push-ups until Jose finished his game (which was pretty long) Afterward she took us to the back room to reflect...
I almost couldn't talk although I calmed down already. We had to think about how we played and something about the game/opponent. Vito was the only one praising themselves xD

Then we went back outside. They were still playing exhibition I think. Vito and Lee went to play the strong doubles team (I don't think they originally play doubles though) and I was watching sometimes, and one time I saw Lee got smashed on the arm. It was so fast he didn't even react xD
I was just sitting down texting Jim and Axl came over to talk to me. And he lightly fist-bumped my head... thanks Axl :3 Like most other guys, probably can't handle girls crying LOL

Man, this better not happen again > >

So tired... slept at maybe 4AM yesterday building the darn balsa wood airplane. Came home after practice and showered & ate too much. Took a shut-eye for maybe an hr or 2. It got too hot afterward...

So me and Jo had a dentist appointment today. Last time we went was 2 years ago! Woops :p Got 4 cavities (actually 3. one is just the missing filling)
Late to practice by like 11 min. Issok. I didn't do the conditioning workout. It felt awkward joining them at that moment. Started on footwork, then warm-up. Then singles & doubles split. Coach wasn't here today. After drills, Axl said we'll play the fun drill, 4v2, since we have game against Lincoln tomoro.
I was on a team with Lee, Mai, Yeng, Jamie, and Nanette. So we went against Jamie & Lee first. I find that Lee gets to the net so fast xD
After we rotated, it was me & Mai. When Lee/Jamie smash (since they're up front) we get so scared xD I got hit on the neck > > (Head shot = 40 pushups & Body shots  20 pushups?) I think Lee short-served, & I wanted to front net smash but I hesitated bc I got there too late to smash & I didn't swing so I turned my head & the birdie landed on my neck. Grrrr. I needed my revenge pssh. So I tried to smash on him twice, the 1st time I think he returned it or Yeng might have caught it in the back. The 2nd time it was really good smash! Loud too. Too bad it hit the net right in front of Lee. He was so shocked/scared he jumped! LOL that was the funniest reaction. xD He jumped a lil and spun around kekeke still couldn't get my revenge though bc we had to rotate after that :p
The 3rd round Mai got hit on the neck. Nanette hit it (like a medium-speed drop) and Mai swung and missed. She turned her head and it hit her neck. xD Mai got a head shot last time lol and she was getting all jokingly annoyed about getting head shots. Apparently it was Jamie's fault 'cause he set it up for Nanette xD so he was like he'll do 20 of her push-ups. lol
Me and Mai didn't do our push-ups though, wasn't even sure if Axl was serious about doing the punishment :p
Afterward Axl made us play games. I played Joyce, Mai, and Alaiza. We all had to play each other once. After we done, I just sat on the wall watching Axl play Jamie and Lee play JohnJay & Jeremy. There was this one time I think JohnJay smashed on Lee and hit his foot, but just as the birdie landed at his foot, Lee pulled his foot back so fast LOL. I don't know how he can play in sweats... :p

I wonder if I even like him... it's just like, why suddenly? I can't think of exactly what I like about him. I just happened to talk a lot about him I guess? But that doesn't necessarily mean I like him right? I can't tell bc the way I laugh at everything people say or do, and how I look away and stuff like that, I do that to pretty much anyone! It's hard to tell the difference. Oi.

Had a MESA meeting and couldn't find Arianne at lunch. Juan gave me tips on the plane. It unofficially flew for like 3 seconds. It was better than the last plane and the 1st time we tried this plane, so looking forward to getting Juan's help and making this thing fly. Okay, I'm off to do econ hw!

Conditioning today was tiring. Axlllll why'd you make us run so much todayyyy. Finger planks hurt my fingers! T_T My back was hurting really bad....
Anyway, the start of practice, we sprinted then we partnered up. I was gonna partner up w/ Jessamae & then Adrian was like "partner up boy-girl" and Lee just called my name (he was 2 people to the right of me).
So yup, did different exercises, and all I could think about was "I can't be the cause of us being last (bc then we'd have to do 50 push-ups)" and how gentle his "high-fives" were LOL [I don't remember what I was thinking when I partnered w/ Vito last time LOL] And to complete the conditioning, a high-5 and "good job" :D Anyway I was pretty happy pfftt.
*also when I partnered w/ Adrian (at SJ) and Vito the last time, we missed a lot of our hi-5 passes. but w/ Lee we didn't miss any, probably 'cause we didn't rush it :P*
So then the team split, singles worked w/ Axl & doubles worked w/ Coach.
Left practice pretty early bc volleyball came early :p
No practice tomorrow bc of a staff vs student game, & so I can focus on MESAAAA /cries

OMG Orion, in ASL TA xD when he asked if I was going to prom & I said no 'cause I went last year. Then he asked me, out of the blue, so which Edison guy do you like? Shocked. So I replied "why you suddenly ask that question?" He was like I can't ask that question? And I just said "it's just so random."
Him: Oh so you dooo. (something about me getting red). Tell me.
Me: Why do you need to know? *laughs shyly, the heh-heh-heh one*
Him: Bc I want to know. Who is it?
-bell rings & we were walking out- Me: You don't need to know xD
-He meets up with Alena- She likes someone at Edison.
Alena: Aww that's so cute. You should ask him out. -here, I'm in front of them 2 & I'm shaking my head, & I think I said naww/noo-
Me: No guys xD -Orion's still asking me who it is- I'm not gonna tell you.
-out the classroom- Orion: I'ma talk to Jamie
Me: Nuuu (here, he says Oh no not that Jamie, but I was like yeah I know, it's THAT Jamie -his cousin-) don't talk to him about thissss.
We cont. to "argue" about this until we got into the long hallway. omgee these guys are killing me xD
Why is Orion always so on-point? Pfftt.

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^

February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 March 2012 June 2012 July 2012 September 2012 November 2012 September 2013 October 2013 December 2013 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 March 2017 April 2017 May 2017 June 2017 July 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 March 2018 April 2018 May 2018 June 2018 July 2018 August 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 January 2019 February 2019 March 2019 April 2019 June 2019 July 2019 August 2019 September 2019 October 2019 November 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 June 2020 July 2020 August 2020 September 2020 October 2020 November 2020 December 2020 January 2021 February 2021 March 2021 April 2021 May 2021 June 2021 July 2021 November 2021 December 2021 January 2022 February 2022 April 2022 August 2022 October 2022 December 2022 March 2023 May 2023 September 2023 February 2024 March 2024 June 2024 September 2024 October 2024 December 2024 January 2025 February 2025 June 2025 January 2026 April 2026 August 2026