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Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/

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-- Now playing: ROMEO - 삐딱해봤더니 (mama) --

Wow I'm sore. The other day me and Jo were playing Wii Fit. I also practiced "ICC". Then we did Tiffany's leg workout. My calves... guess I just gotta keep working on them & see what happens. I woke up early this morning bc originally me & Jo were gonna go run at the park, but even at 7:30am, it was hot, so we didn't go. I woke up at 9am, earliest this whole summer break I think lols
It's already the end of June... & I haven't finished Coach's stuff! Iyah... I also called for an appt for my wisdom teeth... *cries* but the lady sounded really nice.
It was really hot today... and I ended up napping on the single sofa. I also tried out "Monster," and it's the only EXO song, I think, that I picked up really fast; even though it's still sloppy. I think I'm getting better at remembering moves :D Once you get the chorus, everything else was easy. At first I was trippin' over it. Then I tried "Oh No" because I should do a girl song at some point lol. I should do "L.I.E" too... hm.
Right now I'ma finish "Nightmare" though.
I'm tired.

TO-DO:
1. Work on POLARIS intro cut
2. YT icon & header

I guess we're going somewhere. Monsta X's cover is finally done edited and up! Now what's the next one to work on... keke U10's cover still needs to be re-uploaded due to that ugly bass. I caught up with most of the shows (I think). Me and Jo are not as itchy, but there's still a bunch of bites; we just use this spray that we went out to buy yesterday. I guess it helps. I still need to call the dentist... sigh.

POLARIS come back; wheeee~ we're planning dates and stuff so hopefully we can actually come back. Wondering if we'll have a comeback with Dae though... but she's always too busy with work. And when she is off, I'm sure she'd rather hang out with her other friends than spend a few hours practicing with us... But anyway, I really want to do "Just you" with the group because they're so underrated there will hardly be any covers. This song/dance is so upbeat, I want it to be a full 5-member cover~

-- Now playing: AOA - Give Me Love --

Oops I leagued a little too much lately hehe. These bug bites are killing me fuhhh. So many... as long as it's not bed bugs... These red dots make it look like I'm contagious or something.
I plan to sleep early but that never happens.

Yesterday I played Wii Fit, and surprisingly, I beat a lot of my old scores in the games lol I also did yoga and actual strength training. As of right now, my shoulders hurt; probably from the push-ups/boxing. I also finally recorded my cover. It didn't go too bad but it got really hot. I was also able to do a one take but not without mistakes haha. Also saw the famous skateboarding bulldog Picasso! He so cute haha Anyway, I did it in the morning at Weber Point. There weren't a lot of people except for some elderly taking their morning walk, people walking their dogs, and some homeless who stopped by to compliment. This is one of the better covers--of my 3 lol-- because I actually remembered the dance and the process of it was pretty typical of filming haha. Moving on! to the next covers, that I don't know what yet. ((Monsta X released their practice the day AFTER I FILMED MY COVER. whyyyy lol)) Yesterday I also met up with Jessica, Arianne, and Louegie to watch "Finding Dory." Very cute and touching :') After the movie we dilly-dallied for an hour looking for a ride since Arianne's mom wasn't picking up. We called for Uber/Lyft, and cancelled when Arianne's mom came to pick us up. Afterward, we called Lyft again to take us to BJ's. It was getting late. I won't mention how awkward it was with them two; though Dae denies there's anything going on, I think they hit it off already. But oh wells, not my business.

I need to stop waking up so late bruh. I don't want to do anything... it got cold tonight and it smelled like rain. I need to hurry up and finish Coach's stuff. Also, I guess I'm working on this bad habit of mine? where I have short-term memory loss lol and then I get annoyed 'til I remember. Well, earlier on my phone (on either Twitter, FB, or IG) I read a comment on a post about someone's Japanese single and I'm like hey I didn't know that. But then I couldn't remember what group. Also my collection of music. I think it's gotten better? I don't feel too annoyed if I don't get all the releases. *shrugs*
--
Curious about the title? Some things just happened today and the other day (not too big) but it got me thinking about myself, what I've done/been doing/should be doing. I hate myself sometimes. The reason why I get mad at my dad is because he's annoying or I'm annoyed already, but usually it's because I hate how I can't explain something to him or I can't translate it in Chinese.
I don't remember what it was he saying to my mom, but I told him we need to get him a hearing aid because it's causing us problems (rough translation from Chinese). It wasn't until I spoke it when I realized it sounded rude. It sounded like a rude Chinese youngster complaining about the disabilities of an elder; even though I didn't mean it that way. I was just keeping in mind this article I read about a marriage almost ruined because the couples were always arguing bc the husband misheard the wife bc he was hard of hearing. I was just thinking how much quieter the house could be, bc lately, I've noticed that my replies to him have already accustomed to a sort of yelling bc he can't hear. Just earlier, I got heated bc my mom won't let me vacuum the porch at 1am. I don't even know why I was. Not that I argued back bc I knew she was right about waking neighbors (maybe?), but I got really annoyed (not to mention I couldn't figure out that Japanese single).
The other day was with Jo. It's probably just because she's my sister that I can react this way. I had her take a look at the rough edit Jim did of my cover. I already knew there were problems here and there, but Jo has a way of putting attitude (or at least that's what it sounds like) in her words, even though to her, it's probably not attitude. She kept saying you shouldn't have worn white; why is your bangs like that; why did you tie up your hair like that; don't be a wimp in the sun (bc we were talking about doing a black version, but that I didn't want to be wearing black in the heat (even though I was in the shade)) and comments like that. The last comment was not one I minded bc it was like a joke. I got really annoyed when she said those to me, even though I had already noted all those things. When I retorted her, that's when she started replying with an annoyed tone. She was just stating what she thought (but hey, she's a little too blunt?) and here I was, giving her an annoyed attitude. After she finished she didn't say anything and left. I thought about it after a while. First, it was her "unintentional" tone in her comments that annoyed me. 2, she had to verbally state the things I already didn't like about the video. and 3, I was pretty proud of this cover and she made it sound like it's the worse thing she saw (exaggerated). Then I thought, well, that's what we joke about with other people's covers. I wouldn't react that way if someone other than family had made those comments.
To be honest, this cover made me even more aware and conscious of my body. I really really dislike it... but I tried to tell myself it's alright... it's alright... at least for this cover.
I'm also guilty of not helping out at home. I just don't know how to, but mostly it's because I don't wake up early enough; mom already done the chores. And she doesn't tell us to do this or that, and sometimes she just does herself. I don't know if Jo even has this guilt conscious; my guilt conscious trips me out a lot.

But yeah, so many things I regret doing and saying.
That's why I hate myself sometimes.

--Now playing: Steelo - Still Love --

Hm, I was really sleepy the other day and didn't want to do anything. I did manage to force myself to make a D.O.B. based keychain with Taeyeongie the next day, though it's not baked yet. At first I wanted Park Jin with Taeyeongie but I did not like how he came out. He kinda looks like Kaneki... lol. Wow I cannot wait for their debut~~ <3

Wednesday I also hung out with POLARIS, of course Steph is in Canadaaaa. We tried the moffles... nothing interesting. Just a waffle with ice cream... meh. We spent like 2-3 hrs gossiping and just catching up with each other. (Not even bc we were talking about other people LOL) We message each other too often that we're already caught up with each other LOL *insert laughing-crying emoji* But Dae was telling me stuff about Lollipop & omg my poor puppyyyy. #CSSSCougars4ever no matter what, I'm on his side. *cross arms & nods*
Afterward we went to the mall, but Mina and Jessie went home early. There wasn't anything else for us to do. So after we went to Victoria's Secret & chilled, we went home. Good day still ^^
~
Dateu you ask? No, not really lol. Looks like it, but I just hung out with Lee today. He came to pick me up, & us 2 lost kids went to the theater on West Ln. There was a detour plus earlier we weren't sure which way we were going, so I was in the car alone with him longer than if we had gone straight to the theater lol I still don't know why we didn't just go to the theater downtown... maybe bc TMNT was only 3D in the downtown one. But anyway, we definitely caught up lots. He talks a lot hehe ^^' I won't even mention what we talked about bc we really talked about a bunch of topics. I seriously thought it was going to be awkward, but it really wasn't :D He paid for the tickets (he laughed at me when I said to him "we're paying separately right?") It was kinda weird going to the theaters alone with him haha kinda reminds me of the time I went to the mall with Junior alone. Now that was awkward as heck. Afterward we went to T4, but not without spilling popcorn in his car first, oops LOL. To be honest, I really thought I'd be super embarrassed and get red, but I didn't get really flustered, maybe for the first few seconds. I paid for the drinks (when I was putting away the mini menu, he turned and looked like he was about to get up and asked me if he was supposed to just sit there and I nodded and said mhm), but it looked like he didn't like his drink? bc we sat and talked but while I drank mine, he only sipped a few here and there. We talked a lot too, and he told me his plans for the future, being registered at Full Sail U. (is that even legit?) and stuff. Well, at least he's planning something. He also talked about his work schedule and his work.
When he dropped me off, he asked me when school was starting. I told him and also that I'm leaving for San Jose at the end of July. He said to me, "Aug 30th is my birthday though." I can't believe he brought that up xD I kinda laughed as I was getting out of the car and said to him "I know!~ It's not my fault school starts then."
This dude... still a mystery 'til the end.
I came back and I was in a good mood ^w^ but I got a slight headache. I don't know is it bc hanging out with him stressed me out LOL Mom gave me some fried rice to eat but I really didn't feel like eating. I ate like 2 spoonfuls but didn't feel well. So I didn't really eat when I got back.

Wow it's really late now. Getting up early to do my cover. Originally I was supposed to do it this morning, but Jim woke up an hour earlier to use the restroom, thinking it was 6:30, but really, my mom's clock is still an hour ahead (or was it behind) lol. I was also feeling tired (since I slept late) but also bc these 2 days I've been having a weird stomach ache. Not even the I-need-to-take-a-sh* stomach ache; it's this churning and something-squeezing-my-insides feeling. And because of that, I woke up at 6:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep 'til 8am. It was really painful. I guess I'm also not eating much? Maybe this "stomach ache" is telling me to stop eating so much LOL
Update on that weight loss? I'm losing weight but not so much following what I said I'd do lol
So yup. Still gotta make-&-bake the keychains and do Coach's stuff. Omg I seriously need to finish those ribbons before July. Steph is coming back soon~ so hopefully we can get our cover done too ^^

--Now playing: Prop Game - Welcome to the Dragon Circus (VIP)--

The weather has been getting cooler lately, but it's still pretty warm. I still don't want to do much. Watched "Love Keeps Going" with mom, kyaa it's cute, but wow much drama it's crazy. I finally pulled myself to work on Coach's stuff. It came out okay? but I didn't like the outcome much. So I took it apart. I also caught up with all the music performances. Wow. It sure takes a lot of time and energy, so I don't know if I want to do that again. Heh. Bad habits.

I swear to goodness, Birdy is like my idol (@itsbirdy/IG). He has a cool car. He can draw. He can make music. He skates. He's cute. He's Canadian LOL but ohmygah. I want to be like him. Bruh, he's literally self-taught in everything, like wow *heart eyes* I want to too, but the determination is not as strong as his... I give up so easily. Too easily.
Nana asked about these "dreams" I speak of. Are there really a lot? Hm. When I start to really think about it, no. I just have a lot of things I want to do, so they're considered dreams? Who knows. Main dream/goal: get a good, if not, decent, job at a studio (hopefully DreamWorks or Pixar). Other small dreams are working on my hobbies. I want to make more comebacks with POLARIS. I want to make music; I want to do well in piano/violin/guitar. I want to do calligraphy. I want to code.
Hm. So maybe it wasn't much, but thinking all that at the same time made it seem like lots. Yeah, I have lots of time, but the time goes to waste...

I have time now since it's summer. I have all these things on a (sort-of) to-do list, yet I'm unwilling to do them. I have yet to watch the things I say I need to... like "To Be Continued" & "Click Your Heart". *sigh* I watched quite a few SNL with Jonghyun though. I'm dead xD Which reminds me, I need to watch AOMG on SNL omg xD I've also been looking into really underrated groups including Underdog, M.fect, and CRA'BEAT. It's so hard to find their stuffs, I'm really about to buy Underdog's and CRA'BEAT's (prev. known as Uncloud) old songs/albums. Halp.

--Now playing: K-tigers - Here For You--

When I read y'alls blogs, I really want to comment on your posts. But then again, I don't want to add any unnecessary pressure, and it feels like I'm butting in all the time. And it seems weird(?) for me to comment through my blog here...

I'm about 2 weeks into my summer break. Can't really say I did much, but I did watch Angry Birds with Victor and Jessica. During the 1st week, I guess I did hang out quite a bit? Hung out with badminton members from Jim's year. Michael's done with the army it seems ^^ But yeah, I didn't want to waste too much money either. Come on, I'm trying not to be freeloader here.

It's the last weekend here at SJ before the first summer as a college student. Wing and Lovepreet already left yesterday WITHOUT SAYING BYE. Even after I told him not to leave without saying bye hmph. Well, at least he still snapchat-messaged me to ask me where I was, only to message me an hour later, which meant he already went home. Wonder if he's coming back... even though he told me he will... Then I messaged Lovepreet because he didn't say byeeeee ToT He said he might stop bye. Hmph.

Omgee Michael though, this afternooon *insert laughing-crying emoji* I had to message him for rice~ after an hour though, he didn't reply me but Bea was getting impatient. I didn't want to be rude since we're the one asking. We waited in the common room. After a while, Bea heard his voice and said "Michael! Riiiiice!" xD and he gave us a very exasperated--jokingly--smirk and sigh and gave us his 3 microwavable rice and said "This is all my rice!" and he asked us if we were out of food and Bea said yes we were and he was like awww xDD

We also did our little "photoshoot" haha it was kind of awkward lol but pretty fun.
So tonight us, Biri, and John went to watch "Civil War." Then we went to Amor. When we got back, we were going to go down to the Village Market so Bea can buy noodles but then John gave her curry so we just went down to get water. Luis was on duty so he asked us if we could do him favor. So we refilled his water bottle. Then he asked if we had any more dining dollars. In the end I offered to buy him stuff. He was like ooh yeah, anything you want, maybe like sour patches watermelon. it doesn't matter. Then I asked if he wanted ice cream. He was like yesss and he wanted the strawberry shortcake one. When we got back he was so excited because we got him food *insert laughing-crying emoji* I should've gotten food for the other two RAs. We always labor for him when he's on duty xDD (But before-hand, LeAnn told me to give her the ice cream to "prank" him, but really she wanted to take credit for buying ice cream for him? Maybe I took that negatively, but I mean, anyone seeing us handing him food would've thought she bought it, but hey, I bought that hmph. I wanted to hand it to him, but she wouldn't give it back to meeeee. Also, she was being stingy WITH MY MONEY and telling me to just buy him one or the other, like what the heck? > >)

Anyway, I also finally got Michael's snapchat, hence the rice message. Whew, that took so much energy and dugun dugun to ask LOL I feel like I asked it really rudely? but of course I didn't mean it that way. Kinda ordered him to add me? haha Hm, still didn't get Andres's snapchat....
Oh yeah, I've also moved stuff into our apartment from Jim's apartment. It was a difficult night LOL

EDIT: Luis just came up, and he said "whattup fam." SO WE'RE FAM NOW.

It's insane how lazy I am to blog. So much stuff happened these past few days. So many things running through my mind. Yet I can't bring myself to write about them.
It's probably the clutter on my desk, the clutter of tabs on my 3 windows, and the clutter in my mind.

I do like to come back to read what I've written though; always interesting.
Right now, I'm hating my phone because in low light, I get these rainbow lines. I went to Pitch, Please's concert tonight, and the videos I recorded look like when an old VCR is played, and instead of black and white tracking lines, it's colorful. Ugh, I hate how Samsung said the camera's good and all when it's not. It's been like that since I got it. I think it got worse though. It needs a check-up because I really don't want to need to get a new phone (bc technically, I don't).

Wow, in just a short time--maybe like 2 weeks--so much stuff happened? This is probably gonna be all out of order, but the interactions is the important things right? lol

Well, finally finished with everything Bio. I got a good grade on the presentation~ even though I stayed up 'til like 4 to work on the PowerPoint. I was really proud on how neat and organized I made it. Oh yeah, that night I was out in the common room with Michael. Since we're talking about Michael, I'ma miss him~ To be honest we only talked like twice the first semester. We didn't start talking again 'til the floor meeting, when he brought up how it's so sad that we're all leaving and whatnot. And then another night, I was out working on my portfolio and Biri asked him to help her on math. So he sat on the couch to the left of me and I was working. At one point he just slid down the table and put his head on the table. OMG HIS ACTIONS >///< That was too cute... and then he asked me if I had a deviantArt. And I said, yeah but that I didn't want to show him bc he said what is it and got his phone ready to look it up. I was like nuuuuu bc my arts suck but he still wanted to see. Okay, my dA is like all kid drawings xD I ended up opening my dA on my laptop and let him look at it. He was so supportive though OMG I'm dead. He's so niceeee TuT Another day, I was working on my cool still life. He just got back and was supposed to be doing math hw but he took many "breaks" and then finally I finished, around 4am? And then I went to sleep. That painting passed the 1st day! Wheee~
Also, one day after gym he was in the common room and Megan, Lehlani, Kirsten, Sarah, and KG were just roasting him xD it was so funnyyyy. He was like "Wow did I miss a poster that said Roast Michael if you see him?" LOL Oh yeah, the Running Man challenge. Okay so after the meeting he brought up wanting to do the RM challenge with the floor, so I suggest to do it at the floor party. He was like naww. A few min. later he brought it up again, so I said "just do it at the party" and he was like 'okay, I'm down for it (if you are? I don't know if he said that, but he said something about me)' So then that day, "roast michael day," the song played & he & KG automatically did it. Then he called me out, saying that we should do it during the party (or that I wanted to do it). I was flustered to answer bc HE KNOWS MY NAME lolol but I was like "nu uhhhh you wanted to do it; I just suggested to do it at the party" and he said "bc you said it." HMPHHHH lol
Another time, a while back, me and Bea were coming back from the DC. He and a few other people were in the common room. My hands were full, so Bea opened the door for me but it rebounded from her toes and the door slightly hit my arm & I made this weird sound and he looked up like you good? lol and then me and Bea kinda laughed it off xD I only saw him pfft. Well, that pretty much rounds up him? haha

Oddly, I stayed up til like 4am 2 days in a row.... don't even know why. Painted outside yesterday for ANI14. Last day of class on Thursday~ :(
Over the weekend, I went to Jim's and met up w/ Jen & we had Korean fooood~ spicy chicken and tteokbokki w/ ramen. Then I stayed over at Jen's. Then we went home for a night and Jen was so sleepy when driving back omg she such a bad driver lol. We got back and started cleaning xD (also, I was lecturing Jen the whole way home haha) but yeah, when we left, I grabbed my camcorder. So these past days, we were recording lots. John even took it to film some people, but he's so bad at filming & he was asking about his first impressions *rolls eyes*
LeAnn also brought up hot pot with hyung. Hyung was like Oh yeahhh, I forgot. and mentioned how it's pretty $$ to hot pot, so we changed to pho I guess. He was like just let me know when since we didn't decide yet. He's moving out Friday and coming back Monday for his last final T^T man, everyone leavinggg I cry...

Also Steph is coming this Thursday~
I bought Los 5's EP omg I can't believe I did haha. I just messaged Juan Pablo on snapchat and asked him if their #NoMicTake1 series songs will be officially released and he said yes in the future! Wheee! Happy~ & yes, he does reply on SC msgs~ Omg Los 5 makes my day when they just play around on their SC.
Anyway, I should be finishing my painting and portfolio.... peace!

So I was sort of caught up, and now I'm not ahaha. Nothing new so far (I'm learning how to keep my posts short ;) be proud of me~)

It's almost 3am & I have class at 9. Keel me nowwww. I wasn't very productive over the weekends? Well, I did finish my bio but that was about it. I still have a bunch of stuff to do. I went to watch "The Boss" with Biri on Friday. Saturday I went out with Josue, and he treated me to Old Spaghetti Factory (his cute friend works there! haha) We also went to Muji before we dropped Biri off work & heading to OSF. Muji's hiring! I was pretty excited bc I was so down to work there lol. I even started on my resumé when I got back to the dorm. Writing one was harder than I thought...
I maybe should start stressing over ANI14? But I have been doing pretty well, I mean I never got lower than a 70. *shrugs* Still, the homework's about piling up now.

On Tues I really was in a sort of bad mood bc first off, I got some bad comments on my pear paintings (not like I never got bad comments, but that day, those comments really irked me) and then Steph tells me that the really nice 360Res unit was gone. And then I sorta started stressing? Not really... but anyway I was really down. Not to mention I had to get to ANI1 early bc we were having an extra credit screening before class. I got to class and there were a lot of people going in and out, so I just held the door open. When the 'masses' started thinning out, this dude stood in front of the entrance next to me and offered to hold the door but I said it was okay and that he could go first. So he went in but then turned back to ask if I was in the class. I nodded and he was like "ohhh! then come in come in!" (I don't really remember word for word, but he was really nice) He insisted on holding the door open--from the inside LOL so I scurried in so he didn't have to awkwardly hold it open. He said to me as I passed by something like wouldn't want you to be stuck outside if you have class. That kinda lifted my spirits. Oh yeah, there was also an Earth Day event with a petting zoo. Soft bunniessss~

On Wed, Jen & Jim came over and took me to do my observational lab field thingy. We made friends with a Canadian goose! It was right next to me keke. It was really hot that day. Afterward, we went to the mall & did some Mother's Day shopping. There was also a Brookstone! We spent a lil' over $200? I wonder if we're returning the massageeee thingies for cheaper on Amazon...

Haven't gone to the gym last week I don't think... LOL. Today I went to the library to study with KG, Biri, and Paola. To be honest, I didn't do anything really, so yeah, technically I wasted my time. But the fun thing was, when we were going there, we got a lift on the UPD cart. When we were leaving they wanted a lift but KG asked for an escort so we got a walking escort. He was pretty nice, pretty chill. It was kinda awkward walking back with him but he was chatting with KG. I didn't have much to eat today. I had my leftover chicken breast with canned ravioli for lunch at around 3? with Quickly. Spent time watching Qmentary--> Omg I died xD & was also Skyping with Jim. And then left for the library around 8:50pm.
At the library Meimei HAD to send me fantaken photos of FREAKIN' WEI WITH SMOKY MAKEUP. I ALMOST DIED. HE WAS WINKING TOOO WINKING I TELL YOUUU sigh. lol

Oops, falling behind again hehe.
This week went faster than I hoped I guess?
Well, for ANI14 homework we had to do 10 tonal drawings w/ our Tombow dual markers. I did them all the morning of class. Uli said it was good & he couldn't find anything to say to me & he said "I have to tell you at least one thing...." Other than drawings being off and reflected light is too light, he said I did really well ^w^ I think that made my day.
And then there was Jobee's talent show performance.... AT LUNCH. I still don't get it... *shakes my head*

One day I went down to eat sushi after class, and before my 6:30pm class. (When I got out of ANI14, I was going to take the elevator, but I saw Joey too late & I was so awkward avoiding the elevator--I walked out and back in after they left. phew. So I ended up taking the next elevator w/ "jawline"--this dude that has a really nice jawline according to Bea lol)
I was peacefully eating when this dude suddenly sits down in front of me and asks me about blind date advice. Uhm, ahaha, awkwardly we talked. I couldn't give him much advice that he didn't already know. He was really nice still I guess? He's a junior, but he talked so shy? Anyway I haven't seen him (& even if I did, I prob wouldn't even recognize LOL)

Amy and I also went back to hip hop for Jonny's workshop. Dude it was so scurry bc it was all his Syndicate friends TuT and it was super windy that day, my eyes were so dry & we were all freezing LOL

---
Yesterday was Admitted Spartans' Day & Steph came over w/ her mom, aunt, & sis. It was kinda awk? lol I kinda gave them a sort of tour but I think I failed LOL. Psh, Steph even left me w/ her mom & aunt alone (when I guided them to use the restroom). After ASD, we ate and went apartment scouting w/ Biri. I really like the one at 360 Res., though it's a lil' far by walking, but I think we'll get use to it. Also, Thirst Tea is hiring!? *sigh* I'm too scared to ToT but what's the worst?
We ate at Johnny Rockets; ate a lil' too much. I've been going to the gym w/ KG on Mon, Wed, & I guess Fri now too. And I just ate all that back... *sigh*

Also, I haven't had time for DTA's and stuff ToT
U10 comeback~ <3

*Right now I'm listening to my blog's music, listening to the piano version of Winter Blossom. Ah, memories. Can't wait for Season 4~*

Anyway, a lot of stuff's been happening I guess? This past weekend I stayed over at Jen's place in SF. I've been working out with KG, starting last Wed. Only Wed. though since I'm busy every other day. Maybe Friday... but I went with her this Monday too. She's training me ^^ I'm weak but at least when she's training me, I force myself to do it. It's not like it's unpleasant, but in the case with Bea, I won't force myself because, well, it's Bea! Lol.
Hyung also brought some bad news hmph. He's leaving SJ and going to a community college in Tracy. He wants to transfer to a UC, & it's easier from a community college... I was so sad :(( but I mean, he's doing what's best for him. He said he's been losing weight, about 6-7lbs since he was here. Poor hyung...

Yesterday my classmate took me & 3 other girls to Palo Alto Baylands for our field trip. It was pretty cool I guess. We saw a very pretty Annas Hummingbird ^^ Remember that funny (but not so funny) dude in my lab class? Nothing 'bout him really lol he's just taller than I thought LOL

Also, Luis. Omgee lol we've been kinda really, friendly? lately, I guess. He just casually comes into our room when our door is open haha just twice really; he came in last night. Kinda more comfortable with him now though so it's good. ^^

I wanted to sleep earlier lately... it almost worked? Uhm, but I slept late last night because I spent so much time after lab catching up on performances > < sheesh too many comebacks, & more to come! Then gym-ed. So when I got back to the dorm & showered, it was like 930? And when I started my homework, I ended up finishing around 230. I finished the rest this morning. I didn't wake up as early as I wanted to though.
Something that bothered me last night: Biri was going to get off work late, & she wanted a sandwich so asked LeAnn/Bea to get it. Bea kept dilly-dallying, asking if she'll make it in time since there's like 15min left. We said she could, but she just kept making excuses. In the end they said that actually, they would have already cleaned up. I was just thinking, what kind of friend wouldn't go get food for them? instead of making excuses -.- I know she can't really say no, I don't want to go get it because that's mean, but she could've just changed & attempted or something instead of making all these excuses. Sigh.

POLARIS is having a comeback this summer! Hopefully it actually goes through this time haha. I really want to comeback... <3

Thanks Minar! <3

Anyway, hyung hyung hyung.
Yesterday when I was going to class, I left at a time when there were only guys waiting for the elevator (luckily, Biri ended up coming too). So when I opened the door, I was really surprised. Hyung was the closest to the door & he boo-ed me; I was really taken aback x2 LOL. It was Travis, Josh & Andres, & Hyung waiting. When I got there, the elevator had just come. I held the door open for Biri & hyung starts saying to Andres & Josh about how I'm a junior standing academically omg hyung even I don't brag about myself LOL & when we were in the elevator he was like "her sisters go to like Berkeley and... Davis?" *looks at me* so I awkwardly nod LOL. I was kinda standing next him--not close (he's left of me)--& behind Andres with Josh next to him. Biri stood behind Josh & next to me (it's like a square, us 4. in my point of view can you imagine it? LOL)
Josh was the only one still listening to hyung LOL. Hyung also mentioned, I guess my major? but I didn't say anything. He said something like "....art.... that's talent." I wasn't really listening, all I saw was Josh nodding & with his usual smirk LOL I am so dead ahahaha all my favorite people in an elevator. Okay, he stops talking when we hit like the 9th floor I think.
That is just so awkward LOl does he have to bring up my standing everytime I'm with him & other people? pfft.
well I mean *shrug*

Originally I was going to write a pretty long post after thinking so long on the drive back to SJ (yes, I'm back in SJ), but my mood went up so now I don't feel the need to, though I guess I have a few things to share?

I think I should've had an "emo" phase.
To be honest, I'm very much a 'happy virus' ya know? I'm super optimistic & peppy, for the most part. But the con of that kind of personality is, once you're sad/depressed, it's extreme sadness. I mean, it balances right? Being extremely happy all the time just means being extremely sad when your mood drops. So I kinda wished I had an emo phase. I almost did, but I think it was very short & temporary. Once I'm feeling down, I just lose all motivation and just, desire to do nothing at all; including not going to school etc. (not to the point of not wanting to live though). There's just no more desire of anything... and I'm just spaced out for a while.

I was mad/sad/annoyed/lost all at the same time.
I wish I never found out... never found out that the black hard drive in our room was not ours. To find out that it's possible my dad returned OUR hard drive because he thought it was his. We're hoping for a possibility that maybe ours is placed elsewhere, but the chances are pretty low. It had all our backups to old memories and whatnot. Imagine not getting any of those back... I can't. Too many emotions spilled out at once. I didn't know how I should be feeling. What's the right emotion to feel? Yes, I'm always annoyed at my dad & I'm sure I've written posts about how much I disliked him (mostly his actions; "hate" is a strong word). Yes, everyone makes mistakes. And so what? Once it's done, it's done. There's nothing that can be done to bring it back. There's nothing arguments can do to bring it back. So why bother? I don't even know... He didn't do it on purpose, yet we want someone to take the blame. The way we treat him? It's not right, we know that. But in our standards, what he's saying. Doing. It's not right. Yet in his standards, it's all good. Who's correct? Or, he just doesn't know. [No, I did not have an argument with him over the hard drive.]

I usually don't know when I'm stressing.
Because I don't feel like I'm breaking down, or need to. And it's not like I keep things to myself; I let it all go in my blog. I'm not telling someone, but I'm telling something I guess you could say. Times when I know I'm stressing is when I suddenly feel like I won't get something done, or that I'm straining myself so much that I want to cry yet don't want to. It's also when I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do. Lists of things to do is what keeps me straight, calm-minded, and clear. Kind of. But things just pile up and become really stressful. Sometimes, they're not important. Not important things that stress me out is keeping up with my favorite groups on music shows, special music shows etc, shows, SNS, V app etc. What used to stress me out was saving every single pic of my babs from tumblr (that means going through hundreds of pages on various tumblr fanpages), and I finally broke that bad habit, though it occasionally comes back when I get hooked to a new group--though I keep telling myself they're not needed. I think a new thing (not really) that is stressing me out is knowing if I have every released album/single/song from artists, sometimes going all the way back to their debut. To be honest, will I listen to the old albums? Most likely not. Maybe sometimes I would want to listen to an old song or two. I'm trying to break that bad habit right now. Important things that are stressing me out are everyday homework, apartments for next year, money, and jobs.

I don't even know.

--
Well there's my rant of the day... I should really find a good cry. 
I took the opportunity of LeAnn & Bea not back yet so I cleaned my table. I need to buy a bookshelf stand...? I love being in the dorm by myself~ So much freedom.

*A happy tidbit of the day: I got to eat crêpes with Steph, Mina, & Jessica. Then we had K-bbq. I was so full omg my tummy was sticking out so much (also bc I've been eating well at home).
Time to work out a lil' here & there. Time to go back to hip hop (soon). Time to learn all my babs' new dances~ (oi, I really cannot get stressed out bc I haven't watched a bajillion different shows and cuts of my babs ToT)

Well. It's time for me to sleep. My head is itchy > > Also, I'm typing in the dark. The cpu screen is gonna be sooo bad for my eyes >.<

Spring break has started for me! I've been too lazy to update though. Last week Wed, I had no class so Jim & them picked me up to go to Santa Cruz. Funny thing is, Hyung snapchat-messaged me when he found out I had gone to Santa Cruz; what a surprise! Haha he sent me a pic of him pouting & said 'cool invite' awwwh haha too cute. So I told him it was bc he was in class & he said he just got out -.- but too bad! xD Psh, it's not like he never goes :p PLUS it's not like I would've invited him on a family trip xD

Wow I am so lazy to update. I have homework due when I get back from break but I realllyyy have no motivation to work... I'll continue about Santa Cruz & SF later. I still have a week's or 2's worth of update but gahhh too much to write! Even though I think they're all worth remembering... I texted pretty much every encounter to Steph ahahaha but my messages might delete if they get too old...

Needing to keep up with my everyday moments... it does stress me out. I'm probably going to take a break from blogging... Don't know when I'll be back though. Hm.
Right now watching "Office Girls" with mom. Once again, started in the middle lol. So many dramas to watch, I can't. -sigh- Still need to catch up on last week's performances.
Well, peace out! Probably won't see me for a long time.

I just caught up with Minar's & Meimei's posts. I think I almost cried when I was read Minar's post about the package <3 I just really hope that it didn't give her any kind of pressure... 'cause I mean, I can think of 2 ways she can respond to it. *shrugs* I dunno.

I am so tired this weekend. I think I still have last week to post about... anyway it was a crazy weekend! haha I really need to do homework.. presentation tomorrow, test Wed. Lots of stuff due for ANI14... Not too bad. But I want cup noodle right now LOL

Well, I gotta work on the other posts some other time, by then I'd probably forget all the details (though I don't want to forget the interactions hehe)

Things happened haha but I don't know what's worth to remember... so many funny things though haha. Well, last night I slept around 5am fixing up my cube rendering and re-drawing my cylinder. Let's skip what I did last night lol

I accidentally took a nap yesterday afternoon when I didn't mean to. Oh yeah, my nap gave me a really weird dream! haha --which I will copy & paste from Kakao bc I'm too lazy to type it out again lol--
2/17 dream: "I just remembered my nap dream xD it was hyung nd his friend tht bea thinks is cute. We call him chingu. In summary, we were having dinner, w me sitting next to hyung nd bea sitting next to chingu. At the end chingu said he'll pay nd then bea had to write down smthing bout who was paying nd she didnt kno his name so she asked hyung.
Then it was just me sitting. Chingu came back and sat next to me. I think hyung was across? But idr seeing him. Then bea came back nd i was sitting so close to chingu nd asked if she wanted to squeeze in next to me. Scene skip. We were waiting somewhere. Bea sat somewhere else from me nd chingu was somewhere else. Then hyung came back and threw this bundle of clothes on me. It was blue nd pink reversible knit sweaters for me bea nd leann. We were surprised nd asked y nd he said he just wanted to give a gift. Nd we were like thanksss. Leanns was a cute blue sweater w jean parts while mine nd beas were plain knit sweaters. Somewhere in my dream was smthing bout a violin i think.... Oh in the beginning, i was thinking bout how bea was sitting rly close to him nd how she looked like his gf. Nd how weird it was tht we didnt even kno him but had dinner w him. Also when chingu sat next to me, i think i slept on his shoulder or smthing."

When I woke up after going to the DC, I was going to do homework, but didn't want to do art homework. So I typed up my Bio notes, after I drew my Flufferbuns. So I started on my homework really late. When I was about to shower, Becca knocked on my door asking for her rubber band. How awkward was it for me to put a towel over myself & open the door a crack to hand her her rubber band? >///< I spent a lot of time writing the notes for Mina, too. I watched Spirit again too while working out. Jo was figuring out her outfit for black and white formal. After working out and since Bea & LeAnn were outside, I danced old songs and sweated myself out in a sweater and sweats. Wow, haven't sweated in forever. Then of course, worked on my homework 'til 5am bc I had Blue Sky Studio presentation to go to today.


2/18-- "I was going to blue sky studio presentation nd there were ppl standing at places leading to the room. It was so awk bc they say hi nd ask me 'blue sky studio?' Nd i nod nd they tell me to go this way nd that. The first dude was shawn (awk moment-read in blog) so i was awk. Then it was 3 girls so i just said hi nd nod. When i was about to enter the room this cute 師兄 came out xD"
Blue Sky came all the way from Connecticut. Mike is so Asian and funny! haha he's kinda quiet but chill and he has such a cute laugh~ after presentation, I went with Elaine to go get ice cream since it's SHM's b-day~ and we got a free pin. I was late to class, and Inga was showing a book after her demo. So I came in & put my stuff down and joined them. Angela and Morgan were snickering at me lol and I asked Angle what'd I miss. She said I smelled like ice cream! haha I only took one bite. Then we went back to our seats and I quickly finished my ice cream and we worked on the grid 'til the end of class.
"Dugun dugun when my adorable TA passed back my cube nd said good job~"
"Hes so freakin nice ugh. LOL i opened the door nd would hav hit him if i swung my drawing board lol cuz he was kneeling down in front of his locker. My friend was like tht is so dangerous 😂"

He critiqued my cylinder, and he was just so nice~ he told me the corrections I needed and then said it looked pretty good~ I need that support haha 
I was going to use the restroom and I saw Wing. A lil' later I was going down to the DC and I bumped into him and an RA coming out of the elevator. He looked so innocent, like he was guilty-of-something look; he still gave me a hi and smile (a smile you'd give when you're tryna tell people you're fine but you're not kind) I think he got locked out.

Spent the morning doing homework. Later in the afternoon, Wing came in to ask for a fork, so Bea gave him one. I thought he left; I was going to throw something away and he was standing behind me. We kinda just looked at each other, and he "faked" to stab me with that plastic fork of his LOL
He was in John's room when I passed by & me in my PJs, he asked if I didn't have any classes today. I told him at 3. Jim also sent me my cover to "approve" but there were some places off haha

In ANI 14, I didn't manage to finish my cube gouache but at least the flat tones were done. Ulysses (I forgot what nickname he said we could call him by) did his first demo! He was so adorable xD So he was teaching, and then at one point he asked Inga if it was okay to rotate his drawing. She cringed at it, but she said she doesn't know what we do at home, so she can't stop that and then he said "okay, let's pretend Inga's not hereeee" and with an innocent smile, he turns his drawing. And then every time he needed to turn it, he gave the expression like he was doing something bad... innocently LOL. and he'd say quietly, "Inga's not here..." and we'd all laugh LOL
During his demo, he had to raise his drawing board and turn it so we could all see. One time he accidentally hit someone. He kept apologizing xD and we all kinda laughed with him. Omgeee such a cute dork~
I cleaned up late, so I rushed to dorms and back to class. I didn't get to get sushi~ ToT but I wasn't as hungry as last Tues. The last class went over time, so we waited outside. When we could go in, I held the door open for people. People went in but nobody said thanks, until Ulysses and Ashlyn came up. He looked at me and was slightly shocked? and then he said thanks with a smile, and so did Ashlyn ^^ both my favorite TAs~ haha and then this dude was going to let me in first, but I gestured that he could go first. He didn't seem quite happy about that o.o uhm. okay. lol
I sat in the same row as my TAs, with 2 other people b/t us though. I wasn't as nervous as my "first" day of class. Later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw quick motions. It was Ulysses, who was glancing up and down, drawing. I think he was drawing the girl next to me (well, I did wonder if he was drawing me LOL I tried to take a glance at his drawing but it was hard. It didn't look like me though) Sat in there for 2 hours. The chairs are uncomfortable after so long; my legs and butt was really numb. And it was cold; I kept getting goosebumps. After stretch break, he did attendance. When he said my name, he said something to me, but it was all mumbles to me. I just gave him a blank look. I assumed he said he got my e-mail?

After eating a bit at the DC, worked out in the room LOL just some core--some crunches, some planks. A few push-ups. Some obliques, leg lifts. I don't even know lol Originally was going to watch some stuff but it was laggy. Soon after, I lost motivation LOL
Gonna catch up on some Bio right now... or not. I might just sleep lol goodnights! Bea is live streaming Gaon Awards, and commentating on everything LOL So I guess I'ma sleep... feel like I'ma be late tomorrow lol
Bea fish-tail braided my hair last night, so it was pretty wavy when I took it off. Then she curled it; it looked like a tornado xD

So following up with Jen picking me up from SJ, we went to the Great Mall and Mom & Jen went shopping. They looked at clothes and got some dresses at Papaya; that's like $100+! It was a long walk to Ouchii. Me and Jo walked off to find Ouchii while they shopped at Papaya. It was like 30min before we got to Ouchii. The dude who was working there greeted us and gave us Ranako stickers. I got one last time keke. The first time he asked if we needed any help, we said we were just looking. We were waiting for Mom & Jen, but we soon realized... they were gonna take a long time shopping. We loitered some more, then he asked us if we were looking for something specific and we were like, no we're just looking and waiting for my mom/sister. He said okay, and after a while we walked off behind the store, and then just walked away xD
We found a shortcut to Papaya through Uniqlo. That took us 5min! After buying at Papaya, we walked back to Ouchi. We were still whining and pleading mom to let me buy the Anoki snapback but she said $30 hat is not worth it. The worker was watching us whine to mom and he was smile-laughing at us xD Jen decided to buy a shirt, we got 2 since there was a discount. We went up to checkout; he asked me if we wanted the snapback, and I said yes, the Anoki one. But I guess he didn't hear me? bc he just checked out Jen's 2 shirts. So we told him again & he was like, oh I didn't know you wanted it. And we also got Jobee the lanyard I wanted but tis okay. Mom still disapproved LOL but oh wells, but dang we spent so much.

We were in traffic for like 3 hours? And finally got home, but there was nothing to drink! So I ate jubes lol. Saturday we went to pick up Jamie, and also helped Jen move in. After picking up Jim, we went to Ikea to buy Jen's bed. After SF, we went back to Berk to get Jim's stuff and pick up Synequeen too.After dropping her off, we went to Winco to buy drinks and pizza for dinnaaaa.

Then Sunday me and Jo went to T4, Target, and the mall with Jessie, Jessica, Steph, and Kathy. It was an interesting walk through Target LOL. Afterward, me & Jo hurried home for family dinner before I had to go back to SJ, which I got home at 11:30?
Well, we had dinner at China Palace. I kinda ate a lot? and there was this dude that I don't recognize but Jim said he worked there before? but I guess we were caught up with the other workers LOL. but he was kinda cute? We had eye contact when we walked in, and then again when I just took a 2nd glance when I was about to sit. Anyway, I sat next to the table where busboys get napkins, boxes and water with my back towards it. I had to scoot my chair in so they can get to the table. He was behind me--according to Jim-- 80% of the time LOL. There was this one time he walked by our table back and forth and then back. He came to take some plates, and he came in b/t me and Jim a lot. Grandma asked him for boxes, but Grandpa claimed the busboys didn't know Chinese LOL he didn't really look Chinese I guess? but he did. and he brought us one box for like 4 dishes and we kinda laughed at him, bc he asked is this enough in Chinese, then glanced at our table. Auntie laughed and said of course not, give me another box. So he went to get another. He took the empty plates. One was a pot and he took it slowly. I was afraid it'd slip off balance bahaha but he got it. Afterward, we had oranges. There was one orange left on the plate; he came by to take it. When he was about to take it, he noticed the orange and said, oh sorry. LOL me & Jim laughed xD
And then he came back to clear the dishes. He was b/t us again and he took some plates, then he reached to the other side of me and in my head I'm like whyyy  LOL

Well Jim drove me back to SJ. Dad went up with me; Ashley was checking IDs. I saw Andres who just got back I guess, and he saw me? When Dad was about to sign in, Ashley was like he didn't need to check in bc he'll be quick. Andres was holding the elevator for me; d'awww lol. And when we got up, he held the door opened for us and Josh was sitting in the common room, and I had to say thanks to Andres then hey to Josh LOL.
It took a while to unpack, but afterward, I rewrote my whiteboard. and wow, there was a lot happening this week. I was printing out homework for ANI55 but the printer is out of yellow ink, so it's only pink/red & blues coming out > >
Anyway, it's late now & I has lots of homework due tomorrow, goodnight! The stupid cylinder took me about 2 hours to do, since I had to cut it out twice and do the little triangles too...

--Ah! I just remembered, after lab today I went down to DC & met up with Biri & Bea. I was eating a sandwich and when I looked up, I had eye contact with Luis who greeted me with a what-up nod. I was kinda shocked bc I mean, I looked weird--about to take a bite from my sandwich!--so I had a late reaction; I think I took the bite and waved with my other hand. He was about to look away, but he still saw my wave, and gave me a nod. Aiya!! >///< LOL--

-- Now playing: ROMEO - 삐딱해봤더니 (mama) --

Wow I'm sore. The other day me and Jo were playing Wii Fit. I also practiced "ICC". Then we did Tiffany's leg workout. My calves... guess I just gotta keep working on them & see what happens. I woke up early this morning bc originally me & Jo were gonna go run at the park, but even at 7:30am, it was hot, so we didn't go. I woke up at 9am, earliest this whole summer break I think lols
It's already the end of June... & I haven't finished Coach's stuff! Iyah... I also called for an appt for my wisdom teeth... *cries* but the lady sounded really nice.
It was really hot today... and I ended up napping on the single sofa. I also tried out "Monster," and it's the only EXO song, I think, that I picked up really fast; even though it's still sloppy. I think I'm getting better at remembering moves :D Once you get the chorus, everything else was easy. At first I was trippin' over it. Then I tried "Oh No" because I should do a girl song at some point lol. I should do "L.I.E" too... hm.
Right now I'ma finish "Nightmare" though.
I'm tired.

TO-DO:
1. Work on POLARIS intro cut
2. YT icon & header

I guess we're going somewhere. Monsta X's cover is finally done edited and up! Now what's the next one to work on... keke U10's cover still needs to be re-uploaded due to that ugly bass. I caught up with most of the shows (I think). Me and Jo are not as itchy, but there's still a bunch of bites; we just use this spray that we went out to buy yesterday. I guess it helps. I still need to call the dentist... sigh.

POLARIS come back; wheeee~ we're planning dates and stuff so hopefully we can actually come back. Wondering if we'll have a comeback with Dae though... but she's always too busy with work. And when she is off, I'm sure she'd rather hang out with her other friends than spend a few hours practicing with us... But anyway, I really want to do "Just you" with the group because they're so underrated there will hardly be any covers. This song/dance is so upbeat, I want it to be a full 5-member cover~

-- Now playing: AOA - Give Me Love --

Oops I leagued a little too much lately hehe. These bug bites are killing me fuhhh. So many... as long as it's not bed bugs... These red dots make it look like I'm contagious or something.
I plan to sleep early but that never happens.

Yesterday I played Wii Fit, and surprisingly, I beat a lot of my old scores in the games lol I also did yoga and actual strength training. As of right now, my shoulders hurt; probably from the push-ups/boxing. I also finally recorded my cover. It didn't go too bad but it got really hot. I was also able to do a one take but not without mistakes haha. Also saw the famous skateboarding bulldog Picasso! He so cute haha Anyway, I did it in the morning at Weber Point. There weren't a lot of people except for some elderly taking their morning walk, people walking their dogs, and some homeless who stopped by to compliment. This is one of the better covers--of my 3 lol-- because I actually remembered the dance and the process of it was pretty typical of filming haha. Moving on! to the next covers, that I don't know what yet. ((Monsta X released their practice the day AFTER I FILMED MY COVER. whyyyy lol)) Yesterday I also met up with Jessica, Arianne, and Louegie to watch "Finding Dory." Very cute and touching :') After the movie we dilly-dallied for an hour looking for a ride since Arianne's mom wasn't picking up. We called for Uber/Lyft, and cancelled when Arianne's mom came to pick us up. Afterward, we called Lyft again to take us to BJ's. It was getting late. I won't mention how awkward it was with them two; though Dae denies there's anything going on, I think they hit it off already. But oh wells, not my business.

I need to stop waking up so late bruh. I don't want to do anything... it got cold tonight and it smelled like rain. I need to hurry up and finish Coach's stuff. Also, I guess I'm working on this bad habit of mine? where I have short-term memory loss lol and then I get annoyed 'til I remember. Well, earlier on my phone (on either Twitter, FB, or IG) I read a comment on a post about someone's Japanese single and I'm like hey I didn't know that. But then I couldn't remember what group. Also my collection of music. I think it's gotten better? I don't feel too annoyed if I don't get all the releases. *shrugs*
--
Curious about the title? Some things just happened today and the other day (not too big) but it got me thinking about myself, what I've done/been doing/should be doing. I hate myself sometimes. The reason why I get mad at my dad is because he's annoying or I'm annoyed already, but usually it's because I hate how I can't explain something to him or I can't translate it in Chinese.
I don't remember what it was he saying to my mom, but I told him we need to get him a hearing aid because it's causing us problems (rough translation from Chinese). It wasn't until I spoke it when I realized it sounded rude. It sounded like a rude Chinese youngster complaining about the disabilities of an elder; even though I didn't mean it that way. I was just keeping in mind this article I read about a marriage almost ruined because the couples were always arguing bc the husband misheard the wife bc he was hard of hearing. I was just thinking how much quieter the house could be, bc lately, I've noticed that my replies to him have already accustomed to a sort of yelling bc he can't hear. Just earlier, I got heated bc my mom won't let me vacuum the porch at 1am. I don't even know why I was. Not that I argued back bc I knew she was right about waking neighbors (maybe?), but I got really annoyed (not to mention I couldn't figure out that Japanese single).
The other day was with Jo. It's probably just because she's my sister that I can react this way. I had her take a look at the rough edit Jim did of my cover. I already knew there were problems here and there, but Jo has a way of putting attitude (or at least that's what it sounds like) in her words, even though to her, it's probably not attitude. She kept saying you shouldn't have worn white; why is your bangs like that; why did you tie up your hair like that; don't be a wimp in the sun (bc we were talking about doing a black version, but that I didn't want to be wearing black in the heat (even though I was in the shade)) and comments like that. The last comment was not one I minded bc it was like a joke. I got really annoyed when she said those to me, even though I had already noted all those things. When I retorted her, that's when she started replying with an annoyed tone. She was just stating what she thought (but hey, she's a little too blunt?) and here I was, giving her an annoyed attitude. After she finished she didn't say anything and left. I thought about it after a while. First, it was her "unintentional" tone in her comments that annoyed me. 2, she had to verbally state the things I already didn't like about the video. and 3, I was pretty proud of this cover and she made it sound like it's the worse thing she saw (exaggerated). Then I thought, well, that's what we joke about with other people's covers. I wouldn't react that way if someone other than family had made those comments.
To be honest, this cover made me even more aware and conscious of my body. I really really dislike it... but I tried to tell myself it's alright... it's alright... at least for this cover.
I'm also guilty of not helping out at home. I just don't know how to, but mostly it's because I don't wake up early enough; mom already done the chores. And she doesn't tell us to do this or that, and sometimes she just does herself. I don't know if Jo even has this guilt conscious; my guilt conscious trips me out a lot.

But yeah, so many things I regret doing and saying.
That's why I hate myself sometimes.

--Now playing: Steelo - Still Love --

Hm, I was really sleepy the other day and didn't want to do anything. I did manage to force myself to make a D.O.B. based keychain with Taeyeongie the next day, though it's not baked yet. At first I wanted Park Jin with Taeyeongie but I did not like how he came out. He kinda looks like Kaneki... lol. Wow I cannot wait for their debut~~ <3

Wednesday I also hung out with POLARIS, of course Steph is in Canadaaaa. We tried the moffles... nothing interesting. Just a waffle with ice cream... meh. We spent like 2-3 hrs gossiping and just catching up with each other. (Not even bc we were talking about other people LOL) We message each other too often that we're already caught up with each other LOL *insert laughing-crying emoji* But Dae was telling me stuff about Lollipop & omg my poor puppyyyy. #CSSSCougars4ever no matter what, I'm on his side. *cross arms & nods*
Afterward we went to the mall, but Mina and Jessie went home early. There wasn't anything else for us to do. So after we went to Victoria's Secret & chilled, we went home. Good day still ^^
~
Dateu you ask? No, not really lol. Looks like it, but I just hung out with Lee today. He came to pick me up, & us 2 lost kids went to the theater on West Ln. There was a detour plus earlier we weren't sure which way we were going, so I was in the car alone with him longer than if we had gone straight to the theater lol I still don't know why we didn't just go to the theater downtown... maybe bc TMNT was only 3D in the downtown one. But anyway, we definitely caught up lots. He talks a lot hehe ^^' I won't even mention what we talked about bc we really talked about a bunch of topics. I seriously thought it was going to be awkward, but it really wasn't :D He paid for the tickets (he laughed at me when I said to him "we're paying separately right?") It was kinda weird going to the theaters alone with him haha kinda reminds me of the time I went to the mall with Junior alone. Now that was awkward as heck. Afterward we went to T4, but not without spilling popcorn in his car first, oops LOL. To be honest, I really thought I'd be super embarrassed and get red, but I didn't get really flustered, maybe for the first few seconds. I paid for the drinks (when I was putting away the mini menu, he turned and looked like he was about to get up and asked me if he was supposed to just sit there and I nodded and said mhm), but it looked like he didn't like his drink? bc we sat and talked but while I drank mine, he only sipped a few here and there. We talked a lot too, and he told me his plans for the future, being registered at Full Sail U. (is that even legit?) and stuff. Well, at least he's planning something. He also talked about his work schedule and his work.
When he dropped me off, he asked me when school was starting. I told him and also that I'm leaving for San Jose at the end of July. He said to me, "Aug 30th is my birthday though." I can't believe he brought that up xD I kinda laughed as I was getting out of the car and said to him "I know!~ It's not my fault school starts then."
This dude... still a mystery 'til the end.
I came back and I was in a good mood ^w^ but I got a slight headache. I don't know is it bc hanging out with him stressed me out LOL Mom gave me some fried rice to eat but I really didn't feel like eating. I ate like 2 spoonfuls but didn't feel well. So I didn't really eat when I got back.

Wow it's really late now. Getting up early to do my cover. Originally I was supposed to do it this morning, but Jim woke up an hour earlier to use the restroom, thinking it was 6:30, but really, my mom's clock is still an hour ahead (or was it behind) lol. I was also feeling tired (since I slept late) but also bc these 2 days I've been having a weird stomach ache. Not even the I-need-to-take-a-sh* stomach ache; it's this churning and something-squeezing-my-insides feeling. And because of that, I woke up at 6:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep 'til 8am. It was really painful. I guess I'm also not eating much? Maybe this "stomach ache" is telling me to stop eating so much LOL
Update on that weight loss? I'm losing weight but not so much following what I said I'd do lol
So yup. Still gotta make-&-bake the keychains and do Coach's stuff. Omg I seriously need to finish those ribbons before July. Steph is coming back soon~ so hopefully we can get our cover done too ^^

--Now playing: Prop Game - Welcome to the Dragon Circus (VIP)--

The weather has been getting cooler lately, but it's still pretty warm. I still don't want to do much. Watched "Love Keeps Going" with mom, kyaa it's cute, but wow much drama it's crazy. I finally pulled myself to work on Coach's stuff. It came out okay? but I didn't like the outcome much. So I took it apart. I also caught up with all the music performances. Wow. It sure takes a lot of time and energy, so I don't know if I want to do that again. Heh. Bad habits.

I swear to goodness, Birdy is like my idol (@itsbirdy/IG). He has a cool car. He can draw. He can make music. He skates. He's cute. He's Canadian LOL but ohmygah. I want to be like him. Bruh, he's literally self-taught in everything, like wow *heart eyes* I want to too, but the determination is not as strong as his... I give up so easily. Too easily.
Nana asked about these "dreams" I speak of. Are there really a lot? Hm. When I start to really think about it, no. I just have a lot of things I want to do, so they're considered dreams? Who knows. Main dream/goal: get a good, if not, decent, job at a studio (hopefully DreamWorks or Pixar). Other small dreams are working on my hobbies. I want to make more comebacks with POLARIS. I want to make music; I want to do well in piano/violin/guitar. I want to do calligraphy. I want to code.
Hm. So maybe it wasn't much, but thinking all that at the same time made it seem like lots. Yeah, I have lots of time, but the time goes to waste...

I have time now since it's summer. I have all these things on a (sort-of) to-do list, yet I'm unwilling to do them. I have yet to watch the things I say I need to... like "To Be Continued" & "Click Your Heart". *sigh* I watched quite a few SNL with Jonghyun though. I'm dead xD Which reminds me, I need to watch AOMG on SNL omg xD I've also been looking into really underrated groups including Underdog, M.fect, and CRA'BEAT. It's so hard to find their stuffs, I'm really about to buy Underdog's and CRA'BEAT's (prev. known as Uncloud) old songs/albums. Halp.

--Now playing: K-tigers - Here For You--

When I read y'alls blogs, I really want to comment on your posts. But then again, I don't want to add any unnecessary pressure, and it feels like I'm butting in all the time. And it seems weird(?) for me to comment through my blog here...

I'm about 2 weeks into my summer break. Can't really say I did much, but I did watch Angry Birds with Victor and Jessica. During the 1st week, I guess I did hang out quite a bit? Hung out with badminton members from Jim's year. Michael's done with the army it seems ^^ But yeah, I didn't want to waste too much money either. Come on, I'm trying not to be freeloader here.

It's the last weekend here at SJ before the first summer as a college student. Wing and Lovepreet already left yesterday WITHOUT SAYING BYE. Even after I told him not to leave without saying bye hmph. Well, at least he still snapchat-messaged me to ask me where I was, only to message me an hour later, which meant he already went home. Wonder if he's coming back... even though he told me he will... Then I messaged Lovepreet because he didn't say byeeeee ToT He said he might stop bye. Hmph.

Omgee Michael though, this afternooon *insert laughing-crying emoji* I had to message him for rice~ after an hour though, he didn't reply me but Bea was getting impatient. I didn't want to be rude since we're the one asking. We waited in the common room. After a while, Bea heard his voice and said "Michael! Riiiiice!" xD and he gave us a very exasperated--jokingly--smirk and sigh and gave us his 3 microwavable rice and said "This is all my rice!" and he asked us if we were out of food and Bea said yes we were and he was like awww xDD

We also did our little "photoshoot" haha it was kind of awkward lol but pretty fun.
So tonight us, Biri, and John went to watch "Civil War." Then we went to Amor. When we got back, we were going to go down to the Village Market so Bea can buy noodles but then John gave her curry so we just went down to get water. Luis was on duty so he asked us if we could do him favor. So we refilled his water bottle. Then he asked if we had any more dining dollars. In the end I offered to buy him stuff. He was like ooh yeah, anything you want, maybe like sour patches watermelon. it doesn't matter. Then I asked if he wanted ice cream. He was like yesss and he wanted the strawberry shortcake one. When we got back he was so excited because we got him food *insert laughing-crying emoji* I should've gotten food for the other two RAs. We always labor for him when he's on duty xDD (But before-hand, LeAnn told me to give her the ice cream to "prank" him, but really she wanted to take credit for buying ice cream for him? Maybe I took that negatively, but I mean, anyone seeing us handing him food would've thought she bought it, but hey, I bought that hmph. I wanted to hand it to him, but she wouldn't give it back to meeeee. Also, she was being stingy WITH MY MONEY and telling me to just buy him one or the other, like what the heck? > >)

Anyway, I also finally got Michael's snapchat, hence the rice message. Whew, that took so much energy and dugun dugun to ask LOL I feel like I asked it really rudely? but of course I didn't mean it that way. Kinda ordered him to add me? haha Hm, still didn't get Andres's snapchat....
Oh yeah, I've also moved stuff into our apartment from Jim's apartment. It was a difficult night LOL

EDIT: Luis just came up, and he said "whattup fam." SO WE'RE FAM NOW.

It's insane how lazy I am to blog. So much stuff happened these past few days. So many things running through my mind. Yet I can't bring myself to write about them.
It's probably the clutter on my desk, the clutter of tabs on my 3 windows, and the clutter in my mind.

I do like to come back to read what I've written though; always interesting.
Right now, I'm hating my phone because in low light, I get these rainbow lines. I went to Pitch, Please's concert tonight, and the videos I recorded look like when an old VCR is played, and instead of black and white tracking lines, it's colorful. Ugh, I hate how Samsung said the camera's good and all when it's not. It's been like that since I got it. I think it got worse though. It needs a check-up because I really don't want to need to get a new phone (bc technically, I don't).

Wow, in just a short time--maybe like 2 weeks--so much stuff happened? This is probably gonna be all out of order, but the interactions is the important things right? lol

Well, finally finished with everything Bio. I got a good grade on the presentation~ even though I stayed up 'til like 4 to work on the PowerPoint. I was really proud on how neat and organized I made it. Oh yeah, that night I was out in the common room with Michael. Since we're talking about Michael, I'ma miss him~ To be honest we only talked like twice the first semester. We didn't start talking again 'til the floor meeting, when he brought up how it's so sad that we're all leaving and whatnot. And then another night, I was out working on my portfolio and Biri asked him to help her on math. So he sat on the couch to the left of me and I was working. At one point he just slid down the table and put his head on the table. OMG HIS ACTIONS >///< That was too cute... and then he asked me if I had a deviantArt. And I said, yeah but that I didn't want to show him bc he said what is it and got his phone ready to look it up. I was like nuuuuu bc my arts suck but he still wanted to see. Okay, my dA is like all kid drawings xD I ended up opening my dA on my laptop and let him look at it. He was so supportive though OMG I'm dead. He's so niceeee TuT Another day, I was working on my cool still life. He just got back and was supposed to be doing math hw but he took many "breaks" and then finally I finished, around 4am? And then I went to sleep. That painting passed the 1st day! Wheee~
Also, one day after gym he was in the common room and Megan, Lehlani, Kirsten, Sarah, and KG were just roasting him xD it was so funnyyyy. He was like "Wow did I miss a poster that said Roast Michael if you see him?" LOL Oh yeah, the Running Man challenge. Okay so after the meeting he brought up wanting to do the RM challenge with the floor, so I suggest to do it at the floor party. He was like naww. A few min. later he brought it up again, so I said "just do it at the party" and he was like 'okay, I'm down for it (if you are? I don't know if he said that, but he said something about me)' So then that day, "roast michael day," the song played & he & KG automatically did it. Then he called me out, saying that we should do it during the party (or that I wanted to do it). I was flustered to answer bc HE KNOWS MY NAME lolol but I was like "nu uhhhh you wanted to do it; I just suggested to do it at the party" and he said "bc you said it." HMPHHHH lol
Another time, a while back, me and Bea were coming back from the DC. He and a few other people were in the common room. My hands were full, so Bea opened the door for me but it rebounded from her toes and the door slightly hit my arm & I made this weird sound and he looked up like you good? lol and then me and Bea kinda laughed it off xD I only saw him pfft. Well, that pretty much rounds up him? haha

Oddly, I stayed up til like 4am 2 days in a row.... don't even know why. Painted outside yesterday for ANI14. Last day of class on Thursday~ :(
Over the weekend, I went to Jim's and met up w/ Jen & we had Korean fooood~ spicy chicken and tteokbokki w/ ramen. Then I stayed over at Jen's. Then we went home for a night and Jen was so sleepy when driving back omg she such a bad driver lol. We got back and started cleaning xD (also, I was lecturing Jen the whole way home haha) but yeah, when we left, I grabbed my camcorder. So these past days, we were recording lots. John even took it to film some people, but he's so bad at filming & he was asking about his first impressions *rolls eyes*
LeAnn also brought up hot pot with hyung. Hyung was like Oh yeahhh, I forgot. and mentioned how it's pretty $$ to hot pot, so we changed to pho I guess. He was like just let me know when since we didn't decide yet. He's moving out Friday and coming back Monday for his last final T^T man, everyone leavinggg I cry...

Also Steph is coming this Thursday~
I bought Los 5's EP omg I can't believe I did haha. I just messaged Juan Pablo on snapchat and asked him if their #NoMicTake1 series songs will be officially released and he said yes in the future! Wheee! Happy~ & yes, he does reply on SC msgs~ Omg Los 5 makes my day when they just play around on their SC.
Anyway, I should be finishing my painting and portfolio.... peace!

So I was sort of caught up, and now I'm not ahaha. Nothing new so far (I'm learning how to keep my posts short ;) be proud of me~)

It's almost 3am & I have class at 9. Keel me nowwww. I wasn't very productive over the weekends? Well, I did finish my bio but that was about it. I still have a bunch of stuff to do. I went to watch "The Boss" with Biri on Friday. Saturday I went out with Josue, and he treated me to Old Spaghetti Factory (his cute friend works there! haha) We also went to Muji before we dropped Biri off work & heading to OSF. Muji's hiring! I was pretty excited bc I was so down to work there lol. I even started on my resumé when I got back to the dorm. Writing one was harder than I thought...
I maybe should start stressing over ANI14? But I have been doing pretty well, I mean I never got lower than a 70. *shrugs* Still, the homework's about piling up now.

On Tues I really was in a sort of bad mood bc first off, I got some bad comments on my pear paintings (not like I never got bad comments, but that day, those comments really irked me) and then Steph tells me that the really nice 360Res unit was gone. And then I sorta started stressing? Not really... but anyway I was really down. Not to mention I had to get to ANI1 early bc we were having an extra credit screening before class. I got to class and there were a lot of people going in and out, so I just held the door open. When the 'masses' started thinning out, this dude stood in front of the entrance next to me and offered to hold the door but I said it was okay and that he could go first. So he went in but then turned back to ask if I was in the class. I nodded and he was like "ohhh! then come in come in!" (I don't really remember word for word, but he was really nice) He insisted on holding the door open--from the inside LOL so I scurried in so he didn't have to awkwardly hold it open. He said to me as I passed by something like wouldn't want you to be stuck outside if you have class. That kinda lifted my spirits. Oh yeah, there was also an Earth Day event with a petting zoo. Soft bunniessss~

On Wed, Jen & Jim came over and took me to do my observational lab field thingy. We made friends with a Canadian goose! It was right next to me keke. It was really hot that day. Afterward, we went to the mall & did some Mother's Day shopping. There was also a Brookstone! We spent a lil' over $200? I wonder if we're returning the massageeee thingies for cheaper on Amazon...

Haven't gone to the gym last week I don't think... LOL. Today I went to the library to study with KG, Biri, and Paola. To be honest, I didn't do anything really, so yeah, technically I wasted my time. But the fun thing was, when we were going there, we got a lift on the UPD cart. When we were leaving they wanted a lift but KG asked for an escort so we got a walking escort. He was pretty nice, pretty chill. It was kinda awkward walking back with him but he was chatting with KG. I didn't have much to eat today. I had my leftover chicken breast with canned ravioli for lunch at around 3? with Quickly. Spent time watching Qmentary--> Omg I died xD & was also Skyping with Jim. And then left for the library around 8:50pm.
At the library Meimei HAD to send me fantaken photos of FREAKIN' WEI WITH SMOKY MAKEUP. I ALMOST DIED. HE WAS WINKING TOOO WINKING I TELL YOUUU sigh. lol

Oops, falling behind again hehe.
This week went faster than I hoped I guess?
Well, for ANI14 homework we had to do 10 tonal drawings w/ our Tombow dual markers. I did them all the morning of class. Uli said it was good & he couldn't find anything to say to me & he said "I have to tell you at least one thing...." Other than drawings being off and reflected light is too light, he said I did really well ^w^ I think that made my day.
And then there was Jobee's talent show performance.... AT LUNCH. I still don't get it... *shakes my head*

One day I went down to eat sushi after class, and before my 6:30pm class. (When I got out of ANI14, I was going to take the elevator, but I saw Joey too late & I was so awkward avoiding the elevator--I walked out and back in after they left. phew. So I ended up taking the next elevator w/ "jawline"--this dude that has a really nice jawline according to Bea lol)
I was peacefully eating when this dude suddenly sits down in front of me and asks me about blind date advice. Uhm, ahaha, awkwardly we talked. I couldn't give him much advice that he didn't already know. He was really nice still I guess? He's a junior, but he talked so shy? Anyway I haven't seen him (& even if I did, I prob wouldn't even recognize LOL)

Amy and I also went back to hip hop for Jonny's workshop. Dude it was so scurry bc it was all his Syndicate friends TuT and it was super windy that day, my eyes were so dry & we were all freezing LOL

---
Yesterday was Admitted Spartans' Day & Steph came over w/ her mom, aunt, & sis. It was kinda awk? lol I kinda gave them a sort of tour but I think I failed LOL. Psh, Steph even left me w/ her mom & aunt alone (when I guided them to use the restroom). After ASD, we ate and went apartment scouting w/ Biri. I really like the one at 360 Res., though it's a lil' far by walking, but I think we'll get use to it. Also, Thirst Tea is hiring!? *sigh* I'm too scared to ToT but what's the worst?
We ate at Johnny Rockets; ate a lil' too much. I've been going to the gym w/ KG on Mon, Wed, & I guess Fri now too. And I just ate all that back... *sigh*

Also, I haven't had time for DTA's and stuff ToT
U10 comeback~ <3

*Right now I'm listening to my blog's music, listening to the piano version of Winter Blossom. Ah, memories. Can't wait for Season 4~*

Anyway, a lot of stuff's been happening I guess? This past weekend I stayed over at Jen's place in SF. I've been working out with KG, starting last Wed. Only Wed. though since I'm busy every other day. Maybe Friday... but I went with her this Monday too. She's training me ^^ I'm weak but at least when she's training me, I force myself to do it. It's not like it's unpleasant, but in the case with Bea, I won't force myself because, well, it's Bea! Lol.
Hyung also brought some bad news hmph. He's leaving SJ and going to a community college in Tracy. He wants to transfer to a UC, & it's easier from a community college... I was so sad :(( but I mean, he's doing what's best for him. He said he's been losing weight, about 6-7lbs since he was here. Poor hyung...

Yesterday my classmate took me & 3 other girls to Palo Alto Baylands for our field trip. It was pretty cool I guess. We saw a very pretty Annas Hummingbird ^^ Remember that funny (but not so funny) dude in my lab class? Nothing 'bout him really lol he's just taller than I thought LOL

Also, Luis. Omgee lol we've been kinda really, friendly? lately, I guess. He just casually comes into our room when our door is open haha just twice really; he came in last night. Kinda more comfortable with him now though so it's good. ^^

I wanted to sleep earlier lately... it almost worked? Uhm, but I slept late last night because I spent so much time after lab catching up on performances > < sheesh too many comebacks, & more to come! Then gym-ed. So when I got back to the dorm & showered, it was like 930? And when I started my homework, I ended up finishing around 230. I finished the rest this morning. I didn't wake up as early as I wanted to though.
Something that bothered me last night: Biri was going to get off work late, & she wanted a sandwich so asked LeAnn/Bea to get it. Bea kept dilly-dallying, asking if she'll make it in time since there's like 15min left. We said she could, but she just kept making excuses. In the end they said that actually, they would have already cleaned up. I was just thinking, what kind of friend wouldn't go get food for them? instead of making excuses -.- I know she can't really say no, I don't want to go get it because that's mean, but she could've just changed & attempted or something instead of making all these excuses. Sigh.

POLARIS is having a comeback this summer! Hopefully it actually goes through this time haha. I really want to comeback... <3

Thanks Minar! <3

Anyway, hyung hyung hyung.
Yesterday when I was going to class, I left at a time when there were only guys waiting for the elevator (luckily, Biri ended up coming too). So when I opened the door, I was really surprised. Hyung was the closest to the door & he boo-ed me; I was really taken aback x2 LOL. It was Travis, Josh & Andres, & Hyung waiting. When I got there, the elevator had just come. I held the door open for Biri & hyung starts saying to Andres & Josh about how I'm a junior standing academically omg hyung even I don't brag about myself LOL & when we were in the elevator he was like "her sisters go to like Berkeley and... Davis?" *looks at me* so I awkwardly nod LOL. I was kinda standing next him--not close (he's left of me)--& behind Andres with Josh next to him. Biri stood behind Josh & next to me (it's like a square, us 4. in my point of view can you imagine it? LOL)
Josh was the only one still listening to hyung LOL. Hyung also mentioned, I guess my major? but I didn't say anything. He said something like "....art.... that's talent." I wasn't really listening, all I saw was Josh nodding & with his usual smirk LOL I am so dead ahahaha all my favorite people in an elevator. Okay, he stops talking when we hit like the 9th floor I think.
That is just so awkward LOl does he have to bring up my standing everytime I'm with him & other people? pfft.
well I mean *shrug*

Originally I was going to write a pretty long post after thinking so long on the drive back to SJ (yes, I'm back in SJ), but my mood went up so now I don't feel the need to, though I guess I have a few things to share?

I think I should've had an "emo" phase.
To be honest, I'm very much a 'happy virus' ya know? I'm super optimistic & peppy, for the most part. But the con of that kind of personality is, once you're sad/depressed, it's extreme sadness. I mean, it balances right? Being extremely happy all the time just means being extremely sad when your mood drops. So I kinda wished I had an emo phase. I almost did, but I think it was very short & temporary. Once I'm feeling down, I just lose all motivation and just, desire to do nothing at all; including not going to school etc. (not to the point of not wanting to live though). There's just no more desire of anything... and I'm just spaced out for a while.

I was mad/sad/annoyed/lost all at the same time.
I wish I never found out... never found out that the black hard drive in our room was not ours. To find out that it's possible my dad returned OUR hard drive because he thought it was his. We're hoping for a possibility that maybe ours is placed elsewhere, but the chances are pretty low. It had all our backups to old memories and whatnot. Imagine not getting any of those back... I can't. Too many emotions spilled out at once. I didn't know how I should be feeling. What's the right emotion to feel? Yes, I'm always annoyed at my dad & I'm sure I've written posts about how much I disliked him (mostly his actions; "hate" is a strong word). Yes, everyone makes mistakes. And so what? Once it's done, it's done. There's nothing that can be done to bring it back. There's nothing arguments can do to bring it back. So why bother? I don't even know... He didn't do it on purpose, yet we want someone to take the blame. The way we treat him? It's not right, we know that. But in our standards, what he's saying. Doing. It's not right. Yet in his standards, it's all good. Who's correct? Or, he just doesn't know. [No, I did not have an argument with him over the hard drive.]

I usually don't know when I'm stressing.
Because I don't feel like I'm breaking down, or need to. And it's not like I keep things to myself; I let it all go in my blog. I'm not telling someone, but I'm telling something I guess you could say. Times when I know I'm stressing is when I suddenly feel like I won't get something done, or that I'm straining myself so much that I want to cry yet don't want to. It's also when I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do. Lists of things to do is what keeps me straight, calm-minded, and clear. Kind of. But things just pile up and become really stressful. Sometimes, they're not important. Not important things that stress me out is keeping up with my favorite groups on music shows, special music shows etc, shows, SNS, V app etc. What used to stress me out was saving every single pic of my babs from tumblr (that means going through hundreds of pages on various tumblr fanpages), and I finally broke that bad habit, though it occasionally comes back when I get hooked to a new group--though I keep telling myself they're not needed. I think a new thing (not really) that is stressing me out is knowing if I have every released album/single/song from artists, sometimes going all the way back to their debut. To be honest, will I listen to the old albums? Most likely not. Maybe sometimes I would want to listen to an old song or two. I'm trying to break that bad habit right now. Important things that are stressing me out are everyday homework, apartments for next year, money, and jobs.

I don't even know.

--
Well there's my rant of the day... I should really find a good cry. 
I took the opportunity of LeAnn & Bea not back yet so I cleaned my table. I need to buy a bookshelf stand...? I love being in the dorm by myself~ So much freedom.

*A happy tidbit of the day: I got to eat crêpes with Steph, Mina, & Jessica. Then we had K-bbq. I was so full omg my tummy was sticking out so much (also bc I've been eating well at home).
Time to work out a lil' here & there. Time to go back to hip hop (soon). Time to learn all my babs' new dances~ (oi, I really cannot get stressed out bc I haven't watched a bajillion different shows and cuts of my babs ToT)

Well. It's time for me to sleep. My head is itchy > > Also, I'm typing in the dark. The cpu screen is gonna be sooo bad for my eyes >.<

Spring break has started for me! I've been too lazy to update though. Last week Wed, I had no class so Jim & them picked me up to go to Santa Cruz. Funny thing is, Hyung snapchat-messaged me when he found out I had gone to Santa Cruz; what a surprise! Haha he sent me a pic of him pouting & said 'cool invite' awwwh haha too cute. So I told him it was bc he was in class & he said he just got out -.- but too bad! xD Psh, it's not like he never goes :p PLUS it's not like I would've invited him on a family trip xD

Wow I am so lazy to update. I have homework due when I get back from break but I realllyyy have no motivation to work... I'll continue about Santa Cruz & SF later. I still have a week's or 2's worth of update but gahhh too much to write! Even though I think they're all worth remembering... I texted pretty much every encounter to Steph ahahaha but my messages might delete if they get too old...

Needing to keep up with my everyday moments... it does stress me out. I'm probably going to take a break from blogging... Don't know when I'll be back though. Hm.
Right now watching "Office Girls" with mom. Once again, started in the middle lol. So many dramas to watch, I can't. -sigh- Still need to catch up on last week's performances.
Well, peace out! Probably won't see me for a long time.

I just caught up with Minar's & Meimei's posts. I think I almost cried when I was read Minar's post about the package <3 I just really hope that it didn't give her any kind of pressure... 'cause I mean, I can think of 2 ways she can respond to it. *shrugs* I dunno.

I am so tired this weekend. I think I still have last week to post about... anyway it was a crazy weekend! haha I really need to do homework.. presentation tomorrow, test Wed. Lots of stuff due for ANI14... Not too bad. But I want cup noodle right now LOL

Well, I gotta work on the other posts some other time, by then I'd probably forget all the details (though I don't want to forget the interactions hehe)

Things happened haha but I don't know what's worth to remember... so many funny things though haha. Well, last night I slept around 5am fixing up my cube rendering and re-drawing my cylinder. Let's skip what I did last night lol

I accidentally took a nap yesterday afternoon when I didn't mean to. Oh yeah, my nap gave me a really weird dream! haha --which I will copy & paste from Kakao bc I'm too lazy to type it out again lol--
2/17 dream: "I just remembered my nap dream xD it was hyung nd his friend tht bea thinks is cute. We call him chingu. In summary, we were having dinner, w me sitting next to hyung nd bea sitting next to chingu. At the end chingu said he'll pay nd then bea had to write down smthing bout who was paying nd she didnt kno his name so she asked hyung.
Then it was just me sitting. Chingu came back and sat next to me. I think hyung was across? But idr seeing him. Then bea came back nd i was sitting so close to chingu nd asked if she wanted to squeeze in next to me. Scene skip. We were waiting somewhere. Bea sat somewhere else from me nd chingu was somewhere else. Then hyung came back and threw this bundle of clothes on me. It was blue nd pink reversible knit sweaters for me bea nd leann. We were surprised nd asked y nd he said he just wanted to give a gift. Nd we were like thanksss. Leanns was a cute blue sweater w jean parts while mine nd beas were plain knit sweaters. Somewhere in my dream was smthing bout a violin i think.... Oh in the beginning, i was thinking bout how bea was sitting rly close to him nd how she looked like his gf. Nd how weird it was tht we didnt even kno him but had dinner w him. Also when chingu sat next to me, i think i slept on his shoulder or smthing."

When I woke up after going to the DC, I was going to do homework, but didn't want to do art homework. So I typed up my Bio notes, after I drew my Flufferbuns. So I started on my homework really late. When I was about to shower, Becca knocked on my door asking for her rubber band. How awkward was it for me to put a towel over myself & open the door a crack to hand her her rubber band? >///< I spent a lot of time writing the notes for Mina, too. I watched Spirit again too while working out. Jo was figuring out her outfit for black and white formal. After working out and since Bea & LeAnn were outside, I danced old songs and sweated myself out in a sweater and sweats. Wow, haven't sweated in forever. Then of course, worked on my homework 'til 5am bc I had Blue Sky Studio presentation to go to today.


2/18-- "I was going to blue sky studio presentation nd there were ppl standing at places leading to the room. It was so awk bc they say hi nd ask me 'blue sky studio?' Nd i nod nd they tell me to go this way nd that. The first dude was shawn (awk moment-read in blog) so i was awk. Then it was 3 girls so i just said hi nd nod. When i was about to enter the room this cute 師兄 came out xD"
Blue Sky came all the way from Connecticut. Mike is so Asian and funny! haha he's kinda quiet but chill and he has such a cute laugh~ after presentation, I went with Elaine to go get ice cream since it's SHM's b-day~ and we got a free pin. I was late to class, and Inga was showing a book after her demo. So I came in & put my stuff down and joined them. Angela and Morgan were snickering at me lol and I asked Angle what'd I miss. She said I smelled like ice cream! haha I only took one bite. Then we went back to our seats and I quickly finished my ice cream and we worked on the grid 'til the end of class.
"Dugun dugun when my adorable TA passed back my cube nd said good job~"
"Hes so freakin nice ugh. LOL i opened the door nd would hav hit him if i swung my drawing board lol cuz he was kneeling down in front of his locker. My friend was like tht is so dangerous 😂"

He critiqued my cylinder, and he was just so nice~ he told me the corrections I needed and then said it looked pretty good~ I need that support haha 
I was going to use the restroom and I saw Wing. A lil' later I was going down to the DC and I bumped into him and an RA coming out of the elevator. He looked so innocent, like he was guilty-of-something look; he still gave me a hi and smile (a smile you'd give when you're tryna tell people you're fine but you're not kind) I think he got locked out.

Spent the morning doing homework. Later in the afternoon, Wing came in to ask for a fork, so Bea gave him one. I thought he left; I was going to throw something away and he was standing behind me. We kinda just looked at each other, and he "faked" to stab me with that plastic fork of his LOL
He was in John's room when I passed by & me in my PJs, he asked if I didn't have any classes today. I told him at 3. Jim also sent me my cover to "approve" but there were some places off haha

In ANI 14, I didn't manage to finish my cube gouache but at least the flat tones were done. Ulysses (I forgot what nickname he said we could call him by) did his first demo! He was so adorable xD So he was teaching, and then at one point he asked Inga if it was okay to rotate his drawing. She cringed at it, but she said she doesn't know what we do at home, so she can't stop that and then he said "okay, let's pretend Inga's not hereeee" and with an innocent smile, he turns his drawing. And then every time he needed to turn it, he gave the expression like he was doing something bad... innocently LOL. and he'd say quietly, "Inga's not here..." and we'd all laugh LOL
During his demo, he had to raise his drawing board and turn it so we could all see. One time he accidentally hit someone. He kept apologizing xD and we all kinda laughed with him. Omgeee such a cute dork~
I cleaned up late, so I rushed to dorms and back to class. I didn't get to get sushi~ ToT but I wasn't as hungry as last Tues. The last class went over time, so we waited outside. When we could go in, I held the door open for people. People went in but nobody said thanks, until Ulysses and Ashlyn came up. He looked at me and was slightly shocked? and then he said thanks with a smile, and so did Ashlyn ^^ both my favorite TAs~ haha and then this dude was going to let me in first, but I gestured that he could go first. He didn't seem quite happy about that o.o uhm. okay. lol
I sat in the same row as my TAs, with 2 other people b/t us though. I wasn't as nervous as my "first" day of class. Later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw quick motions. It was Ulysses, who was glancing up and down, drawing. I think he was drawing the girl next to me (well, I did wonder if he was drawing me LOL I tried to take a glance at his drawing but it was hard. It didn't look like me though) Sat in there for 2 hours. The chairs are uncomfortable after so long; my legs and butt was really numb. And it was cold; I kept getting goosebumps. After stretch break, he did attendance. When he said my name, he said something to me, but it was all mumbles to me. I just gave him a blank look. I assumed he said he got my e-mail?

After eating a bit at the DC, worked out in the room LOL just some core--some crunches, some planks. A few push-ups. Some obliques, leg lifts. I don't even know lol Originally was going to watch some stuff but it was laggy. Soon after, I lost motivation LOL
Gonna catch up on some Bio right now... or not. I might just sleep lol goodnights! Bea is live streaming Gaon Awards, and commentating on everything LOL So I guess I'ma sleep... feel like I'ma be late tomorrow lol
Bea fish-tail braided my hair last night, so it was pretty wavy when I took it off. Then she curled it; it looked like a tornado xD

So following up with Jen picking me up from SJ, we went to the Great Mall and Mom & Jen went shopping. They looked at clothes and got some dresses at Papaya; that's like $100+! It was a long walk to Ouchii. Me and Jo walked off to find Ouchii while they shopped at Papaya. It was like 30min before we got to Ouchii. The dude who was working there greeted us and gave us Ranako stickers. I got one last time keke. The first time he asked if we needed any help, we said we were just looking. We were waiting for Mom & Jen, but we soon realized... they were gonna take a long time shopping. We loitered some more, then he asked us if we were looking for something specific and we were like, no we're just looking and waiting for my mom/sister. He said okay, and after a while we walked off behind the store, and then just walked away xD
We found a shortcut to Papaya through Uniqlo. That took us 5min! After buying at Papaya, we walked back to Ouchi. We were still whining and pleading mom to let me buy the Anoki snapback but she said $30 hat is not worth it. The worker was watching us whine to mom and he was smile-laughing at us xD Jen decided to buy a shirt, we got 2 since there was a discount. We went up to checkout; he asked me if we wanted the snapback, and I said yes, the Anoki one. But I guess he didn't hear me? bc he just checked out Jen's 2 shirts. So we told him again & he was like, oh I didn't know you wanted it. And we also got Jobee the lanyard I wanted but tis okay. Mom still disapproved LOL but oh wells, but dang we spent so much.

We were in traffic for like 3 hours? And finally got home, but there was nothing to drink! So I ate jubes lol. Saturday we went to pick up Jamie, and also helped Jen move in. After picking up Jim, we went to Ikea to buy Jen's bed. After SF, we went back to Berk to get Jim's stuff and pick up Synequeen too.After dropping her off, we went to Winco to buy drinks and pizza for dinnaaaa.

Then Sunday me and Jo went to T4, Target, and the mall with Jessie, Jessica, Steph, and Kathy. It was an interesting walk through Target LOL. Afterward, me & Jo hurried home for family dinner before I had to go back to SJ, which I got home at 11:30?
Well, we had dinner at China Palace. I kinda ate a lot? and there was this dude that I don't recognize but Jim said he worked there before? but I guess we were caught up with the other workers LOL. but he was kinda cute? We had eye contact when we walked in, and then again when I just took a 2nd glance when I was about to sit. Anyway, I sat next to the table where busboys get napkins, boxes and water with my back towards it. I had to scoot my chair in so they can get to the table. He was behind me--according to Jim-- 80% of the time LOL. There was this one time he walked by our table back and forth and then back. He came to take some plates, and he came in b/t me and Jim a lot. Grandma asked him for boxes, but Grandpa claimed the busboys didn't know Chinese LOL he didn't really look Chinese I guess? but he did. and he brought us one box for like 4 dishes and we kinda laughed at him, bc he asked is this enough in Chinese, then glanced at our table. Auntie laughed and said of course not, give me another box. So he went to get another. He took the empty plates. One was a pot and he took it slowly. I was afraid it'd slip off balance bahaha but he got it. Afterward, we had oranges. There was one orange left on the plate; he came by to take it. When he was about to take it, he noticed the orange and said, oh sorry. LOL me & Jim laughed xD
And then he came back to clear the dishes. He was b/t us again and he took some plates, then he reached to the other side of me and in my head I'm like whyyy  LOL

Well Jim drove me back to SJ. Dad went up with me; Ashley was checking IDs. I saw Andres who just got back I guess, and he saw me? When Dad was about to sign in, Ashley was like he didn't need to check in bc he'll be quick. Andres was holding the elevator for me; d'awww lol. And when we got up, he held the door opened for us and Josh was sitting in the common room, and I had to say thanks to Andres then hey to Josh LOL.
It took a while to unpack, but afterward, I rewrote my whiteboard. and wow, there was a lot happening this week. I was printing out homework for ANI55 but the printer is out of yellow ink, so it's only pink/red & blues coming out > >
Anyway, it's late now & I has lots of homework due tomorrow, goodnight! The stupid cylinder took me about 2 hours to do, since I had to cut it out twice and do the little triangles too...

--Ah! I just remembered, after lab today I went down to DC & met up with Biri & Bea. I was eating a sandwich and when I looked up, I had eye contact with Luis who greeted me with a what-up nod. I was kinda shocked bc I mean, I looked weird--about to take a bite from my sandwich!--so I had a late reaction; I think I took the bite and waved with my other hand. He was about to look away, but he still saw my wave, and gave me a nod. Aiya!! >///< LOL--

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^

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