Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/
Ah there's so much to do. I feel even more stressed? I mentioned that right? lols Anywho... I was just thinking that I keep living with so many regrets, but it's not like it's changing anything? So many things I should've done, but to be honest, I'm so not rested... This week passed by fast... 2 months will pass by fast too... It's already April. It's possible I might try out for a summer job, if Arlene really recommends me for one xD Mom is watching "Aim High" and wow... that drama is about chasing dreams. I need more movies like that?
At times like these I always start to doubt my choices. I always start to wonder... can I make it. Half of me thinks I'll make it; the other half doesn't think I can. It's always an internal struggle. The stress makes me think, maybe I should take a semester off. But will it do me any good? I really doubt it. Strike the anvil while it's still hot right? I just gotta keep going. You there. Yes you. You too.Just keep going. It doesn't really matter if you're not sure where you really want to go. I may have chosen a path, but that doesn't mean I know where I'm going. Like my acting professor said: nobody ever knows what they want to do. No one is ever sure all the time. So just go with the flow and live life. ~~ I spent this morning at SECA because Travis challenged me to play. He stayed late after lunch to play me. Ah, I was so bad though. Maybe I should've changed clothes fully LOL my strap kept falling. Anyway, yeah. I was bad LOL he told Jo that I was good though. Travis, why you so nice lol (or he probably just saying since he's friends with Jo :p) I drove around so much today, from SECA, to gramp's place, and to hangout with friends. Alone. I drove alone yo. I remember the first time I drove alone, which was the day RIGHT after I got my license, I was sweating so much. 1, it was hot. 2, I was so nervous. The few times after that I was still pretty nervous and sweatin'. Today was way better. I drove fine~ because it's too places I'm familiar with. Though I had to drive to Lollicup without a GPS, I did pretty well, but halfway I was about to start panicking like what if I got lost xD I never drove that far alone :p We watched "Beauty and the Beast" and I cried a lot, especially when time ran out and all the servants/furnitures were saying goodbye ToT and then when they all reunited I'm like :'D
~tale as old as time. song as old as rhyme. beauty and the beast~ <3 Aight. Night. I tried to clean my desktop. Less cluttered, but now my drive is super messy & I haven't organized that. I need to let go of the tabs and windows too... Habits. I pick up really bad habits lol of hoarding I guess you can say. Why is it that I hear one song, I want the whole album? Or like I watch an anime or drama and I want the OST? sigh, I don't know. It'll take time to break. I already sorta broke the idea that I needed every single Korean release of my groups. Sometimes their recent releases lead to older releases that I don't know of or something and I start going on a discography hunt. Same goes for one album of an artist I just found, and I start looking for all their releases. Like, bro, you didn't hear it or anything so why do you want it? I don't know, it's like, I don't want to miss the opportunity of a good song? I guess the same goes with drama CDs. I found a link for downloading drama CDs and I better hurry up and download that before the site goes down. Plus from HnA too, the OST collections... I have a list so I better hurry. Ugh, I know they're pretty useless but I can't help it? Like, I'll regret not downloading them. Huh, regrets...
Man, I don't know. I'm just so annoyed right now. --- Well, I'm not so annoyed anymore. I was just frustrated because I can't remember how to string a racket ToT I visited SECA today and that was fun. Why are Jo's friends greeting me? ahaha. I got challenged by Travis... weird... I'm gonna lose though LOL It's badminton for PE so when one of the teams beat the TAs, Coach made me play with him. Ah, what a fail. I'm so not used to the "enlarged" court lol. Later Deilys took me to get ice cream~ Sucks that House of Ice Cream wasn't opened yet ToT so he treated me to Dream instead. We talked for like an hour and a half? We left around 3:30. Neither of us had a phone so we didn't know the time LOL. I got home & like, food coma? because I ended up taking a nap. Side note, I guess I can't take breaks... I go into a slump so easily. I spent yesterday painting the drapery, but it wasn't getting anywhere. And then, I'm thinking about so many things that are stressing me out. Uh, there's the monologue. And then the portfolio, but I don't feel ready... so I probably won't submit this semester. My friend is probably going to be disappointed ^^; but I can't always be worrying about what others might think... I also need to stop delaying the submission... oh wells. Can't help it. And yeah, slump. I can't get myself to paint and whatnot. Can you believe it's already halfway through spring break? I cry. I'm not even rested like what the heck ToT I was just watching "Bakuman" and it gave some kind of boost, but not a lot. I might survive... Well Jen toned/dyed my hair. Time to wash it out and shower.
I'm finally on spring break! We got home at like 4am. This morning we woke up early to go visit ancestors. I am so sleepy right now. My phone is still dead aka needs to be attached to the outlet. Just purchased a new battery; hopefully it'll work and last decently (because reviews were like 50-50). These past two days me & Steph have been out. We went to Japantown & I managed to find the final ingredients for my dessert! Yay~ pricey though lol I spent like $14 at Nijiya Market. Then we had sushi because she was hungry. The next day, we went to Mitsuwa Market & Daiso. I got these cute dessert cups and this panda onigiri mold and nori sheets~ abou $12 at Daiso. Then we had ramen/udon at the food court. Then we went to Westfield Valleyfair and had 'mango mango' dessert at Bar Code. Also on an impulse buy at Disney store, we bought tsums tsums lol Finally took the bus home around 9:30. Then we got food at Jack-in-the-Box. I don't know why we spent so much these two days lol We were waiting for Jim to get off work yesterday, so we watched "Spirited Away" and wow I really missed Haku~ <3 lol Now I want the OST, I want like Haku merch lolol
Aside from the fact that I wasted my morning reading mangas (my excuse is that I need to get rid of the tabs lol) my phone keeps restarting itself. It started happening when we were on the way to Almaden Lake Park. I thought it was because of the heat. After coming home, it still constantly did that. It stays on when plugged in, but as soon as I unplug it, it shuts down. Currently, as it's restarting itself, the second you can see the lock screen, it blinks out again. Ugh, it's so annoying. Click the button if you want to read a "short" manga review! ;)
Anyway, there were some really good manga today! lol One that was really cute was "Slow Starter" because the main characters were so innocent! xD It took them so long to realize they had mutual feelings, and they kept worrying over the same thing, like if the other person is annoyed at them or not. They're such a silly couple xD And an interesting one was "Natura-turaly" about twins that were always together. At first I thought it might be incest, but the ending was a twist for me. It was a BL written in the perspective of the sister. So this guy calls her out, but she goes with her brother. I thought it was a confession for her, but instead it was for her brother. Surprise. The guy was really nice though. He didn't mind that she tagged along when he asked her brother out to watch movies and stuff. He wasn't disgusted either that they [the twins] held hands. I don't know why they do lol Toward the end, the girl starts to leave them alone more. The brother is more worried about her because back then when he got confessed to and he dated, his girlfriends found her annoying and even bullied her. Of course, he chooses his sister over some girl. But the guy who confessed, he really wanted to be friends with his sister. Rather, the twist was, he knew the sister liked him, too, but he told her "[her brother] is [his] number one." And so the sister expresses to the readers that as twins, they liked and disliked the same things. Get it? At the end, he was going to go out on a date and invites the sister, but she tells him to go alone, and to finally give him an answer to his confession. Yes, while all this was going on, he still hadn't given him an answer lol and for some reason, I find this really sweet. Maybe it's because of how nice the guy was. The guy who confessed was really nice, and even though it was a oneshot, I think the brother actually liked the guy because for one, his feelings were genuine, and two, he doesn't mind his sister tagging along and understands that she's important to him. Luckily, the sister understands that she shouldn't be a third-wheel. It just might be because his "girlfriends" were jerks so she never had the thought of actually handing over her brother over haha
Currently eating dinner but about to fall asleep. I think I might head to bed early today... got no homework done again. Me & Steph headed out around 1pm to go to Almaden Lake Park so she can do her observational study. I tagged along to take photos. It was so hot. At the end we almost got attacked by a goose lol it was a loner goose, and I could tell it was pretty territorial as it kept chasing away other geese. Well, Canadian geese in general are territorial. Anyway, I tempted it closer to us, and then it got super close. Like a hand's length away from Steph. It looked up at her for a while, then it started hissing at her! omg lol I don't think it was going to attack because it didn't rear up or spread its wings. It didn't look aggressive, since its hissing wasn't really loud or anything. It seemed to just be mad that she put away the crackers lol. It walked away. Later, I walked toward it, and approached it with a picnic table between us. It saw me, and then started walking around the table toward me. It started to follow me ahaha and I was like nope. xD I went back to the other table and it still kept coming lol and I ended up standing up on the bench. It came up right in front of me, stood there, looked up at me, and continued to circle around our table xD Steph ended up on the bench too LOL I feel like I'm always putting Steph in danger or something lol Then we left. We were walking back and it looked like there was a field trip going on. There were these kids, like 6-10 years old, chasing the geese. I was annoyed. There was also a family feeding bread to the geese tsk tsk. Warning: do not feed bread to birds; it's like indigestive for them. We had lunch at the Habit~ it wasn't very filling... but it was good~ After Safeway, we finally got home. It was like 7:30 or so. I fell asleep on the bus. I think Steph was getting sleepy too, though I woke up twice & saw her on her phone. The 2nd time I woke up, I glanced at her. She looked out and was going to settle down again so I thought it wasn't our stop yet. I was gonna go back to sleep but she was like oh wait. And we both hurriedly got out lol I was still a little drowsy xD I was supposed to wake up early this morning to work. But I didn't, even though I was up like 7:45. I just finished dinner. Earlier I read "Totsugimasen Kara" and the updated chapters were so cute! I'm pretty sure the next chapter is going to be a roller coaster of feels omg that cliffhanger though! It pains me to see him hurt ToT I tried not to get tempted by other releases/updates because I know for sure I'll just keep goingggg (I've already screenshotted all the mangas that have not been updated. One summer day, I'll go back to them, and they'll have lots of updates x'D) . Since that was on the 1st page, I thought why not. Omg maybe I shouldn't have though. (If anyone is curious, it's omegaverse. It's a new "genre" that I found by accident. I've already read a few, and they're actually quite interesting. You know the hate same-sex lovers get? Well, double that because omegaverse also has hate towards alpha-omega lovers aka this genre has a hierarchy. But sometimes, the story plot is also the sweetest I've read TuT However, not for anyone who's not a fujoshi lol) Well, pray that I survive this last week and get my shiz together! ToT EDIT: Uwah! So I went and read "Kocchi Muite Waratte" and it was so cute! Like what the aslkdjlksd it was funny because the guy who confessed was so stubborn and to the guy he liked he kept yelling at him and saying he's so annoying. At the end they finally get together. The stubborn guy was so happy that he finally said yes and that he liked him. So the stubborn guy is at work first, talking to his co-workers when his lover comes in to the locker room. Eye contact, and his lover is smiling so brightly. He gets a slight blush, but the other co-workers don't seem to notice. As his lover walks by him, HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR. I think that is sooo cuteee because it's something that he does only to him because he's special~ <3 and though he seems all tough, he gets so soft in front/with his lover alskdjflks so cuuuuute EDIT2: "Toritome no Nai Koi no Shi", "Veranda Nite", "Step One". One shots I read after "Kocchi..." by the same mangaka: Ichikawa Kei. Dang these one shotssss lol They were oh so cute. The 1st one was so, poetic. Like, "it feels like there's a hole in my chest," and the mangaka visually portrayed that. And then trying to lie about your feelings, that's when you "heart becomes a demon." And when you finally fill your void & are all happy again, you hear bells. Yup. That was poetic. lol See. This is why I shouldn't look up mangakas. Because that leads to lots of reading non-stop ToT EDIT3: Gah. I should stop... but Ichikawa-senseiiiiii. I wasn't going to talk about each manga I was reading but "Michi Dzure" is so alsjfljsalf like what the heck??? Like, the younger guy tells the older guy they weren't going to meet anymore because he got a loving boyfriend and to go truly fall in love. The older guy subconsciously gets depressed, but it's not like he's going to tell since they weren't dating. So he gets a girlfriend after that. A year later they meet. And the younger guy seduces him again even though he refused. He still did it, but he felt miserable because he cheated on his girlfriend who loved him whole-heartedly but that freakin' brat was so selfish. GAH! Rant over lol I'm probably going to read some more? Sigh, I opened more tabs OTL
It's been crazy? Well, when hasn't it. Ah, I can't really remember how I was feeling this week. The beginning is always kinda rough because 112a always stresses me out; and that's because I do sloppy work & I'm aware of it. I guess. Today ended pretty well because for acting, we only rehearsed. Then 113a, we painted outside, though we didn't get to the painting part lol we were working on our sketches. I stayed up 'til 4 am, but we obviously didn't even check homework. Still, today ended well :) There's not too much homework for 113a. But I should be worried about my 112a midterm; the inking is due Wed. I don't know... I'm worried I won't be able to finish. There's also the history midterm I should study for. I feel sorta overwhelmed right now? But it's weird because I'm like, there's not too much to do, if I manage my time, I could do it. I wasted today again. It always happens -.- I ate a lot too? lol. Uhm, I went on a shopping spree this week. We bought clothes from Yesstyle (I feel bad I didn't ask Steph if she wanted the sweater with the letter printing; I didn't know she liked it!), and then I actually ordered from Jetpens (I told Deilys, & he told me he planned to get it for me as a gift lol). My washi tapes came in! They're so nice~ still waiting on one more set. Waiting for my taiyaki pan tooo~ Ah, I was distracted by my Twitter Japanese fandom from seiyuus/butais lol I don't talk to them a lot; I'm the random follower that kinda replies out of nowhere lol They're really nice though ^^ Well anyway, I actually don't know how that led me to shop on otamart/cdjapan/animate-onlineshop. Er, even though I really want to buy the CDs, if I wait long enough, someone just might share the CDs I want (or not). I was looking into IVVY too, since alljpop posted UNIONE (& they took pics with IVVY) & I cannot find anywhere to get their music. 1 EP & single in the US iTunes, & it's so hard to buy from the JP iTunes OTL & "Stop the Rain" won't even show up on the JP iTunes ToT I'm really hoping that IVVY will officially debut--I don't know if they did or not, even though they released a few singles and an EP--and hopefully, they'll release an album with all their old songs. Gah. When no one stans IVVY, this is when I need to have learned enough Japanese to translate ToT
I'm in class right now, but I pretty much heard nothing the professor said. Midterm is on Wed, so maybe I should've paid more attention; class only had 1/3 of my attention. I feel like I'll fail but oh wells? I was just checking up on POLARIS members random blog posts. While I'm caught up with Min-E's, Nana just posted up (woops! got called on by my professor to answer my own question that I sent in for homework haha good thing I paid partial attention x'D) a few posts that I should read. I sorta skimmed part of one of the posts, & I kinda teared so I thought I shouldn't read that in class lol --& this is why I don't want to share anymore negativity to you~ -- I haven't been on here because I've been crazy busy. Also, I went home this weekend so I didn't have my laptop. But yeah, then I checked Moe's & Channie's. They hardly post so I've stopped checking, but surprise! I've missed one or 2 from their blogs lol it was last summer though :p Then I decided to look at Dae's blog. I don't know if she has another one, I only have her old one. She hasn't posted of course, but I read some of the old ones, and I don't remember reading them? but maybe I did... one of them that caught my attention was what she observed of us. It was quite interesting haha the one about me though xD I'm like "since when did I get mad?" lol in general, she said that I would be the one to get mad easily in the group. Am I? haha I though I kept that under control pretty well in school lol but to be honest, I would be the one to blow my top first? lol This weekend me & Jen went to Uji Time Dessert in Berkeley. I was so happy with my pretty desserts~ & I took nice photos of the dessert with my T6. On the ride back to Daly City, somehow we were high lol & I took pretty bokeh photos that look like the speedometer LOL Yeah, I got so into desserts. I can't wait until I can have time to finally make the raindrop cake, and other desserts (I've been looking on Youtube xD) & I was so into taiyaki... I went and ordered a taiyaki frying pan LOL along with lots of washi tapes that were on sale > < eep. Also ready to order some Zebra midliner highlighters~ In 2 weeks will be spring break, and I CAN'T FREAKIN' WAIT. I am so done with this semester. I'm already so stressed & like why? I have a mid-portfolio review due at the end of my spring break, but hopefully I get that done before I get on my break. I still rant to Deilys, but even I realized I rant about the same things over and over. And of course, he can't do anything about it. Not that I was looking for him to do something about it. Can I survive these last 2 weeks? ToT
Ugh I can't do this anymoreeee. My head hurts... Painting this tomato hurts my head. I have so much to do, but the more stress there is, the more I don't want to do anything. Do you see how this cycles? Sigh. Original plan to work all day was thrown off track because Biri's family came to celebrate her birthday early. Not that I mind much... glad that my Monday starts at 3 though. I realized how dependent I am. I just need to rant; I'm not necessarily looking for any kind of solution from anyone, but during these times, I just want someone to listen to my constant rants that don't go anywhere and that always repeat time to time. Minar kinda disappeared? haha I think she's busy. Since we weren't constantly talking like before, I don't want to bother her. And I don't know... just feels "whiny" if I complain to the others, and they won't say much since it's a group chat. On the other hand, they'll have a lot to say if we speak one-on-one lol I especially like to talk to Minar because she always gets deep with me and makes me really think. Still talking to Deilys lately. I complain to him now haha Because last week Monday was just sooo bad -refer to previous post- Anyway, I should at least finish this inking...
So I watched "Doushitemo Furetakunai" and read the manga. It was a simple movie. I think I feel pretty neutral about it. Then I read the manga, and for some reason, it hurt my heart lol I don't know why... because the story wasn't even that heart-wrenching or anything. Especially during the dj for the manga, Deguchi x Onoda. It just really... pained me to see Deguchi hurt like that. In my head, I read it with a lot of feeling okay lol. I just read a few short mangas; nothing really worth noting. Also watched some short OVAs, technically only promos for the mangas. It would've been nice to see a full anime though. An interesting one I came upon was "Nekoka Danshi no Shitsukekata" lol I just finished another one, "Aru Hi Inu no Kuni kara Tegami ga Kite" aka "One Day a Letter from the Dog Kingdom Arrives." At first I thought it was just a cute movie about a dog, but then I freakin' cried a little like what the heck, I wasn't expecting that. Ah, I didn't mean to sleep this late, but I was being lazy to post. Yesterday I went to hip hop for the 1st day of intensives. I guess I met someone new, though we didn't really talk anymore after that. Celine and Sarai didn't come today because they probably went to figure drawing, so I was alone. I was going to sneak away after again, but I mean, it's hard to because I walk in an open area right in front of them. Suddenly I hear my name called out very loud (in a weird way lol). I turn around and Matthew was eagerly waving bye xD Dillon also waved bye~ ^^ and I think I heard Vira say bye too? I dunno. Anyway, though it was tiring, it was fun~ New jack swing? The beginning of this week was really sucky because of my own stupidness. I was really down. Even Steph was like, "why do you look so sad?" when I got back from class... since I was messaging Deilys already, I ended up telling him stuff. Trying to put what I was feeling into words was pretty difficult. It felt like it wasn't explained correctly but oh wells. And even though I already know, having to say it and write it out really kinda just hit me. So while I typed them out, I already felt the tears wanting to come out. After reading his reply, I just wanted to cry. I felt stupid. For feeling such a way. Because I already know; even his response. I already know. And I did end up crying. Just a little. On the way to class on Tuesday, I saw Manny~ at first I couldn't really confirm that it was him, but at first glance I thought it was him, until we got closer; though I was running late to class so I couldn't stop to chat. It's been a while since I saw him too~ he took out his earphones and gave a smile, and I just cheerily said hi. He asked if I needed help, and I ended up saying "no, I'm good. Thanks though" and it was just so awkward gahhh reminds me of that time with Michael LOL Well anyway, he has such a nice smile~ I think of rabbit or hamster? lol Wednesday I got my Norn9 official fan book~ it's so pretty~ though I wished they showed more on the character concept design. Yesterday was a really good day though~ Anna & Damien's album was finally sent out~ I had their album on repeat lol In class we painted a bit, then Rick Kitagawa gave a demo which was nice, and we got free samples. And then after that, was hip hop Intensive. I watched "Doushitemo..." before going though. Today, I had rehearsal with Carol in the afternoon. We ended practice with idle chatting about dance and about driver's license. Then I headed over to the Student Union Theater for DreamWorks presentation. Nothing much to say about that. Deilys can't come to get MM tomorrow (today) because his boss scheduled work for him even though he requested for the day off ToT No milkshakes then... I was starving after the DW presentation, the student union closed by the time we finished, so I went over to Quickly for a snack. I was wearing Birdy's hoodie, and when I was getting money out, Anna asked if it was Birdy's hoodie and when I said yeah she was like "you're so lucky~" and we chatted a little. I can't believe she doesn't recognize me ahahaha. Ah, Quickly is also not doing the buy-1-get-1-free promo anymore; it's ending on the 15th of March I think. Darn, lol. I also got curly fries. I ended up getting kinda full from the milk tea and fries. Anyway, I should sleep soon since I should get up early and do homework. My bad that this post ended up being pretty long and all over the place hehe.
I just finished "Yubikoi Kimi ni Okuru Message," and as slow as it may be, it was pretty cute~ I'm so glad of the happy ending. Masaki-kun looks familiar and acts sorta stiff but -shrugs- I loved listening to Seungri's Japanese~ and he sang the song for the movie too~ Sorani Egaku Omoi. He composed it apparently, and it's such a good song~ The protagonist was pretty too~ Ah anyway, it made me want to do photography and gave me so many ideas~ Was also teaching Jo how to restring rackets but it's so difficult over FaceTime. I didn't even finish homework and I have to because tomorrow gonna go play badminton~ It's been a while.
written on Saturday, February 25, 2017 @ 1:54 AM ✈
Wednesday night to Thursday morning, I pulled an all-nighter. That morning I had to preview for me & my partner's scene in class. It actually wasn't too bad :p After my 12:30 class, I napped for 2 hours afterward. Around 11pm, Biri, LeAnn, Dario and I headed over to John's place. It was my first time there. Ah, I missed them~ though it was super smoky in the apartment and it smelled so bad ToT We didn't do much since everyone else was drinkers etc. After almost 2 hours, we headed back. I didn't get to hug Andres >o< but Josh gave such warm hugs~ ^w^ I ended up sleeping at 4am. I woke up this morning and while going through my Twitter feed, wow, so many updates on my animate/otome releases > < I should really make a list or something to see what CDs I should purchase (if possible :p ) Today we went out to the Great Mall. I ran out of jeans, and I didn't want to wear sweats, so I ended up wearing leggings with my purple dress-sweater. Technically the more feminine way I dressed xD But I liked it :3 To end the day, we went to to My Milkshake, and I tried "The Joker" this time~ I've been messaging Deilys these past few days after he messaged me to check up on me because of news that San Jose was flooding. After talking about MM, he said he'll be by in SJ next weekend so we're gonna go get MM~ ahh, today I just wanted to draw and draw but I know that once I pick up a pen or something and start, it won't happen haha Just now, I was reading some short mangas, and FREAK. They were so cuuuuuteeeee~ You can imagine how much I was squealing and "getting high." Also, kawaiipenshop/com had cute stickers and so cuuute~ //squeals// I think this is what happens because I have pent up energy because I haven't been to hip hop hehe. Intensive is starting next week; hopefully I'll be able to go consistently :p
written on Wednesday, February 22, 2017 @ 10:22 PM ✈
Just watched 2 animes/OVAs while painting. I really hate this black egg lol painted for like 2-3 hours? Still can't get it done. Damn... Hybrid Child was interesting. Gotta read the manga. The ending of the anime got me crying though omg... also quite deep... if you can find the meaning in these stories.
I just spent the last few hours finishing Earthian. Though the anime didn't sit too well with me, I can't. This manga pulled on my heartstrings halfway through. It's really a good read. I seriously love Kouga-sensei's work. Her art may not be on the top of my list, though I fairly like it, but her story is so deep and has so much meaning. Of course, I can't really say for everything; I think this one really hit the spot.
"Did I ever know... ...the meaning of love? No. Of course not. But no one else knows, either. It can't be known. Because there is no meaning."
So many times, I had the urge to cry. Like, I should cry. It just hurts... It was just... really good... ToT Though it mainly talked about love, it also talked about identity. I guess I will search for those OSTs... hm... Well, I should do some work before 2...
It's been a while since I posted. Actually, I should be too busy to update. Welp. I'm skipping out on hip hop, even though Anthony's teaching today, and it's his birthday ToT It rained a lot this weekend. I took the bus > train home. It was pouring on Friday, and I was soaked. Ahh, I just keep wanting chocolates and sweets > < I try to avoid being on my laptop for a long time because I just know I will get distracted.
Anyway, I just got back from Chacho's with Biri and LeAnn because it was Taco Tuesday. Okay, our waiter had a nice smile. That's all. Somehow, after that initial moment where he took our order (I said "El Chico"--it's their quesadilla-- and when I glanced at him, he smiled so I was thinking "is he laughing at me" because I hesitated to say it lol), we got flustered every time he came over. He'd ask "is everything fine" and it'd be quiet for a while before someone answered LOL it happened like 3 times. I was fine with eye contact in the beginning, but afterward, I just couldn't even look at him LOL it was awkward I DON'T KNOW WHY AHAHAHA. At the end when we were done, he was on my right, and my lanyard was on the table with the cat keychain on top. He suddenly made small talk--you know, because nobody answered him LOL (well, I think we said we were fine)--and he asked if it was a knuckle puncher. I said yeah and he was like, oh I have a dog one, and I'm like, oh I didn't know they had one. It was so quiet did he even hear it? lol Then he just cleared the table and asked if we wanted the tab. He brought the tab. We paid. We put tips on the table. He didn't grab the tips. He refilled our water. We wait. We were being flustered about where to put the tips. It was just so funny. He doesn't bring us change (it was only a few cents). We finished the water. Doesn't look like he was gonna come by to shoo us lol so we left, though we didn't get to say bye to him because we left through the back door, which was next to us.
Continuing on with being flustered (not that I am with this), but Lee texted me Sunday. He was surprised that I was home and then sorta annoyed that I was already leaving that night lol psh not like he gonna hang out with me anyway. And then he started asking about my major. He texted me until late at night, though he ignored me for a good 2 hours. When I was heading to bed, I told him goodnight and to "text me again sometime" and he replied "what about now?" lol He sure does joke around a lot recently... o.o He probably slept late again because he texted me "u sleeping?" at 5pm lol and when I told him I was doing homework, he said "get it done / text me when u r done / lol okay?" and I tell him I have class soon and if I should text him after I finished class at 9:20. He said he doesn't sleep 'til 2 am so I should. And I said okay. This convo was just so funny; I guess because he sounds like a boyfriend checking up on their girlfriend and trying not to bother her studies lol So I do text him after class, though he doesn't even reply until 20 min later hmph lol because he didn't realize it was already 9:30 lol. He asked me what I was doing and I told him: waiting for rice to cook, going to shower. He said "I just finished showering so go ahead / Lol" And then we started talking about weight gain :p weird topic. He doesn't gain weight; he said that if he needs to gain weight, he probably needs a girl to stay by his side and force him to eat all day lol. For reals. These 2 days texting him... is this even Lee??? LOL It really doesn't sound like him... but it does at the same time LOL
Well, I really need to do homework, but I'm getting sleepy. I will finish "Earthian" (manga) before I go shower. Earthian (anime) was like 3.5/5 I guess. The ending I was like "HE FREAKIN' RIPPED OFF HIS WING WHAT THE ALSKDJFKLASD" so yeah... I don't know what's gonna happen to him then lol
Drinking it right now, made from the packets from Daiso. It smells like the canned bobas lol. Gah, I got distracted by otome music and animate products. Look what I did for almost an hour:
It's not like I'ma end up buying them. I feel like I won't... because I shouldn't bahaha even though I really want at least ONE Tsukiusa... and Rui's Pluvia bracelet... I really need to make a list of what I want... or else it'll keep bothering me until I get it done... time to use that bullet journal! lol So busy... yet still lagging behind zzZZ Opening many windows and many tabs doesn't help. Neither does bookmarking all those tabs for later, though I should since my computer is lagging. Jim said to keep the blog colorful lol I made 3 posts in black, and it really dulled my blog lol dayum I gotta go paint... but I am so sleepy~
Omg. Dynamic Chord. Kyohso. WHY. They released "Silent Sun" ahhh I want ToT I mean, I could wait a few years for it to be on HnA... why didn't the others release a mini-album tooo~ And they're release shuffle unit series 2nd, like come on!
I really want themmmm pleaseee someone share themmmm~ I hate waiting for releases lol
I refunded and got another box cutter this morning. Didn't need to buy candy because yesterday night, Biri bought me a big bag of sour worms~ ugh, well, I need to finish the clay and get ready for class soon... I'll figure out this DC thing later.
It seems like I got my motivation to work back. Just a little bit. While I took my break, I made the bad choice of looking up downloads for some of the music I wanted from an otome game. Somehow, it led me to looking at Norn9 fanbook. I guess because I was on cdjapan...
Welp. I found a cheap one on amazon & guess who just spent $15? ToT well, it's not too bad. I'm still waiting on my Tsukiuta fanbook replacement. I'm excited for both! Gah, and then I started looking for rejet stuff on cdjapan... if I wait--I dunno-- a few more years, I'm sure links will be up ahahaha but by then, I'd have forgotten. Or not. :p
Back to work! I gotta plan for tomorrow because I intend to return the 25mm box cutter for the 18mm one... how about we buy some candy on the way back? haha
I got too caught up chatting with Jim that I forgot what I was gonna write about haha
I just finished "The Sleepy Residents of Birdcage Manor." It was... really good. It's not outstanding or anything... but I really liked it. It wasn't even romance heavy... more like "soul-searching" haha it was good... I was also attracted to the art... it made me want to draw anime again...
aaaand of course. I wasted the day again. When will I ever learn haha I'm really starving though. For the past 2 hours, my stomach's been growling. I guess I'll cook... I am so lazy.
I was on Twitter and fokushi's tweet for his acoustic cover of Radwimp's "Nandemonaiya"popped up. Played the video & I don't know why but I felt like crying. My eyes watered haha which brought up the thought of "did I dl radwimp's album?" So I hop on to alljpop... and waaah? Almost 3 pages of "new releases" that the admin posted. I was on there yesterday too. So before I get caught up in that and other downloads, I better not pull out my hard drive to check lol even though I really need to clean up my laptop... this weekend. maybe. to clean up my laptop and my "environment."
written on Saturday, February 4, 2017 @ 11:56 PM ✈
I think I spilled secrets.
Well they weren't really secrets; more like my life...? Steph had to discuss something with me and we ended up talking for almost 2 hours. A lot of deep thinking lol It somehow led to me talking about family. Even when I was ranting, I was thinking "isn't it weird for me to tell her things in detail about my family...?" Even so, I couldn't help but keep talking.
I've been sleeping late, & of course, not waking up too early. And today, despite my plans of doing homework, I didn't do any at all. There goes my day. I ended up reading manga for hours. Interesting... I finished the "Kuroneko" series by Sakyo Aya. I really like the idea of were-cats haha just like "Neko Neko Honey"!
I have a lot of work today. The feeling of "I don't want to work/go to school at all" seems to fading as work is picking up. Thinking about all the stuff I have to do in a day is freaking me out... so I'll just sleep now and work hard tomorrow... my sight is getting hazy... On a side note, should I just keep my posts to one color? Though my posts have always been random colors~
Well, I guess I wasn't "composed" enough to post, though I had so many things I wanted to write about. School started back up again. It was just a little hectic the last week of break because of holidays and stuff. Anything that I really need to say... not really. I did want to talk about "Norn9" since I finished that. Let me tell you: I cried so badly at the 2nd to last? episode. I'll save that for another post since I wanted to talk about thoughts that came to mind... Classes have been okay so far. Just today, Cameron was funny haha though I was pretty sure I was so embarrassed because I felt the heat in my face (because I left my name on a masking tape on the wall and more). History wasn't too bad either. Lecture is different because there's no powerpoint, but he's not boring. I haven't been in the mood for working aka like right now. I finally went ahead and texted Mina about it. I didn't really want to bother her, but it was just really bothering me. I did feel a bit better afterward. It's like she's shining the moonlight to clear the fog haha She tends to always ask about goals (or at least the topic always comes up lol) and I answer, whether it's really straight-forward and clear; who knows. In a way, it's good to keep thinking about goals. It's already so late. And I have a 9am class tomorrow, but at least tomorrow is the last day of class for the week. Yays~ and I finish around 3:15-ish. I got caught up with new releases, new groups I found, more manga, and the fact that I haven't cracked the password for Yumemigusa is annoying too lol I think I haven't had my dosage of good music; the iPod won't respond to my touch ToT I also wanted to mention Lee; it's just so funny, but when I have time to look back at those texts, I'll write again.
Steph was up too, and she just went to shower. She was working in the living room. It's been a while since we talked like a lot, and about random stuff. Well, it probably wasn't that long haha My computer is lagging too because 4 windows and each with 10+ tabs!? sigh... I feel like this post is a little bit all over the place, and I'm sure I left some stuff out too. Well, I'm off to finally start on my homework haha kill me now.
Ah there's so much to do. I feel even more stressed? I mentioned that right? lols Anywho... I was just thinking that I keep living with so many regrets, but it's not like it's changing anything? So many things I should've done, but to be honest, I'm so not rested... This week passed by fast... 2 months will pass by fast too... It's already April. It's possible I might try out for a summer job, if Arlene really recommends me for one xD Mom is watching "Aim High" and wow... that drama is about chasing dreams. I need more movies like that?
At times like these I always start to doubt my choices. I always start to wonder... can I make it. Half of me thinks I'll make it; the other half doesn't think I can. It's always an internal struggle. The stress makes me think, maybe I should take a semester off. But will it do me any good? I really doubt it. Strike the anvil while it's still hot right? I just gotta keep going. You there. Yes you. You too.Just keep going. It doesn't really matter if you're not sure where you really want to go. I may have chosen a path, but that doesn't mean I know where I'm going. Like my acting professor said: nobody ever knows what they want to do. No one is ever sure all the time. So just go with the flow and live life. ~~ I spent this morning at SECA because Travis challenged me to play. He stayed late after lunch to play me. Ah, I was so bad though. Maybe I should've changed clothes fully LOL my strap kept falling. Anyway, yeah. I was bad LOL he told Jo that I was good though. Travis, why you so nice lol (or he probably just saying since he's friends with Jo :p) I drove around so much today, from SECA, to gramp's place, and to hangout with friends. Alone. I drove alone yo. I remember the first time I drove alone, which was the day RIGHT after I got my license, I was sweating so much. 1, it was hot. 2, I was so nervous. The few times after that I was still pretty nervous and sweatin'. Today was way better. I drove fine~ because it's too places I'm familiar with. Though I had to drive to Lollicup without a GPS, I did pretty well, but halfway I was about to start panicking like what if I got lost xD I never drove that far alone :p We watched "Beauty and the Beast" and I cried a lot, especially when time ran out and all the servants/furnitures were saying goodbye ToT and then when they all reunited I'm like :'D
~tale as old as time. song as old as rhyme. beauty and the beast~ <3 Aight. Night. I tried to clean my desktop. Less cluttered, but now my drive is super messy & I haven't organized that. I need to let go of the tabs and windows too... Habits. I pick up really bad habits lol of hoarding I guess you can say. Why is it that I hear one song, I want the whole album? Or like I watch an anime or drama and I want the OST? sigh, I don't know. It'll take time to break. I already sorta broke the idea that I needed every single Korean release of my groups. Sometimes their recent releases lead to older releases that I don't know of or something and I start going on a discography hunt. Same goes for one album of an artist I just found, and I start looking for all their releases. Like, bro, you didn't hear it or anything so why do you want it? I don't know, it's like, I don't want to miss the opportunity of a good song? I guess the same goes with drama CDs. I found a link for downloading drama CDs and I better hurry up and download that before the site goes down. Plus from HnA too, the OST collections... I have a list so I better hurry. Ugh, I know they're pretty useless but I can't help it? Like, I'll regret not downloading them. Huh, regrets...
Man, I don't know. I'm just so annoyed right now. --- Well, I'm not so annoyed anymore. I was just frustrated because I can't remember how to string a racket ToT I visited SECA today and that was fun. Why are Jo's friends greeting me? ahaha. I got challenged by Travis... weird... I'm gonna lose though LOL It's badminton for PE so when one of the teams beat the TAs, Coach made me play with him. Ah, what a fail. I'm so not used to the "enlarged" court lol. Later Deilys took me to get ice cream~ Sucks that House of Ice Cream wasn't opened yet ToT so he treated me to Dream instead. We talked for like an hour and a half? We left around 3:30. Neither of us had a phone so we didn't know the time LOL. I got home & like, food coma? because I ended up taking a nap. Side note, I guess I can't take breaks... I go into a slump so easily. I spent yesterday painting the drapery, but it wasn't getting anywhere. And then, I'm thinking about so many things that are stressing me out. Uh, there's the monologue. And then the portfolio, but I don't feel ready... so I probably won't submit this semester. My friend is probably going to be disappointed ^^; but I can't always be worrying about what others might think... I also need to stop delaying the submission... oh wells. Can't help it. And yeah, slump. I can't get myself to paint and whatnot. Can you believe it's already halfway through spring break? I cry. I'm not even rested like what the heck ToT I was just watching "Bakuman" and it gave some kind of boost, but not a lot. I might survive... Well Jen toned/dyed my hair. Time to wash it out and shower.
I'm finally on spring break! We got home at like 4am. This morning we woke up early to go visit ancestors. I am so sleepy right now. My phone is still dead aka needs to be attached to the outlet. Just purchased a new battery; hopefully it'll work and last decently (because reviews were like 50-50). These past two days me & Steph have been out. We went to Japantown & I managed to find the final ingredients for my dessert! Yay~ pricey though lol I spent like $14 at Nijiya Market. Then we had sushi because she was hungry. The next day, we went to Mitsuwa Market & Daiso. I got these cute dessert cups and this panda onigiri mold and nori sheets~ abou $12 at Daiso. Then we had ramen/udon at the food court. Then we went to Westfield Valleyfair and had 'mango mango' dessert at Bar Code. Also on an impulse buy at Disney store, we bought tsums tsums lol Finally took the bus home around 9:30. Then we got food at Jack-in-the-Box. I don't know why we spent so much these two days lol We were waiting for Jim to get off work yesterday, so we watched "Spirited Away" and wow I really missed Haku~ <3 lol Now I want the OST, I want like Haku merch lolol
Aside from the fact that I wasted my morning reading mangas (my excuse is that I need to get rid of the tabs lol) my phone keeps restarting itself. It started happening when we were on the way to Almaden Lake Park. I thought it was because of the heat. After coming home, it still constantly did that. It stays on when plugged in, but as soon as I unplug it, it shuts down. Currently, as it's restarting itself, the second you can see the lock screen, it blinks out again. Ugh, it's so annoying. Click the button if you want to read a "short" manga review! ;)
Anyway, there were some really good manga today! lol One that was really cute was "Slow Starter" because the main characters were so innocent! xD It took them so long to realize they had mutual feelings, and they kept worrying over the same thing, like if the other person is annoyed at them or not. They're such a silly couple xD And an interesting one was "Natura-turaly" about twins that were always together. At first I thought it might be incest, but the ending was a twist for me. It was a BL written in the perspective of the sister. So this guy calls her out, but she goes with her brother. I thought it was a confession for her, but instead it was for her brother. Surprise. The guy was really nice though. He didn't mind that she tagged along when he asked her brother out to watch movies and stuff. He wasn't disgusted either that they [the twins] held hands. I don't know why they do lol Toward the end, the girl starts to leave them alone more. The brother is more worried about her because back then when he got confessed to and he dated, his girlfriends found her annoying and even bullied her. Of course, he chooses his sister over some girl. But the guy who confessed, he really wanted to be friends with his sister. Rather, the twist was, he knew the sister liked him, too, but he told her "[her brother] is [his] number one." And so the sister expresses to the readers that as twins, they liked and disliked the same things. Get it? At the end, he was going to go out on a date and invites the sister, but she tells him to go alone, and to finally give him an answer to his confession. Yes, while all this was going on, he still hadn't given him an answer lol and for some reason, I find this really sweet. Maybe it's because of how nice the guy was. The guy who confessed was really nice, and even though it was a oneshot, I think the brother actually liked the guy because for one, his feelings were genuine, and two, he doesn't mind his sister tagging along and understands that she's important to him. Luckily, the sister understands that she shouldn't be a third-wheel. It just might be because his "girlfriends" were jerks so she never had the thought of actually handing over her brother over haha
Currently eating dinner but about to fall asleep. I think I might head to bed early today... got no homework done again. Me & Steph headed out around 1pm to go to Almaden Lake Park so she can do her observational study. I tagged along to take photos. It was so hot. At the end we almost got attacked by a goose lol it was a loner goose, and I could tell it was pretty territorial as it kept chasing away other geese. Well, Canadian geese in general are territorial. Anyway, I tempted it closer to us, and then it got super close. Like a hand's length away from Steph. It looked up at her for a while, then it started hissing at her! omg lol I don't think it was going to attack because it didn't rear up or spread its wings. It didn't look aggressive, since its hissing wasn't really loud or anything. It seemed to just be mad that she put away the crackers lol. It walked away. Later, I walked toward it, and approached it with a picnic table between us. It saw me, and then started walking around the table toward me. It started to follow me ahaha and I was like nope. xD I went back to the other table and it still kept coming lol and I ended up standing up on the bench. It came up right in front of me, stood there, looked up at me, and continued to circle around our table xD Steph ended up on the bench too LOL I feel like I'm always putting Steph in danger or something lol Then we left. We were walking back and it looked like there was a field trip going on. There were these kids, like 6-10 years old, chasing the geese. I was annoyed. There was also a family feeding bread to the geese tsk tsk. Warning: do not feed bread to birds; it's like indigestive for them. We had lunch at the Habit~ it wasn't very filling... but it was good~ After Safeway, we finally got home. It was like 7:30 or so. I fell asleep on the bus. I think Steph was getting sleepy too, though I woke up twice & saw her on her phone. The 2nd time I woke up, I glanced at her. She looked out and was going to settle down again so I thought it wasn't our stop yet. I was gonna go back to sleep but she was like oh wait. And we both hurriedly got out lol I was still a little drowsy xD I was supposed to wake up early this morning to work. But I didn't, even though I was up like 7:45. I just finished dinner. Earlier I read "Totsugimasen Kara" and the updated chapters were so cute! I'm pretty sure the next chapter is going to be a roller coaster of feels omg that cliffhanger though! It pains me to see him hurt ToT I tried not to get tempted by other releases/updates because I know for sure I'll just keep goingggg (I've already screenshotted all the mangas that have not been updated. One summer day, I'll go back to them, and they'll have lots of updates x'D) . Since that was on the 1st page, I thought why not. Omg maybe I shouldn't have though. (If anyone is curious, it's omegaverse. It's a new "genre" that I found by accident. I've already read a few, and they're actually quite interesting. You know the hate same-sex lovers get? Well, double that because omegaverse also has hate towards alpha-omega lovers aka this genre has a hierarchy. But sometimes, the story plot is also the sweetest I've read TuT However, not for anyone who's not a fujoshi lol) Well, pray that I survive this last week and get my shiz together! ToT EDIT: Uwah! So I went and read "Kocchi Muite Waratte" and it was so cute! Like what the aslkdjlksd it was funny because the guy who confessed was so stubborn and to the guy he liked he kept yelling at him and saying he's so annoying. At the end they finally get together. The stubborn guy was so happy that he finally said yes and that he liked him. So the stubborn guy is at work first, talking to his co-workers when his lover comes in to the locker room. Eye contact, and his lover is smiling so brightly. He gets a slight blush, but the other co-workers don't seem to notice. As his lover walks by him, HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR. I think that is sooo cuteee because it's something that he does only to him because he's special~ <3 and though he seems all tough, he gets so soft in front/with his lover alskdjflks so cuuuuute EDIT2: "Toritome no Nai Koi no Shi", "Veranda Nite", "Step One". One shots I read after "Kocchi..." by the same mangaka: Ichikawa Kei. Dang these one shotssss lol They were oh so cute. The 1st one was so, poetic. Like, "it feels like there's a hole in my chest," and the mangaka visually portrayed that. And then trying to lie about your feelings, that's when you "heart becomes a demon." And when you finally fill your void & are all happy again, you hear bells. Yup. That was poetic. lol See. This is why I shouldn't look up mangakas. Because that leads to lots of reading non-stop ToT EDIT3: Gah. I should stop... but Ichikawa-senseiiiiii. I wasn't going to talk about each manga I was reading but "Michi Dzure" is so alsjfljsalf like what the heck??? Like, the younger guy tells the older guy they weren't going to meet anymore because he got a loving boyfriend and to go truly fall in love. The older guy subconsciously gets depressed, but it's not like he's going to tell since they weren't dating. So he gets a girlfriend after that. A year later they meet. And the younger guy seduces him again even though he refused. He still did it, but he felt miserable because he cheated on his girlfriend who loved him whole-heartedly but that freakin' brat was so selfish. GAH! Rant over lol I'm probably going to read some more? Sigh, I opened more tabs OTL
It's been crazy? Well, when hasn't it. Ah, I can't really remember how I was feeling this week. The beginning is always kinda rough because 112a always stresses me out; and that's because I do sloppy work & I'm aware of it. I guess. Today ended pretty well because for acting, we only rehearsed. Then 113a, we painted outside, though we didn't get to the painting part lol we were working on our sketches. I stayed up 'til 4 am, but we obviously didn't even check homework. Still, today ended well :) There's not too much homework for 113a. But I should be worried about my 112a midterm; the inking is due Wed. I don't know... I'm worried I won't be able to finish. There's also the history midterm I should study for. I feel sorta overwhelmed right now? But it's weird because I'm like, there's not too much to do, if I manage my time, I could do it. I wasted today again. It always happens -.- I ate a lot too? lol. Uhm, I went on a shopping spree this week. We bought clothes from Yesstyle (I feel bad I didn't ask Steph if she wanted the sweater with the letter printing; I didn't know she liked it!), and then I actually ordered from Jetpens (I told Deilys, & he told me he planned to get it for me as a gift lol). My washi tapes came in! They're so nice~ still waiting on one more set. Waiting for my taiyaki pan tooo~ Ah, I was distracted by my Twitter Japanese fandom from seiyuus/butais lol I don't talk to them a lot; I'm the random follower that kinda replies out of nowhere lol They're really nice though ^^ Well anyway, I actually don't know how that led me to shop on otamart/cdjapan/animate-onlineshop. Er, even though I really want to buy the CDs, if I wait long enough, someone just might share the CDs I want (or not). I was looking into IVVY too, since alljpop posted UNIONE (& they took pics with IVVY) & I cannot find anywhere to get their music. 1 EP & single in the US iTunes, & it's so hard to buy from the JP iTunes OTL & "Stop the Rain" won't even show up on the JP iTunes ToT I'm really hoping that IVVY will officially debut--I don't know if they did or not, even though they released a few singles and an EP--and hopefully, they'll release an album with all their old songs. Gah. When no one stans IVVY, this is when I need to have learned enough Japanese to translate ToT
I'm in class right now, but I pretty much heard nothing the professor said. Midterm is on Wed, so maybe I should've paid more attention; class only had 1/3 of my attention. I feel like I'll fail but oh wells? I was just checking up on POLARIS members random blog posts. While I'm caught up with Min-E's, Nana just posted up (woops! got called on by my professor to answer my own question that I sent in for homework haha good thing I paid partial attention x'D) a few posts that I should read. I sorta skimmed part of one of the posts, & I kinda teared so I thought I shouldn't read that in class lol --& this is why I don't want to share anymore negativity to you~ -- I haven't been on here because I've been crazy busy. Also, I went home this weekend so I didn't have my laptop. But yeah, then I checked Moe's & Channie's. They hardly post so I've stopped checking, but surprise! I've missed one or 2 from their blogs lol it was last summer though :p Then I decided to look at Dae's blog. I don't know if she has another one, I only have her old one. She hasn't posted of course, but I read some of the old ones, and I don't remember reading them? but maybe I did... one of them that caught my attention was what she observed of us. It was quite interesting haha the one about me though xD I'm like "since when did I get mad?" lol in general, she said that I would be the one to get mad easily in the group. Am I? haha I though I kept that under control pretty well in school lol but to be honest, I would be the one to blow my top first? lol This weekend me & Jen went to Uji Time Dessert in Berkeley. I was so happy with my pretty desserts~ & I took nice photos of the dessert with my T6. On the ride back to Daly City, somehow we were high lol & I took pretty bokeh photos that look like the speedometer LOL Yeah, I got so into desserts. I can't wait until I can have time to finally make the raindrop cake, and other desserts (I've been looking on Youtube xD) & I was so into taiyaki... I went and ordered a taiyaki frying pan LOL along with lots of washi tapes that were on sale > < eep. Also ready to order some Zebra midliner highlighters~ In 2 weeks will be spring break, and I CAN'T FREAKIN' WAIT. I am so done with this semester. I'm already so stressed & like why? I have a mid-portfolio review due at the end of my spring break, but hopefully I get that done before I get on my break. I still rant to Deilys, but even I realized I rant about the same things over and over. And of course, he can't do anything about it. Not that I was looking for him to do something about it. Can I survive these last 2 weeks? ToT
Ugh I can't do this anymoreeee. My head hurts... Painting this tomato hurts my head. I have so much to do, but the more stress there is, the more I don't want to do anything. Do you see how this cycles? Sigh. Original plan to work all day was thrown off track because Biri's family came to celebrate her birthday early. Not that I mind much... glad that my Monday starts at 3 though. I realized how dependent I am. I just need to rant; I'm not necessarily looking for any kind of solution from anyone, but during these times, I just want someone to listen to my constant rants that don't go anywhere and that always repeat time to time. Minar kinda disappeared? haha I think she's busy. Since we weren't constantly talking like before, I don't want to bother her. And I don't know... just feels "whiny" if I complain to the others, and they won't say much since it's a group chat. On the other hand, they'll have a lot to say if we speak one-on-one lol I especially like to talk to Minar because she always gets deep with me and makes me really think. Still talking to Deilys lately. I complain to him now haha Because last week Monday was just sooo bad -refer to previous post- Anyway, I should at least finish this inking...
So I watched "Doushitemo Furetakunai" and read the manga. It was a simple movie. I think I feel pretty neutral about it. Then I read the manga, and for some reason, it hurt my heart lol I don't know why... because the story wasn't even that heart-wrenching or anything. Especially during the dj for the manga, Deguchi x Onoda. It just really... pained me to see Deguchi hurt like that. In my head, I read it with a lot of feeling okay lol. I just read a few short mangas; nothing really worth noting. Also watched some short OVAs, technically only promos for the mangas. It would've been nice to see a full anime though. An interesting one I came upon was "Nekoka Danshi no Shitsukekata" lol I just finished another one, "Aru Hi Inu no Kuni kara Tegami ga Kite" aka "One Day a Letter from the Dog Kingdom Arrives." At first I thought it was just a cute movie about a dog, but then I freakin' cried a little like what the heck, I wasn't expecting that. Ah, I didn't mean to sleep this late, but I was being lazy to post. Yesterday I went to hip hop for the 1st day of intensives. I guess I met someone new, though we didn't really talk anymore after that. Celine and Sarai didn't come today because they probably went to figure drawing, so I was alone. I was going to sneak away after again, but I mean, it's hard to because I walk in an open area right in front of them. Suddenly I hear my name called out very loud (in a weird way lol). I turn around and Matthew was eagerly waving bye xD Dillon also waved bye~ ^^ and I think I heard Vira say bye too? I dunno. Anyway, though it was tiring, it was fun~ New jack swing? The beginning of this week was really sucky because of my own stupidness. I was really down. Even Steph was like, "why do you look so sad?" when I got back from class... since I was messaging Deilys already, I ended up telling him stuff. Trying to put what I was feeling into words was pretty difficult. It felt like it wasn't explained correctly but oh wells. And even though I already know, having to say it and write it out really kinda just hit me. So while I typed them out, I already felt the tears wanting to come out. After reading his reply, I just wanted to cry. I felt stupid. For feeling such a way. Because I already know; even his response. I already know. And I did end up crying. Just a little. On the way to class on Tuesday, I saw Manny~ at first I couldn't really confirm that it was him, but at first glance I thought it was him, until we got closer; though I was running late to class so I couldn't stop to chat. It's been a while since I saw him too~ he took out his earphones and gave a smile, and I just cheerily said hi. He asked if I needed help, and I ended up saying "no, I'm good. Thanks though" and it was just so awkward gahhh reminds me of that time with Michael LOL Well anyway, he has such a nice smile~ I think of rabbit or hamster? lol Wednesday I got my Norn9 official fan book~ it's so pretty~ though I wished they showed more on the character concept design. Yesterday was a really good day though~ Anna & Damien's album was finally sent out~ I had their album on repeat lol In class we painted a bit, then Rick Kitagawa gave a demo which was nice, and we got free samples. And then after that, was hip hop Intensive. I watched "Doushitemo..." before going though. Today, I had rehearsal with Carol in the afternoon. We ended practice with idle chatting about dance and about driver's license. Then I headed over to the Student Union Theater for DreamWorks presentation. Nothing much to say about that. Deilys can't come to get MM tomorrow (today) because his boss scheduled work for him even though he requested for the day off ToT No milkshakes then... I was starving after the DW presentation, the student union closed by the time we finished, so I went over to Quickly for a snack. I was wearing Birdy's hoodie, and when I was getting money out, Anna asked if it was Birdy's hoodie and when I said yeah she was like "you're so lucky~" and we chatted a little. I can't believe she doesn't recognize me ahahaha. Ah, Quickly is also not doing the buy-1-get-1-free promo anymore; it's ending on the 15th of March I think. Darn, lol. I also got curly fries. I ended up getting kinda full from the milk tea and fries. Anyway, I should sleep soon since I should get up early and do homework. My bad that this post ended up being pretty long and all over the place hehe.
I just finished "Yubikoi Kimi ni Okuru Message," and as slow as it may be, it was pretty cute~ I'm so glad of the happy ending. Masaki-kun looks familiar and acts sorta stiff but -shrugs- I loved listening to Seungri's Japanese~ and he sang the song for the movie too~ Sorani Egaku Omoi. He composed it apparently, and it's such a good song~ The protagonist was pretty too~ Ah anyway, it made me want to do photography and gave me so many ideas~ Was also teaching Jo how to restring rackets but it's so difficult over FaceTime. I didn't even finish homework and I have to because tomorrow gonna go play badminton~ It's been a while.
written on Saturday, February 25, 2017 @ 1:54 AM ✈
Wednesday night to Thursday morning, I pulled an all-nighter. That morning I had to preview for me & my partner's scene in class. It actually wasn't too bad :p After my 12:30 class, I napped for 2 hours afterward. Around 11pm, Biri, LeAnn, Dario and I headed over to John's place. It was my first time there. Ah, I missed them~ though it was super smoky in the apartment and it smelled so bad ToT We didn't do much since everyone else was drinkers etc. After almost 2 hours, we headed back. I didn't get to hug Andres >o< but Josh gave such warm hugs~ ^w^ I ended up sleeping at 4am. I woke up this morning and while going through my Twitter feed, wow, so many updates on my animate/otome releases > < I should really make a list or something to see what CDs I should purchase (if possible :p ) Today we went out to the Great Mall. I ran out of jeans, and I didn't want to wear sweats, so I ended up wearing leggings with my purple dress-sweater. Technically the more feminine way I dressed xD But I liked it :3 To end the day, we went to to My Milkshake, and I tried "The Joker" this time~ I've been messaging Deilys these past few days after he messaged me to check up on me because of news that San Jose was flooding. After talking about MM, he said he'll be by in SJ next weekend so we're gonna go get MM~ ahh, today I just wanted to draw and draw but I know that once I pick up a pen or something and start, it won't happen haha Just now, I was reading some short mangas, and FREAK. They were so cuuuuuteeeee~ You can imagine how much I was squealing and "getting high." Also, kawaiipenshop/com had cute stickers and so cuuute~ //squeals// I think this is what happens because I have pent up energy because I haven't been to hip hop hehe. Intensive is starting next week; hopefully I'll be able to go consistently :p
written on Wednesday, February 22, 2017 @ 10:22 PM ✈
Just watched 2 animes/OVAs while painting. I really hate this black egg lol painted for like 2-3 hours? Still can't get it done. Damn... Hybrid Child was interesting. Gotta read the manga. The ending of the anime got me crying though omg... also quite deep... if you can find the meaning in these stories.
I just spent the last few hours finishing Earthian. Though the anime didn't sit too well with me, I can't. This manga pulled on my heartstrings halfway through. It's really a good read. I seriously love Kouga-sensei's work. Her art may not be on the top of my list, though I fairly like it, but her story is so deep and has so much meaning. Of course, I can't really say for everything; I think this one really hit the spot.
"Did I ever know... ...the meaning of love? No. Of course not. But no one else knows, either. It can't be known. Because there is no meaning."
So many times, I had the urge to cry. Like, I should cry. It just hurts... It was just... really good... ToT Though it mainly talked about love, it also talked about identity. I guess I will search for those OSTs... hm... Well, I should do some work before 2...
It's been a while since I posted. Actually, I should be too busy to update. Welp. I'm skipping out on hip hop, even though Anthony's teaching today, and it's his birthday ToT It rained a lot this weekend. I took the bus > train home. It was pouring on Friday, and I was soaked. Ahh, I just keep wanting chocolates and sweets > < I try to avoid being on my laptop for a long time because I just know I will get distracted.
Anyway, I just got back from Chacho's with Biri and LeAnn because it was Taco Tuesday. Okay, our waiter had a nice smile. That's all. Somehow, after that initial moment where he took our order (I said "El Chico"--it's their quesadilla-- and when I glanced at him, he smiled so I was thinking "is he laughing at me" because I hesitated to say it lol), we got flustered every time he came over. He'd ask "is everything fine" and it'd be quiet for a while before someone answered LOL it happened like 3 times. I was fine with eye contact in the beginning, but afterward, I just couldn't even look at him LOL it was awkward I DON'T KNOW WHY AHAHAHA. At the end when we were done, he was on my right, and my lanyard was on the table with the cat keychain on top. He suddenly made small talk--you know, because nobody answered him LOL (well, I think we said we were fine)--and he asked if it was a knuckle puncher. I said yeah and he was like, oh I have a dog one, and I'm like, oh I didn't know they had one. It was so quiet did he even hear it? lol Then he just cleared the table and asked if we wanted the tab. He brought the tab. We paid. We put tips on the table. He didn't grab the tips. He refilled our water. We wait. We were being flustered about where to put the tips. It was just so funny. He doesn't bring us change (it was only a few cents). We finished the water. Doesn't look like he was gonna come by to shoo us lol so we left, though we didn't get to say bye to him because we left through the back door, which was next to us.
Continuing on with being flustered (not that I am with this), but Lee texted me Sunday. He was surprised that I was home and then sorta annoyed that I was already leaving that night lol psh not like he gonna hang out with me anyway. And then he started asking about my major. He texted me until late at night, though he ignored me for a good 2 hours. When I was heading to bed, I told him goodnight and to "text me again sometime" and he replied "what about now?" lol He sure does joke around a lot recently... o.o He probably slept late again because he texted me "u sleeping?" at 5pm lol and when I told him I was doing homework, he said "get it done / text me when u r done / lol okay?" and I tell him I have class soon and if I should text him after I finished class at 9:20. He said he doesn't sleep 'til 2 am so I should. And I said okay. This convo was just so funny; I guess because he sounds like a boyfriend checking up on their girlfriend and trying not to bother her studies lol So I do text him after class, though he doesn't even reply until 20 min later hmph lol because he didn't realize it was already 9:30 lol. He asked me what I was doing and I told him: waiting for rice to cook, going to shower. He said "I just finished showering so go ahead / Lol" And then we started talking about weight gain :p weird topic. He doesn't gain weight; he said that if he needs to gain weight, he probably needs a girl to stay by his side and force him to eat all day lol. For reals. These 2 days texting him... is this even Lee??? LOL It really doesn't sound like him... but it does at the same time LOL
Well, I really need to do homework, but I'm getting sleepy. I will finish "Earthian" (manga) before I go shower. Earthian (anime) was like 3.5/5 I guess. The ending I was like "HE FREAKIN' RIPPED OFF HIS WING WHAT THE ALSKDJFKLASD" so yeah... I don't know what's gonna happen to him then lol
Drinking it right now, made from the packets from Daiso. It smells like the canned bobas lol. Gah, I got distracted by otome music and animate products. Look what I did for almost an hour:
It's not like I'ma end up buying them. I feel like I won't... because I shouldn't bahaha even though I really want at least ONE Tsukiusa... and Rui's Pluvia bracelet... I really need to make a list of what I want... or else it'll keep bothering me until I get it done... time to use that bullet journal! lol So busy... yet still lagging behind zzZZ Opening many windows and many tabs doesn't help. Neither does bookmarking all those tabs for later, though I should since my computer is lagging. Jim said to keep the blog colorful lol I made 3 posts in black, and it really dulled my blog lol dayum I gotta go paint... but I am so sleepy~
Omg. Dynamic Chord. Kyohso. WHY. They released "Silent Sun" ahhh I want ToT I mean, I could wait a few years for it to be on HnA... why didn't the others release a mini-album tooo~ And they're release shuffle unit series 2nd, like come on!
I really want themmmm pleaseee someone share themmmm~ I hate waiting for releases lol
I refunded and got another box cutter this morning. Didn't need to buy candy because yesterday night, Biri bought me a big bag of sour worms~ ugh, well, I need to finish the clay and get ready for class soon... I'll figure out this DC thing later.
It seems like I got my motivation to work back. Just a little bit. While I took my break, I made the bad choice of looking up downloads for some of the music I wanted from an otome game. Somehow, it led me to looking at Norn9 fanbook. I guess because I was on cdjapan...
Welp. I found a cheap one on amazon & guess who just spent $15? ToT well, it's not too bad. I'm still waiting on my Tsukiuta fanbook replacement. I'm excited for both! Gah, and then I started looking for rejet stuff on cdjapan... if I wait--I dunno-- a few more years, I'm sure links will be up ahahaha but by then, I'd have forgotten. Or not. :p
Back to work! I gotta plan for tomorrow because I intend to return the 25mm box cutter for the 18mm one... how about we buy some candy on the way back? haha
I got too caught up chatting with Jim that I forgot what I was gonna write about haha
I just finished "The Sleepy Residents of Birdcage Manor." It was... really good. It's not outstanding or anything... but I really liked it. It wasn't even romance heavy... more like "soul-searching" haha it was good... I was also attracted to the art... it made me want to draw anime again...
aaaand of course. I wasted the day again. When will I ever learn haha I'm really starving though. For the past 2 hours, my stomach's been growling. I guess I'll cook... I am so lazy.
I was on Twitter and fokushi's tweet for his acoustic cover of Radwimp's "Nandemonaiya"popped up. Played the video & I don't know why but I felt like crying. My eyes watered haha which brought up the thought of "did I dl radwimp's album?" So I hop on to alljpop... and waaah? Almost 3 pages of "new releases" that the admin posted. I was on there yesterday too. So before I get caught up in that and other downloads, I better not pull out my hard drive to check lol even though I really need to clean up my laptop... this weekend. maybe. to clean up my laptop and my "environment."
written on Saturday, February 4, 2017 @ 11:56 PM ✈
I think I spilled secrets.
Well they weren't really secrets; more like my life...? Steph had to discuss something with me and we ended up talking for almost 2 hours. A lot of deep thinking lol It somehow led to me talking about family. Even when I was ranting, I was thinking "isn't it weird for me to tell her things in detail about my family...?" Even so, I couldn't help but keep talking.
I've been sleeping late, & of course, not waking up too early. And today, despite my plans of doing homework, I didn't do any at all. There goes my day. I ended up reading manga for hours. Interesting... I finished the "Kuroneko" series by Sakyo Aya. I really like the idea of were-cats haha just like "Neko Neko Honey"!
I have a lot of work today. The feeling of "I don't want to work/go to school at all" seems to fading as work is picking up. Thinking about all the stuff I have to do in a day is freaking me out... so I'll just sleep now and work hard tomorrow... my sight is getting hazy... On a side note, should I just keep my posts to one color? Though my posts have always been random colors~
Well, I guess I wasn't "composed" enough to post, though I had so many things I wanted to write about. School started back up again. It was just a little hectic the last week of break because of holidays and stuff. Anything that I really need to say... not really. I did want to talk about "Norn9" since I finished that. Let me tell you: I cried so badly at the 2nd to last? episode. I'll save that for another post since I wanted to talk about thoughts that came to mind... Classes have been okay so far. Just today, Cameron was funny haha though I was pretty sure I was so embarrassed because I felt the heat in my face (because I left my name on a masking tape on the wall and more). History wasn't too bad either. Lecture is different because there's no powerpoint, but he's not boring. I haven't been in the mood for working aka like right now. I finally went ahead and texted Mina about it. I didn't really want to bother her, but it was just really bothering me. I did feel a bit better afterward. It's like she's shining the moonlight to clear the fog haha She tends to always ask about goals (or at least the topic always comes up lol) and I answer, whether it's really straight-forward and clear; who knows. In a way, it's good to keep thinking about goals. It's already so late. And I have a 9am class tomorrow, but at least tomorrow is the last day of class for the week. Yays~ and I finish around 3:15-ish. I got caught up with new releases, new groups I found, more manga, and the fact that I haven't cracked the password for Yumemigusa is annoying too lol I think I haven't had my dosage of good music; the iPod won't respond to my touch ToT I also wanted to mention Lee; it's just so funny, but when I have time to look back at those texts, I'll write again.
Steph was up too, and she just went to shower. She was working in the living room. It's been a while since we talked like a lot, and about random stuff. Well, it probably wasn't that long haha My computer is lagging too because 4 windows and each with 10+ tabs!? sigh... I feel like this post is a little bit all over the place, and I'm sure I left some stuff out too. Well, I'm off to finally start on my homework haha kill me now.
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^
: afeeqah azhar, 19 march, malaysian .
: hidenobu suzuki, + follow
