 konnichiwa~
Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/
find me:
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Reflection
written on Friday, June 24, 2016 @ 2:52 AM ✈
-- Now playing: AOA - Give Me Love --
Oops I leagued a little too much lately hehe. These bug bites are killing me fuhhh. So many... as long as it's not bed bugs... These red dots make it look like I'm contagious or something.
I plan to sleep early but that never happens.
Yesterday I played Wii Fit, and surprisingly, I beat a lot of my old scores in the games lol I also did yoga and actual strength training. As of right now, my shoulders hurt; probably from the push-ups/boxing. I also finally recorded my cover. It didn't go too bad but it got really hot. I was also able to do a one take but not without mistakes haha. Also saw the famous skateboarding bulldog Picasso! He so cute haha Anyway, I did it in the morning at Weber Point. There weren't a lot of people except for some elderly taking their morning walk, people walking their dogs, and some homeless who stopped by to compliment. This is one of the better covers--of my 3 lol-- because I actually remembered the dance and the process of it was pretty typical of filming haha. Moving on! to the next covers, that I don't know what yet. ((Monsta X released their practice the day AFTER I FILMED MY COVER. whyyyy lol)) Yesterday I also met up with Jessica, Arianne, and Louegie to watch "Finding Dory." Very cute and touching :') After the movie we dilly-dallied for an hour looking for a ride since Arianne's mom wasn't picking up. We called for Uber/Lyft, and cancelled when Arianne's mom came to pick us up. Afterward, we called Lyft again to take us to BJ's. It was getting late. I won't mention how awkward it was with them two; though Dae denies there's anything going on, I think they hit it off already. But oh wells, not my business.
I need to stop waking up so late bruh. I don't want to do anything... it got cold tonight and it smelled like rain. I need to hurry up and finish Coach's stuff. Also, I guess I'm working on this bad habit of mine? where I have short-term memory loss lol and then I get annoyed 'til I remember. Well, earlier on my phone (on either Twitter, FB, or IG) I read a comment on a post about someone's Japanese single and I'm like hey I didn't know that. But then I couldn't remember what group. Also my collection of music. I think it's gotten better? I don't feel too annoyed if I don't get all the releases. *shrugs*
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Curious about the title? Some things just happened today and the other day (not too big) but it got me thinking about myself, what I've done/been doing/should be doing. I hate myself sometimes. The reason why I get mad at my dad is because he's annoying or I'm annoyed already, but usually it's because I hate how I can't explain something to him or I can't translate it in Chinese.
I don't remember what it was he saying to my mom, but I told him we need to get him a hearing aid because it's causing us problems (rough translation from Chinese). It wasn't until I spoke it when I realized it sounded rude. It sounded like a rude Chinese youngster complaining about the disabilities of an elder; even though I didn't mean it that way. I was just keeping in mind this article I read about a marriage almost ruined because the couples were always arguing bc the husband misheard the wife bc he was hard of hearing. I was just thinking how much quieter the house could be, bc lately, I've noticed that my replies to him have already accustomed to a sort of yelling bc he can't hear. Just earlier, I got heated bc my mom won't let me vacuum the porch at 1am. I don't even know why I was. Not that I argued back bc I knew she was right about waking neighbors (maybe?), but I got really annoyed (not to mention I couldn't figure out that Japanese single).
The other day was with Jo. It's probably just because she's my sister that I can react this way. I had her take a look at the rough edit Jim did of my cover. I already knew there were problems here and there, but Jo has a way of putting attitude (or at least that's what it sounds like) in her words, even though to her, it's probably not attitude. She kept saying you shouldn't have worn white; why is your bangs like that; why did you tie up your hair like that; don't be a wimp in the sun (bc we were talking about doing a black version, but that I didn't want to be wearing black in the heat (even though I was in the shade)) and comments like that. The last comment was not one I minded bc it was like a joke. I got really annoyed when she said those to me, even though I had already noted all those things. When I retorted her, that's when she started replying with an annoyed tone. She was just stating what she thought (but hey, she's a little too blunt?) and here I was, giving her an annoyed attitude. After she finished she didn't say anything and left. I thought about it after a while. First, it was her "unintentional" tone in her comments that annoyed me. 2, she had to verbally state the things I already didn't like about the video. and 3, I was pretty proud of this cover and she made it sound like it's the worse thing she saw (exaggerated). Then I thought, well, that's what we joke about with other people's covers. I wouldn't react that way if someone other than family had made those comments.
To be honest, this cover made me even more aware and conscious of my body. I really really dislike it... but I tried to tell myself it's alright... it's alright... at least for this cover.
I'm also guilty of not helping out at home. I just don't know how to, but mostly it's because I don't wake up early enough; mom already done the chores. And she doesn't tell us to do this or that, and sometimes she just does herself. I don't know if Jo even has this guilt conscious; my guilt conscious trips me out a lot.
But yeah, so many things I regret doing and saying.
That's why I hate myself sometimes.
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Reflection
written on Friday, June 24, 2016 @ 2:52 AM ✈
-- Now playing: AOA - Give Me Love --
Oops I leagued a little too much lately hehe. These bug bites are killing me fuhhh. So many... as long as it's not bed bugs... These red dots make it look like I'm contagious or something.
I plan to sleep early but that never happens.
Yesterday I played Wii Fit, and surprisingly, I beat a lot of my old scores in the games lol I also did yoga and actual strength training. As of right now, my shoulders hurt; probably from the push-ups/boxing. I also finally recorded my cover. It didn't go too bad but it got really hot. I was also able to do a one take but not without mistakes haha. Also saw the famous skateboarding bulldog Picasso! He so cute haha Anyway, I did it in the morning at Weber Point. There weren't a lot of people except for some elderly taking their morning walk, people walking their dogs, and some homeless who stopped by to compliment. This is one of the better covers--of my 3 lol-- because I actually remembered the dance and the process of it was pretty typical of filming haha. Moving on! to the next covers, that I don't know what yet. ((Monsta X released their practice the day AFTER I FILMED MY COVER. whyyyy lol)) Yesterday I also met up with Jessica, Arianne, and Louegie to watch "Finding Dory." Very cute and touching :') After the movie we dilly-dallied for an hour looking for a ride since Arianne's mom wasn't picking up. We called for Uber/Lyft, and cancelled when Arianne's mom came to pick us up. Afterward, we called Lyft again to take us to BJ's. It was getting late. I won't mention how awkward it was with them two; though Dae denies there's anything going on, I think they hit it off already. But oh wells, not my business.
I need to stop waking up so late bruh. I don't want to do anything... it got cold tonight and it smelled like rain. I need to hurry up and finish Coach's stuff. Also, I guess I'm working on this bad habit of mine? where I have short-term memory loss lol and then I get annoyed 'til I remember. Well, earlier on my phone (on either Twitter, FB, or IG) I read a comment on a post about someone's Japanese single and I'm like hey I didn't know that. But then I couldn't remember what group. Also my collection of music. I think it's gotten better? I don't feel too annoyed if I don't get all the releases. *shrugs*
--
Curious about the title? Some things just happened today and the other day (not too big) but it got me thinking about myself, what I've done/been doing/should be doing. I hate myself sometimes. The reason why I get mad at my dad is because he's annoying or I'm annoyed already, but usually it's because I hate how I can't explain something to him or I can't translate it in Chinese.
I don't remember what it was he saying to my mom, but I told him we need to get him a hearing aid because it's causing us problems (rough translation from Chinese). It wasn't until I spoke it when I realized it sounded rude. It sounded like a rude Chinese youngster complaining about the disabilities of an elder; even though I didn't mean it that way. I was just keeping in mind this article I read about a marriage almost ruined because the couples were always arguing bc the husband misheard the wife bc he was hard of hearing. I was just thinking how much quieter the house could be, bc lately, I've noticed that my replies to him have already accustomed to a sort of yelling bc he can't hear. Just earlier, I got heated bc my mom won't let me vacuum the porch at 1am. I don't even know why I was. Not that I argued back bc I knew she was right about waking neighbors (maybe?), but I got really annoyed (not to mention I couldn't figure out that Japanese single).
The other day was with Jo. It's probably just because she's my sister that I can react this way. I had her take a look at the rough edit Jim did of my cover. I already knew there were problems here and there, but Jo has a way of putting attitude (or at least that's what it sounds like) in her words, even though to her, it's probably not attitude. She kept saying you shouldn't have worn white; why is your bangs like that; why did you tie up your hair like that; don't be a wimp in the sun (bc we were talking about doing a black version, but that I didn't want to be wearing black in the heat (even though I was in the shade)) and comments like that. The last comment was not one I minded bc it was like a joke. I got really annoyed when she said those to me, even though I had already noted all those things. When I retorted her, that's when she started replying with an annoyed tone. She was just stating what she thought (but hey, she's a little too blunt?) and here I was, giving her an annoyed attitude. After she finished she didn't say anything and left. I thought about it after a while. First, it was her "unintentional" tone in her comments that annoyed me. 2, she had to verbally state the things I already didn't like about the video. and 3, I was pretty proud of this cover and she made it sound like it's the worse thing she saw (exaggerated). Then I thought, well, that's what we joke about with other people's covers. I wouldn't react that way if someone other than family had made those comments.
To be honest, this cover made me even more aware and conscious of my body. I really really dislike it... but I tried to tell myself it's alright... it's alright... at least for this cover.
I'm also guilty of not helping out at home. I just don't know how to, but mostly it's because I don't wake up early enough; mom already done the chores. And she doesn't tell us to do this or that, and sometimes she just does herself. I don't know if Jo even has this guilt conscious; my guilt conscious trips me out a lot.
But yeah, so many things I regret doing and saying.
That's why I hate myself sometimes.
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we live under the same sky
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^
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: afeeqah azhar, 19 march, malaysian .
: hidenobu suzuki, + follow