 konnichiwa~
Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/
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The final answer
written on Monday, January 2, 2017 @ 2:05 AM ✈
I finally made up my mind. I was really worried about texting him and hoping I wasn't saying anything harsh. It sounded okay to me, and so did Mina and them. He replied with short answers and I thought that was the end of it, but just around this time (1am) he texted me an essay! haha jk, but it was really long. And I just realized... that maybe I shouldn't have texted him about it so fast because it's New Year's and he had family matters and hangouts. Stupid me being inconsiderate.
He also made me realize I used the word "love". It's not that I wanted to, but "like" just didn't cut it y'know. "I felt liked" just sounds weird right? lol But to be fair, he replied using "love" too in his short replies lol.
I guess... we both had similar worries. But he did more than what I would, in the sense that he was willing to risk anything. I was too scared and didn't want to take that risk.
I'm really glad we managed to talk this out quite clearly. As clearly as text can get lol (though his really long essay one gave me a sense of anger/annoyance? or maybe that's just how I was reading it...) The first time he asked--indirectly, in junior year?--we avoided using the word "like" like the little kids we were, and also avoided the problem directly. So this time, I didn't want that to happen again and tried to "man up" and attacked the problem and say everything directly and clearly. I guess it's also easier because I don't see him anymore anyway. I'm really glad he sent me that text because you know... he's actually too shy to say what he really thinks lol I was kind of surprised by the content of his text because it didn't seem like him. When he gets serious, he can get serious lol
I learned quite a lot from this I guess? For one, be direct and clear, especially if you're confused or unsure. If you're wondering how I finally decided... I actually don't know either lol. It just hit me like, I don't want that. So I took it... and texted away. Before the indecisive me came back. Meimei sent me a snap about Libras:
2017 is a big year for overcoming some obstacles concerning communication in your life, Libra. You've always known how to say what makes people happy--but now you're learning how to speak the truth.
That was before I made the decision. My response to her was, what was the truth? What is the truth? It'd be hypocritical of me in a way for me to say this but, listen to your heart and mind. What does that mean, I always asked. And I sort of get it now, that you will never be able to truly hear your heart and mind. Because they most likely won't always agree and also, it'd be hard if you didn't know what you wanted. But just that, once you get an answer, you'll know when your heart and mind finally makes a choice. I guess you can also call it your gut feeling. Keep in mind... every decision we make moves our lives forward. So don't ever regret it. Because that is the path we chose... and no matter what's decided... we'll arrive at our destination.
That's a good NY's resolution: to clearly know... what I want.
Back to him. I tried to make sure we ended on good terms. In the car last night, he mentioned that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to ruin anything, and I'm assuming he means our friendship. Because I sort of told him to just say it lol I think I was tired of us beating around the bush xD Hopefully, he's not lying and we are actually on good terms. I mean, it is his 2nd rejection from me, and everything was fine after the 1st one (sort of, since that phone call almost meant nothing in a way) so I hope that that really doesn't change anything. The only thing that'll probably change is he'll stop being clingy after we clarified everything. Even though we're both like naw, we cool, to be honest, we'll still need some time to calm down and stuff lol
After going through this... it did make me think a lot about what I wanted... and how little I knew about myself lol but it also showed how a person can mature and handle things. In general... it just made me ponder things...
Ah well! At least this is over with and I can finally let it all go. This took a lot of emotional and mental energy... so I really don't want to deal with relationships or anything for a while ^^;
Also, had family dinner. And I maybe ate a little more than I could handle because my stomach was so uncomfortable and I felt like throwing up. Man, a new year and nothing has changed. Plans were to start my bullet journal and exercise but that didn't happen *insert laughing-crying emoji*
Alright, time to sleep. I'm so mentally drained, and my eyes are tired lol Seriously need to fix my sleeping schedule and prepare for next semester... ZZzz
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The final answer
written on Monday, January 2, 2017 @ 2:05 AM ✈
I finally made up my mind. I was really worried about texting him and hoping I wasn't saying anything harsh. It sounded okay to me, and so did Mina and them. He replied with short answers and I thought that was the end of it, but just around this time (1am) he texted me an essay! haha jk, but it was really long. And I just realized... that maybe I shouldn't have texted him about it so fast because it's New Year's and he had family matters and hangouts. Stupid me being inconsiderate.
He also made me realize I used the word "love". It's not that I wanted to, but "like" just didn't cut it y'know. "I felt liked" just sounds weird right? lol But to be fair, he replied using "love" too in his short replies lol.
I guess... we both had similar worries. But he did more than what I would, in the sense that he was willing to risk anything. I was too scared and didn't want to take that risk.
I'm really glad we managed to talk this out quite clearly. As clearly as text can get lol (though his really long essay one gave me a sense of anger/annoyance? or maybe that's just how I was reading it...) The first time he asked--indirectly, in junior year?--we avoided using the word "like" like the little kids we were, and also avoided the problem directly. So this time, I didn't want that to happen again and tried to "man up" and attacked the problem and say everything directly and clearly. I guess it's also easier because I don't see him anymore anyway. I'm really glad he sent me that text because you know... he's actually too shy to say what he really thinks lol I was kind of surprised by the content of his text because it didn't seem like him. When he gets serious, he can get serious lol
I learned quite a lot from this I guess? For one, be direct and clear, especially if you're confused or unsure. If you're wondering how I finally decided... I actually don't know either lol. It just hit me like, I don't want that. So I took it... and texted away. Before the indecisive me came back. Meimei sent me a snap about Libras:
2017 is a big year for overcoming some obstacles concerning communication in your life, Libra. You've always known how to say what makes people happy--but now you're learning how to speak the truth.
That was before I made the decision. My response to her was, what was the truth? What is the truth? It'd be hypocritical of me in a way for me to say this but, listen to your heart and mind. What does that mean, I always asked. And I sort of get it now, that you will never be able to truly hear your heart and mind. Because they most likely won't always agree and also, it'd be hard if you didn't know what you wanted. But just that, once you get an answer, you'll know when your heart and mind finally makes a choice. I guess you can also call it your gut feeling. Keep in mind... every decision we make moves our lives forward. So don't ever regret it. Because that is the path we chose... and no matter what's decided... we'll arrive at our destination.
That's a good NY's resolution: to clearly know... what I want.
Back to him. I tried to make sure we ended on good terms. In the car last night, he mentioned that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to ruin anything, and I'm assuming he means our friendship. Because I sort of told him to just say it lol I think I was tired of us beating around the bush xD Hopefully, he's not lying and we are actually on good terms. I mean, it is his 2nd rejection from me, and everything was fine after the 1st one (sort of, since that phone call almost meant nothing in a way) so I hope that that really doesn't change anything. The only thing that'll probably change is he'll stop being clingy after we clarified everything. Even though we're both like naw, we cool, to be honest, we'll still need some time to calm down and stuff lol
After going through this... it did make me think a lot about what I wanted... and how little I knew about myself lol but it also showed how a person can mature and handle things. In general... it just made me ponder things...
Ah well! At least this is over with and I can finally let it all go. This took a lot of emotional and mental energy... so I really don't want to deal with relationships or anything for a while ^^;
Also, had family dinner. And I maybe ate a little more than I could handle because my stomach was so uncomfortable and I felt like throwing up. Man, a new year and nothing has changed. Plans were to start my bullet journal and exercise but that didn't happen *insert laughing-crying emoji*
Alright, time to sleep. I'm so mentally drained, and my eyes are tired lol Seriously need to fix my sleeping schedule and prepare for next semester... ZZzz
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we live under the same sky
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^
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: afeeqah azhar, 19 march, malaysian .
: hidenobu suzuki, + follow