 konnichiwa~
Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/
find me:
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An empty shell
written on Sunday, May 2, 2021 @ 8:29 PM ✈
Yesterday, I hung out with the fam in SF. I was annoyed prior because we were late. (Also because we were trying to organize all of his files, and some of the papers didn't scan correctly and I was irritated with it) Not so much at anyone... just the fact that we were running late. (I'm already a big enough disappointment enough PFT) Like, we had planned a time and everything, but of course, when are we ever on time LOL I just felt so bad I had to everyone else wait while we drove to them. We literally headed out for SF when Jim and them arrived at Jen's. I was just thinking in my head, why can't I decide on things that will be more efficient? Why can't I make decisions without worrying about what/how others would take it? Why can't I just be an empty shell void of emotions? It sure would make life easier huh... without these emotions that will make me worry about others' feelings. I find that I am weird human bean. I can be so selfish for reasons, but at the same time, I can be such a people pleaser that I end up stressing myself out. Sometimes I wish I was just more selfish and not care about everyone else so much. Would that make me a bad person? Hmm... It was still fun. At Jen's place we ate lunch before heading out. They wanted to redress me because I was a fashion disaster, but it was hilarious because Jobee dressed me and it was ridiculous LOL and Jen's weeb clothes were ridiculous LOL Jim disapproved pft. Jim said my hair was so thin. She said that a while back before, but yeah. Thinning hair plus more white hairs on the crown as well, not just the back/bottom layer of my hair. It wasn't a sad thing, and I already knew, but even though I was just telling them, I felt like my eyes were watering and my voice started to shake. I don't really know why I wanted to cry. Embarrassing? I don't think so? Like I said before, I am very self-conscious and sensitive when it comes to my hair. Anyway, finally got an outfit together and headed out. We walked down Golden Gate Park from the tulip garden with windmill (I forgot what the garden was called lol) -- there was way too many people there, the reason why we were supposed to get there early, but we got there after lunch-- to the Rose Garden. It was quite a walk, we got so tired lol. It was nice though. So much greenery and a "Mountain Dew" river lol Afterwards, we got Szechuan dinner takeout and milk tea~ --- Looking into different shampoos/conditioner that would help with thinning hair (Jim had sent Emi's video on her hair loss journey before) and I sent them a list of the shampoos to help me decide which one to use, and they were like just try them, take some biotin/supplements, but the main solution would be to take the stress out of your life LOL when the stress is a certain someone and job hunting OTL. But like, why am I like this? Why do I get triggered and mad at everything OTL Ooh, on a side note. I did do the interview with ideaMACHINE with the CEO. He was definitely a theater person; hard to follow his humor. He was pretty nice, and attempted to make the interview pretty casual. But his high energy made me a lil' uncomfy lol I appreciate the effort though xD His questions made me think a bit... and also how other interviews would be like, and an idea of how my answers would make the company/interviewer feel. I didn't get the job, but I got an art test for Seesaw Learning. The assumed 1-2 hours to complete it, but I took around 4-6 hours to complete it, from creating the assets to animating it. But I really like the end result! It's cute and simple for preschool to kindergartners~ I have yet to hear back from them eeeep.
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An empty shell
written on Sunday, May 2, 2021 @ 8:29 PM ✈
Yesterday, I hung out with the fam in SF. I was annoyed prior because we were late. (Also because we were trying to organize all of his files, and some of the papers didn't scan correctly and I was irritated with it) Not so much at anyone... just the fact that we were running late. (I'm already a big enough disappointment enough PFT) Like, we had planned a time and everything, but of course, when are we ever on time LOL I just felt so bad I had to everyone else wait while we drove to them. We literally headed out for SF when Jim and them arrived at Jen's. I was just thinking in my head, why can't I decide on things that will be more efficient? Why can't I make decisions without worrying about what/how others would take it? Why can't I just be an empty shell void of emotions? It sure would make life easier huh... without these emotions that will make me worry about others' feelings. I find that I am weird human bean. I can be so selfish for reasons, but at the same time, I can be such a people pleaser that I end up stressing myself out. Sometimes I wish I was just more selfish and not care about everyone else so much. Would that make me a bad person? Hmm... It was still fun. At Jen's place we ate lunch before heading out. They wanted to redress me because I was a fashion disaster, but it was hilarious because Jobee dressed me and it was ridiculous LOL and Jen's weeb clothes were ridiculous LOL Jim disapproved pft. Jim said my hair was so thin. She said that a while back before, but yeah. Thinning hair plus more white hairs on the crown as well, not just the back/bottom layer of my hair. It wasn't a sad thing, and I already knew, but even though I was just telling them, I felt like my eyes were watering and my voice started to shake. I don't really know why I wanted to cry. Embarrassing? I don't think so? Like I said before, I am very self-conscious and sensitive when it comes to my hair. Anyway, finally got an outfit together and headed out. We walked down Golden Gate Park from the tulip garden with windmill (I forgot what the garden was called lol) -- there was way too many people there, the reason why we were supposed to get there early, but we got there after lunch-- to the Rose Garden. It was quite a walk, we got so tired lol. It was nice though. So much greenery and a "Mountain Dew" river lol Afterwards, we got Szechuan dinner takeout and milk tea~ --- Looking into different shampoos/conditioner that would help with thinning hair (Jim had sent Emi's video on her hair loss journey before) and I sent them a list of the shampoos to help me decide which one to use, and they were like just try them, take some biotin/supplements, but the main solution would be to take the stress out of your life LOL when the stress is a certain someone and job hunting OTL. But like, why am I like this? Why do I get triggered and mad at everything OTL Ooh, on a side note. I did do the interview with ideaMACHINE with the CEO. He was definitely a theater person; hard to follow his humor. He was pretty nice, and attempted to make the interview pretty casual. But his high energy made me a lil' uncomfy lol I appreciate the effort though xD His questions made me think a bit... and also how other interviews would be like, and an idea of how my answers would make the company/interviewer feel. I didn't get the job, but I got an art test for Seesaw Learning. The assumed 1-2 hours to complete it, but I took around 4-6 hours to complete it, from creating the assets to animating it. But I really like the end result! It's cute and simple for preschool to kindergartners~ I have yet to hear back from them eeeep.
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we live under the same sky
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^
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: afeeqah azhar, 19 march, malaysian .
: hidenobu suzuki, + follow