 konnichiwa~
Hello there & welcome to my blog. Here you'll read tidbits about my daily life, some random thoughts, & maybe a rant here and there. I'm sure you'll learn something about me, if you don't know me of course. Down below are links to find me (personal accounts not posted). I hope you enjoyed your stay while listening to the songs I'm recently listening to. Come back & read again~ ^w^/
find me:
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Bothered
written on Wednesday, June 28, 2017 @ 10:22 PM ✈
Last night I couldn't sleep after reading "Itou-san" and its sequel. It really is a twistedly good read. I ended the night with that. But when I closed my eyes, I couldn't help but go through the manga again in my head. All these emotions became muddled and dark. It wasn't necessarily anger... it was something like frustration. It bothered me to the point that I felt like crying. I can't really explain, but I was like calm but the tears are flowing... Or like I had the urge to crush something, so I used whatever that annoying energy was and made a fist and gripped tight. It's like the frustration at myself for not being able to help the characters. The more I tried not to think about it, the more I'm thinking about it and the more it bothers me. At first it was just the tears flowing, but then it was me getting all choked up and having the urge to really cry.
The part that really got me crying was the innocent--turning lifeless--look of a 5 year old after the coercion of sex (at the end of it all). And then the fact that both him and his lover had a difficult time being together. The fact that, because of overdose of (forced) drugs, he had lost a lot of his memory, including his assassin lover and all they've been through. And all his lover could do, was visit him at work like a complete stranger and starting all over from the start. I just can't ToT
It was a really delayed emotional response. I was fine after finishing the manga, but turned out, it got me pretty pessimistic in the dark. I actually felt that this "darkness" took hold of my heart for the night... it took me a while to fall asleep. And this morning, it felt like I had abruptly opened my eyes and realizing it was morning; as if I hadn't slept, but I wasn't tired and knew I had slept. Checking the time, it was only like 8:30 in the morning, and I had woken up before my alarm, despite only having about 5 hours of sleep.
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Today Jessie, Aliza, Bea, & Zairah came to SJ to look at apartments and they stopped by at our place. Around 12, Jen picked me up with Isaac and Chuck. We had Korean BBQ. Even though my last and only meal was at 12pm the other day, I wasn't able to eat a lot. I mean, it was good, but after a few pieces of meat, I didn't feel "well." It's like, when you eat junk food after eating healthy for a while. Something like that. Feels like I didn't eat a lot, but I was very full. I also went to pick up my CD; luckily it was still there. I wonder what would've happened if it was any longer... the guy was like "6/14? Hope it's still there..." I mean, it's only been a week ^^; We went to Valley Fair, and Isaac kept teasing Jen? Flirt flirt lol and sometimes he'd tease me along with her, like telling us to get our ears pierced xD Chuck would just push too, supporting Isaac ahaha I can tell! xD Isaac is like the type to straightforwardly drop flirtatious bombs as a joke, to hide the truth, if you know what I mean lol Got dessert at Paris Baguette, then we shopped around the Great Mall. I haven't really digested, and around 7, we went to get pho for dinner. I think I got more comfortable with them, though I'm still trying to get used to the way they joke around lol they mean no harm.
I'm so tired . I showered when I got home since I smelled like BBQ, and I guess I pulled some kind of muscle because when I tried to twist, my back would get stiff. I was tired earlier... maybe I should turn in for the day...Labels: Itou-san, manga
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Bothered
written on Wednesday, June 28, 2017 @ 10:22 PM ✈
Last night I couldn't sleep after reading "Itou-san" and its sequel. It really is a twistedly good read. I ended the night with that. But when I closed my eyes, I couldn't help but go through the manga again in my head. All these emotions became muddled and dark. It wasn't necessarily anger... it was something like frustration. It bothered me to the point that I felt like crying. I can't really explain, but I was like calm but the tears are flowing... Or like I had the urge to crush something, so I used whatever that annoying energy was and made a fist and gripped tight. It's like the frustration at myself for not being able to help the characters. The more I tried not to think about it, the more I'm thinking about it and the more it bothers me. At first it was just the tears flowing, but then it was me getting all choked up and having the urge to really cry.
The part that really got me crying was the innocent--turning lifeless--look of a 5 year old after the coercion of sex (at the end of it all). And then the fact that both him and his lover had a difficult time being together. The fact that, because of overdose of (forced) drugs, he had lost a lot of his memory, including his assassin lover and all they've been through. And all his lover could do, was visit him at work like a complete stranger and starting all over from the start. I just can't ToT
It was a really delayed emotional response. I was fine after finishing the manga, but turned out, it got me pretty pessimistic in the dark. I actually felt that this "darkness" took hold of my heart for the night... it took me a while to fall asleep. And this morning, it felt like I had abruptly opened my eyes and realizing it was morning; as if I hadn't slept, but I wasn't tired and knew I had slept. Checking the time, it was only like 8:30 in the morning, and I had woken up before my alarm, despite only having about 5 hours of sleep.
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Today Jessie, Aliza, Bea, & Zairah came to SJ to look at apartments and they stopped by at our place. Around 12, Jen picked me up with Isaac and Chuck. We had Korean BBQ. Even though my last and only meal was at 12pm the other day, I wasn't able to eat a lot. I mean, it was good, but after a few pieces of meat, I didn't feel "well." It's like, when you eat junk food after eating healthy for a while. Something like that. Feels like I didn't eat a lot, but I was very full. I also went to pick up my CD; luckily it was still there. I wonder what would've happened if it was any longer... the guy was like "6/14? Hope it's still there..." I mean, it's only been a week ^^; We went to Valley Fair, and Isaac kept teasing Jen? Flirt flirt lol and sometimes he'd tease me along with her, like telling us to get our ears pierced xD Chuck would just push too, supporting Isaac ahaha I can tell! xD Isaac is like the type to straightforwardly drop flirtatious bombs as a joke, to hide the truth, if you know what I mean lol Got dessert at Paris Baguette, then we shopped around the Great Mall. I haven't really digested, and around 7, we went to get pho for dinner. I think I got more comfortable with them, though I'm still trying to get used to the way they joke around lol they mean no harm.
I'm so tired . I showered when I got home since I smelled like BBQ, and I guess I pulled some kind of muscle because when I tried to twist, my back would get stiff. I was tired earlier... maybe I should turn in for the day...Labels: Itou-san, manga
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we live under the same sky
“To put away aimlessness and weakness, and to begin to think with purpose, is to enter the ranks of those strong ones who only recognize failure as one of the pathways to attainment; who make all conditions serve them, and who think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.”
- James Allen Quotes
Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me,
what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered
because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that
I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone
whose life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts
or at least we are getting there.
I kept the image on the left bc it was kawaii-ne~ & this above bc I really liked what the creator wrote ^^
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: afeeqah azhar, 19 march, malaysian .
: hidenobu suzuki, + follow